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Peanuts
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Peanuts (also known as Snoopy or The Charlie Brown Show) considered among the greatest comic strip when there was an abundance of weed. Created by the terminally unfunny Charles Schulz, running for way too fucking long. It is widely considered to be one of the most popular and successful comic-strips in syndicated history. Since Schulz died, the newspaper industry has continued to persistently churn out re-runs of this mawkish shit, being too cheap to hire new talent who could conceivably put out some material actually worth reading. Not that newspapers exist anymore. At the height of it's alleged "popularity", Peanuts was pasted into over 2,600 newspapers, with a collective following of family-fun oriented retards numbering around 350 million. The comics popularity, in conjunction with the Jew money from merchandise, Schulz raked in more than $1 billion. Not bad for a socially inept Jew.
Schultz named the strip Peanuts, a slang term for small children, his favorite hobby.
Genesis
Charles Schulz was a horny old pedophile who drew a daily comic strip for forty years to excuse away his intense interest in the romantic lives of pre-teen boys. It stars a bald boy Mary Sue with one shirt who pines after ginger loli cunt and whines about literally every other thing he encounters. Schulz's fursona, Snoopy, is also prominently featured. It is indulgent angsty shit that appeals to the young and the mentally disabled. Each and every single strip starts with Charlie attempting to do something (feed his dog, kick a football, fuck bitches, ect.), and then failing. Then it ends.
Newspapers decided that kids really wanted to read this shit every day, so they printed Peanuts to capture that much sought 0-12 readership demographic. Kids really did not want to read Peanuts. But adults seemed to like the idea of a small child being as miserable as they were, so the strip has been kept in circulation ever since. The elderly in particular seemed to like the comics, being miserable two dimensional husks of human beings themselves.
Anti Lucy Van Pelt Crew
Among the tide of cancer that is, YouTube, the comments of Peanuts videos are incessantly spammed by failing trolls attaining numerous accounts with utterly unfunny drivel who have a psychotic hatred towards a fictional character.
Characters
Charlie Brown
Charlie Brown was emo before emo was invented; some argue that the only reason he wasn't depicted wearing black was to save on the cost of ink. Bitched and moaned through 50 years of shitty comics.
Lucy Van Pelt
Lucy Van Pelt is the main reason why Peanuts sucks so much. She is a gigantic whore and bullies Charlie Brown because she has emotional issues; secretly wishing to fuck his bald brains out. Charged the rest of neurotic comic characters 5 cents for shitty psychiatric services. She also has an obsession with Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black and hates In Flames and Hellyeah. Oh wait, let me rephrase, she has an obsession with Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, The Wiggles, Big Time Rush, One Direction, Kidz Bop and Ronan Parke. She also dated Flash Sentry after his first appearance in that shitty movie My Little Pony: Equestria Girls. Afterwords, they started making out. On December 30th 2014, Lucy Van Pelt and Flash Sentry were married in a state run by Bieber fans known as California. Lucy Van Pelt is also a fan of Frozen and the song Let It Go. Her fans are a bunch of free speech nazis that threaten to kill you if you talk shit about her.
Linus Van Pelt
Lucy's little brother. The single biggest faggot ever to grace the pages of a newspaper comic section. Sucked his thumb and carried a blanket for the comic's entire run.
Snoopy
Delusional dog. Has PTSD flashbacks to World War I, even though he was never in it. Beloved by hipsters in the same way that Charlie Brown is beloved by emos.
Schroeder
Neo-nazi who masturbates to some dead German composer. The other object of Lucy's hormonal desires.
Peppermint Patty
Massive dyke/trap. Almost as emo as Charlie Brown, but better in all sports.
Marcie
Lesbian lover of Peppermint Patty. Ugly and retarded.
Rerun
Lucy and Linus' little brother. Otherwise known as Linus II: Electric Boogaloo. Most likely will grow up to be a wigger, since he has an obsession with basketball
Frieda
Schultz's surprisingly accurate prediction by of the modern day hipster. Ginger with a victim complex and a cat.
Franklin
Token nigger. Only known for his hippy catchphrase: Like, wow!
Woodstock
Snoopy's pet bird. An LSD-fueled creation by Schultz to appeal to Hippies (which explains why he's named after the Woodstock festival, the sort of Kate's Party for hippies). By far the coolest character.
Peanut gallery
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Watchmen'd -
R34 satisfied. -
Appreciated by Esachasa -
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Snoopy est mort -
Grumpy Cat hates Peanuts too -
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Typical Peanuts strip -
Cthulhu'd -
Average subject matter. Fun for kids of all ages! (No, this was not shopped) -
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External links
See also
