- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Spaghettios
|
This page relies entirely on facts. Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings. Sorry for the lack of dick jokes. |
Spaghettios is the subject of a YouTube video that recently surfaced and made the collective world say “wat?” The video in question, “Interior Semiotics” is some sort of faggy hipster performance art in a Chicago loft full of douchey, hipsters/starving artists, (obviously lured there with a promise of food other than their usual diet of Top Ramen), that you — the lowly Internets basement dweller — are obviously far too dumb to understand. This is yet another example of how the white race is no longer superior.
The Video
|
Video Summary
—Thayo in EDirc. | ||
In an obvious attempt at making something meaningful, a young woman named Natacha Stolz (aka SpaghettiHO) — later changed to Gabbi Colette in the video description after the video started getting popular, due to fear of rape or antisemitic comments — appears before a crowd of snobby, pretentious faggots at an art show in Chicago, Illinois on March 27, 2010. The performance starts out slow, as she spends the next few minutes awkwardly fucking around with a can opener. (Those of you who already know how to use a can opener can skip to about 2:00 minutes in the video, where she actually gets the shit open.) After finally liberating the Spaghettios from their can-shaped prison, she fucks around with some water and a pan… but wait! Those aren’t yummy Spaghettios at all! She has some sort of black shit in there!
(It should be noted that 99.9% of wimmins belong in the kitchen making sammiches for men and not IRL making art; however, Ms. Colette's abject failure to properly operate a can opener makes one second guess the proper protocol, which would be to smack her up and tell her to "gb2/kitchen/.")
Spaghettio Snack Time Ruined by Poetry
The dingbat goes on to recite a poem about how “everything is shit”, while taking the black Spaghettio mixture out of the pan and spreading it all over her white t-shirt. Not looney enough for you? The so-called poetry soon breaks down into a series of nonsense syllables, which a gullible hipster might assume is somehow meaningful, but is obviously made up, on-the-spot, horseshit.
—Fucking looney bitch and her Spaghettios | ||
The thoughtless, unoriginal poetry and meaningless vocal noises are soon accompanied by heavy breathing, possibly because she's enjoying the act of rubbing mud all over her tiny boobs, but more likely because she is nervous about what is to follow, and the hilarious mistake she is about to make.
Audience Looks Bored? Whip Out Your Pussy!
Even if all this wasn’t senseless and inane enough for you, what comes next can only be described as surreal. The crazy bitch takes out a pair of scissors, cuts out the crotch of her tight hipster pants (under which there are no panties), and jams her muddy-spaghettio-covered fingers directly into her vagina, right in front of the audience. The talented cameraman then pans away from the girl in order to film the audience's reaction, and during this time, all that can be heard (starting at about 5:00) is the sound of trickling liquid.
Piss, Shit, or Spaghettios?
It was initially assumed that the girl is, at this point, peeing on the floor and/or the pan containing the black Spaghettios. Other viewers, after seeing the mess at the end of the video, surmised that it was actually diarrhea. A more probable theory, however, is that the girl was simply expelling a large amount of Spaghettios from her filthy vagina, which was either held there throughout the performance (which would explain her awkward posture) or contained inside of something (such as a condom). However, it really doesn't matter what exactly is spilling on the floor while the camera is pointed away; the possibility that she wasn't actually urinating does not make the video any less shocking, since she still exposed her vagina and fingered herself in front of strangers at an art show. More importantly, the end result is still a Spaghettio mess all over the floor, her hands, and her genitals.
Meanwhile, all the idiots in the room are snapping pictures like crazy at the absurdity of the moment and probably also because she has her twat out, drizzling on some food. Finally, in what appears to be a moment of triumph, she takes off her shirt (under which she is, unfortunately, wearing a bra) and cleans up most of the mess with it. THE CROWD GOES WILD.
Aftermath, and Other Information
The video was posted all over 4chan on August 4 and 5, during which Anonymous dug up some substantial information. Unfortunately, hardly any lulz were had.
Facebook (fake name)
Searching for her stage name (Gabbi Colette) on Google quickly turned up a Facebook profile, which was confirmed for authenticity using the pictures she uploaded. However, it was discovered that the profile was created around the same time that the YouTube video was uploaded, probably in order to deal with inevitable trolling and distract people from her real Facebook account. Many who sent friend requests were accepted, but when Anonymous tried to troll her via private messages, she just called Anonymous a faggot and trolled right back.
Facebook (real name)
Soon afterwards, someone discovered her true identity and subsequently found her private Facebook profile and personal website, which probably wasn't that hard. (Outdated descriptions in Google search results showed that her real name was once listed on the YouTube video's description, before being changed to Gabbi Colette.) The Facebook account was quickly made more private and, for a short time, disappeared completely. However, it still revealed lots of incriminating evidence, including an up-close picture of a vagina which might have been hers. Anon had also found complete docs (including address and phone number) which were then collaborated by the information on her Facebook profile, but it's unlikely that anything was done with the information, because /b/ hardly ever gets anything right.
The Facebook profile, although it appeared to have been deleted and was inaccessible for some time, does, in fact, still exist. (Currently, the profile displays only a picture to non-friends who are signed in, and a "Page Not Found" error to anyone who isn't signed in.) While the profile was probably temporarily deactivated by the hipster lunatic herself, in an attempt to escape trolling, it is possible that the account was actually deactivated as a result of the aforementioned up-close vagina picture, which one stupid Anon claimed to have reported without realizing how important it was to /b/'s mission of ruining lives. On the bright side, if this is indeed the case, it's more of a victory than a failure, since accidentally getting her real Facebook account deactivated would be more than anyone else accomplished in their efforts to troll this particular Spaghettiophile.
Miscellany
Her personal website reveals that she is a macfag who doesn't know how to make a decent website and, in fact, has no artistic talent. Much of the other knowledge that Anon gained has been lost due to failure to properly document anything outside of 4chan threads, which self-destruct spontaneously, and a failure to make use of her Facebook account before it became completely private and stopped accepting friend requests. Not that it matters, since Anon didn't use the recently-locked-down Facebook account to find her docs anyway, which means most of the results, excluding close-up pictures of vagoo, are repeatable.
"Pizza Slut"
A large amount of material related to Natacha online reveals that she uses the alias "Pizza Slut". She posts a long-winded serious comment on Hipster Runoff (A SATIRICAL BLOG MAKING FUN OF HIPSTERS) and talks about her life as a product representative. (nevermind the simple irony that she never thought of contacting Campbells about becoming a rep for 'Spaghettio's,' amirite?)
Game Over
Much of 4chan had doubts about whether the girl should be trolled at all, speculating that she was a troll herself and only wanted attention. This would be true of most women who expose filthy vagoo in public, but since she did it for art, she was probably looking for praise rather than intense hatred. Furthermore, the fact that she made a fake Facebook account, and then actively tried to hide her real Facebook account, indicates that she desperately did not want Anonymous to affect her personal life.
Despite this, however, the undercover white knights who tried to convince Anon not to troll were ultimately successful, as it appears that all traces of the incident quickly disappeared from /b/, and the mods prevented it from resurfacing. The video's popularity has since declined, so unless Spaghetti Whore makes another vagina-tastic YouTube appearance and once again captures the attention of Anonymous, it's unlikely that she'll ever experience the shitstorm she knows she deserves.
Inspiration
Where does one get the idea to shove Spaghettios into ones own vagina and then squirt them all over the floor? It sounds like an awesome fetish, but no such luck. Actually, it turns out that the hipster chick is just a poser ripping off other artists (and pizza joints), which makes her actions slightly more understandable but even less artistic and interesting. At least, however, she had the decency to subtly credit the other artists from whom she was taking her horrible ideas. The title of Gabbi Colette's performance, Interior Semiotics, is a reference to both Interior Scroll (in which a woman painted herself with mud and then pulled a scroll out of her vagina) and Semiotics of the Kitchen (which explains the use of canned food). There is currently a warrant out for Gabbi Colette's arrest for copyright infringement and obstruction of relevant art.
But What The Fuck is Semiotics?
Semiotics is the study of signs, whether they be actual signs, words on a page/screen, images, or anything else from which one can derive meaning. The French linguist Saussure viewed signs as a dyad, a two-part model, which consists of a signifier, the form of a sign, and the signified, the concept it represents [1]. Though his ideas have been debated and revised, Saussure showed the importance of context to meaning. If you just read this paragraph, you probably know more about semiotics than anyone in the featured video. Go elsewhere if you want to learn more.
Quotes
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
Gallery
—Sheneequa hatin' on whitey. | ||
-
ROR (Asian for LOL)
-
NOT AMUSED.
-
Know thy hipster.
-
Spaghettios now come in "black person" flavor.
-
Oh man she's-OH MY GOD SHE IS PEEING ON THAT DINNER!
-
Mommy, why didn't you love me enough?
-
She was very amused
-
Background man
-
When she isn't pissing near spaghettios, she takes boat rides.
-
-
-
U gotz mah extra sausage?
-
Nice pants.
-
American Apparel 'brand ambassador'.
-
When she isn't putting food in her vagina, she puts it in her mouth instead.
-
Shortly after making these cupcakes, she shoved them up her vagina, read a poem, and squirted the cakey goodness all over the floor.
-
50 Delusional Assholes, 1 Can, 1 Coochie: The Reactions
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs0cI0T2Paw
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjpfinga3-4
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEDhbjkknWo
Has the Internet been "duped"? Theories
Leading Art Theorist Scientists from top universities across the globe have long theorized the true meaning behind Interior Shitiotics. Research conclusions have made the argument that the performance and recording which ensues were formulated specifically to become an internet phenomenon. Such arguments include:
- Why would anyone bother posting a video of such retarded dickshit in the first place?
- Why hasn't there been a mad dash to delete the video from existence?
- The fake Gabbi Colette Facebook profile was created as a failed deterrence.
- The Girl With The Shit-Eating Grin — the look of someone who's in on a (bad) joke?
- The video had been uploaded to YouTube months prior to the meme explosion. Did "Gabbi Colette" (aka Natacha Stolz) get frustrated with approximately no one giving a damn, posting the video to 4Chan herself? (Answer: No.)
Counterarguments
- YouTube is already full of some of the most retarded dickshit known to mankind.
- It's far too elaborate to be a simple attempt at trolling or attention-whoring.
- Natacha Stolz obviously fancies herself an artist and, in fact, attends an art school. It stands to reason that she would not ruin her potential reputation as an artist by pretending to be an artist in some troll video.
- Note the general awkwardness of the performance, as a result of Natacha Stolz being obviously and visibly nervous.
- Art is serious business.
Despite the fact that this video may have served it's purpose in allowing the citizens of the internet to eat up the ridiculousness that vaginally discharged Spaghettios, it is still a far cry from anything that would be considered witty or even remotely original, as posting videos to the internet with the intention of hopefully become a seemingly unintentional meme is a deep, artistic movement that has been explored by various intellectuals since the dawn of the time. The only real truth that Interior Semiotics reveals is the truth that the majority of the student body at School of the Art Institute of Chicago are dim witted, suburban-bred spineless sacks of chodes who are all expected to commit mass suicide within the next ten years.
Why It Doesn't Matter
- Even if you assume that Natacha Stolz is a troll, the fact remains that she doesn't want to be trolled in return, as evidenced by her cowardly tactics.
- She created a fake Facebook profile when she saw the early forecast of impending shitstorms, and then tried to hide her real Facebook profile when those shitstorms finally arrived.
- Likewise, even if you assume that Natacha Stolz is an attention whore, the fact remains that she doesn't want her internet fame to interfere with her real life.
- She tried to set up an alternate identity, perhaps because she senses that being known as "the girl who shoved spaghettios up her vagina" will prevent her from getting a serious job after she fails as an artist.
Links of Interest
- Natacha Stolz' personal website
- Natacha Stolz' (real) Facebook profile (visible only when signed in)
- Gabbi Colette's (decoy) Facebook profile
- Background guy's Facebook profile (LOL quasi-famose on the Internet)
- Download the full video on Megaupload
- All comments on YouTube video
- YouTube channel of the wacko who uploaded this shit
- Spaghettios Recall due to herpes contamination
- Blog post by someone who claims to have been there
- Detailed information about the time/location of the performances, as well as names of the other "artists"
- Facebook Event page including the names of all who attended and the 37 who knew this was a bad idea
- Inspiration for Terrible Hipster Art, Part 1: Semiotics of the Kitchen
- Inspiration for Terrible Hipster Art, Part 2: Interior Scroll
- Most Influential Art School? How do it know.
- The first ever performance inducted into MOBA. Congratulations!
- Deep Analysis offered on Yahoo Answers
- A relevant page on Know Your Meme (because apparently everything that becomes moderately popular on the internet is considered a "meme" these days)
- An article in Elitist Magazine (no new information, but amusing nonetheless, since the author non-sarcastically urges the internet to "stop messing with this person", which is pretty ironic since there's no evidence that anyone ever made any serious attempt to troll her in the first place)
- A blog entry for those who watched the clip and asked "wtf?"
- Mirror of "Interior Semiotics" at extremetube.tv
See Also
- Ann Liv Young
- Art
- Avant-Garde
- Hipster
- WTF
- Wimmins
- LOL WUT
- Art School
- Vagina Bike
- Aliza Shvarts
- Attention Whore
- Menstrual painting
- Orvillecopter
 |
||
|
|
||
| Featured article August 6, 2010 | ||
| Preceded by Moderator |
Spaghettios | Succeeded by Operation Earl Grey |
