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California
California (Formerly Commiefornia, before Ahnold) is the lamest state on the Left Coast of America and home to many serial rapists and their bastard offspring. A very small percentage of the population is actually legal, therefore making it the only state in which white people are the minority.
Home to Hollywood as the ingrown toe-nail, San Francisco as the penis, and Bakersfield as the armpit, California has the nation's first action hero governor in Arnold Schwarzenegger (aka The Governator) - a Austrian Australian complete badass, Republican Democrat (noone knows) bodybuilder (Jesse Ventura, that lame wannabe in Minnesota, does not count).
History
Russian vessels looking for otters navigated the West Coast of America and even established a sea mammal torture joint in Catalina Island. Before they were ousted by the more macho Spanish they took the trouble to plant the now flourishing seed of Communism. This is acknowledged by the Left Red Star on their flag. California was founded in 1849 by Carlos de California, the son of royal parents Juan de Mexico and Pilar de Puta. It was originally founded to serve as New York City's garbage dump. That privilege has since moved to New Jersey. Nothing interesting has happened there since.
Government
Note: Government also known as "Residentes de la República de California"
California is known for previously having Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor. Thankfully Fucking finally, he is now out of office and has been replaced by Jerry Brown.
On May 15, 2008, California became the second state evar to make same-sex marriage legal. Even though the majority of voters were in favor of banning same-sex marriage, the Supreme Court said "STFU", and made their own law. Gays may now eat each other's faeces in holy matrimony. Scratch that, Mormons have officially passed Proposition 8 with millions of dollars in donations. Ironically, they're only 1% of the Californian population. Scratch that again, proposition 8 has been repealed by Lulz Killers.
Currently, due to a high influx of immigration, California is now partly run by Mexico and Zapatistas, which puts even more unnecessary dumbfucks into power.
The District Attorney of California is Nikki Clearwater.
BTW, 55 electoral votes, BITCHES! HAHA, Disregard that, I suck Florida's cock, since they actually decide the elections!
Why Californians Are Idiots
It's the largest state in the United States that nobody gives a shit about, having the most revenue of them all. But when you compare the large population to the density to a state like New York, the population isn't anything special. It's home to many infamous serial killers such as the Manson family and child molesters who comprise the vast majority of entries in the the Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Hall of fame.
Nearly the entire state's population is the result of a century-long breeding experiment involving Oklahoma white trash, third world border-jumpers, and hippies. Those who live in California are pussies who just can't take a little cold, and are idiots, as they voluntarily put their lives in danger with earthquakes, mudslides, and other horrible disasters. geniuses for avoiding the obviously more destructive tornadoes and hurricanes other states face. California is also notable for its yearly wildfires: these fires are usually caused by furfags fleeing into the forests courtesy of Anonymous' valiant efforts to 'Kill it with fire.'
There are also many lakes you can go to and have fun mountain climbing and jet skiing, among other fun ways to kill yourself for ever visiting this horrible state.. As mentioned below, the only thing good about California is that half of the state is warm. The other half wishes it were warm. Cities like San Francisco prove this by installing fake palm trees everywhere.
In short, California is like a bowl of cereal: once you get rid of all the fruits and nuts, all you have left is a bunch of flakes.
Why this state doesn't suck
- It's warm
- .....
- That's about it
- ...and the weed, too.
- There's also a relative shitload of beaches.
Why this state does suck
- "We're better than the rest of the country" attitude, despite the list
belowabove. - Enough emos to create a website.
- Enough attention whores to create a website.
- Sympathy for people who are here illegally. DISREGARD THAT I'M A NORP.
- "It's different/better/bigger in California" mindset. This translates to "out of touch with reality".
- Birthplace of Hollister and every other "trendy" clothing line (Although their parent companies are most likely incorporated in the East).
- Birthplace of paying $200 for a pair of jeans.
- Inspiring high school students that its cool to dress like a metrosexual.
- Thinking lead, asbestos, and other toxic things are especially toxic in their state. See electrical appliance's manual.
- Expensive, overpriced real estate.
- It's where Mcgay Hatch founded the NCC
- Greater concentration of people everyone hates, who also happen to be rich.
- Hippies. And lots of them.
- Californians in general.
"The rest of the country sucks" attitude. More redundant bashing from the obviously "superior" states.California hates Amurika.- Full of gangs, which every white kid from suburbia thinks they be reppin'. Especially in Stockton, NIGGAH.
- Speaking of Stockton, it's the most miserable city in America.
- Compton.
- Hobos Walking up to you telling a bullshit story about how there family died. Which no one really gives a fuck about.
- Is why wiggers breed.
- Home to and birthplace of many cults, like Children of God and Scientology.
- Yuba City. 'Nuff said.
San Luis ObispoOther shitty towns that nobody cares about except for the residents.- The capability to file a lawlsuit against friends who try to rescue you after you drive into light poles.
- Being Florida, but with shittier beaches, uglier girls, and more depraved sex offenders.
- Mexicans
- Because of the three strikes law you can go to jail for life if you steal something small like a cookie on your third offense.
Economy
FUCK WE'RE $18 BILLION IN DEBT LOL HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
The United States loves California for its entertainment. However it hates California for EVERYTHING else. While California leads the way in revenue, it still takes a back-seat to other states in terms of overall wealth and capital trading.
All in All
For at least 100 years California has been home to pollution, child molesters, pornography, gays and Mexicans. Until recently it was home to the tech industry, which has since moved to India (author: wish and lulz), knowing that sooner or later California will sink into the ocean, where it belongs. In 2006, IT WAS RANKED THE 8TH GAYEST STATE, with 4 of it's cities in the top 10. It was also ranked the DIRTIEST STATE IN THE UNION, as 5 of it's cities dominated the top 10 "Dirtiest Cities" list on Forbes.com. All in all, if the gangs don't kill you, the wildfires will. If the wildfires don't kill you, the earthquakes will. If the earthquakes don't kill you, the mudslides will. If those don't kill you, you'll probably just commit suicide to end your horrid life in this pitiful excuse for a state or the state will slide off into the Pacific making the rest of the country happy. Stay far away.
The New Governor of California
Notable Californians
- Fucking everyone who says "hella" - NorCal fags only
- Nixon and Reagan - the irony of it is lost on Commiefornians
- Meg Whitman
- Governor Jerry Brown. His aura smiles and it never frowns.
- Skynet, for the inevitable Death of us all.
- Boxxy
- Mckay Hatch
- Carly Fiorina
- Imperial Stars
- Emperor Norton
- Charles Manson
- Creepy Phil
- Casey Serin
- Barry Bonds
- George Lucas
- Steve Jobs
- Miss California 2009
- Tom Cruise
- OJ Simpson
- Michael Jackson
- Lil B
- Carlos Sousa Jr
See Also
