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Kirby
Kirby is a bloated, pink 'nad. He was first introduced to the mainstream in Super Smash Bros. to widen his popularity, as no one had ever fucking heard of him before. Most fans of Kirby nowadays consist of the elderly and your mom. It has been said that Kirby surpasses even Jigglypuff on some levels, however, this is just a rumor that has been lurking in places unknown to humanity.
Basically, Kirby is a pink, circular ball with red "shoes" at the bottom and stubby arms on the left and right sides of his body. Of course, swallowing melonz and gaining powers is his "trademark" along with red blushes on his face. He will eat everything in sight, no matter the size, much like a fatty but without the weight gain. He also has clones, too, which first started to appear in the remake for Kirby's Adventure and in Kirby and the Amazing Mirror. These "clones" come in three different colors: Red, Yellow, and Green. Often, these clones appear in multiplayer games and in Kirby and the Amazing Mirror as friends. However, they are fucking senseless and run around all over the place, so it's best not to bother them. They do appear in future games on the Nintendo DS. This is obvious and shouldn't be said, but Kirby sucks in both ways.
—Kirby | ||
Origin
After his mainstream success in elevating a fictional Italian plumber to fame, Jackie Chan was put under a lot of pressure by Nintendo to create another character they could over market and create over 9000 games for. Unlike when he designed Mario and Zelda, Japan’s favorite game designer was completely out of hallucinogenic drugs and therefore completely out of imagination points. He sat and meditated, like any azn martial artist turned game designer would, and just like anything else with a religious background he came out with the illusion of having a pretty good idea.
Upon showing his idea to the Nintendo Executives, their trust in his ability to make something infinitely marketable made them short sighted as to how completely and utterly retarded his idea actually was. They’re first question was why is there a face on a pom-pom? To which Jackie Chan replied IT’S A KIRBY GODDAMMIT!! The idea was eventually credited to some other azn faggot to cover up any future embarassment.
Games
Kirby's Dream Land: King Derpderpderp steals all of the food because he is a fucking fatass. Kirby must swallow melonz and various items and go on a quest to find all of it. Graphics are worse than shit when compared to Pokemon Red & Blue. (Which were shit already.)
Kirby's Adventure: A favorite among the fanboys, Kirby's Adventure came out for the Nintendo Erection System. In this game, when Kirby inhales melonz of any kind, they give him magical powers that when used, create special effects that don't do shit. King Derderder is still up to his old tricks again, so he then steals the damn Star Rod and cuts his arm up into seven pieces. At the end of the game, a plot twist unfolds and now you have to battle Nightmare to save everyone's wet dreams. Moar shit graphics, but awesome music is awesome.
Kirby's Dream Land 2: Introduces the animal fuckers. They include: Rick, Kine, and one of which being you. Still, graphics are shit and the plot has not been changed except for the edit of King Derderder to black person and food to shit nobody cares about.
Kirby's Dream Land 3: This came out on the Super Nintendo Erection System, while everything is basically the same from the previous Dream Land video game, they throw in three new animal fuckers. They include: Nago the lolcat, a green bird, and a creature created using the ancient version of the Internet Hate Machine. Graphics are awesome for the console (Which are rather less shitter then the last games) and awesome music is awesome again. Also, the final boss is a GIANT BLOODY EYE, but you have to get over 9000 Heart Star things to even fight it.
Kirby Super Star: Instead of creating another game, the geniuses over at Nintendo and HAL. Laboratory just created a bunch of shitty mini-games and stuffed them all into a Super Nintendo cartridge. These games are: Spring Breeze, The Arena, SOUND TEST, Milky Way Wishes, Revenge of Meta Knight, and The Great Cave Offensive. This game, along with Super Smash Bros., is responsible for another YouTube fad named Kirbyroll.
Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards: Kirby is now viewed in three dimensions (Nintendo 64 achieved this, of course), allowing users to see his circular body more clearly. Again like the previous Dream Land video game but with minor changes in plot/gameplay and 3D! OMG! This game also takes part in Nintendo's gimmick of putting "64" at the end of every title. This also has the same GIANT BLOODY EYE, but now you have to collect over 9000 crystal things instead of Heart Shards. In the end, everybody shoves the crystal shards up their anuses and uses the blood as lubricant for their giant penguin-puffball orgies.
Kirby's EPIC Yarn :Last Tursday, Nintendo introduced it at E3. In this game, Kirby can't even fly,and can't suck any cocks. However, he can use a Yarn to grab his enemies and use them like he wants to. The trailer, however, didn't show anything epic and made the boss fights look stupid.
Every game after this is either a fucking remake or an easy piece of shit. Mostly appearing on the Nintendo DS or the Gameboy Advance.
How to create a Kirby game
- 1.Prepare a 2D game that takes 5 years to develop.
- 2.Add a faggot enviroment, recycled remixed music, and a story that was pulled out of someone's ass.
- 3.Create a abusable spherical character, then pretend its just as popular as other major VG characters.
- 4.Make the main character suck up everything in site, then put a hat on them so it can copy the abilities of retro video games characters.
- 5.????
- 6.PROFIT!!!
Kirby Roll'd
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Lately
Nowadays, Nintendo is milking every idea they've had in the past (they have milked the Animu title screen for at least 100 years by now), and creating cheap remakes on the newest handheld consoles available. Other than that, they make "new" games, which are even more short, and easy, and get medium to bad reviews. Mostly saying something related to: "A little on the easy side." Although, Kirby has since become famous across the tubes and has appeared in numerous fan/official games and movies, so I guess it's even.
We suggest that you should not buy these new games unless:
- You are under the age of 14.
- You are unable to enjoy better, challenging games.
- You have a lot of Lioncash to waste.
- You don't have a life.
- You are really gay.
- Your name is Christian Weston Chandler.
- You meet all the above criteria (including if you're under 14, whether mentally or physically).
Animu
OK! the guy at 4kids who thought of the lyrics should burn in Hell, while forced to stare at Goatse with a flaming spiked dildo shoved about 100 feet deep in his ass for OVER9000 years amirite?
Kirby Fan Fic
See Also
- It's a Kirby, Retard
- Kirbyraeg
- Nintendo
- SNES
- Mario
- Jonathan Trembles
- Animu
- Nintendo DS
- Super Smash Bros.
External Links
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Kirby is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |