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Batman

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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He is the goddamn Batman.
He is the goddamn Batman.
Batman and Robin IRL
A man completely secure with his heterosexuality.
Batman trying to stop the Joker.
The Joker and Batman, mortal enemies locked in a cycle of perpetual violence.
The Joker, about to show Two-Face his "pencil trick".

The Goddamn Batman is the bat-themed superhero made famous by DC comics in the late 30's and early 40's. Batman wasn't exactly original or ground breaking and certainly wasn't the first comic book character of his kind. You can tell because by the time Batman's creator got into the business, all the other good furry-themed superhero animals were obviously taken. However, Batman is said to be among the first complex comic book characters, as he is constantly dealing with his own personal demons, such as the loss of his parents, and his closet homosexuality. It should be noted that Batman WILL always have a way, which inspires many dreams shared by many people that he should just admit he's gay and An hero.

The Joker

A clown themed supervillain. Joker is the hallmark Troll of the Batman franchise because, honestly, he's unpredictable and does everything just for shits and giggles. The Joker presents a paradox, as he always has plenty of money for his latest schemes, despite never actually being successful at stealing anything. One wonders why he just wouldn't just move to another town for his crime enterprises, or at least try using a fucking gun. Sadly, that gay cowboy who played the Joker died this past January of a drug overdose. Officials have suggested Daniele Fiorenza as a possible replacement, but, unfortunately, he is a tard. As if that was not enough, Batman began to pin the clown down assuming an ancient male response. As he did so, the sheet that covered his legs exposed bare flesh until finally tipping over, letting Batman do what he hungered for. He wasn’t thinking about his reputation as Gotham’s most eligible bachelor, it didn’t cross his mind about the possible tarnishing of his name at Wayne Enterprises. Caution was thrown to the wind when Batman pressed his muscle bound build onto Joker’s who accepted the reversed role by spreading his thighs and letting the detective undo his robe and meet with his white trembling body. As demonstrated in the previous stream of fuck-nuggetry, many worthless yaoi fangirls are attracted to the character of the Joker due to the misplaced belief that his character is all about putting on clownish make-up and attention-seeking. As far as they are aware, this is perfectly normal behavior, and judge it as "Bishie". Why no one kills this cum faced cunt is the reason this is a fantasy story, and is proof that gotham city makes springfield look intelligent.

File:Joker Eating Shrimp.jpg
A typical, not off-putting scene from a Batman comic.

A Joker "love" story.

Joker's also a fan of Bel-Air's apparently:

Other Villains

Harley doing what she loves

The Batman has a complete set of villains not played by Heath Ledger. Batman villains all have strong themes, such as a sexual attraction to Alice in Wonderland, and they are all batshit insane. Batman villains include:

Commissioner Gordon

A stupid old faggot waiting to die. Needs to have his ass wiped by Batman regularly.

Barbara Gordon

Ginger cripple.

Robin

Batman is pretty awesome.

Robin is Batman's shota sidekick, and "adopted son". He specializes in hand jobs, and getting captured by the Joker. He is deeply in love with Batman and is often found trying to seduce him by wearing his faggy short tights. Robin in general is an all-around bitch. When not trying to get into Batman's pants, or getting his ass kicked, he can be found fapping to furry art. However there has been about three Robins sucking Bat's cock.

  • Dick Grayson - The oh so serious leader of the Teen Titans WHOTHENBECOMESBATMAN! whoops spoliers.
  • Jason Todd - Pwned by the Joker/ the only one who kills
  • Tim Drake - See Shit nobody cares about
  • Wil Wheaton - Okay, so he's never actually played Robin, but he played Westley Crusher who's pretty much the same character, amirite?

Batmobile

Either the most badass or gayest car ever, depending on which series you are watching/reading. The best thing about the Batmobile is that if you happen to run anyone over while driving it, then there's pretty much no doubt as to who did it, so you could probably get away with anything. The only thing Batman hates moar than chocolate ice cream is people making fun of his car.

Anger issues, Batboy?
Anger issues, Batboy?

Alignment

Batman is consistently the character who's alignment is subject to constant debate, and seems to defy the conventions of the system. Given the sheer amount of time that Bat-Fans have on their hands, you think they would figure out this shit eventually. Here are the fruits of their lack of labor:

The Dark Knight

See also: The Dark Knight IMDb Board
At least now we know why the Joker needed to steal all that money.

The latest film in the Batman saga, The Dark Knight is considered by all the top critics to be the greatest thing to ever happen to them since their last excursion in totally legitimate reproductive intercourse.

The Dark Knight hit the number one spot on imdb's best movies of all time list within an hour of its release and then garnered more money than the first Star Wars film, solidifying it as "one of the most awesome movies of all time". Despite this, when the movie came to Japan the inhabitants of Godzilla-land showed zero interest for the film. The Mummy 3, What Happens in Vegas, and Sex in the City all had higher box office intake than The Dark Knight. Why so unpopular? It has to do with Japan's utter hatred for manly men who have to shave, have a baritone voice, big penises, and muscles. Japan likes heroes that look like androgynous pop idols who whine about how sad they are. The sheer manliness of Christian Bale's coq probably made the entire country tremble in fear.

Since critics said that Heath Ledger (more like Heath DEADger, amirite?) is likely to get an Oscar he got one, retards lined up for hours to watch this masterpiece. Too bad it was about as entertaining as British porn, but at least you get to see Batman's dong, thanks to the new batsuit. Oh, and he's probably not going to be in the sequel.

Some shit to fill up the page

Once upon a time there was a young man named Batman.

Then his parents got dead.
And then Batman got pissed off, so then he fucked-off to Princeton.
And then he fucked-off to China to be a ninja because his parents were dead.
Batman went back home to Earth and said “I will become Batman.”
And he became BAT-MAN.
Then Batman dicked around for a bit…
Then Batman said “I need a Bat-buttmobile.”
But Morgan Freeman said “NO! You get a tank because you suck dick!” and germs killed the martians…
So Batman fucked around for a while and then there was a guy with a potato-sack for a head and he said “Fuck You!”
And Batman said “No…Fuck you.”
Then Batman made him get dumb.
Then there was a ninja on a train that said “Everyone in this city is a dick-butt!”
So Batman said “Enjoy your choo-choo to dick-fuck town.”

And everybody died especially Heath Ledger.


Galleries

34

  • Robin, deploy the Bat-Jizz!
    Robin, deploy the Bat-Jizz!
  • No exceptions!
    No exceptions!
  • Batman rapes Robin.
    Batman rapes Robin.
  • Always testing the bat pole.
    Always testing the bat pole.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • Teamwork is the key to their crime fighting success.
    Teamwork is the key to their crime fighting success.
  • Hmmmmm
    Hmmmmm
  • Other Batman villains.
    Other Batman villains.
  • Why so rule 34ed?
    Why so rule 34ed?

Other

  • From the actual comic book.
    From the actual comic book.
  • Batdrama
    Batdrama
  • No, this pic isn't shopped.
    No, this pic isn't shopped.
  • Batman and Robin share a special relationship.
    Batman and Robin share a special relationship.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Videos

We think Batman is capable of dealing with everything, but this shows just how a puny little drug addict can easily overcome the Dark Knight. With a taser to the crotch! Followed up with heroin, surprise sex, and more heroin, and then some BAWWWWING about his own prison experiences, and then a little suicide. At the end, this causes Batman to become an an hero.


This video is self-explanatory.


An average evening with Mr. Wayne.

See Also

Batman is part of a series on

Television

Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.

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