Encyclopedia Dramatica:Article of the Now/November 19, 2023

Brenda Ann Spencer

Brenda Ann Spencer (a.k.a. The Garfield Killer) was an edgy 16-year-old lesbian ginger whose retarded alcoholic daddy made the brilliant decision to buy her a rifle for Christmas despite the fact that he had been molesting her for years. On Monday, January 29, 1979, finally fed up with years of abuse and high as fuck on a combination of PCP and alcohol, Brenda decided to take out her brand-spanking-new Ruger and end her miserable life in style. Being too much of a fucking pussy to just blow a hole in her daddy's head and feeling that it would be too heterosexual to stick the barrel of a gun in her mouth, Brenda instead decided that she would get the police to do the job for her.

Seeing as she lived directly across from Grover Cleveland Elementary School in San Diego, Brenda decided that the fastest way to get the cops to come and blow her brains out would be to snipe some squeakers from the comfort of her bedroom. Unfortunately, despite managing to kill both the school principal and custodian, Brenda had neglected to factor in the fact that the police in Commiefornia would be too fucking soft to shoot a 16-year-old white bitch even if she was shooting directly at children and cops. After being arrested and asked why she did it, Brenda responded with the unforgettable phrase "I don't like Mondays."

Despite utterly failing to kill herself and still being alive to this very day, Brenda Ann Spencer did help make America's National Pastime popular again following a nearly 15 year hiatus since Charles Whitman's Tumor and 50 years since Andrew Kehoe invented the sport by blowing up a fucking elementary school. Brenda is also notable for being the first woman to participate in school shooting under Title IX.

While Brenda's high score of a mere 2 kills and 9 injuries is laughably horrible, she still managed to beat out Encyclopædia Dramatica's very own William "AlGore" Atchison in pretty much every category except becoming an heroine. How's it feel getting your dead freckled arse kicked by a fucking 16-year-old girl, Willie?

(( TELL ME WHY, I DON'T LIKE MONDAYS! ))

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