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MyTanookiSuitHasBalls
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Hipcrime at 18:59, 9 September 2011. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
MyTanookiSuitHasBalls is one of the most infamous dogfuckers to ever grace the Portal of Evil. He first graced POE in 2003, sweeping through like a hurricane of pure retarded. Since his entry to the scene, he has haunted POE and POE News under at least 100 user names, abandoning each name once he's been inevitably recognized. He is an avid supporter of anime, child pornography, and sex with animals. Not surprisingly, he works in tech support and lives in The South.
Dramatization: May Not Have Happened. Where are the balls?
No matter how many times he changes his user name, Tanooki can easily be spotted within four posts by identifying the following elements:
An obsession with the police and the law. The only thing more slippery than his slopes is his dog's anus.
Pseudo-science - Tanooki spent 7th grade biology jerking it to the fetal pigs, and is therefore qualified to argue quantum physics with actual physicists.
A seemingly endless array of fetishes. In fact, his sexuality is so distorted, it has been proposed that Tanooki be dissected and studied by scientists. However, no-one is willing to touch him.
Tanooki burst into the POE scene in 2003, coming to the defense of the Transformation Fiction Archive. Pulling an all-too-familiar card, he compared furries to homosexuals and religious minorities. POE was unimpressed, asking him to name one single useful furry in the entire world. Stumped, he said that there had to be at least one furry in the world with a medical license, right?
Besides, evolution works very slowly. Long before furries die out, Japan will be doing gene engineering to create super-pets, starting with perhaps extra intelligent dogs and cats, and then they will begin performing modifications to people like modifying their hair genetically to be a different color, or to grow fur instead of hair, or to grow hair which sheds at a faster rate or gorws at a slower rate so that you don't need haircuts as often. From there people like the tiger man will eventually convince someone to cause other parts of their body to grow hair or fur to change their appearance. EVENTUALLY, some human will modify themselves so much they look just like one of these drawings thesis writers. And others will follow, assuming the end result doesn't look as poor as the tiger man. Which it shouldn't being real fur. Eventually I imagine they will even create bipedal intelligent dogs and cats. Perhaps some of this will occur in Japan, perhaps China will do the rest. Or perhaps a middle eastern country will attempt to create a disposable super soldier with this technology. The only thing I'm sure of is that "Christian America" will have nothing to do with these advances because they fear them and think that any kind of genetic engineering is practically an affront to god. The UK is like that too pretty much so they won't be coming from there. Eventually though these technologies will infiltrate even the US. They can't keep a person out simply because they have genetically modified themselves to grow hair all over their bodies.
„
Having presented his vision of the future to the masses, Tanooki then proceeded to shit himself in as many POE forums as possible. While most of his rambling attempts to defend Furdom is TL;DR, some stand out:
I'm an average individual who is into a lot of abnormal stuff.
And when I say a lot of it I mean furry, bestiality, macro (growth/shrinking), flesh bondage, which includes vore and unbirthing among others, TG, this NC stuff, age regression, animal transformation, inflation, oviposition and a bunch of stuff which there aren't names for.
And then there are societal taboos on the subject. Consider a kid who has sex with someone older when young. Taken out of society, no harm done apparently. But within society, the child is told that such actions are wrong, and begind to feel incredible guit and shame over it. It is the outside influences of other people which cause this. If you had sex with a young animal for example, it would not grow up feeling shame for those actions.
...
Now don't think I'm condoning pedophilia. There's a lot of issues with having sex with people that there are not there if one has sex with animals. But it's intersting that a lot of the pain and suffering caused by pedophilia is not actually caused by the pedophile himself, but by other people telling the person who was the victim how wrong those actions are and how ashamed they should feel about it.
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Retards: Burdens on our country's resources...or disease-ridden harlots?
If downs syndrome sufferers are not capable of handling sex and the consequences, and animals are equivalent to those with downs syndrome, then it follows that animals are not capable of handling sex and the consequences.
But animals clearly are capable of handling the consequences of sex. They have babies all the time, just fine without our assistance.
In addition, there are few risks for an animal to have sex with a person. A person cannot get an animal pregnant, and it's very unlikely for them to get an STD from a human. Not so for those with with downs syndrome.
In addition, assking a girl if she'll have sex would risk rejection. And I know I would have been rejected. That's negative feedback. The dog doesn't complain though. No negative feedback there.
„
Science!
In 2004, Tanooki dropped some serious science on the collective asses of the Portal of Evil. Not only had he discovered the origin of all fucked-up behavior, he had proved that furries were actually a necessary step of evolution, because, if people did not have sex with animals, new species couldn't be created.
Confessions
Mmm.
Throughout his year-long post spree, Tanooki dropped numerous tips that he has known the flesh of beasts. However, he also vehemently denied fucking any animals. Finally, he was called out: Had he porked the pooch or not? He had the following to say:
“
I never denied that I have had sexual contact with animals. I denied having specific kinds of sexual contact with animals.
I might as well stop beating around the bush and give you an honest answer since I am going to retire this alias soon anyway.
The vast majority of my animal encounters have not involved intercourse of any kind. I've given a few blowjobs, and lots of handjobs, and allowed one to have anal intercourse with me once... barely. To be quite frank he didn't even do more than poke around back there. I have never had vaginal or anal intercourse with any animal.
Also, when I said I'd done it with a rabbit, I wasn't being totally truthful. But I wasn't entirely fibbing either. I was being sarcastic when I said I fucked it in the ass. I thought that would be obvious. I did however help it get off on several occasions. But if you consider wrapping one's arm in a towel and letting bunny go to town on his own animal cruelty, then lock up the animal breeders who do that sort of thing every day to collect semen.
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So let the record show that MyTanookiSuitHasBalls is, in fact, not a dog-fucker, but a dog-catcher.
Note: Trying to get fucked by a dog and failing is grounds for execution in over 70 countries world-wide, including Canada and Burkina Faso.
Tanooki Returns
A KKKop depriving a child of her right to have sex with old men.
The police fucking SUCK at investigating shit. I bet that 90% of the time they solve cases it is due to a "break" in the case, which means someone came forward and said they know who did it. They don't fucking investigate shit.
So yes, maybe citizens would do a better job investigating murders if the police wouldn't hide all the fucking evidence so that people can't help out. Like for example, if they know the murderer is in a green van, and they tell the public MAYBE THE PUBLIC WOULD SPOT THE FUCKER. Yeah, maybe the guy would dump the van and steal another car too, but MAYBE THAT WOULD BE WHAT RESULTS IN HIM GETTING CAUGHT.
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The theme of policemen hiding valuable information from helpful citizens would resurface once again when Tanooki declared that child pornography should be legal to possess, in fact, police should provide it freely to private citizens, in hopes that the citizens could "identify" the victims:
“
Becuase it is illegal to download child porn, the good guys out there, the "minutemen" of child porn, can't do anything to help.
If it were legal for anyone to download child porn (but illegal to make it of course) then these "minutemen" could start websites where they do the same thing that these police officers have done. They could download all the images of child porn they could find without fear of being arrested for being in possession of child pornography, and then they could edit the children out of the photos, and put them up on a blog like thing where people could post anonymous tips on where those locations might be, which law enforcement officers could then work from.
Name one other situation besides sex where we consider whether or not the child is capable of giving consent.
We don't concern ourselves with consent when we spank them.
We don't concern ourselves with consent when we lock them in their room, or send them to bed without supper.
We don't concern ourselves with consent when we force them to go to a school where they are bullied incessantly even though there are alternatives.
„
It is a well known fact of science that pedophilia and homeschooling have one thing in common: the only people who defend these subjects are the people who participate in them. When called out on his obvious urge to fuck every child on the planet, Tanooki, under the name NarutoIsADishBestServedCold, responded:
“
I defend pedophiles viewing images of children, not because I am a pedophile, but because if one can declare some images illegal to view or possess, than one can declare any image illegal to view or possess if one can come up with a good reason.
That means first they come for the pedophiles and their child porn, and then they come for me, and my images of bestiality
That's good enough reason for me to defend it.
„
—And a good enough reason to come after you.
Tanooki is still at large on Poe-News, where he periodically returns to tell the forums that he knows science better than real scientists, and that the police shouldn't be allowed to do anything, ever.
