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Amy's Baking Company

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Amy's Baking Company, run by Amy and Samy Bouzaglo, is a WORLD CLASS restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona, where you can expect to be treated with speedy service in a friendly atmosphere and treated with the respect that you, as a discerning customer of exquisite taste, so richly deserve.

LOL, just kidding, it's a festering shithole run by a pair of self-centered, ego maniacal, batshit insane assholes who can't even take the slightest measure of criticism without having an epic meltdown like an angry toddler in a therapy session. While normal people can generally take criticism with an open mind, or at least a closed mouth, little miss former jail bait Amy and her ever devoted, doting, sugar daddy husband (who's old enough to be her dad) instead respond to any form of criticism as if it were a directed personal attack on them and their character. To the point where they quite literally explode in frothing rage before "taking their ball and going home"...by which we mean that they SHUT THEIR ENTIRE RESTAURANT DOWN, every other minute Amy reaches the point where she can no longer function as an adult (which is pretty well a daily occurrence).

The Restaurant

Amy Bossington had a dream. She wanted to open her very own restaurant. Unfortunately, she had no training, and couldn't cook worth shit. Then along came Samy Bouzaglo. For reasons too fucking retarded to list, he decided to fund her stupid dream, and the two were later bound forever in ill-advised matrimony. In 2010, Amy's Baking Company was born, and didn't do half-bad for a while. But then they decided to turn their bakery into a bistro.

You Just Don't Know Good Food

 

Almost immediately, they started receiving negative reviews on Yelp, much to the butthurt of Amy. The reviews cited piss-poor service and lousy food with ingredients that taste like shit together, on top of the rude behavior of the managers. Amy and her husband decided that the only way to fix this problem was to maturely respond to the negative criticisms by logging onto Yelp and insulting people in a five-star review of their own restaurant.

   
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Dear Joel,L. It is blatantly obvious to me why you were ALONE on a Saturday night!

Read any of the reviews that have been written about us and you will see that EVERYONE loves us!! The only people that don't is our "Competition". We knew you had been sent by another restaurant before you even ordered your $14.00 Pizza.

The Pizza was fresh and amazing. The reason the tomatoes had different texture was because I use three different heirloom tomatoes and some of them are sundried. So of course they are going to have a different texture from the fresh ones!!! But perhaps you are only accustomed to tasting the ones that come "fresh from the can!"

Moving on to the "Store bought Dough" Comment. PLEASE!! My dough is made fresh every day from 100% organic ingredients. Perhaps your palate is not sophisticated enough to tell the difference.

As for you having the Patio all to yourself unless you have been living on another PLANET it is summertime in ARIZONA MORON!!! Only TRAMPS and LOSERS want to sit outside in 110 temperatures!!!! We are hiring because we are so busy that we need to hire more people. You just so happened to come right after a huge rush. And the people did not change their mind for the Margarita Pizza they ordered. They were still enjoying their amazing Caesar salad and I thought perhaps you would appreciate not having to wait so long for your pizza. Which was just coming out of the OVEN.

I am the CHEF and the owner, and I am the one that made your Pizza.

As for the no smoking comment everyone knows that it is against the LAW to smoke within 20 feet of a public place. But perhaps you think you are above the LAW. Have a little respect not everyone wants to subject themselves to being around second hand smoke.

And as for the overpriced menu items if you think that $12.00 is too much for an ENTRÉE sized ORGANIC Salad or $14.00 is too much for an AMAZING Pizza then perhaps you should go to the PITA JUNGLE that is just a stone's throw away. And if you get lucky maybe you can even dig up someone up to take with you so you can share a $5.00 Falafel. Do US a favor and keep your ugly face and you ugly opinions to yourself and go back to the restaurant that you really work at!!

I would LOVE for anyone who reads this review to come to ABC and try our Pizza. If you don't like it then I guarantee you don't have to pay for it.
 

„
  		 

— Amy, on Yelp

Take careful note of the ALL CAPS, baseless insults, and wild excuses. They will be a recurring theme.

This incident was later picked up by the local news, who wrote an article about it on their site.

Kitchen Nightmares

 

Gordon Ramsay decided to try his hand at saving this sinking ship of a restaurant on his television show, Kitchen Nightmares, in 2013. Needless to say, it didn't go very well. A clip of the episode was posted on Reddit before it was aired, and was later taken down and had its comments disabled following the inevitable shitstorm.

Right off the bat, Amy exposes her craziness to the world by rambling about how haters and bloggers have been trash-talking her business and lying about her food, how she loves her cats, and how she knows Ramsay will tell everybody how lovely her food is.

And thus begins the downward spiral into chaos. We learn that she thinks that the bun on a salmon burger should be spewing liquids at the slightest touch, that raw pizza dough is "crisp and crunchy", that her husband steals tips from waitresses (which in this case isn't technically illegal because they do pay full-time wages to the staff), that she sells ravioli she buys from the grocery store and calls it fresh, and how, like an aspie on deviantArt, she and her husband collapse into sputtering insanity at the slightest hint of criticism.

He gets approached by former employees too, and they tell him that Amy fired at least 50 (it ends up being over 100) staff members in one year, and that Samy had his employees wash his car for him.

Following a second conversation with Amy and Samy that starts off with them "clarifying" a few things with him, namely that the reason some orders MAY have been a little messed up was because Ramsay was distracting Amy by being in the kitchen and disrupting the normal flow of things (even though he spent most of his time out in the dining room), Ramsay decides that he can't help them. He does the only sensible thing shown in this episode, and just walks the fuck away.

Funnily enough, this is probably the calmest Ramsay's ever been on television. And considering he just straight walks out on the restaurant at the end, that's saying something.

The Aftermath

Almost straight away after this was aired, Amy's Baking Company's Facebook page exploded. Like the mature, responsible, even-headed adults they are, they figured this was the perfect opportunity for an ALL-CAPS SHIT-FLINGING CONTEST. This went on for several hours, during which time this shit was spread all over Facebook.

The next day, they claimed their page was hacked.

  •  
    What the fuck am I reading?
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    He's going to call the Internet police.
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    Hey, at least she hates Reddit, she can't be all bad.
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    Racism is good for business.
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    Ressling?
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    Say it to my face fucker not online see what happens
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    Her cats are her "kids". No, really.
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Like a Phoenix From The Ashes...

ABC temporarily closed its doors about a week ago at time of writing, but says it'll be re-opening on May 21st. They held a job fair on Sunday where they hired 30 new crew members, and we can expect them all to be fired within a month.

See also

External Links


 
 Amy's Baking Company
is part of a series on
Food and Drink

[BleurghOm Nom Nom]
 
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