INSIDE

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Accurately depicted.

We couldn't make this shit up.

This is apparently artistic.

People are occasionally curious about what it's like to play video games while high on psychedelic drugs. The possibilities of this endeavor astound some people. So they enjoy some fine pixelated concoctions while sitting in their underwear, smelling unkindly, and hooked up on brain medicine. What kind of concoction, you may wonder? INSIDE is a one-of-a-kind mind-altering cocktail. This game contains a wealth of mind-bending realities that go beyond the human psyche. It starts slowly and builds up to delight you with mind-fuckery. Do you indulge your curiosity? A straightforward explanation will suffice. This is not an exaggeration. It's the genuine article. A side scroller so finely tuned that it becomes a work of art in and of itself. It's worth the wait until the end, a universal promise is yelled through space. Of course, fags are old-fashioned, but you must play this while heavily medicated. But I'm digressing.

Plot

You are being chased through the woods, seemingly from nowhere. Masked men wielding flashlights are pursuing you. At one point, freaking guard dogs appear and decide to eat your ass. You eventually get away from these jerks and end up on a farm where some kind of parasitic worm buttraped pigs into submission. This drove the pigs insane. You learn to manipulate farm animals and equipment in order to escape to a seemingly abandoned city teeming with zombie-cretins who are controlled by mind control. Beyond the city is a massive factory of flooded rooms and naked-baby-girl-bitches with long hair who live in the water and want to hug and rape you to the depths. Later, you discover some scientists who conducted underwater experiments on said creatures.

While traversing these cesspools, you begin to use mind-control helmets to control grey zombies, who appear to be created by the organization that chased you at the start. The siren-monster-bitch creature eventually fondles you and forcesfeeds you a device that allows you to breathe underwater.

As you walk through the offices and laboratories, you notice that many of the scientists are ignoring you. They're fixated on something resembling a vault. When the boy enters the chamber, he finds a large blob-like creature that looks exactly like the retarded boss from Borderlands, but this time it's made of human limbs connected to four control rods. The boy is drawn into this thing and transcends reality after disconnecting the rods.

You now have command of the blob. You flee the facility by crashing through it like a blob, squashing everything in your path. The scientists attempt to lock you in another vault, but the blobinator escapes and breaches a wooden wall. It rolls down a forest hill before coming to a stop on a beach bathed in sunlight. THE END

Alternate ending

If the player deactivates the alien mumbo jumbo thingies scattered throughout the game, they gain access to a new area. You arrive in a sex dungeon filled with computers and one of the mind-control helmets, which is powered by a nearby socket. You remove the plug from the socket, at which point the character feints like a zombie and the game ends.

Theories

Everyone has their own theories about the plot of this game. The blob controls you for the majority of the game, and the entire ordeal is basically the blob learning how to navigate the world through the boy. At one point, the blob has control over scientists and wishes to flee. The world has survived a catastrophic event. That is why everything is submerged. The most popular theory, however, is that the boy is controlled by YOU in a subtle "fuck you" hint. The act of pulling the plug in the final area is analogous to leaving the simulation. The goal is to avoid becoming a blob, to avoid the scientists, and to simply unplug in order to "destroy" the world and everything in it with you.

Gameplay

If you aren't a total retard, you'd realize that this game plays itself. And its puzzles could be solved by anyone smarter than DarksydePhil.
The only saving grace is that the boy dies in hilariously gruesome ways, including being shot, gored by dogs, electrocuted, blown apart, drowning, choking, and so on.

Unwarranted Self-Importance

This game was rated "TEH BEZT FUCKING SHIT EVEAHHH!!1!one!1" by everyone, including their mothers. To begin with, everything the Danish did with this game was designed to make you think so hard and reach the ultimate conclusion that nothing makes sense anyway. The game is extremely boring. Aside from the good mechanics and lack of bugs, the game plays like a walking simulator with a faceless kid running through someone's nightmare. It just ends up being a mash-up of crap. LITERALLY. Everything is grey, brown, black, or somewhere in between. The only things that are red seem to be your blood and your shirt (aside from some interactive objects). So, if you like good ambient occlusion and being mauled by wild dogs, this game is for you. This is the main reason we advise doing a lot of drugs before playing this game. It will ruin your life. It's trippy and terrifying. Why is everyone attempting to kill this child? Who knows, you might just run to the right and end up with mind-fuckery times a dozen. The best game ever?! Not at all. Yes, it's well-crafted, but the story is random and unresolved at the end. The blob is by far the most relaxing aspect of this adventure. You get to play as a blob who blobs around trying to solve puzzles. Nobody knows why they chose a blob, but I suppose that's the point. Combine zombies, mind-control devices, and an evil corporation run by evil-but-not-so-evil scientists, and you get a lulzy outcome. Also, the fucking baby sirens. What the hell happened? They're creepy as hell and a pedo's worst nightmare. The game was heavily compared to Playdead's other game, LIMBO. Same shit, just darker and with a simpler plot. They honed everything to perfection and included a reason to do magic mushrooms while managing a controller. It's 4 hours long, and the only replayability is the shittier alternate ending, which is essentially a Matrix rip-off.

You can play INSIDE if you want to spend a few hours fucking around with a prepubescent kid who gets ingested by a blob just to have a HAIL MARY moment on the beach. Who knows, maybe you'll read an Alan Watts book later and reconsider your life. Drugs to the rescue? 

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