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Dick Neck
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DrForeman, popularly known as Dick Neck, is the name of an alt account on Jewgrounds. The owner of it used a random picture from a weight lifting website and passed himself off as the person in the picture. The alt creator's claim to fame was initiated when on April 27th, 2009, he created a thread on the Jewgrounds BBS, in which he attempted to troll the users by illustrating to the site's community what a beast and manly man he was in the weightroom. Fortunately for "Dick Neck", his trolling tactic was a huge success, albeit unforeseen, and he was thoroughly lambasted and shooped for over 9000 pages of posts about his ridiculous and unsightly fifth appendage, by the hundreds of socially-inept teenagers who compose the site's userbase, and despite whose ardent protestations to the contrary, seemed to be motivated by personal "jellyously". The real Dick Neck has no idea how popular he is on the internet.
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Roided Out. -
In training. -
Jellyous much?
—DrForeman April 27, 2009 | ||
The Legend of Dick Neck
Prologue
Dick Neck was just your average, self-obsessed Jewgrounds addict before that fateful April morning: basement-dwelling, acne-riddled, glasses-donning, slightly unsatisfied with life, and especially prone to bouts of overcompensation for these flaws by aggressively working out. In fact, almost every single post DrForeman made during his first year as a member of the forums was one exploring the varied and completely uninteresting aspects of working out.
Merely continuing this tradition, Dick Neck believed that his autofellatic and self-congratulatory topic entitled, somewhat facepalmingly, "The Beast Awakens," was to be just another addition to his unremarkable list of BBS topics covering all manner of shit nobody cares about. Yet, as he slammed his meaty fist down on the post button, little did Dick Neck realize the shitstorm that he had inadvertently stirred with his long and winding shaft of a neck:
It should also be known that Dick Neck has been confirmed as Techno, via both Techno and EyeLovePoozy.
Use scrollbar to see the full image
Shit Starts to get Heavy
Within a minute, one worthless user had sensed the threat of well-toned muscle and responded as if personally attacked by the egotistical Dick Neck, giving a typically stupid first-reply:
—TheSouthernTower The guy who pointed out what anyone with a pair of working eyes could have seen, yet because he happened to post first, attention whores about how he "created" this meme, and jizzes his pants whenever the topic comes up, April 27, 2009 | ||
Igniting the fire beneath the brazen bull of collective gang-trolling, this single post was enough to begin the slow and painful roast of Dick Neck's credibility, the defiling of his angelic image, and the overall abandonment of scruples that has come to be associated with the likes of 4chan. Taking up the slack, hundreds of Jews quickly joined in the crucifixion. The public raeping began with shooping of Dick Neck's noodly nape to even more bizarrely disproportionate lengths than its original bordering-on-unbelievable incarnation, complete with massive musculus trapezius, and vaguely constipated facial expression.
The user who started the meme with his "giraffe neck" post quickly began milking this newfound Newgrounds meme for all it had and spammed the topic full of posts such as "I might as well pay tribute to the meme I helped create", "I was the one who said he had a giraffe neck!", "All thanks to me saying he had a giraffe neck. I feel like a proud papa. Tell me DirtySyko, how much are you enjoying this topic?", and "i started a meme. I am an internet god!" (seriously.)
These fastball exercises of artistic license were met first with incredulity from Dick Neck, and then with a gradually-increasing anger, likely the result of the massive quantities of steroids that Dick Neck had spent most of the last few years of his life injecting via syringe directly into his shrivelled and hair-engulfed scrotum, between bouts of manic exercise machine-purchasing, and panicked 3am visits to the gym. Yet, likely as a direct result of his increasing obstinacy, members of the forums were further encouraged in their efforts at parody, knowing it would send the initiator, the aggressor, the one whose self-concept was so inflated as to be legendary, careening off the edge of the proverbial cliff of sanity.
Among all the hilarious picture posts, many Jews posted text-based insults at Dick Neck's expense. Typically of Jewgrounds most of these were full of fail, however a rare few from more witty Jews managed to provide even more lulz.
—PsychoGoldfish April 27, 2009 - Obviously awestruck at Dick Neck's raw manliness | ||
—poxpower April 27, 2009 | ||
—RohantheBarbarian April 28, 2009 | ||
The Agony and the "Jellyously"
Correctly interpreting the signs of proximity to the aforementioned cliff, Jewgrounders pushed with a hearty "DO IT FAGGOT," and Dick Neck was readily obliged to follow their wishes. After four pages of relentless personal attacks, DrForeman opened with his own hilariously ill-timed and poorly-constructed salvo:
—Dick Neck April 27, 2009 | ||
In gleeful and rapid response, the userbase adopted this one simple butchering of the English language as the gleaming standard; the timeless rallying cry in the battle of the most epic mass-trolling that the simple, money-grubbing Jews had ever witnessed. There were only more targets to aim at as time progressed, because Dick Neck's permanent erection, mounted on his shoulders, became difficult to miss as Jewgrounders swarmed closer. The advice given by a merciful minority to abandon use of the word "jellyously" went evidently unheeded, as DrForeman proceeded to use it multiple times in further posts during the course of the next several days.
Epilogue
In less than 24 hours, Dick Neck's popularity grew substantially. There were many epic shoops made, and they continue to grow in number and complexity. It's worth noting that this is not the first time that Jewgrounders have seized upon the neck as an object worthy of scrutiny; in 2005 one senior member of a circlejerking subset on the forums became virtually obsessed with the magnitude of the neck of a user who goes by the pseudonym Yoink. As a result, speculation has led to a current suspicion that a blanket diagnosis of Collumphilia would not be an inaccurate one to describe the state-of-mind of the populace of the General forum.
To date, there remains some controversy as to whether Dick Neck is an actual, legitimate user, or just a cleverly-disguised troll, in which case it would be the majority of the forum population that was on the receiving end of the long neck of justice and not the fraudulent Dick Neck himself. It has been confirmed that Dick Neck was indeed a troll, however seeing as it was so fucking funny, nobody really cares. Dickneck was Zack from Newgrounds.
The Legend Continues
Shortly before one of the moderators on Jewgrounds locked the Dick Neck thread due to faggotry on the part of their userbase, a rather talented Jew (mindfuck) by the name of Phobotech created a comic strip page about the long-necked one (see the Gallery). While the reception from his fellow Jews was positive, the comic never really came to fruition, and Dick Neck: Origins was soon forgotten...
That is, until Phobotech and some other high-profile Jews conspired to forever preserve his memory through the medium of Flash animation. For months the Jews slaved away at their masterpiece, occasionally emerging from their basements in the pursuit of monetary gain (which is to be expected with Jews, but whatever). Progress was finally made, as after much deliberation about the state of the flash's completion, a trailer emerged, much to the delight of the Jewgrounds userbase, who were left drooling over the thought of the full flash being released for them to shit on with their Youtube-esque "reviews".
Finally, Dick Neck's legacy was secured on August 27th 2009, with the full release of Dick Neck: Origins. Wild celebrations amongst the Jewgrounds community took place, as a myriad of Jews gathered together, went to a modestly-priced restaurant, compared nose size, accused more impoverished Jews of jellyously, and then quietly went home.
To this day he still provides plentiful teats from which to milk lulz:
—Dick Neck in response to receiving many PMs alluding to his Dick Neck, September 5, 2009 | ||
Now that his legacy and status in Jewish history is secure, let us hope that somewhere up there, Dick Neck is looking down at us...oh wait, of course he is.
Gallery of Dick Neck
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Size Comparison -
No place to hide, when it all hangs outside -
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wry so jellyous of me?
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After leaving Dr. Bunsen Honeydew's lab, Beaker found himself with much more time to work on his pecks... -
O HAI GUISE! -
Where the bitches at? -
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His biological brother. -
Bricks were shat. -
Dick Neck's 300 million year old ancestor (yes, we evolved from turtles). -
The Animated Adventures of Dick Neck, starring Bart Simpson. -
His biological father. -
Sheeeit neck nigger -
Dickneck wholeheartedly endorses this product. -
Dickneck's distant relation to the Royal Family of England. -
His biological mother. -
Do do do do do, Inspector Dick Neck... -
Marvel Comics present: The Dick Neck Chronicles -
His biological sister (RIP). -
How far we have come... -
Dick...Neck...TOUCH!!! -
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Dick Neck's epic Beetlejuice cameo. -
The Dickneck instrument range now extends (lol amirite?) to banjos, guitars and violins. Available at all reputable music outlets.
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His space brethren. -
This one looks shooped. I can tell by some of the pixels. -
FOR SCIENCE!!! (and lulz) -
Admit it... -
I don't remember Leonidas having a neck like this... -
His huge fucking neck gives him super-flexible vocal cords, making him a surprisingly good singer. Too bad he still looks like a dickhead. -
Ron Jeremy approves. -
Dick Neck, post-coitus. -
Yoink is not amused by Dick Neck stealing his limelight.
Related Articles
External Links
| Featured article January 18, 2010 | ||
| Preceded by Esachasa |
Dick Neck | Succeeded by My Tiny Dick |
