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Maddox
—The only truthful thing he has ever said. | ||
Maddox is one of the pioneers of internet trolling, flaming, and unwarranted self importance. At least he was this person four eight years ago. Despite his shtick being so yesterday, he is still a pioneer of lulz. Noobs should read some of his early articles to learn how to flame, but not anything post-2005, because that is when he started to take himself seriously and his writing really went to shit.
Most non-retardeds will notice much of what Maddox has to say is unfunny in the way that it points out obvious things internets users already know. He is also a pirate. He makes that very clear. A little too clear. In fact, his many claims of being a pirate, coupled with a trend of no longer updating his site have worn pretty thin. He also wrote a shitty book recently, and an even shittier comic.
Some (including Maddox himself) claim that he is indeed a STRAIGHT pirate by throwing in exaggerated claims of his sexual ability. This is known as "trying too hard" and it isn't fooling anyone. His failure to come off as a badass is best revealed from pictures of himself. Everybody has learned that he is nothing more than a neckbeard-wearing, basement-dwelling, shell script programming, raging nerd.
Early Life
For the majority of his childhood, Maddox lived in poverty, sleeping only in a dilapidated house of mud. It was during these harsh years that Maddox developed his tough personality and his love of manliness. Maddox likes beef jerky, vinegar, lumberjacks, eating babies, and headbutting pussies. He also has extremely high self esteem and is in love with himself. He has a terrible taste in movies and video games and defends it by calling people fags.
Adult Life
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LOL SO RANDUMB ALERT: This section reads like copypasta from Uncyclopedia. You can help purge the GRIDS by cuntpasting moar. |
In college, Maddox had a brief but passionate affair with Ronald McDonald. Since their breakup, Maddox has had a virulent hatred of McDonalds and constantly criticizes them.
Maddox claims to be a pirate, but since he lives in the landlocked state of Utah, it's more likely he means an ass pirate.
Maddox may be a software programmer, and he may be into everything else associated with basement dwellers, but that doesn't necessarily make him one. He was finally able to vacate mom's basement after selling over 9000 books last year, now he lives in luxury, on the money he conned out of stupid people like you.
Additionally, Maddox is also a camera whore as evidenced by his numerous pictures of himself on his website and the image to the right.
Maddox hasn't worked at a real job since 2004, making all his money selling merchandise [1] and beating off on drunk hobos for cash.
Examples of his work
—An article from mid-2005 | ||
Maddox's Formula to a Successful Article
- When thinking of ideas for topics, the first things that should come to mind are minor and meaningless things that make you get your panties in a bunch. Examples of this include people who use hashtags on Twitter, people who only prefer cheese on their pizza, or people who listen to ska. If it bugs you to the point of insomnia, then you're doing it right.
- Begin writing over 9000 paragraphs worth of ranting crap where every other sentence must contain juvenile insults directed at the subject, such as shitheads, dipshits, fucking idiots, etc. Also, be sure to throw in plenty of slang for male and female genitalia. It cancels out any attempt at sounding witty and clever, but don't tell Maddox that! He thinks he's funny and smart!
- Draw some shitty MS Paint pictures to illustrate the inane, psychotic rant people quit reading 2 paragraphs in anyway.
- Slap your e-mail address at the bottom of each page, ignoring the fact that you've pissed and moaned endlessly about your idiot fan base who won't quit e-mailing you.
- Insert a counter at the bottom of each page, implying people beyond 1999 still give a shit about how many views a page received.
- ???
- PROFIT! Now you can quit giving away most of your writing for free on the Internet. This is your chance to go fail at other projects, like books, and a poorly-produced YouTube show.
IMPORTANT: In your writing, don't try to come off like a normal, respectable human being. Keep reminding your readers that you rule the world, your opinions are right, and everyone who disagrees is wrong. This is to compensate for your ugly physique and small penis while you sulk on IRC with your naive friends who are convinced you're a manly pirate in your mom's basement. Additionally, remember that this is your outlet to being a crybaby bitch instead of working out your problems the proper way, such as seeing a counselor/therapist/psychiatrist, going outside, finding a girlfriend, winning a fight with someone bigger than you at a bar, or just plain quit being a fucking pussy!
Book
—Maddox | ||
Maddox has released a book, "The Alphabet of Manliness". As a skinny, old, Armenian computer programmer from Utah, Maddox is an authority on manliness. The book was published in an effort to cover the cost of the huge quantities of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on the NY Times Bestseller list, an embarrassment to all parties involved. Covering a variety of subjects ranging from how stupid women are, to how great men are, to specific instructions for cooking meth, "The Alphabet Of Manliness" is a prime forerunner of everything that was never funny, even through shock value. The book also mentions Chuck Norris, making him as funny and edgy as the average shirt in Hot Topic.
Maddox goes on tour promoting the fact he would sign women's breasts. FUN IDEA: Bring your grandmother and have her request it.
Since he began writing it, he's stopped updating his site. After it came out, his site only serves to promote his damn book he apparently updates only once every four months couple years or so, leaving his retarded fans with a thirst for moar.
When approached by Amazon.com inquiring as to what price his book should be sold at, Maddox replied, "About a million dollars, srsly." Amazon did not think this was funny and initially refused to stock the book. Since then though Amazon now sells new copies of the book for $10.85. With each book sale, he makes no money. Not only has Maddox failed at convincing people about how manly he is, he also fails miserably at the game of capitalism.
Since Maddox is a pirate, he has no problems with people pirating his book. Get your copy here.
Show
On December 9th, 2008, Maddox announced that all of the time he spent not updating his website was not only devoted to jacking it to hentai and being a basement-dwelling loser, but also spent on developing his own show, dubbed uncreatively The Best Show in the Universe. News of the show, which is set to air on YouTube, came via an update on his site, in an article where he heavily criticized YouTube for being full of shit, coming in only 3 years behind everyone else on the Internet in this endeavor.
Finally, after almost two years, Maddox finally managed to do what 13-year-old boys, retards, faggots, and Chris-Chan managed to do in a matter of days, if not hours: post a poorly-made video to YouTube.
The "show" is basically a redux of his article criticizing children's artwork from almost 10 years ago. This article is Maddox's main claim to Internet fame and he clings to it as the foundation of his manly personality. This time, he focuses on criticizing children singing on YouTube. Maddox is significantly less humorous when you can see his receding hairline and AIDS-patient physique on camera. The fact that it took him two years to shit out this steaming pile of unfunny just goes to show everyone exactly how far beyond the shark Maddox has jumped. PROTIP: Claiming to be a manly pirate lumberjack only works when people can't see that you're actually a scrawny, balding computer programmer in real life. It's a pathetic compensation.
Fan Sites
As with all retarded things in the world, they usually have a fan site. Maddox is no different, having two of the gayest fan sites ever. Maddox Mania and The Best Fan Page In the Universe are where intelligence goes to die.
The Best Fanpage: Poster Child For Failure
Recently, an ED insider did an in-depth investigation of "The Best Fanpage," revealing some disturbing yet unsurprising things about Maddox fans:
- The forum staff are closet furfags, as evidenced by this "April Fool's joke."
- Pedophilia and homosexuality are rampant amongst Maddox fans.
- Maddox fans are socially inept. (Topics baleeted, probably out of butthurt)
- They're also anime fags. Jesus Christ.
Also, Something Awful's Weekend Web did a segment about the site, causing the members to BAWWWW. Whine-One-One was dialed, and waaambulances were dispatched immediately to handle the epidemic of butthurt.
After the original forum got shut down, another one popped up under the name of Maddox Militia, courtesy of AngryJerk (a blatant Maddox wannabe, as evidenced by his shitstain of a website). Since he's also imitating Maddox's style of never finishing anything, the actual "fanpage" remains incomplete. The new forum failed hard, only garnering about 30 members (which is pathetic even when compared to the old one). On June 13th 2014 the whole forum got spammed to hell by a group of newfag trolls nobody's ever heard of calling themselves Neo-HC. Rather than actually doing something about it, AngryJerk decided to join in the fun. Then he made a post explaining how he was going to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING and didn't even bother to ban any of them proving that he, like the real Maddox, doesn't have a fucking clue how to run anything.
Ninjapirate
Ninjapirate is one of Over 9000 shitty Maddox ripoffs. Unlike most of them, Ninjapirate managed to generate a few minor lulz by mocking skateboarders. Eventually, he got one of them to send him hatemail.
Much like Maddox himself, the quality of Ninjapirate's page went downhill after the first couple years. Not to make it sound like Ninjapirate was any good in the first place.
Ninjapirate's real name is Thilo. He is a retarded azn leftard who isn't even ashamed of admitting he's a fan of Michael Moore.
Flaming Ninjapirate usually results in a "Thanks for the traffic!" or something else retarded, because apparently it doesn't matter if traffic is there solely to view how much of a moron you are because hey, it's traffic.
—James Parsons, telling Ninja to GTFO |
In Ninjapirate's defense, at least he knows that Jews did WTC.
Reddit AMA
At the end of January 2010, Maddox decided to reach out to all the arrogant nerds on reddit, due to his fanbase completely forgetting about him for not updating his website often to their liking. The members of reddit came all over the post, asking him all kinds of stupid questions that have been answered over 9000 times and pretending to give a shit about what he's up to as his excuse for not updating his website. There were also many other jealous nerds who wish people gave a shit about their opinions more than Maddox's, so they decided to try their luck in flaming him, but failed miserably.
Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette
On July 29th, 2010, Maddox stumbled into what will no doubt be a self-publicized 15 minutes he'll milk for the rest of his life (an actual 15 minutes, not a fake 15 minutes) when he was spotted on an episode of Penn and Teller's: Bullshit! during a segment they did on "Old People". ( don't bother, it's set to private. Go torrent it
partial vid only)
It's unclear how this happened. But, seeing as the show's research department was probably busy lighting their farts that week, some retard on the staff (who probably thinks they're internet saavy because of it) thought it would be a good idea to irl troll a slew of unfunny internet bloggers, who whine about anything and everything they're butthurt about, to posit a possible geratric holocaust.
—Maddox, talking about...old people? | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
During his screen-time (a whole 1 1/2 minutes!), Maddox's eagerness to somehow achieve God-tier status from P&T's fanbois seems to have been a bit of a footbullet. The overt lulz of all of it seems to have flown over Maddox's (bald) head altogether, but wasn't lost on Penn, seeing as Maddox is, himself, clearly in denial about being...just fucking old. Penn proceeded to counter-troll his ass, describing him as a blogger who is "no spring chicken and spouts predictable, angry, middle-aged manrants on just about everything", along with some other lulzy shit before they literally told him to "GTFO".
—Penn Jillette, brofist | ||
Other Maddoxes
- LJ Maddox: The LiveJournal account
maddox is held by a retarded thirteen year old boy from Italy who updated it once a long time ago inquiring about male prostitutes who were also video game experts or whatever. Lulz ensued. - PokeMaddox: There was a troll on the Polish Pokemon-themed board. He incidentally was also called Maddox, but he retired, since people called him to wash his tits.
- John Solomon: is sometimes accused of being Maddox. This is a lie.
- Dross: A Latin/white
ripofftroll that shamelessly copied Maddox's page format and whole Modus Operandi (h8 mail, fanart, and the rest). He's in his middle 20's and is unfunny to bacterial proportions. Also, a self-proclamed macho and racist that, in South America, is over 9000 more overrated than in the US. Born in Venezuela, resides in Argentina since 2007. Loathes every single social group in history, to a point of rejecting to be remotely related to any; he has an enourmous e-go and even copied Maddox catch-phrase "How much I rule" and deformed it.
"El otro día demostré lo increíble que soy con un chanta argentino" translates to "The other day I demonstrated how incredible I am..." (Nitpicking anyone? lulz). He writes video game guides for those idiots that cannot access or are too fucktarded to use Google, but his work has been stolen for other magazines. SRSLY. He could be a troll for the win, but he thought that, being not so retarded as those who read his site, falls in the fail category. Si usted habla español, hágale una visita. Dross is also a douchebag of epic proportions, as is shown in this article where he brags how better he is and how true he is to his internet persona in comparison of Maddox and Toobis based on his muscles: http://www.dross.com.ar/Competencia.htm. *UPDATE* Dross has publicly declared interest in having anal sex with Maddox (srsly) and cannot longer be considered a ripoff since he has declared his Internet persona is a character and is doing the whole thing for the lulz. SRSLY.
- Daniel Isaac: Another clone of Maddox with the same Modus Operandi. It would be nice to write something lulzly about him, but it would be repeating Maddox history, but without so much space. Yes, he is that lame. Daniel Isaac's.
Fun Facts
- Maddox claims Something Awful is a shitty site. No argument there.
- Maddox likes FF7, so that means he's a homosexual. Proof.
- Maddox admits to being a huge fan of teh cawk, so that means he's a homosexual. Proof
- Maddox likes buttsecks with small boys, so that means he's a homosexual. Proof
- B3ta interviewed Maddox, proving their faggotry.
- Maddox is Armenian, and therefore a terrorist.
- Maddox likes Pantera. Which is gayer than AIDS. Maddox loves Pantera's early history as a glam band.
- Maddox's frontpage links to Ebaumsworld, College humor, and CTRL ALT Delete. No further comment necessary.
- Maddox likes transsexual Thai boys, Proof.
- As is well known, Maddox is a homosexual. But a lesser known fact is that he is also gay. This means he is in fact a fag².
- Is probably Jewish IRL. Would explain a lot.
See Also
External Link
- Maddox's page
- The Hidden Maddox, with all the crap too shitty to put on the frontpage.
- Ytmnd site Maddox <3 Trannys
- His damn shitty page
- Maddox inspired fashion.
 Maddox is part of a series on Web 1.0 |
[ANCIENT HISTORY] Old Memes •
Celebs, h4x0rz, and Phreaks •
Technologies •
Fun and Games •
Events •
Death of Web1.0
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Maddox is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |