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Existence
Otherwise known as IRL, Existence is a very popular MMORPG, created by Raptor Jesus or the Flying Spaghetti Monster so he can laugh at how much humanity sucks. Existence or RL currently has approximately 6.6 billion subscribers, and that number grows daily, due to people's inability to properly use a condom, and in spite of mothers wanting to kill their children with rusty hangers.
The mood of Existence can vary greatly - from anger and depression to being gay. The rules of Existence are pretty simple; there is no stopping in Bat Country, and niggers have to ride in the back of the bus.
Reviews of Existence
"A Game like None before!" - PCWorld
"If I'm not on the Internet, I always play this game." - MG
"Coffee making has never been so exciting!" - Playstation
"Once I started to play, I couldn't stop any more!" - The Pizza Guy
"I don't get it! How does it work?" - World of Warcraft player
Getting Started
Once you buy the game for Gaystation, you must register on the Existence servers for proper gaming. This can be only done by invite of minimum two other players, or by accident. Loading the game may take 9 months, be sure to find something to do instead.
Storyplay
You start out as an "Infant", a malformed, parasitic species of "Human" and have to try to survive the following years. Game hours equal real hours. You get only one life and no option to start again, unless you buy the extension Real Life - Reincarnation!. However, this option is incompatible with several religions, one of which you must choose some time in the early levels of the game. You have to learn to use various instruments during your life, including sex toys, heavy machinery, and LiveJournal. Several seemingly unimportant ingame information ("school") can be of great help in the upper levels of the game.
The storyline is individualized and told from a first person perspective. There are billions of possible endings, depending of your choices in the game. What makes this game awesome, is that there are external objects that may change the course of the story, like permanent status ailments or high leveled individuals. Some people manage to adapt, others don't. Other than that, there's nothing else to the story. The whole game consists entirely of walking around doing nothing but an endless amount of tedious side quests; With the occasional fun side quest to kill the boredom. Despite all the possible outcomes, the ending is the same for all subscribers, with slight variations.
Features
Having completed the lower levels, you get access to unlimited features. Virtually anything can be integrated in Real Life. A pencil, for example, makes lines on paper. A bomb rearranges the setting. Real Life is not only a simulation, MMORPG and adventure game, but also the biggest online chat in existence and dating-site. No NPCs (except for Fundies)!
There is a wide selection of familiars to combat your main enemy: Loneliness. These include friends, pets, and family members. However, you must increase your Social Adaptation skill first in order to have familiars available.
SPOILERS
SPOILER About Existence
Everything you've ever been told about existence is a lie. You have no destiny. God has no place for you. Living a virtuous life only gets you laughed at. When you die, there is no endless green meadow, instead you get sent to Hell, to have your brain swallowed by Cthulhu. You know that guy who beat you up in the 8th grade? He is not going to be punished in the next life, regardless of how much you cry yourself to sleep over it.
Quitting Existence
- Main article: Suicide
Things That Do Not Exist
See Also:
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Existence is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
