Fire

Fire is what happens when nature decides to show off and have some fun. Fire has existed for at least 100 years, but was little known and rarely used until popularized by some Cheetohs™ marketing campaign. Since then, civilization has carried the scars of fire to a no good extent of animal-cruelty, Tesla-coils and whatnot.

Uses of Fire

Practical application.

Fire has a variety of uses, including, but not limited to:

Getting rid of lice infestation in the hair
Burning two towers filled with fat Americans
Burning books
ending your life at the behest of others
Dramatic entrances
Smoking
Keeping warm
Getting rid of old buildings
Starting a flame war
Solving the Jew problem
Solving the pesky asians problem
Solving the black problem
Solving the homeless problem
Solving the whore problem
Solving the witch problem
Solving almost any problem
Giving white supremacists what they deserve (A nice hot meal)
Cleaning up Canada
Getting rid of those pesky homosexuals and essentially cures AIDS
Like AIDS fire can also cure all other forms of diseases including Acne
Burning small furry animals to piss off animal rights activists who really only care about the rights of cute animals, those bigots
Taking Furfags to Hell where they can Yiff in peace
Baking a Delicious Cake
Getting rid of Mormons
Burning Jews
Putting Wiggers in their place.
Burning California
Clearing Large rooms of people, generally resulting in Lulz and a stampede.
Pwning the Australians

Having sex with fire

Although it's much easier to have sex with ice, since ice forms convenient dildo shapes and thrusting your pecker into a tube of crushed ice is the closest you'll ever get to fucking a hot vampire, you can have sexy fun times with fire. If you're careful.

Protection is important. A single latex condom may not provide enough protection. Consider wearing three or four.

Talk first. Sex is about mutual respect and trust. Ask the fire about its favorite hobbies, dreams, wishes, or ambitions. Make sure the fire is comfortable before you turn up the heat.

Thrust slowly into the flames. Sex is a mutual act, so be sure to watch the fire's response. If it isn't responding, try thrusting faster, followed by alternating fast-slow movemements.

If at any point your penis feels uncomfortable, or falls off, consult a health care professional.

Dispose of condoms thoughtfully.

Trolling Fires

Show them a bottle of water.
Call them Oil-Dependent.
Be anal about their blue and orange color.
Constantly make jokes about getting fired.
Ask them if it burns.
Ask them to write their name and number on a piece of paper.
Use particular phrases like "Must be off" and "How did you get on with it?"
Tell them electricity works better.

Gallery

About missing Pics

When Man discovered fire, he likely did not realize that his discovery would be used to set street-bums and gutter-whores aflame. If he had, he would have discovered it earlier.
Doing it right.
Effective fire fighting.