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Intellectual Checkmate

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Let this set the tone for the rest of this article.

WHY AM I SO BALD

All wound up in his faggotry
File:Goronchev AtoZ.jpg
Proud of his Micropenis

What do you know? Someone who fails more than you! Goronchev (AKA Smugfag, MrThreePercent, Ron Lamp, Andy Ross and "Two-Tug Ron") is a 28 year old, short, skinny, racist, balding, homosexual, steroid-abusing pedophile who lives with and works for his dad as a Virginbus technician. Goronchev realized that the only way he could make friends would be to make extremely shitty tl;dw videos of him talking about scripted-out sexual fantasies. Although he is quite obviously a faggot at first glance, upon closer inspection, it is clear that Goronchev's long-winded and pointless rants are being clumsily read off of a sheet of paper or monitor; apparently, it takes a great deal of thought for Smugfag to decide on how to make himself look like as big of a fuckwit as possible. He also thinks that the internet is serious business.

Moar liek Intellectually Challenged amirite.


Serious Cat detects serious business

Some would argue that he is the greatest troll known to Anon, if that same person were retarded and used the length of someone's ED article as a measure for how much said person had managed to troll successfully (which is probably a fairly good idea).

Goronchev is exactly like every other camwhore on the internet, suffering from the delusion that he can destroy internet bullies with his witty arguments and large vocabulary, a practice known as an "intellectual checkmate". It is unknown as of yet why the moniker "Moronchev" hasn't caught on.

   
“ 		 
My penis is so big it reaches from A - Z on the keyboard!
  		„
  		 

—Goronchev, literally stating his penis is about ONE CENTIMETER LONG

   
“ 		 
I live in my mom's basement too, occasionally she throws me scraps of meat which she doesn't want.
  		„
  		 

—Goronchev

Why so bald?

Mormonchev claims that his baldness is something passed down through his incest family. The truth is that Boringchev actually has cancer, but a form of cancer that unfortunately doesn't kill him. This also explains his wierd fucking misshapen arms which look like melted dildos.

Season 1

Smugfag is smuuuuuuuuuuug.

Goronchev appeared on 4chan in June of 2007 when a video of him was posted on /b/ in which he claimed victory over the "misc. section". Paranoid baby Anonymous ceased fapping to lolicon long enough to gangraep his YouTube with negative feedback, video responses, and mash their keyboards to produce spam comments (Consisting of DESU DESU DESU in natural /b/tard fashion). As things turned out, he was actually attacking the Misc. section at bodybuilding.com. Goronchev's attack on the Misc. section described his "intellectual checkmate" of Misc. by "using them like a condom" [1]. /b/ was slow to realize that they were not his target and initially believed this was an insult, albeit a hilariously inept one. [2]. Even after the mistake was discovered, the attacks continued as his smugness made him an instant hit with /b/tards, who enjoyed making fun of his balding head, childlike voice, and ridiculous claims about his sex life and intellectual abilities.

After Goronchev was suspended he continued with his spurious claims as MrThreePercent (Named after his penis size, which is 97% smaller than average). He began to make moar videos about the imaginary groups of beautiful women driving miles across the continent to harness his man-meat [3]

Assuming an 'Intellectual Checkmate' means something along the lines of using your wit during a debate to back your opponent into a corner from which they cannot retaliate. Goronchev does just the opposite. Looking like such a total dumbfuck debating with his camera, he actually backs himself into a corner from which he cannot escape, so he disables comments on his videos in the hope that he will never actually have to debate with anyone.

He also obsesses about his body, despite the fact that he has a perfectly round, balding, childlike head. [4] On a Stickam session in June 2007, he also claimed to have an 8 and 3/4 inch penis, which he refused to show on camera.

Kbob08 Controversy

Actual photo of Goronchev's penis.

A YouTube user named Kbob08 used to plague Goronchev with video responses. Almost all of Kbob's videos were video responses to Goronchev with the exception of his very first video which was just a retarded blob of fail where he showed his bad taste in games. One day, feeling daring, Kbob decided to flame Goronchev using a video response. This prompted Goronchev to man the harpoons and end their relationship. Goronchev thoroughly "skewered and exposed" Kbob in a video response to a video response for his video. Kbob deleted all Goronchev-related videos when TwinsanityNtranced was bashing on Kbob about being an attention leech. This victory by Goronchev only served to increase his already inflated ego and HUEG sense of unwarranted self-importance.

Shortly afterwards, Goronchev disappeared from the internet and the account "MrThreePerCent" was suspended.

Heterosexuality Rumor

This rumor is completely false. It came from his self assuring thought that if he constantly makes up random sexual experiences with women, he will become straight in the eyes of viewers. This backfires because he can't help but to either make even experiences with women sound gay, from fingering/eating assholes to sex with animals or young children, or instinctively add men to them. The following is a recent production, and but a small example of his neurotic sexual compulsions: Link to a recent Goronchev production (2010)

Goronchev himself explains it all:


P-P-P-Powerword!

Smugfag's name is Andy Ross? Oh, the wonder of Facebook. This was discovered by "some faggot on Youtube", as Goronchev puts it.

Though rumors persists, this is was just a fake account to get revenge on one of his cum sluts

Season 2

In October, he returned! Based primarily in his revived Goronchev account, he immediately declared war upon ED, posting a video in which he later admitted his mother is dead.

"This was most likely suicide caused by the realization that she had given birth to such a grotesque creature instead of letting the doctor falcon punch her when he revealed that the baby might have a hazardous amount of smug cells," Dr. Anonymous states.

Goronchev vigorously denies claims made on ED as to his preference for horse cock and his opinion of his superiority over /b/, citing many friends who regularly visit the site. This denial is invalidated just seconds later when he brags about owning /b/tards by "brutally" beating them down and shit-talking after a supposed raid on his Stickam room.

   
“ 		 
They had no idea I was that good at shit-talking live, in-the-moment
  		„
  		 

—Goronchev has mad skills.

ED is Racist? LOL WUT

   
“ 		 
Type in BLACKS in the search engine. Nota bene that's BLACKS, not BLACK PEOPLE, BLACKS! B-L-A-C-K-S, BLACKS!
  		„
  		 

—Goronchev @ 0:35.

   
“ 		 
I have the eye witness testimony, the videos, and the pictures to back me up on that
  		„
  		 

—Goronchev talking about his voyeurism.

   
“ 		 
And here's their stance on rape, and you can find this in their article on rape. Just go into their search engine and type in 'rape,' and you'll find it.
  		„
  		 

—Goronchev @ 3:54.

   
“ 		 
My penis is above average in size.
  		„
  		 

—Goronchev @ 7:17, likening himself to The Giver.

   
“ 		 
... I'll give you $1000 if you can show that any of these things are true... that's wrong... that's false... that didn't happen... that's factually incorrect... that also never happened... no, you're wrong... that's not true... I didn't say that.
  		„
  		 

—Goronchev's "thorough destruction" of ED's article on him.

   
“ 		 
"Your mom doesn't say I'm gay. In fact, last night I was ramming her asshole so hard... and her anal prolapse was so incredibly powerful, when it snapped back it hit my stomach with the force of a prime Evander Holyfield bodyshot. That shit hurt"-- Goronchev to some random bb.com troll who died in the cave of failure (r.i.p. electronic warrior)
  		„
  		 

—Goronchev accusing bb.com, but it sounds like it was him totally doing his own mum, by the sounds of it. Think that's how she died of cancer.

   
“ 		 
Getting banned from a hardcore porn site is yet further evidence that I really am the nastiest videoblogger that ever lived. :)8:44 PM Aug 11th from web. - Failing to notice, it's shit_no_one_cares_about.


 

„
  		 

—{{{17}}}

Previous Quote | Next Quote

The Video

STOP.
'smugfag'


Goronchev is Moar Racist.
Goronchev ED’s AGAIN!
Behind the screen bawling like Adam Sandler.

Previous Video | Next Video

File:Mission accomplished.jpg
Reminiscent of someone else who called checkmate

Here is a list of facts from this video.

  • Goronchev has the ability to read Encyclopedia Dramatica.
  • The only thing smaller than a Jew's penis is a negro's "To Do" list
  • The only thing on a negro's "To Do" list is a Jew's small penis
  • Jews did WTC
  • Someone whose primary source of income is performing menial chores around the house has time too precious to waste on ED.
  • Even the intellectually superior can sometimes miss the point.
  • He is not 27 years old, but 15 years old.
  • He said he never pretends to rape girls 10 years younger then him; not that he never rapes young girls.
  • His IQ is 26 instead of 25.
  • He likes dog ass; not horse cock.
  • his head resembles a 6 foot penis
  • He did not beat down 30 guys at once; he raped more than 30 boys over the last year.
  • Goronchev made ED even funnier.
  • Goronchev and Callum Ross are ghey lovers
  • Can scream out loud in front of camera showing a picture placement instead: Insecure

TL;DR: Smugfag needs to learn English, satire, and the basics of a wiki.

A Winrar is You

When every other video site doesn't work out for you and your support and views have dwindled to nothing, what do you do? That's right! You make your very own website! Actually, you have a friend make your very own website. Actually, you have your friend make a channel for your very own website. Actually, you have your friend create a channel with your name on it for a corporate website and call it yours. YAY!!! And when your site goes down,you try again

Season 3

After claiming in his last ED video that he wasn't going to make a new video on ED because they are not worth his time, he makes another 7 minute video absolutely DESTROYING ED once again. After reading this section, he suffered butthurt and removed the video.


Another "Intellectual Cockmate". Yeah, the comments, responses, and everything are disabled as per fucking usual.
   
“ 		 
I don't have any psychological disorders that have been identified.
  		„
  		 

—Smugfag

Despite the fact that he's already won the "Dipshit of the Year" award for getting a hat with his YouTube username on it, Goronchev still thinks he can do one better. In this video, Ron intellectually checkmates himself by stating that ED selectively targets minority vloggers:

   
“ 		 
They will hurl racial epithets at minority vloggers, but I've never seen them do that to white vloggers... They most certainly do NOT treat all equally.
  		„
  		 

—Goronchev standing up for his people


Being such a kind, compassionate man, he was obviously too busy standing up for his brothers to notice that there was a such a page.

Not Gay

His girlboyfriend.
Totally . . .

As mentioned previously, Goronchev is rather insecure about himself. One of the major insecurities he faces is his sexuality. While one can clearly determine from his steroid body suit and overall personality that he possesses traits similar to that of a typical fudge-packer, Goronchev uses his videos as a delusional attempt to convince others, and himself, that

   
“ 		 
I LOVE VAGINA & BREASTS, and I'm straighter than a laser (Hopefully, that will reduce the number of gay perverts after me)
  		„
  		 

—Methinks Goronchev doth protest too much

Smugfag apparently has a girlfriend, and states that according to HOTorNOT, she is a 10/10 7.1/10.

On February 27th, 2008 at approximately 10:15 PM EST, Goronchev was spotted in the CAM or GTFO chatroom of Stickam.com. At this time, he openly made a challenge towards a female member concerning his superiority over females in giving oral stimulation of the penis. This further supports Goronchev's quest in proving that he is not gay.

   
“ 		 
My dick is actually just long enough for me to get my tongue on it without too much effort
  		„
  		 

—Smugfag, remarking on his favorite activity.

Also note that one of his favorite music stars is Gwen Stefani, a common love of all straight males across the globe.

Things Smugfag has claimed to have done

Say Something Worthwhile

Goronchev thinks using words that he thinks are big will fool people into believing that his childish insults are insightful arguments. These "arguments" make up half of his videos, in which he also brags about his 1337 skillz, IRL.

Pedophilia

Recently, Goronchev admitted to raeping kids.

   
“ 		 
I really jack off with 11 year old boys while ABBA is playing in the background...
  		„
  		 

Goronchev is Bothered by Hypocrisy

Uhhh...wow...yeah...
He is bothered by hypocrisy while at the same time practicing it;
he has only one option, BUT IT DOESN'T END THERE. Goronchev
haet hypocrisy even moar:
He's a sicko.
Butthurted by hentai?
Smugfag returns for more hate and destruction on internet peoples; but doesn't realize, he's just being used like the condom himself, so other users can get more popular, please thank goronchev for his TL;DR videos

Previous Video | Next Video

Myths About Goronchev

Myth: "Goronchev doesn't work for his parents" This one is false. Goronchev actually caught his cancer from his dead mother (Lulz, Smugfag haets when u insult his condition). So because he is a sex slave to his father, he stays there and works. This is further evidence he lives with his father as it seems, he didn't know that his mic was on, and heard a "middle aged" man in the background, which caused more lulz if he was raped.

Myth: "Goronchev actually had sex this one time" This is also false. He is a ginger and they only reproduce by mitosis, not meiosis. So scientifically it's impossible if a woman were to say, be lured into his hive, he couldn't do much more than maybe show her his dildo.

Myth: "Goronchev is NOT a gay pedophile" This one is also false. We have the pictures, videos, and eye witness testimonies to prove it. Click here to see it.

Myth: "Goronchev isn't sick" The fact of the matter is that he is. He is suffering from leukemia and is slowly but surely losing his hair. Without his hat he looks like Frankenstein/That Bald Rapist in Prison. Though he said we cannot remove him from the internets, his cancer surely can.

Myth: "Goronchev has a dick" This one is empirically untrue. Looking at his blog we see that he used a dildo to fake his penis length. Obviously, pics or it didn't happen.

Myth: "Goronchev cares about black people" This is not true. Lets look at a few quotes from his posted youtube vids:

 
“ 		 
A half ape, half human creature devolved from chimpanzees, who eats fried chicken, watermelon, and collared greens, write songs about raping white woman and stealing welfare checks from grandmothers...Niggers are lazy, dumb, and worst of all smell after taking a shower...Jews are a subhuman species...Jews did the World Trade Center attacks...I have no penis
  		„
 

—Smugfag

Myth: "Goronchev haets us" Not true, look at this quote:

 
“ 		 
Everything here is true, I approve of it, and I really am a gay pedo
  		„
 

—Smugfag/Goronchev

Myth: "Wants to take down two girls in a fight". This is not true, as he wants to two men to fight him naked while they roll around in mud and milk. Check the "boys in love" video clip by The Presets. Not_gay? Only if balls are touching.

Myth: "Is not a stalker, as stickam shows evidence that he isn't" Not true, He's a obvious stalker. lol, even after trying get e-points by exposing bigal2k6 as a stalker.

Myth: "Is a liar, when closing his eyes, it's a tell, as this is only up for speculation, as he explains for bigal2k6". So it's all true.

Myth: Goronchev is cool

Myth: "People watch his videos." This is entirely false as it's impossible to watch any of his videos without raging and wanting to punch him in the face.

Not Myth: Goronchev has a boyfriend

Myth Or Not Myth: A ex-girlfriend named Lesli who was member of Smosh's forums exposed him in a confession thread by telling a former EDiot known as Benos and banned that he cheating on her for another slut, but has since deleted all evidence of their chats, but benos himself has her confession on his blogspot.

Dr. Anonymous Weighs In

 
“ 		 
From an entirely psychological standpoint, all of his arguments just go to show how intellectually and physically inferior he feels to other people, as demonstrated by his need to go out of his way to try to outperform the "best" he can find at everything.

"I want to feel good about my body. Who is the strongest guy I can outperform?" USMC Recruits.

"I didn't say I could outperform the entire USMC. I just went to the USMC recruiting station and did 26 pull-ups; more than any of them could do." Not that he had any intention of actually *joining* the USMC, just needed to reassure himself that he was physically superior than everyone around him. As a note... Recruits? "Recruit" is military terminology for "a civilian who will soon be joining the military." I.E. He beat a bunch of guys straight off the street, who had not been to Boot Camp yet. They were likely fresh out of HS.

To address his need to defend his phallic aptitudes: when you defend your PENIS by citing a statistic, it just shows how insecure you are about it. Yes, every guy gets insecure about how long or thick his PENIS is at least once. Totally normal. But to say, "My PENIS is ABOVE average" is just stating that either:

1. I believe everything my girlfriend says to me.
2. I looked up average PENIS size on the internet and compared mine to it.
3. I stood in the men's restroom and checked out people's dicks.

I admit to doing #2- mostly because I know you can't place much faith in #1, and #3 will get you beaten up. If 4.25" is 'average', then 'above average' is anything above 4.25. Even 4.26. Whoopty-fucking-doo. Congratulations, smugfag.

On one further note; you said, and I quote, "just because you perhaps can't get laid in a Tijuana whorehouse doesn't mean it's that way for all of us." Now, what the fuck? Does this statement provide that fallingcryss, MagicalSexZebra, ae16weirdo and the rest of those beasty bitches were found in Tijuana whorehouses?

Furthermore, his need to go out of his way to put everyone he meets into "intellectual checkmate" just further demonstrates his intellectual inferiority complex.
 

„
 

—Anonymous

Smugfag appears on Fox 11 Los Angeles....

Goronchev was recently on Faux News to discuss cyber-bullying and Anonymous. He is now an "expert" on cyberbullying. Smugfag gets about 9 seconds worth of face-time. He earlier promoted his television premiere on his Jewtube and suggested that perhaps the Fox people would post the rest of his interview on the website.

Remember bulling is rabbit on the internets.

In one of his videos bragging about this incredible feat, he claims that he was "chosen" do an interview, despite the fact that Fox asks people to call in to be screened for these interviews.

WARNING: SMUGFAG IS THE LEADING CORRESPONDENT ON FOX NEWS FOR CYBERBULLYING. HE WAS ON THERE FOR 16 SECONDS (9 SECONDS SPEAKING), EVEN THOUGH HE SHOT OVER 1 HOUR OF FOOTAGE THAT FOX NEVER USED. HE IS BETTER THAN YOU FOR BEING ON FAUX NEWS. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON THE NEWS? [12]

LOL removed from youtube for cyberbulling [13]

...but was it really his debut?

IRREFUTABLE PROOF...more or less...that Goronchev WAS ALREADY A FAUX NEWS DARLING

YOU be the judge:

1) Watch the smash-hit of summer 2007, "Anon vs. Faux News" again [14]

2) Pay particular attention to the leet haXXor in silhouette at 1:45, 1:57 ("they get what they call 'lulz'..." NOTE THE SMUG PRONUNCIATION!!!) and 3:02

3) EYE SPY BASEBALL CAP AND COLLARED SHIRT! - official uniform of the International Association of Smugfags, as shown in his armada of motherfucking YouTube videos.

4) Watch the 2008 cult classic "Brett Keane interviews Goronchev" (only the first 30 seconds, it's a fucking epic a la Battlefield Earth otherwise) [15] baleeted

5) Note this delicious nugget of dialogue:

  • SMUGFAG: Rupert Murduch is all over this sweet, young, tight ass, yes indeed.
  • KEANE: So what exactly is the Fox News going to be doing with you, bro?
  • SMUGFAG: Yeah, well here's the deal: we already did a thing. You may not know this, but...

In conclusion - it's him. Amirite or amirite?

Goronchev Haet Anonymous :(

Goronchev, noticing his subscription count is failing, as well as the fact that shitty youtube profiles get as much views as him, has decided to leech off Anon's popularity like one certain faggot recently.


Goatse is more interesting than this 17-minute long video rant. Goronchev realized this too and took down this video in favor of moar buttsecks.

Overall, his video reeks of defense mechanisms a 12 year old on the playground could spot out. Such as "I NOT GHEY, UR GHEY FUR TRYING 2 DOX ME". The other alternative in his mind is that "OMG THEY TRY TO KILL ME, I HAS GUNS", but fails to realize that doxing is for lulz. He curses in weird places in order to seem "mature", but anyone with a brain can see through this. Goronchev has also admitted the fact that he is like herpes.

So, in conclusion, Goronchev has jumped the Shark literally in this video [16] and even brags about it on his shitty websites. Furthermore, the only videos Smugfag has produced with any significant number of views are the ones he makes to Anonymous, since the only time he's ever actually entertaining enough to watch is when he makes his laughable attempts at posing and looks like a blithering idiot. So, INTELLECTUAL CHECKMATE GORONCHEV.

 
“ 		 
You can't beat me Anonymous, I have a gun!
  		„
 

—Goronchev being your typical internet tough guy.

 
“ 		 
I welcome all Anonymous' rage
  		„
 

—Goronchev asking for cocks.

Update: All of Goronchev YouTube videos have since been removed. Upon watching Goronchev's videos, the owner’s of YouTube quickly came to the conclusion that Goronchev has a very small, bald, penis and was a waste of their bandwidth. Except he returns under some sekrit accounts and whine like a little baby to Intellectual_Checkmate youtube .

White knight to the Rescue!

Goronchev recently posted a video defending the vile actions of Girlvinyl and her horrid fetus Ohinternet. It seems he was hoping that his article would be gone forever. However, he failed to realize that this is the internet and nothing ever goes away. EVAR!



Gallery of Intellect About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

But it may not be clear that's him. Bonus lulz part videos: Goronchev Vs Rev. Look up and watch it all and see smugfag cry like a bitch where Rev obviously lies about underage sex. Beware it's tl;dr

See Also

Intellectual Checkmate is part of a series on

Chans

Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage.

 Intellectual Checkmate

is part of a series on

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Featured article December 14, 2007
Preceded by
Penis Nosed Fox 		Smugfag Succeeded by
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