INSIDE

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Accurately depicted.

We couldn't make this shit up.

This is apparently artistic.

People are occasionally curious about most things. Like swallowing a light bulb with your ass to see what happens, or playing video games while high on copious amounts of drugs. The possibilities are endless nonetheless. So, like any good old basement-dweller crack-bay and occasional niglet who can muster the brain power to work a computer, they rise to the possibility of playing pixelated concoctions just so they can amuse their ape-brain for a couple of minutes. Hooked on brain medicine, smelling unkindly, they embark on a journey to find the most interesting potion to consume. One of those wonders is INSIDE, a one-of-a-kind, mind-altering, Made-with-unity cocktail. This game contains a wealth of mind-bending what-the-fuckery realities that go beyond the human psyche. It begins slowly, like an intestinal parasite, slowly growing INSIDE in order to consume every last bit of you. Some argue that this thing is a work of art, just like shit-flavoured ice-cream is a work of art. This universal walking simulator offers a promise yelled throughout space and time. Of course, fags are old-fashioned and most will play it as is, but I highly recommend trying it while heavily juiced on brain candy. But I digress.

Plot

A white-faced, faceless kid is chased by shadow people through the woods, seemingly for no reason. You dash around, tripping over rocks and huffing and puffing to avoid rape. This is all fine and dandy until the fucking guard dogs appear. These bitches chase you just so they can gouge out your eyeballs (which you don't even have). Eventually, you get away from these retards and end up on a farm where a version of "The Thing" happens to the fucking farm animals by something buttrapping them into submission. The pigs are freaking crazy, man! You fuck around with the animals and get cholera like a moron. Sometime later, you learn to manipulate the animals and farm equipment in order to escape to a seemingly abandoned city teeming with zombie-like-cretins who are kind of controlled by something or someone. I know, amazing. Beyond this shithole of a city, there's a massive factory of flooded rooms and naked-baby-girl-bitches with long hair who live in the water and want to hug you to the depths. Later, you come across some spooky scientists who performed underwater experiments on said cunts.

While traversing these cesspools, you have to use a mind-control helmet to control the retarded zombies, who appear to be created by the evil organization that chased you at the start! WOW! The siren-monster-thingy eventually fondles your nuts and forcefeeds you with pubes that allows you to breathe underwater.

As you walk through the offices and sex-dungeons, you notice that many scientists are now ignoring you. They're fixated on something resembling a vault. When the boy enters the chamber, he finds a large blob-like creature that looks exactly like that retarded boss from Borderlands, but less purple, and this time it's made of human limbs. The boy tries to hug it for some reason and gets sucked into this thing. Everyone transcends reality at this point.

You now control the fucking blob.You flee the facility by crashing through everything like a dumb blob. While assisting you, the scientists attempt to lock you in another vault?! But the blobazaur escapes them and eventually smashes a wooden wall. It rolls down a hill before coming to a stop on a beach bathed in sunlight, like you are the second coming of Jesus or something like that. THE END

Alternate ending

If you're a completionist fuck, which I bet you are, you'll search the entire game for all the wacky alien paraphernalia in order to get the alternative ending. If not, allow me to educate you. Before the blob finale, there is a fuckden that is powered by a nearby plug and has electronics and sex toys. The game finishes, and the youngster feints like a zombie if you take the plug out of the scoket, suggesting that he broke free from your control. AWESOME!

Theories

As it is with every modern indie game, the newest batch of neckbeards care more about theorizing a game's story than they care about actually playing it. One idea is that the blob controls you for the majority of the game, and the entire ordeal is basically the blob learning how to navigate the world through the boy. At one point, the blob has control over scientists and wishes to flee. The world has survived a catastrophic event or something. That is why everything is submerged. The most popular theory, however, is that the boy is controlled by YOU in a subtle "fuck you" hint. The act of pulling the plug in the final area is analogous to leaving the simulation. The goal is to avoid becoming a blob, to avoid the scientists, and to simply unplug in order to "destroy" the world and everything in it with you.
But hey, since you seem to love theorizing about games more than actually playing them, why not try Five Nights at Fuckboys as well? Truly embrace the aspie in you!

Gameplay

If you aren't a total retard, you'd realize that this game plays itself. And its puzzles could be solved by anyone smarter than DarksydePhil.
The only saving grace is that the boy dies in hilariously gruesome ways, including being shot, gored by dogs, electrocuted, blown apart, drowning, choking, and other crap.

	“	Encounters are so expertly choreographed such that you always escape them by the skin of your teeth.	„
	—A severely mentally retarded dyslexic person with spine bifida

Should you play INSIDE?

No. Unless you like boring walking simulators with a random story and the occasional nugget of inspired gameplay, then take the plunge.

INSIDE is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.