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The Stanford Prison Experiment
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Second only to the holocaust, The Stanford Prison Experiment is possibly one of the lulziest experiments conducted in the name of science. It proves once and for all that it is possible to be both a sadistic cunt and a cowardly pussy at the same time.
The Experiment
The Guards
—Cartman |
The experiment required two groups of volunteers: one to have the flying fuck kicked out of them for no reason, and the other to kick the flying fuck out of innocent college kids.
The day the experiment began, the prisoners pissed off the guards, who responded by pissing the prisoners off with a hose. When the hose was empty, they taught the prisoners to clean the toilets with their bare hands, which was okay since the prisoners weren't allowed to use it anyway. When one of the prisoners wanted to go on a hunger strike to avoid scooping out crap with his bare hands, the other prisoners fucked him even harder than the guards did. Two other prisoners had mental breakdowns and had to be removed.
To add an extra layer of shit to a shitty experiment proving how shitty life is, remember that everyone involved was a volunteer; This suggests that they were probably nicer than the average nobody.
The Prisoners
But wait- there's more! Again remember, these people were volunteers; they weren't actually being charged with anything and could have left whenever they wanted to. Instead, the "prisoners" allowed the guards to taunt them and strip them. In addition to this, people were invited to watch the guards fucking with the prisoners and soon a large crowd gathered outside the prison. This suggests that even if you're not involved in the experiment, you too are kind of an asshole for enjoying it.
So, the moral of the story is, "Even when everybody treats you like shit and laughs at your misfortune, you will simply roll over and take it just because the man told you to."
Philip Zimbardo
The master troll behind this experiment was Professor Philip Zimbardo. Realizing this was the best place for college students, he converted his basement into a prison. That is, after deliberately selecting the students he believed were the least likely to go batshit insane. Like the guards, prisoners and audience outside, Zimbardo soon started secretly masturbating to his newly-created personal S&M arena.
Despite watching the guards turn into assholes after a mere two days, Professor Zimbardo wanted to continue the experiment for two weeks. Sadly however, he had to stop because his bitch of a girlfriend complained.
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