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Mariozplaze
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This article is an Encyclopedia Dramatica exclusive. This article is only for the discriminating lulz connoisseur. If you have any exclusive drama to add, click here. |
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WARNING! FACEPALM IMMINENT! This article may cause you to facepalm, because everything written is factual. Feel free to go spam every site this faggot goes to and tell him how retarded he is.. |
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THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ. BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM. |
Once upon a time, there was a teenager with some serious sexual orientation issues, though he was known to frequently profess to his heterosexuality. Zachary Zahradka, better known by the tween username Mariozplaze, ventured to join ED and wasted no time in blanking every fucking article he could, then promptly defaced what was once a beloved lulz repository with {{pain}}. These "coincidences" were no doubt caused by editing via his Wii... right?
Early Life
See Also: Defend the Children report and Dad's criminal history
—Mariozplaze on Newgrounds, talking about what the mean kids at school call him | ||
Mariozplaze was shat out of some cunt on May, 18 1997 in a small town in Connecticut. Unfortunately, his parents didn't know what he'd become today and failed to properly take care of him. Shortly after, he was sexually abused by his father upon discovering the degree to which his homosexuality had progressed. This imbued Mariozplaze with a burning lust for dick that he tried, and inevitably failed, to satiate. After moving to Florida, his father was v& for loving his son a little too much, leaving Mariozplaze with an massive and empty anus. After moving to yet another shitty small town, his mom married a stepdad who IRL cyber bullied him for his valid interests, and they all ended up in Ocala, Florida, where young Zachary attends Williston High School.
Before ED
He became something of an e-celebrity by interviewing his hick uncle who was a "singer" in a Christian metalcore band (he got kicked out, lol) while he was thoroughly unliked on the minecraft wiki. Upon depleting his 15 minutes of fame, he was banned forever from Roblox (where he played pseudo-minecraft all day, everyday as the autist he is). And... voilá, he bitched about it via his Youtube account. Perhaps this provides Freudian insight into the roots of his psychosexual traumas related to "unfair" bans. Or maybe he's just an insufferable cunt.
His dog died, as he forced it to eat mushrooms that were in his garden in an attempt to emulate his favorite video game character.
—:( |
Prelude
After blanking and vandalizing some articles, defending Uncyclopedia the best way a 15 year old autist can, and saying douche to almost everyone that he interacted with (as psychologically ill 15 year olds are wont to do) he received a well deserved ban... and there was much rejoicing.
Bawwlade
He created a sock account and e-protested to each of the users that undid his edits and advised him against his blatant faggotry by vandalizing their talks pages. As a typical 15 year old, he claimed that any blame rests squarely on the shoulders of "his brother."
After that clever statement, he declared himself to be a vigilante and said that he hates "fake bans" and will fight against them for ever as Anon would do against Scientology. He nearly called the cyberpolice, but that would have been too much faggotry, even for him.
He even thinks that he's the God of the internet [1]. This just proves how much of a faggot he is.
—Polite Mariozplaze | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Naturally, he tried to dodge his ban by asking in Y!A how he might change his Wii's IP address; he was promptly instructed to become an hero by trolls.
Main Drama
Mah Quest for Adminship
Time went on and his ban expired. Immediately, he asked if there was any way that he could become a sysop; he was prompty told to STFU as he did not even have a single real contribution under his belt. Of course, he used the argument "I have a life" or "I get more girls than you" as if that actually applied OL.
—One of the plethora of reasons he should be a sysop (he also gets more girls than you) |
He was banned again and, for some reason, was unbanned about 2 hours later.
Retrieving Dox?
Most users welcomed him politely, providing links to Mibbit, from which his IP could be obtained. He claimed that he could not not use it because he was editing from a Wii. However, he was too much of a nigger to hide himself and there was information about him spread all over the far corners of the internets, as well as that of his uncle who was a member of a popular Christian metalcore band called "Underoath". He was easily goaded, to the point of providing information about his Facebook account and his IP (67.232.48.188, IT'S FUCKING STATIC, packets ahoy!). His dox were published and lulz popped out. Read below for moar.
—Mariozplaze after getting his dox out |
He was yet again permabanned, but he was granted the ability to edit his own talk page once more, which did not prevent acquisition of his dox:
Zachary Zahradka Williston, Florida, USA. Birthday: May 18, 1997
Yahoo! Answers
And in the end of the day, the moral is...
—Neither the first nor the last lolcow to do this. |
He was unbanned for the final time, and started to add terrible, unfunny content to articles. People still trolled him in his talkpage, yet he decided to defend himself with terrible, terrible arguments. He had become more trouble than his lulz were worth, and was the recipient of a fatal banhammer strike... for great justice.
Youtube
Previous Video | Next Video
—Oh lol. | ||
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He has called upon his Whiteknights to vandalize this article, and bitched about everything here while fallaciously declaring that any content found on this page is patently false (playing one-man army mode). However, because he suffers from USI and no one even cared enough to reply to his comments (aside from trolls), nothing happened.
—Two hours later from that comment, he gets back on ED. A two hour party? Sure. |
Apparently one of the admins has a soft spot for young mario and as all EDiots are forgiving people, he was promptly re-welcomed with open arms and the expectation that his future conduct will be deemed acceptable.
Mother knows best?
Not long after having once again been granted free rein of the site an image of a smiling woman was uploaded to his article's talkpage by an enterprising lulz-merchant. It was initially viewed by some as an attempt to diffuse any tensions which might have remained following the initial lollercoaster however, it later transpired that there was more to this image than met the eye:
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Related Subpages
See Also
- Mariozplaze's Talkpage Archive
- Talkpage History, fucking enjoy!
- Roblox
- Minecraft
- Anonymous
- Dox
- 13 year old boy
Links
- Youtube profile
- Youtube mirror
- Facebook profile
- Jewgrounds profile
- Planetminecraft account
- Roblox profile
- Yahoo profile
- Yahoo Answers profile
- His own shitty Web 1.0 abortion
- Chess.com profile
- pouetpu-games.com profile
- Canv.as plagiarism profile
- Ace Attorney blog comment
- For those interested in sending bulk & unsolicited e-mails, try: [email protected]
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