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Angry Video Game Nerd
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The Angry Video Game Nerd (aka James Rolfe) is a basement dwelling, ADD-ridden, nerdraged, fecalphiliac, furry who creates long-winded, monotone Gametrailers.com videos where he "reviews" bad video games and, extending to his Youtube account, films. Instead of actually reviewing the games like a professional slapstick author (video game reviewing is serious business), he just yells infantile cusswords (about at a 12-year-old's level) at his television screen. You, the viewer, find this hilarious. Most of them roughly consist of off-key utterances from some shit-eating whacked out autistic chug, e.g. "What the fuck!" "What the fuckin' fuck!!" "What a piece of fuck!".
At the end of a review, he repeatedly talks about topics surrounding shit, such as how he longs for the game to be over so he could milk a bull's asshole (or his own) inside out, take a shit on a game, or simply talk about shit itself. Because really, nothing is funnier than doing the same joke over and over again.
He also takes a swig of a beer bottle every three seconds in his videos to prove to people that he's a man, when really he's only trying to wash out the taste of cum from his mouth.
Angry Nintendo Nerd has officially changed his named to "Angry Video Game Nerd" (AVaGiNa) so he wouldn't get sued by Nintendo for making shitty shirts with his catchphrases on them, thereby associating "Nintendo" with this schizoid, liberal bullfuck phenomenon. It should be noted that regardless of this legal genius, he still has an IQ dwarfed by that of the average 4chan user's left testicle.
However, despite the explosion of "Angry Internet Reviewers" that shat out all over YouTube after his generating fame in 2006, James has maintained a meek, friendly, and down-to-earth visage when interacting with his fans through vlogs or conventions (unlike other reviewers and conglomerates whose egos have inflated to a size comparable to Girlvinyl's total body mass), to this day. ...However, it is speculated that under this guise of a shy and soft-spoken Internet celebrity, James, deep down, is most likely a homicidal maniac who'll slash a bitch's throat the first moment his temper is tested.
Reviews
Although it is true that most of the games he reviews are complete and utter horseshit, his reasons for hating them mainly boil down to him sucking capital ass at video games. It appears the Angry Nintendo Nerd (read: Fugly Famicom Faggot) has reviewed every old game that you've never heard of, and that his shit-related phrase count is well over 9000 (to the delight of no one).
—Official AVGN website, His fans don't get it, furries only! | ||
—We get it, you'd rather fuck shit-covered animals while another animal with stomach problems empties its bowels into your ear than play games. | ||
It seems to be funny to 99% of the world when someone adds 'fuck' at the end of a word and pretends to suck at video games similar to how the Tourette's Guy pretends to suck at life which is kind of ironic since both him and the ANN talk about having sex with animals.
For example, "Cockadooky Bullfuck". Now that was some major lulz, amirite? How about "shitload of fuck"? Not just a load of fuck, but a shitload of it! How does he come up with this stuff?
Accurate Examples of his Reviews
AVGN - Resistance: Fall of Man
Previous Video | Next Video
Downtime
Somewhen beginning of April 2007, because the furfag retards TheGameBoys account got all their followers to mark all his videos as inappropriate, YouTube started removing the ANN's videos obviously because he sucks a snails ass at being lulzworthy and rather ends up lookin' like an extremely annoying ADD-ridden 12 year old who can't figure out how to work a fucking joystick.
Gametrailers
Because Viacock loves hearing the word "fuck" after everything that has a pulse, their puppet-state known as Gametrailers decided to exclusively stho his reviews. If they wind up on YouTube, it's terrible, because then ScrewAttack is losing money that they could spend on pirating AVGN's movies on DailyMotion with their own shitty commentary. It's only stealing if you get caught, amirite? The Nerd posts his older reviews on his personal account for those who want to relive his glory days.
It should be noted that the ANN quit his minimum wage-paying job at Wendy's to devote the rest of his days to ANN. He was quoted by employees as saying, "I'd rather have a buffalo shove a saber laced with shit up my ass while I'm watching a Buffalo Sabres game than work this drive thru!" At which point he was told to STFU and get back to sucking the manager's dick for his severance pay.
War
When it was announced that the old arthritic bitch (Sylvester Stallone) was making a pile of shit epilogue to the Rambo series, the AVGN joked that the title would possibly be John Rambo. Well, the joke was up his ass when the title was, in fact, John Rambo. Fan faggotry burst like a hymen under a needle and people started lulzing under the irony (even though at the end of the video, he said that he was just fucking around, making the lulz vanish instantly).
Eventually, the AVGN got tired of people who mindlessly loved him (yeah, right), and in his Texas Chainsaw Massacre review, he raeped the community by having his furry Guitar Hero mimic the people. This naturally felt like being penetrated through the ear by Batman, so a portion of the community left his bitch-shackling nature and have taken up the cause of ED. When fans pointed this out on YouTube, Mike Matei blocked them and deleted their comments out of butthurt. And thanks to ED pointing this out, the very same review now requires approval for comments.
Mike Magay
As James Rolfe's masochistic right-hand man house nigger, Matei is responsible for cleaning up comments on the JamesNintendoNerd YouTube account, drawing pretty pictures of the Nerd for his videos, yelling at the Irate Gamer every other week, and getting the living shit kicked out of him every time the AVGN does another video. So far he's had the shit kicked out of him as Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Bugs Bunny twice (simultaneously satisfying the AVGN's massive furry fetish), Michael Myers, and The Joker.
However, it is believed that Matei is biding his time and waiting for the Emperor the Nerd to let his guard down so he may usurp him and rape him to death and take over his game reviewing empire. It is also believed Matei secretly keeps rule 34 versions of his images with he and the Nerd in various awkward situations.
AVGN Ripoffs
Just when things couldn't get any worse on teh tubes, The Angry Nintendo Nerd decided to raep the internets one fine July afternoon exactly three months after An hero day (For the lulz?). The result of this raep was the first ever bastard child of the internets, rightly dubbed as "ANN ripoff #1". When this bastard child was able to grow a penis several weeks later, he then preceded to rape the internets in a fashion that would make a samurai become an hero.
As the internets got AIDS by all of the raping of it by YouTube, the ANN ripoffs then decided to have incest and fuck each other to express their sexual lust for the bad games that they "review". Hence, the ANN ripoff population has grown to a level that's over 9,000.
This devious process has gone unchecked by YouTube, as the admins are too busy stroking it to all those underage girls making out on webcams... that, or they're all from West Virginia.
The AVGN Ripoffs have pissed off the internets. All hell has broken loose as the merchant from Resident Evil 4's power level goes over 9,000 and takes his anger out on an 80s CD player:
The Irate Gamer
Moar info: Irate Gamer.
Tries to buttrape the ANN concept with his NES he got 2 days ago, and by being overweight (FUCKING FATTY).
Alexander4488
A "nerd-spired" game reviewer who is less known for his appallingly bad game reviews and more known for his self-fellating advertisements on every gaming website known to man. Like another egotistical game reviewers, he goes to film school and fancies himself as the second-coming of the AVGN on YouTube.
His blatant egotism came to head as a group named FilmsForFustilarians riffed on one of his videos. Being absolutely batshit insane, he came to his own defense in a barrage of video comments where they actually outnumber the number of views the video has. Safe to say, his sheer butthurt generated great lulz for those who witnessed it.
On cue, Alexander has made multiple accounts on ED after this stub was written in an effort to defend his actions.
Furious Famicom Faggot
Something Awful has been lulzless for quite a while (despite the claims of the Goons that the site is lulzier than ever...fucking liars, they are!). Despite this, they had their hands on a gold mine of lulz and drama that was yearning to be untapped.
The Furious Famicom Faggot, created by Shmorky, was to be a parody that would pwn the Angry Nintendo Nerd and all of those retreads that he inspired. Unfortunately, SA fucked it up (as usual) and FFF became nothing more than another epic fail and a lulz flop that could have been so much moar had SA not been involved. This is in part because the FFF was created as a parody on both the Angry Video Game Nerd and a lesser known fail called Gamelife. The other part being that Shmorky consistently draws his "comedy" from the black holes of unfunny that are his own damaged brain and Lowtax. As an unnamed lulzosopher put it, "FFF is like the carrot cake of video game reviewers; it is decent when first eaten, but quickly becomes sickening and made of all things fail."
Fortunately, the internets saved itself from certain raeping by giving FFF the AIDS and fail before it became too lulzless for its own good. We can only drink to the lost potential of lulz and win...
A few weeks after the fail that was the Furious Famicom Faggot, Ebeeto emerged from the shadows as another parody of the YouTube video game reviewing movement, however, he is moar of a parody of that lulzless fuck UrinatingTree, instead of the AVGN.
LeisureSuitGaming / Silent Rob / CopperCab's adopted son
AKA The Ginger Whinger, Silent Rob is a hardcore internets tough guy who is more known nowadays for his whiny emo diatribes than his "fuck"-fests in disguise as video game reviews. He got his start as an extremely overrated game "reviewer" best known for his Action 52 review, which was, shockingly, worse than the game was in all aspects. But after sucking Damien Estreich's cock enough to merit YouTube Partnership and the featuring of his videos on the main page, Mr. Estrech refused to give it to him, deeming his work unoriginal.
This is when Silent Rob busted down the floodgates and spent ten minutes bitching about the Irate Gamer, in which his arguments, for every small truth they may have had, were cockblocked by at least fifteen references to IG "loving the cock" per truth. His fanbase, being as intelligent as lemmings, followed his orders and started hating the reviewer, spawning a great, yet pathetic, amount of proxy lulz that still lingers to this day.
Rob has still not gotten over the butthurt of not becoming a YouTube Partner. Seeing the likes of the AVGN, That Guy With The Glasses, and Yahtzee making money hands over fists, he has since gotten into internet panhandling by creating his own website devoted to his poorly-made, unfunny abortions that he calls videos.
But this story has a twist: He charges people $5 just to visit it. He has rightfully suffered backlash from his loyal followers, finally seeing how shitty his work really is. The ensuing lulz that has resulted from Silent Rob's butthurt and subsequent bawwwing about the website can be best described as the funniest thing that man has ever done.
PissedOffVideoGamer
This horrid blob monster is trying to be the Angry Nintendo Nerd, but the difference is that this fat fuck is WAAAAAYYY moar fuckin' funnier in a completely different way. Just look at him, seriously, the video explains it all.
The Mischief Makers Incident
In one AVGN video he is seen giving his angry look at a Mischief Makers cartridge. This caused rage on /v/ as they thought he had or was going to make a review video for Mischief Makers. It turned out that it was just filler footage for an intro and /v/ trolled themselves into thinking otherwise as the AVGN has not stated that he intends to review the game.
Suspension
Last week YouTube suspended the AVGN account. No reason was given, but lots of lulz and BAWWing were seen among the AVGN fanboys. This later turned out to be the result of Game Trailers' own incompetence. Apparently, Game Trailers was too stupid to figure out that the one posting the Angry Video Game Nerd videos was, in fact the AVGN himself and made copyright complaints.
AVGN Nazis
In the warzone that is the YouTube, Video Game Reviewers and their rivals have spawned many 12 year old jihadists who would otherwise be vandalizing ED, 4chan or other mean people who make fun of their idols.
- Prisonbreak72020: Vandal and anticipated an hero. Feel free to leave him a message on his latest ED account user:TheWTFHero,
or his new YouTube account MAXPAYNEPRODUCTIONSaccount closed. Ironically is also a Irate Gamer Nazi. Probably not an epic double agent. Thinks he's black, even though the picture of his mug is shown at the top of his own article.
- greatexpectations320: Once a minor fanboy who evolved into the unholy avatar of the lulzkiller and meme smasher.
- Chickenhed61: An AVGN house black person and pedophilic furfag who enjoys masturbating to videos of kittens and 13-year old boys.
Of course dedicating yourself to defend 12 year old YouTube users with unfunny game reviews from these people makes you one with the AIDS.
A challenger appears
As of recently, a movie reviewer by the name of the Nostalgic Critic challenged the tyranny of the Angry Video Game Nerd on the internet. The war was started by the Nerd's Nazis in an attempt to take out the competition by saying that the Nostalgic Critic was an AVGN-ripoff. This is far from the truth, for the Nostalgic Critic is funny. NC decided to fight-back, only to piss off the AVGN. The AVGN then gave the NC a threat disguised as a compliment. Thus a war began. As soon as the war began, the AVGN stole one of the NC's reviews. So far, the NC is winning thanks to a fist-fight and reviewing a bad game. Few know how long the Nostalgic Critic can hold out against the AVGN Nazis.
UPDATE: To try and calm the rabid fanboys: both have recently appeared in a Collaboration Video together.
2010: James Rolfe Jumps The Shit Shark While Letting Slip Some Diarrhea
Beginning in spring 2010, Rolfe began doing AVGN videos once per month instead of once every two weeks (supposedly to promote his other "nobody-gives-a-shit" series: Boring Lame Board James), and in spite of doubling his per-video production time there was no noticeable improvement in quality. Judging by his reviews of Cheetahmen and Zelda II, along with his piece on game glitches, he is fast approaching the Irate Gamer's trademark variety of lulzlessness. And instead of AVGN videos, James Rolfe is incessantly shitting viewers with photo evidence that he visited the filming locations of B-list horror movies.
As if that weren't enough of a diarrhea dump for his viewers to have to endure, he's been uploading shitty vlogs from E3 and Comic-Con, proving that without a script Rolfe is near-inarticulate. In addition he sporadically uploads video reviews of pre-1990s movies which, conveniently, he has stopped indexing under "Movie Reviews", forcing fans to work backwards through Shittymassacre Cinemassacre blog archives just to figure out what he's done over the past few months.
Other recent highlights on Rolfe's website Cinemassacre indicate that he's going in the same direction as Spoony: becoming increasingly vlog-centric, inconsistent, and self-aggrandizing in his overall content. These highlights include:
- A look-back at all the
trashconcert ticket stubs he's collected, which basically amounted to Rob Zombie, Korn, Rob Zombie, Tool, Rob Zombie, and other 1990s mainstream emo fag-rock that most people stopped liking as soon as they surpassed the age of 14. - Appeals to his international audience to spam the online ballot box in a Philadelphia-based videographer competition, in which he is competing against small, local wedding photography studios.
- Indie horror videos in which he plays a character based off of James Rolfe ...poorly.
- Original videos where he dresses up like a 13 year old boy (Boring Lame... er, Board James) and talks about his favorite board games that he used to play by himself growing up.
- A five part video series where he reads some shitty paperback tie-in book for Mega Man II with all the range and emotion of Keanu Reeves.
- Top-ten movie lists of increasingly obscure and smelly subject nature. Top 10 William Shatner movies, anyone?
- His home videos when he was a little boy, that according to him, are part of his "filmography".
- A Christmas 'review' that consisted of him replacing the words to How the Grinch Stole Christmas and nothing else
Update
Since last Tuesday, he has further confirmed his status as an Internet celebrity on the decline by doing nothing but spewing random shit nobody except asspies cares about at all on his blog to keep his fanbois generating the page clicks needed to keep the ad revenue money rolling in so he and Matt Matei can spend all their time in the basement together having buttsecks instead of producing anything that could be possibly be mistaken as creative.
Recently, a butthurt YouTube "intellect", named Asalieri (Who quite obviously wrote this part of the article, hurf durf), made a valid video deconstructing one of Rolfe's reviews, as a part of his own series, "Reviewing a Reviewer. In the video he compared James's declining quality with a lesser-known, yet up-and-coming, OCD nerd retro game reviewer, named Roo. The video was taken down twice (by Mike Mattei). Upon this, Asalieri wussed out and called a truce with Mattei (because the Internet is such a big SRS FKN BSNS warzone, Jesus fucking Christ almighty).
However, due to numerous complaints from subjects of Asalieri's Reviewing a Reviewer show and fanboys of said subjects, YouTube terminated his account.
See Also
- ScrewAttack
- Video game reviewers
- X-Play
- Irate gamer
- Alexander4488
- PissedOffVideoGamer
- /v/
- Spax3
- Angry Internet Guy
- Internet DVD
- That Guy With The Glasses
External Links
- Template:Youtube2
- A video of him reviewing Simon's Shitty Quest
- His website
- The Furious Famicom Faggot
- Ebeeto
- An example of retardation at its best
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