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EmiNet
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THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ. BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM. |
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| Emi | |
| Born | Emily Holzer |
| An hero | No • Still Fighting! |
| Nationality | Suspected Jew |
| Occupation | Camwhore |
| Family | Peter J. Holzer (father) Cheryl R. Holzer (mother) Adam T. Holzer (brother) |
| Address | 2145 Green Hills Place Fallbrook, CA 92028 |
| Phone | +1.7605250452 |
EmiNet is an IRC network started some time ago by a camwhore named 
Emily Holzer aka Emi on irc. You will find Emi in her server EmiNet on the channel #Emi. No, we're not shitting you. It's ran by several overweight middle-aged Mexican meth addicts unsatisfied with their current relationships.
— fiva - #emi | ||
Humble Beginnings
In the beginning there was a woman named Emily who decided to take her camwhoring skills and put them to the test on the intertubes. Still not satisfied with her countless imgur and chan posts, she had to create a sanctuary for her niche but creepy fanbase. And so, with a little research and a little whiteknight magic, she was able to join the great game of multiplayer notepad. Everything was going better than expected for a couple years as she rolled around the internet with her robust nipples, collecting neckbeards and kissless virgins like some sort of fucked up Katamari with GOTIS.
This parade of joyous self-gratifying victory was forced to a screeching halt. She stumbled upon the WTFuxNet IRC (on which you shall find our very own #ED IRC!) and attempted to gather up more fans, joining rooms such as #wiki, #doxbin, #rustleleague, #realniggas, and #coins. One hour later her full dox was leaked.
She received several fair warnings to fuck off already by the #realniggas crew, but she kept rejoining channels after being kicked, claiming she was looking for new friends. After some investigating, the #realniggas crew took the honorable job of making sure she got all the attention she could want.
Gaining Friends
— Delty - #realniggas | ||
Here are some chatlogs for your own amusement, and to see her laughable attempts to gain friends.
In the following PM with brohno she seemed quite confused. She didn't seem to realize that brohno was part of the entire fuckery. She must have forgetting her medication and/or was on crack.
[10:19:57] <Emi> hey [10:20:03] <brohno> what [10:22:43] <Emi> want to be friends? [10:23:24] <brohno> what [10:23:45] <brohno> are you suffering from stockholm syndrome now [10:27:47] <Emi> No [10:27:55] <Emi> Just want some new friends :/ [10:28:29] <brohno> why [10:32:28] <Emi> I love new friends! [10:35:40] <brohno> but why wont you be friends with LH and bonzi [10:35:46] <brohno> you keep banning them :( [10:38:37] <Emi> i's not mean [10:38:40] <Emi> It's not me* [10:38:43] <Emi> It's someone else [10:38:48] <Emi> do you think they have good reason to be mean to me? [10:40:43] <brohno> what the fuck am I reading [10:40:57] <Emi> nvm bye [10:40:59] <brohno> are you on a meth bender or something [10:41:12] <Emi> no
Notice in the next chatlog how she thinks its necessary to share her favourite picture after LittleHiter just pasted her facebook link.
09:50 < Jaques> Emi: do you go by another name around here? 09:50 < LittleHitler> nah emi wouldnt do that 09:50 < LittleHitler> she needs all the attention she can get 09:51 < LittleHitler> she craves recognition for having tits 09:51 < Emi> Jaques: No 09:51 < Emi> I am new 09:52 < LittleHitler> heres her fb Jaques https://www.facebook.com/emily.holzer.3 09:52 < LittleHitler> have a wank to her face 09:52 < Jaques> how come you've connected to most active/interesting chans? 09:52 < Jaques> ASWER ME WHORE! 09:53 < Jaques> interesting... 09:53 < Jaques> but LittleHitler 09:53 < Jaques> does that pass as hot in the US? 09:53 < Jaques> shameshame 09:54 < LittleHitler> only to sad fat fucks she got rallied up in her fanboy channel 09:59 < Emi> http://i.imgur.com/v2M9hbO.jpg 09:59 < Emi> that is me 09:59 < LittleHitler> talking about craving attention 09:59 < LittleHitler> god damn 09:59 < LittleHitler> you'll be getting more than enough soon Emi :) 09:59 < Emi> haha 09:59 < Emi> aw come on 10:00 < Emi> I just wanted to show Jaques what I look like 10:00 < LittleHitler> well ofcourse you did 10:00 < LittleHitler> thats what bitches like you do 10:00 < LittleHitler> LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME 10:00 < Emi> come on LittleHitler 10:00 < Emi> Don't you think I'm cute? 10:01 < LittleHitler> sure ill inject heroin into your eyeballs, sow a dick above your cunt and fuck you in your asshole
— asshurtmacfags - leet private haqr ircd | ||
Emi's White Knights
A camwhore is nothing without her white knights, and Emi has plenty of men who would love nothing more than to rescue her from the horrible wrath of the #realniggas. As seen in these chatlogs, the white knights try very hard to get rid of us. Unfortunately for Emi, when you dance with the #realniggas, you don't stop until the music ends.
Emi invited us to join irc.dopeshit.net, which is a very hardcore ircd. This invitation was by no means a trap to get our ip addresses and call the police cops. Notice how a certain hacker named rat tries to impress his favorite camwhore by copy pasting random ip addresses.
07:27 -!- pimp [[email protected]] has joined #maryjane 07:27 -!- Topic for #maryjane: [SSL Port: 6697] Network Chat :: Request vhost on #vhost :: Problems directed to #help :: 07:27 -!- Topic set by MuffinMan [] [Sun Jan 5 19:45:58 2014] 07:27 [Users #maryjane] 07:27 [~Oxdeadbeef] [@critical] [@josh^ ] [%MuffinMan] [ ink ] [ pimp] 07:27 [~rat ] [@Emi ] [@punx ] [+maryjane ] [ jew ] 07:27 [&marijuana ] [@fiva ] [@shezza] [+Sith ] [ Morgan_Freeman] 07:27 [&slimeball ] [@gash ] [@spider] [ Greggor ] [ negro1 ] 07:27 -!- Irssi: #maryjane: Total of 21 nicks [8 ops, 1 halfops, 2 voices, 10 normal] 07:27 -!- Channel #maryjane created Sun Nov 3 04:48:54 2013 07:27 -!- Irssi: Join to #maryjane was synced in 4 secs 07:27 < pimp> who wants to give emi's father a call 07:27 < negro1> Ill see if hes into scat as much as I am 07:27 < negro1> number plox 07:27 < pimp> better do it quick before the line is busy and clogged with all the gay men 07:28 < pimp> Peter J Holzer 07:28 < pimp> 760-723-7744 07:29 < pimp> rat 07:29 < pimp> fucking noob nigga 07:29 < pimp> with your mirc shit 07:29 < pimp> are you serious 07:29 < pimp> thought u was a baller nigga 07:29 <~rat> bitch 07:30 <~rat> nigga 07:30 <~rat> u wanna see a baller? 07:30 < pimp> no doubt 07:30 <~rat> [ 06:17:08am ] · · Quits : brohno [ [email protected] ] : [ Ping timeout: 184 seconds ] 07:30 < Morgan_Freeman> answer the phone pls 07:30 <~rat> see ^ 07:30 <~rat> now 07:30 <~rat> i show u again 07:30 <~rat> shes busy with me bruh 07:30 <~rat> i will own u and ur mothers trailers bruh 07:30 < negro1> lol rat 07:30 < pimp> what am i supposed to see nigga 07:30 < negro1> congradulations 07:30 < negro1> you copypasted 07:31 < negro1> my 07:31 < negro1> client 07:31 < negro1> exiting 07:31 < negro1> and timing out 07:31 < pimp> is this nigger serious? 07:31 < negro1> from switching tor nodes 07:31 < negro1> probably pimp 07:31 < negro1> nigga wouldnt last long on wtfux 07:31 < Morgan_Freeman> answer the phone pls 07:31 < pimp> nigga wouldnt last long in a fucking zoo hombre 07:31 < negro1> lol 07:32 <~rat> pimp 07:32 < pimp> whatup 07:32 <~rat> want me to make ur new ip ping out? 07:32 < pimp> sure 07:32 <~rat> since i just copy pasted 07:32 < Morgan_Freeman> answer the phone pls 07:33 < negro1> lol 07:33 < negro1> make my i 07:33 < negro1> p 07:33 < negro1> ping out 07:33 < negro1> without banning me and making me switch nodes 07:33 < negro1> 1337 haxor 07:33 < Morgan_Freeman> i told you they were hackers 07:33 < pimp> no shit man 07:33 < negro1> pimp you better be logging this 07:33 < negro1> this is too good 07:33 < pimp> lol word 07:33 * negro1 checks watch 07:34 < negro1> still waiting 07:34 < pimp> same 07:34 < pimp> what are you hoping to achieve when i timeout rat 07:34 <~rat> oh 07:34 < pimp> will you copy paste random shit furiously? 07:34 <~rat> high 07:34 <~rat> whos first 07:35 < negro1> me please 07:35 < pimp> negro1 this asshole is taking our mind off emi 07:35 < pimp> we're not done with that bitch yet 07:35 < pimp> lets continue with that first 07:35 < negro1> no 07:35 < negro1> but we will humor him 07:35 <~rat> byebye negro1 07:35 < negro1> for the moment 07:35 < pimp> then come back here and fuck these niggas up 07:35 < negro1> pizza places dont open up 07:35 < negro1> until 11 am anyway 07:35 < pimp> rat: make sure to thank emi when your parents are being harrassed by gay men at night 07:35 < negro1> rat hello 07:35 < negro1> im still here 07:36 < negro1> emi 07:36 [Users #maryjane] 07:36 [~Oxdeadbeef] [@critical] [@josh^ ] [%MuffinMan] [ ink ] [ pimp] 07:36 [~rat ] [@Emi ] [@punx ] [+maryjane ] [ jew ] 07:36 [&marijuana ] [@fiva ] [@shezza] [+Sith ] [ Morgan_Freeman] 07:36 [&slimeball ] [@gash ] [@spider] [ Greggor ] [ negro1 ] 07:36 -!- Irssi: #maryjane: Total of 21 nicks [8 ops, 1 halfops, 2 voices, 10 normal] 07:36 < negro1> we are going to do it twice as bad to you 07:36 < negro1> if rat doesnt deliver 07:36 < negro1> and make me timeout 07:36 < negro1> also good luck ddosing a tor node 07:36 < pimp> shit these bitches aint shit 07:36 < negro1> you fucking skid 07:36 -!- negro1 [[email protected]] has quit [Killed (rat (i still got /kill))] 07:36 < Morgan_Freeman> answer the phone pls 07:36 < pimp> lol 07:37 -!- brohno [[email protected]] has joined #maryjane 07:38 < pimp> fuck it, ima continue fucking emi up the ass 07:38 < pimp> this is some boring shit brohno 07:38 < brohno> lol he disconnected me by force 07:38 < pimp> i thought these niggas was ballers 07:38 < brohno> and pinged me at first 07:38 < brohno> what 07:38 < brohno> a 07:38 < pimp> no shit 07:38 < brohno> fucking 07:38 < brohno> disapointment 07:38 < brohno> rat step your game up 07:38 < brohno> we're out of here 07:38 < pimp> Emi: this the best you can do? 07:38 < pimp> sad 07:38 < pimp> we'll come back 07:38 < brohno> and emi you can expect repayment for wasting our time 07:38 < pimp> after fucking over emi 07:38 < pimp> and you're next rat 07:38 -!- brohno [[email protected]] has quit [Quit: ]
A Noble Deed
The #realniggas crew thought it would be a great noble deed to help Emi out with her quest for attention, so we decided to up the stakes. The consequences will never be the same. Not only will she receive numerous calls from priests from churches in her area that could help her remove the attention demon out of her, she will no doubt also like the horny men calling her up requesting an intimate encounter with her.
You're welcome Emily! We hope you enjoy. Just because we know you love attention so much, you're also on OkCupid with phone number and everything!
But wait! There's moar!
We wouldn't be called #realniggas if we didn't go that extra mile. We have personally arranged for Emi to receive the following within the next few days of writing this article: qurans, condoms, bibles, navy recruitment pamphlets (lots) and cult pamphlets (we forgot which cult). As icing on the cake you will also receive several delicious pizzas delivered right to your doorstep! Courtesy of #realniggas.
Gallery
External Links
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EmiNet is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |
| Logs by Person |
1guy1jar Interview • Alex Wuori • Boxxy • Bravesgirl5 • ChibaQ • Crossmack • Cyndre • DangerDan • DJ Skeptik • Djdlikesxbox • Duke Otterland • EmiNet • James Cordone • Jimbo Wales • John Field • JuggaletteJenny • Kazantzakis • Laurelai • LittleCloud • Mark Foley • Mikevirus • Neo • Skype Con Leaks • Tablecow • Typhon • Werdna |
| Related Topics |
IRC • Bash.org • Get on irc fgt • Gay.pl • Irssi • QuoteBucket.org |
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EmiNet is part of a series on |
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