'Member the Alamo

'Member the Alamo is a hilarious shitpost but a horrendous attempt at a FPS game. The actual gameplay sucks absolute ballz and lags the hell out as you attempt to defend the Alamo from the Spanish under massive siege battles with over 100 A.I. enemies at once, which might sound epic at first until all those rendered enemies start lagging the game and making it super difficult to mow down those hordes of Spanish invaders, Eyes of Cthulhu and red hulking savages as they breach the defenses and demolish your stronghold, the final bastion of true American freedom. Thankfully, weather by design flaw or divine intervention, you don't actually have to play through these shitty fight scenes to beat the game as all chapters are unlocked after closing out of the first chapter. This game's only saving grace is its skits and witty social commentary. Literally a game you should only play for the plot.

The Plot

The setting clearly takes place in an over-policed dystopia reminiscent of the COVID-19 pandemic, a theme which is elaborated on later. Being cooped up in your room with nothing but violence in movies and sex on tv, your mom accuses you of wanking in your room but fortunately a redneck's dream waifu in the form of a magical female anthropomorphic gun flies into your room to rescue you and also to recruit you into the Texan army to fight for the Alamo.

A trio consisting of Davey Crockett, James Bowie and William Travis perform an over-the-top musical performance upon your arrival, but then the gun, named Betsy, accidently drops you and you fucking die in an explosion of gore. This is no bother though, as you come back as The Ghost of The Alamo and are commanded to proceed with fending off some Spanish invaders. Being a ghost, however, doesn't stop you from being able to die (again).

The next few missions consist of your allies showing you the ropes and fighting off stupidly large hordes of Spanish invaders. To note, James Bowie tells you how to push Spaniards climbing up ladders back to the ground on the other side of the wall, not to mention his tendency to call you a "spook" (a joke that seems to go overlooked). Davey Crocket also introduces you to the in-game banking system but gets distracted giving a 5-minute-long explanation on how the IRL banking system work (but at least you get an achievement from it).

The Devil scaring the homies with a deceptive fear-mongering lie know as "Alamolaria" in a sitcom segment.

Unable to withstand the might of your phantom revolver, Spanish General Santa Anne inquires the Devil for help by singing John Lennon's Imagine in order to summon him, after which the Devil explains that that song was his favorite song that he's ever demonically possessed and influenced somebody to write, then explains that he cannot give physical support to the general but can undermine and weaken the Texans by introducing incest pornography and a virus scare to them.

The seventh and final chapter is rather abrupt and takes place during a church service with a new character never seen before giving a sermon consisting of 20 minutes of boring propaganda by Dr. E. Michael Jones. He even has the audacity to shill out his e-books at the end.

Reviews and drama

For the first few years of its existence 'Member the Alamo was an absolute nobody of a game that hardly anyone whatsoever was aware of. That was all about to change however when a concerned college liberal named Graeldon found out about it and decided to dedicate an entire video entirely dedicated to it and cherrypicked many flaws of the game, which are plentiful, but he really nitpicked them hard while not even mentioning some more obvious flaws. He most infamously decried the game as having "AN UNSCIPPABLE 18 MINUTE SERMON THAT SUPPORTS NAZI IDEALS!!!!1!1!". His review now has over 1 million views and inadvertently made the game more popular/infamous than ever.

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See Also

• Angry Goy - Also has unskippable, indiscrete Nazi propaganda at the end, but at least this game is fun to play.
• Custer's Revenge
• Streisand Effect
• Texas

External Links

• The game's Steam page
• tv tropes
• That 20-minute long unskippable sermon

'Member the Alamo is part of a series on Gaming Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

'Member the Alamo is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.