Intellectual Checkmate

Goronchev, pitifully declaring war against the Internet Hate Machine.

Goronchev (AKA Smugfag, MrThreePercent, Ron Lamp/Andy Ross and "Two-Tug Ron") is a 30-something closeted homosexual with male pattern baldness who lives with his parents. Having lived in his basement his whole life with only his one terabyte of child pornography to keep him company, Goronchev realized that the only way a closeted homosexual could get ahead in life is to post TL;DW videos of himself flexing his steroid-induced muscles while pretending to have knowledge of very serious topics such as religion and politics. When not busy spouting left-wing rhetoric in a vain attempt to sound smart, he can often be found lurking on sites like Stickam attempting to bait 16-year-old girls into checking out his "above average" penis.

Some would argue that he is the greatest troll known to Anon, if that same person were retarded and used the length of someone's ED article as a measure for how much said person had managed to troll successfully (which is probably a fairly good idea).

Goronchev is exactly like every other camwhore on the internet, suffering from the delusion that he can destroy internet bullies with his witty arguments and large vocabulary, a practice he refers to as an "intellectual checkmate". It is unknown as of yet why the moniker "Moronchev" hasn't caught on.

	“	My penis is so big it reaches from A - Z on the keyboard!	„
	—Goronchev, literally stating his penis is about ONE CENTIMETER LONG

Season 1

Goronchev appeared on 4chan in June of 2007 when a video of him was posted on /b/ in which he claimed victory over the "misc. section". Paranoid baby Anonymous ceased fapping to lolicon long enough to gangrape his YouTube with negative feedback and video responses, all while noisily banging their keyboards to produce spam comments (Consisting of DESU DESU DESU in natural /b/tard fashion). As things turned out, he was actually attacking the Misc. section at bodybuilding.com. Goronchev's attack on the Misc. section described his "intellectual checkmate" of Misc. by, as he put it, "using them like a condom." /b/ was slow to realize that they were not his target and initially believed this was an insult, albeit a hilariously inept one. Even after the mistake was discovered, the attacks continued as his smugness made him an instant hit with /b/tards, who enjoyed making fun of his balding head, childlike voice, and ridiculous claims about his sex life and intellectual abilities.

After Goronchev was suspended he continued with his spurious claims as MrThreePercent (Named after his penis size, which is 97% smaller than average). He began to make moar videos about the imaginary groups of beautiful "women" driving miles across the continent to obtain his man-meat.

At this time Smugfag's favorite phrase, "Intellectual Checkmate" became a mini-meme on /b/. Assuming that "Intellectual Checkmate" means something along the lines of using your wit during a debate to back your opponent into a corner from which they cannot retaliate. Goronchev does just the opposite. Looking like such a total dumbfuck debating with his camera, he actually backs himself into a corner from which he cannot escape, so he disables comments on his videos in the hope that he will never actually have to debate with anyone.

Trolls and rubberneckers at the time were delighted over Goronchev's obsession with his body. Of course, Goronchev was so concerned about maintaining his 3% body fat that he completely forgot about his round, balding head. Goronchev continued to feed the flames by claiming that his penis was almost nine inches long but not showing it off to prove his point. To this day Goronchev continues to make spurious claims about his member, though it is obvious to anyone with half a brain that this man is more full of shit than Tubgirl.

Kbob08 Controversy

A YouTube user named Kbob08 used to plague Goronchev with video responses. Almost all of Kbob's videos were video responses to Goronchev with the exception of his very first video which was just a retarded blob of fail where he showed his bad taste in games. One day, feeling daring, Kbob decided to flame Goronchev using a video response. This prompted Goronchev to man the harpoons and end their relationship. Goronchev thoroughly "skewered and exposed" Kbob in a video response to a video response for his video. Kbob deleted all Goronchev-related videos when TwinsanityNtranced was bashing on Kbob about being an attention leech. This victory by Goronchev only served to increase his already inflated ego and HUEG sense of unwarranted self-importance.

Shortly afterwards, Goronchev disappeared from the internet and his account, "MrThreePercent," was suspended due to copyright infringement.

Season 2

After a few months of inactivity, he returned in October 2007. Based primarily in his revived Goronchev account, he immediately declared war upon ED, posting a video in which he later admitted his mother is dead.

"This was most likely suicide caused by the realization that she had given birth to such a grotesque creature instead of letting the doctor falcon punch her when he revealed that the baby might have a hazardous amount of smug cells," Dr. Anonymous states.

Goronchev vigorously denied claims made on ED as to his preference for horse cock and his opinion of his superiority over /b/, citing many friends who regularly visit the site. This denial is invalidated when he brags about owning /b/tards by "brutally" beating them down and shit-talking after a supposed raid on his Stickam room.

	“	They had no idea I was that good at shit-talking live, in-the-moment	„
	—Goronchev has mad skills.

ED is Racist? LOL WUT

Toward the end of 2007, Smugfag posted a video exposing Encyclopedia Dramatica as being a racist website.

Some interesting tidbits from this video include:

Goronchev has the ability to read Encyclopedia Dramatica.
The only thing smaller than a Jew's penis is a negro's "To Do" list
The only thing on a negro's "To Do" list is a Jew's small penis
Jews did WTC
Someone whose primary source of income is performing menial chores around the house has time too precious to waste on ED.
Even the intellectually superior can sometimes miss the point.
His head resembles a 6 foot penis
Goronchev made ED even funnier.

TL;DR: Smugfag needs to learn English, satire, and the basics of a wiki.

A Winrar is You

When every other video site doesn't work out for you and your support and views have dwindled to nothing, what do you do? That's right! You make your very own website! Actually, you have a friend make your very own website. Actually, you have your friend make a channel for your very own website. Actually, you have your friend create a channel with your name on it for a corporate website and call it yours. YAY!!! And when your site goes down,you try again

Season 3

After claiming in his last ED video that he wasn't going to make a new video on ED because they are not worth his time, he makes another 7 minute video absolutely DESTROYING ED once again. After reading this section, he suffered butthurt and removed the video.

	“	I don't have any psychological disorders that have been identified.	„
	—Smugfag

Despite the fact that he's already won the "Dipshit of the Year" award for getting a hat with his YouTube username on it, Goronchev still thinks he can do one better. In this video, Ron intellectually checkmates himself by stating that ED selectively targets minority vloggers:

	“	They will hurl racial epithets at minority vloggers, but I've never seen them do that to white vloggers... They most certainly do NOT treat all equally.	„
	—Goronchev standing up for his people

Being such a kind, compassionate man, he was obviously too busy standing up for his brothers to notice that there was a such a page.

Season 4 and Beyond

When the old Encyclopedia Dramatica was baleeted in mid-2011, Goronchev posted the above video defending the vile actions of Sherrod DeHippo and her horrid fetus of a webstie Ohinternet. It seems he was hoping that this article would be gone forever. However, he failed to realize that this is the internet and nothing ever goes away.

Today, Goronchev continues to make videos of himself flexing in his father's basement while talking shit about people on teh internet. Though he says he no longer bothers with h8ers like Anonymous and Encyclopedia Dramatica, whenever a troll shows up at his doorstep he takes time out of his day to make fun of them by writing up a TL;DR exposé on his "victim." He has even gone as far as making fun of a comedy writer by posting pictures of his kids and calling them "deformed," thus cementing Smugfag's status as an immature, balding manbaby douchebag.

The most recent "drama," if you can even call it that, was between Goronchev and fellow blogger and aspie Benos. Apparently, Benos was getting all up in Goronchev's business by calling him a faggot and an idiot (which is pretty much what ED has been trying to tell people all this time) over YouTube. And so began the ill-fated escapade known as "Tard versus Tard," in which Benos and Goronchev began to make fun of each other over the internets, neither party realizing at any point in the debacle that they are both massive retards. Goronchev then declared his victory, as he always does, by "exposing" Benos by releasing a video of Benos fapping on cam. Goronchev then openly mocks Benos, never once realizing the sad irony that he watched and recorded an entire video of a man jacking off. Another note, that even after Benos was exposed(which is a lie) a 2 part epic saga of a rebuttal was put on benos' channel to counteracting smugfag and his fail of exposing people. Meanwhile, there's a odd rumor that goronchev has a new account at jewtube, let's see how this ends.....possibly a upcoming youtube war between retard vs retard again.

On that note...

Not Gay

Goronchev is very, very insecure about his sexuality. Goronchev is so adamant about his supposed heterosexuality that he often pulls wild and "true" sex stories out of his asshole to make himself sound straight. In most cases, the sex stories are so generic that it is very obvious they were ripped straight from a porn scene. In other cases, the stories are so vague that all instances of "she" and "her" can easily be replaced with "he" and "him" and it wouldn't make a difference.

	“	I LOVE VAGINA & BREASTS, and I'm straighter than a laser (Hopefully, that will reduce the number of gay perverts after me)	„
	—Methinks Goronchev doth protest too much

Smugfag apparently has a girlfriend, and states that according to HOTorNOT, she is a perfect ten.

On February 27th, 2008 at approximately 10:15 PM EST, Goronchev was spotted in the CAM or GTFO chatroom of Stickam.com. At this time, he openly made a challenge towards a female member concerning his superiority over females in giving oral stimulation of the penis. This further supports Goronchev's quest in proving that he is not gay.

	“	My dick is actually just long enough for me to get my tongue on it without too much effort	„
	—Smugfag, remarking on his favorite activity.

Also note that one of his favorite music stars is Gwen Stefani, a common love of all straight males across the globe.

Things Smugfag has claimed to have done

Be fitter than the entire US marine corps
Beating up 30 guys at the same time
Getting job offers from YouTube
Intellectually checkmating us.
Had sex over 9000 times (lol). Like, more than once.
Having a "larger than average penis". Seriously.
Made disguisting sex with BigGayAl, his no.1 internet lover
Doing fuck all on stickam, had a girlfriend instead of his hand, but rumors still persist, this is his faghag. [1]
(Recently)Turned into Lex Luther with steroid enhanced features [2]
Has basically metaphorically given gay guys a cock up their asshole so deep that he was able to grab their cock, then ripped their cock out via a annihilated male asshole and held it aloft to the heavens while smiling. *See far top of his blogspot for a normal version*.

Myths About Goronchev

Myth: "Goronchev doesn't work for his parents"

FALSE. Goronchev does, in fact, live in his father's basement. He and his father often videotape themselves having incestuous relations, with Goronchev taking his father's creamy load in his ass.

Myth: "Goronchev has had sex with many women."

FALSE. Goronchev is too affected with teh gay to be attracted to vagina. He has tried, however, to have sex with men, though most gay men are smart enough to stay away.

Myth: "Goronchev is not a pedophile."

FALSE. We have the pictures, videos, and eye witness testimonies to prove it. Click here to see it.

Myth: "Goronchev is as healthy as a horse."

FALSE. It is a widely-known fact that Goronchev has AIDS, and will likely die in a matter of months.

Myth: "Goronchev's penis is 8 and 3/4 inches long."

FALSE. Goronchev said himself that his penis reaches from A to Z on a QWERTY keyboard, meaning his penis is approximately one centimeter long.

Myth: "Goronchev cares about black people"

FALSE, as proven by the below quote by Goronchev himself:

“	A half ape, half human creature devolved from chimpanzees, who eats fried chicken, watermelon, and collared greens, write songs about raping white woman and stealing welfare checks from grandmothers...Niggers are lazy, dumb, and worst of all smell after taking a shower...Jews are a subhuman species...Jews did the World Trade Center attacks...I have no penis	„
—Smugfag

Myth: "Goronchev can fight two guys at once."

SOMEWHAT TRUE, assuming that "fighting" means "anal secksing."

Myth: "Goronchev is a compulsive liar.

TRUE. One look at his actions and facial expressions in his videos and you can easily tell that he is lying out of his ass.

Myth: Goronchev is cool.

HAHAHAHAHAHA NO

Myth: "People watch his videos."

FALSE. Goronchev is the only one who takes himself seriously, and thus he thinks people actually like him and watch his videos.

Myth: "Goronchev has a boyfriend."

FALSE. Even the Gays don't want him.

Psychological Analysis

The following is a detailed psychological analysis by acclaimed e-psychologist Dr. David Anonymous, PhD:

“

From an entirely psychological standpoint, all of his arguments just go to show how intellectually and physically inferior he feels to other people, as demonstrated by his need to go out of his way to try to outperform the "best" he can find at everything.

"I want to feel good about my body. Who is the strongest guy I can outperform?" USMC Recruits.

"I didn't say I could outperform the entire USMC. I just went to the USMC recruiting station and did 26 pull-ups; more than any of them could do." Not that he had any intention of actually *joining* the USMC, just needed to reassure himself that he was physically superior than everyone around him. As a note... Recruits? "Recruit" is military terminology for "a civilian who will soon be joining the military." I.E. He beat a bunch of guys straight off the street, who had not been to Boot Camp yet. They were likely fresh out of HS.

To address his need to defend his phallic aptitudes: when you defend your PENIS by citing a statistic, it just shows how insecure you are about it. Yes, every guy gets insecure about how long or thick his PENIS is at least once. Totally normal. But to say, "My PENIS is ABOVE average" is just stating that either:

1. I believe everything my girlfriend says to me.
2. I looked up average PENIS size on the internet and compared mine to it.
3. I stood in the men's restroom and checked out people's dicks.

I admit to doing #2- mostly because I know you can't place much faith in #1, and #3 will get you beaten up. If 4.25" is 'average', then 'above average' is anything above 4.25. Even 4.26. Whoopty-fucking-doo. Congratulations, smugfag.

On one further note; you said, and I quote, "just because you perhaps can't get laid in a Tijuana whorehouse doesn't mean it's that way for all of us." Now, what the fuck? Does this statement provide that fallingcryss, MagicalSexZebra, ae16weirdo and the rest of those beasty bitches were found in Tijuana whorehouses?

Furthermore, his need to go out of his way to put everyone he meets into "intellectual checkmate" just further demonstrates his intellectual inferiority complex.

„

—Dr. David Anonymous, PhD

Smugfag and the Old Media

IRREFUTABLE PROOF...more or less...that Goronchev WAS ALREADY A FAUX NEWS DARLING

Goronchev made an appearance on Faux News to discuss cyber-bullying and Anonymous. He is now an "expert" on cyberbullying. Smugfag gets about 9 seconds worth of face-time. He earlier promoted his television premiere on his Jewtube and suggested that perhaps the Fox people would post the rest of his interview on the website.

Just remember, kids: bulling is rabbit on the internets.

In one of his videos bragging about this incredible feat, he claims that he was "chosen" do an interview, despite the fact that Fox asks people to call in to be screened for these interviews.

Though this appears to be Smugfag's first news appearance, it might be possible that he has appeared on Fox before. You be the judge:

1) Watch the smash-hit of summer 2007, "Anon vs. Faux News" again [3]

2) Pay particular attention to the leet haXXor in silhouette at 1:45, 1:57 ("they get what they call 'lulz'...") and 3:02

3) NOTICE BASEBALL CAP AND COLLARED SHIRT - official uniform of the International Association of Smugfags, as shown in his armada of motherfucking YouTube videos.

4) ~~Watch the 2008 cult classic "Brett Keane interviews Goronchev" (only the first 30 seconds, it's a fucking epic a la Battlefield Earth otherwise) [4]~~ baleeted

5) Note this delicious nugget of dialogue:

SMUGFAG: Rupert Murdoch is all over this sweet, young, tight ass, yes indeed.
KEANE: So what exactly is the Fox News going to be doing with you, bro?
SMUGFAG: Yeah, well here's the deal: we already did a thing. You may not know this, but...

In conclusion - it's him. Amirite or amirite?

Videos

Goronchev is Moar Racist.

Behind the screen bawling like Adam Sandler.

He is bothered by hypocrisy while at the same time practicing it;
he has only one option, BUT IT DOESN'T END THERE. Goronchev
haet hypocrisy even moar:

He's a sicko.

Butthurted by hentai?

Smugfag returns for more hate and destruction on internet peoples; but doesn't realize, he's just being used like the condom himself, so other users can get more popular, please thank goronchev for his TL;DR videos