Doug Walker

Doug Walker: even the Irate Gamer thinks he's shit.

Doug Walker (a.k.a The Nostalgia Critic, That Guy With The Glasses or simply That Guy) is a terrible actor who performs a multitude of extremely unfunny routines ripping on terrible actors, exclusively for Thatguywiththeglasses.com. He is one of the site's co-founders and the first person to contribute to the site. He is in many ways similar to his friend and co-contributor TheSpoonyOne, because both fail in every possible way. Doug is directly responsible for the creation of numerous forced memes, perhaps more than any other single human being in history. He relies on these in all his work, particularly his Nostalgia Critic reviews, as he posesses no actual talent, and more often than not, knows nothing about the material he's reviewing. His other methods of generating lulz include screaming, whining, having lots of cameos, and completely ignoring the source material to make jokes that take 5-minutes to deliver.

Doug Walker, wondering where his hair went

Doug's nutsack. People at TV Tropes are known to die of orgasm upon seeing this.

He is also said to produce the most annoying sound known to man.

The Nostalgia Critic

Doug Quits His Job

In 2009, after Doug started making $53,000 off of his shows on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses, on top of making the site $11,000 in donations, he decided that being a household name and Grade-A celebrity meant that he could make possibly the stupidest decision in his life: quit his day job as an illustrator. Because having a steady source of income in an uncertain economy is overrated, right? He may realize what a stupid decision he made when his site inevitably fails and goes under, since it has become a bloated and unwatchable mess, teeming with talentless hacks and pathetic manchildren.

Common sense dictates that one approach a career change in some manner commensurate with the job security of the target career, and no one would rate Internet Celebrity as a particularly secure job. No, in fact, most people would tend to view it as easily the riskiest fucking job prospect imaginable; consequently, most people would take careful measures to ensure their old job remains a viable fallback. Well, most people don't share Doug's sense of USI, which motivates him to treat the whole affair as though he had just sold Facebook, strutting about his soon-to-be-former workplace with camera-weilding Rob in tow, as Doug imagines himself putting it to the man, but actually manages only to annoy and insult his former coworkers.

Doug Walker: even fucking obnoxious in real life.

Of course, it's not like he can ever get a real job again, since he burnt as many bridges as he could while quitting. No sane employer will hire somebody with a video like this haunting them. Let's hope that his current job as being an unfunny hack lasts!

Doug's Other Characters

In addition to The Critic, Doug has a number of other characters at his disposal. Some of them have their own series of videos, while others just make cameo appearances whenever they're needed. Either way, you'll have plenty of opportunities to see them, as one of them is bound to show up if Doug can't get some other contributor on the site to make a cameo appearance in his latest Nostalgia Critic review. Most of these characters are played by Doug, his brother Rob, or M. Night Shyamalan. Below are some of Doug's more well-known characters.

That Guy With The Glasses

As if we didn't have enough things calling themselves "That Guy With the Glasses", this asshole shows up and adds one more to the pile. That Guy is Doug wearing a bathrobe while pretending to be a dangerous psychopath who acquired a large amount of money by some unknown means. He does the "Ask That Guy" routine where he answers questions in disturbing ways and generally tries to be as offensive as possible.

Chester A. Bum

This is the greatest wiki he's ever seen in his life.

A homeless man wearing a Stan Marsh hat with a severe drug addiction (Because making fun of homeless people makes you look like a nice guy, amirite?) who somehow is able to afford tickets to whatever movie is playing at the time. He then posts "bum reviews" giving his opinion on it. Like the Nostalgia Critic, Chester's "reviews" are basically plot summaries, but instead of being full of screaming and cameos, it's full of drug-induced nonsense. Doug gives his actual opinion at the end of the review, but it's in the form of a single line on the "The End" card. An example is "But seriously, it's okay." Great reviewing skills, right?

Dominic

A bartender who supposedly works at a bar that a lot of 90s Video Game characters go to for a drink. There they tell Dominic stories about their personal lives, usually having to do with sex, drugs, or just being batshit insane. Dominic then relays these stories to you through a series of videos called "Video Game Confessions". The stories almost always portray people horribly out of character and frequently ignores their canon. This might be excusable if they were actually funny, but they are really about as entertaining as watching grass covered in wet paint grow. For a (speculated) example of Doug's tendency to fuck up the canon of beloved game characters, he made an unfunny video starring Solid Snake, and how he recounts the death of his parents right in front of his eyes. Wait a second, isn't Solid Snake a clone? Yes, he is. After realizing that he completely fucked up thanks to the many angry emails from Douchey McNitpick on how he got Snake's origin story wrong, he covered his ass by making a follow up video that basically tries to nullify the first one. Still, that's a pretty huge thing to fuck up on if you're making parody videos with popular video game characters. The humor also appeals to the lowest common denominator, and this means that the jokes are always painfully predictable. An example: LOL HERPDERPDERP STAR FOX IS A FURFAG LOLOL. Dominic is also supposed to be British, but even Sean Connery does a better fake british accent than Doug Walker.

Douchey McNitpick

Perhaps the most noteworthy of Doug's characters is not one used in one of his less popular routines, but rather is Doug's attempt to make fun of the people who troll him. Because Doug only posts his content on a site he has complete control over, he is not used to handling people who are not mindless drones who applaud his every move. So when Doug realized that there were people pointing out inaccuracies in his reviews, he responded by admitting to being wrong with the help of Douchey McNitpick, Doug's representation of the despicable people who dared to criticize his work. He seemed to be hoping that this character would either scare them all away or encourage them to comment on his work similar to how his fans do (in other words, not criticize it).

Despite what Douchey is intended to do, he's not really much of a troll. His methods of trolling seems to be correcting various inaccurate statements Doug has made (very minor ones at that) and finishing all his sentences with some sort of childish insult. The fact that Doug actually considers this to be trolling shows how sensitive he really is. Also rather amusing is the fact that Doug decided to call this character Douchey McNitpick, as it's a very good description of the Nostalgia Critic's character.

Melvin The Brother of The Joker

One day a film called The Dark Knight was released which ruined both comic books and movies alike. The reason being is we see assholes like Doug make costumes based on Heath Ledger's Joker who forever ruined the character after Jack Nicholson and Mark Hamill worked so hard to make non comic fags take Batman seriously. Yet Doug didn't get his money's worth with his costume and decided to make an even shittier video, reusing the outfit and calling himself Melvin. This video is what people point to disprove Doug's claims of being a professional improvisational actor. Melvin is the even more aspie version of the Joker and it's absolutely impossible to sit through this entire video. Go ahead and try for yourself. Even if you get drunk ahead of time you'll sober up before the one minute mark. The most dedicated of TGWTG fans who did sit though this voiced out against Doug slamming him for producing the biggest piece of shit besides all of his other work which somehow is never an issue. This was the first and last time outside of his stupid Top 11 Fuck Ups videos you will see Doug cave into creative criticism. Doug later apologizes for it and is facing several dozen lawsuits for putting young children into comas for watching the worst thing imaginable. Well, until Kickassia came out.

Dr. Smith

An unholy fusion of a shitty parody, a shitty character, and a shitty forced meme, Dr. Smith is part of Doug's army of recently created characters whose only purpose are to make fun of one movie's bad acting. In this case it is based on the similarly named villain of the 'Lost in Space' movie, who turns into some kind of evil CGI spider monster near the end of the movie. The only thing Doug's version of Dr. Smith (which looks more like a zombie than a spider thing) does is talk about spiders while bouncing around like Chester A. Bum. He is always surrounded by fugly special effects that make it look even less like he's supposed to be a mutant spider creature.

Casper

A drawing of Casper the friendly ghost, who has the misfortune of being voiced by Doug Walker, and thus is an asshole. As if Doug's voice wasn't painful enough to listen to already, Doug's voice acting for the character is done in a ~~high-pitched voice~~ even higher pitched voice than usual. Fortunately Doug killed(?) Casper at the end of the very same review he first appeared in by dissolving him in a pool of water. Unfortunately, the little bastard lives on in Doug's "Timing!" and "Exposition, Exposition..." running gags.

Ma-Ti

If you're familiar with a cartoon called Captain Planet, you may remember how Ma-Ti, the South American kid, ended up with the shitty power of heart because the writers couldn't think of a better fifth element. You may have even made fun of him; many have, and that's exactly what Doug was doing when he made this character... more than a decade after everyone else stopped giving a shit. Doug's version of Ma-Ti is played by Bhargav Dronamraju, Doug's special effects guy, and is one of Doug's first characters played by someone other than Doug himself. Aside from his impulsive shouting of the word "heart!" whenever he attacks someone, the only times he's ever talked about anything even remotely Captain Planet-related is in his first appearance and one of Linkara's comic reviews. More often he his found acting extremely gay and attacking people for no apparent reason. He always talks like a robot with a sinus infection and Doug can't seem to decide whether he's supposed to be the real Ma-Ti or an impostor. Heeding the cries of absolutely no one, Doug gave the half-character Ma-Ti a major role in the recent shitfest Suburban Knights. Thankfully, he was killed.

Santa Christ

A character played by Rob Walker. Half Santa, half Jesus. Pretty self explanatory. Half of his lines consist of "HO HO HO!" and the other half consists of Rob trying too hard to seem badass. First appeared in the 2009 Christmas Nostalgia Critic review, but is best known for getting murdered by the Nostalgia Critic in 'Kickassia', who summons a tidal wave of cameos to resurrect him, and then dumps him in a bin when that doesn't work. Good job solidifying the fact that your characters are unlikable assholes, Doug!

Terl

Spoony even feels the need to fucking do a crossover in an ED article.

Like Dr. Smith, Terl was created to make fun of just one movie's bad acting. In this case, a similarly-named evil alien drunkard/psychologist metaphor from Battlefield Earth. Despite being played by Spoony, he first appeared in the Nostalgia Critic's review for the aforementioned movie, so he can kind of be considered a character for both reviewers. He pretty much does exactly the same thing as Dr. Smith except he insults people more. Originally Terl was supposed to have died at the end of the review due to Doug thinking that radiation is like gasoline vapor, but Spoony has started using the character in his own reviews, so apparently he actually suvived.

Running Gags

WARNING: FORCED MEMES AHEAD!
A Doug Walker meme is a forced meme. Do the world a favor and don't use any of them.

As mentioned previously, Doug has a ton of hilarious jokes which he relies heavily on to make his Nostalgia Critic reviews. In most cases, his running gags refer to some previous review where Doug made a 5-minute joke about some otherwise unremarkable scene. Doug's jokes range from original to flat out stolen (but most of his recent ones lean toward the latter), and his use of them also varies in terms of how shoehorned-in they are, but no matter what, they are always forced and always unfunny. Because of his status on That Guy With The Glasses, Doug's memes tend to be picked up by lesser contributors fairly quickly, and occasionally manage to go beyond the boundaries of TGWTG and plague the rest of the internet. Listed below are some of Doug's more noteworthy gags:

"Of Course!"

Not to be confused with the Youtube meme involving the same character delivering a line with essentially the same meaning.

"Of Course!" is one of Doug's oldest and most successful ~~forced memes~~ running gags, originating from his review of the Street Fighter movie. For whatever reason, Doug thought that a clip of M. Bison turning around and saying "Of course!" was worthy of being a meme, so he started playing the clip every time he mentions world domination. Using this meme seems to be a job requirement for TGWTG contributors, as every single fucking one of them uses it at one point or another. Although the meme is rarely used as it's intended outside of TGWTG, the clip itself has become rather popular. The overall character of M. Bison (the movie version), is something of a meme on TGWTG, as evidenced by the fact that Doug spends the majority of Kickassia dressed as the character.

Big-Lipped Alligator Moment

The infamous scene of Lucas advertising the Power Glove.

Another fairly successful meme created by Doug (though some claim it was created by the Nostalgia Chick), a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment is Doug way of describing an extremely fucked-up scene that has no relevance to the rest of the movie and is never explained. It was first used in the Nostalgia Critic's review of Ferngully, which had the Nostalgia Chick as a guest star, explaining the debate over who created the meme. While less popular among co-contributors that the aforementioned meme, the Big-Lipped Alligator Moment is frequently used by his fans to describe situations that fit the criteria. It also has an ENTIRE FUCKING PAGE on TV Tropes. Such is to be expected from them though, as they will suck Doug's dick at any given opportunity.

The Gun

Doug's favorite prop to use in his Nostalgia Critic reviews is a toy gun, which he pretends is real. The first time he pulled out this piece of shit was in his review of Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue, where he used it to become an hero after hearing a song about how you can say no to Drugs. Unfortunately, he was only pretending, so he lived to use the gun in later reviews. Since then he's used it only when he pretends to have a fit of rage and waves it all over the place. The effect he uses when pretending to fire the gun is to make the entire screen flash white for a brief moment. Anything that gets hit by a "bullet" fired from Doug's gun explodes as if it were hit by a rocket. It's unknown if this is supposed to be funny or if Doug actually thinks a tiny pistol can do that sort of damage, but knowing Doug the latter seems likely. You probably would never have thought that a fucking prop could become a forced meme, but sadly, that is precisely what has happened. Many other TGWTG contributors have started carrying toy guns around which they use to unleash their fury (or kill themselves). Linkara, another TGWTG-exclusive reviewer who frequently cameos in Doug's work, has used not one, but five different types of toy guns in his comic reviews, taking this particular form of faggotry to a whole new level of patheticness.

The Wizard

The Wizard was a 90s movie about an autistic boy playing Nintendo games. Since Nintendo is the manchild's game developer of choice, It has a high appeal among Doug's fans. So naturally it spawned not one, but two running gags. The first is about the movie's "villian", a boy named Lucas, who Doug pretends to be gay for. His most famous scene involves him blatantly advertising the Power Glove, which Nintendo couldn't go 5 minutes without mentioning back when they were selling the NES. The other is the retarded way the main character says "California", which Doug has plenty of of opportunities to use as he loves talking abut how bad Arnold Schwarzenegger was at acting.

Elephant

File:Burgerking.gif Originated from one of Doug's Nickelodeon month reviews. While talking about a shitty Canadian sitcom called "You Can't do that On Television", the Nostalgia Critic compares the show's tradition of dumping slime on anyone who says "I don't know" to having the Burger King pop up whenever he says "elephant". As you probably guessed, just that happens. Because it's very hard to come up with a situation where someone would be expected to say "elephant", Doug often uses it to stop a relatively short-yet-noisy scene that Doug looped to make it look more annoying. In other words, he makes us sit through a scene that was intentionally made more annoying just so he could summon the Burger King to rape you.

Doug

Another shitty Nickelodeon Month meme, this time about an extremely boring cartoon from Nickelodeon's early years. Talking about the cartoon or hearing it's theme song would make the Nostalgia Critic recall being bullied by his peers due to him having the same first name as the main character and subsequently make him lose his shit and start crying.

Shrug and Foghorn

Whenever a character does something stupid in a stereotypical sitcom you would hear a trumpet making a "waa waa waa" noise as someone shrugs in disbelief. Doug started this shit with his Mortal Kombat review. After a while in future videos he stopped shrugging altogether and just made the noise himself. Yet he made the noise in the most graphic and unfunny manner possible.

"I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"

A scene from some movie Hulk Hogan starred in where Christopher Lloyd gets in an argument with Hogan and randomly decides to inform him that he was, in fact, frozen earlier that day. It's apparently funny because the phrase doesn't fit in any conversation other than the one in question, despite the fact that this can be said about a lot of movie lines. Probably used because Doug can get away with referencing it any time.

Mako

A byproduct of Doug's cluelessness, Mako is a dead azn known for his deep, scratchy voice, and his tendency to play roles as old wise men. He had quite a few fans, so when when Doug made fun of his voice acting in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie (which he played near the end of his life), fans raged and made lots of angry comments. What they didn't realize is that Doug had no idea who Mako was or that he was dead so soon afterward he apologized for the remark and assured his fans he does not dislike Mako. Since then, he has always been hesitant to make fun of Mako, who appeared in several movies the Nostalgia Critic reviewed afteward.

Chuck Norris

Hey Lois! Remember that time Doug brought this shitty meme back?

Fuck off Doug, not only did you blatantly steal this meme, but you resurrected one that everyone was happy to see die.

Timing!

Whenever Caper the Ghost appears to point out bad timing. It's also something that Doug's comical routine lacks.

I'm Acting!

Something Joel and the bots said all the time on MST3K when pointing out shitty actors dialogue.

Celebrity Phone Calls

Doug sometimes pretends to have a conversation with someone who acted in the movie he's currently reviewing. Usually this results in him using a well-known recording of the celebrity swearing at someone over the phone after having consumed a large amount of alcohol and pretending they're angry at the critic for criticizing they're work.

Scary Slow-Mo

Yet another Nickelodeon month gag (Yes, Nickelodeon month really was that bad.) originally used in his retardedly misinformed ramblings about Rugrats. When talking about Angelica, he slowed down her "evil" laughter to make it sound scarier. He's reused this in several other reviews to show how unintentionally creepy some lines in kids' movies are. Obviously, it's another fucking pointless part of the reviews that are only meant to stretch out the running time because Doug couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Fucker" Phrases

There are numerous points in the series when the Nostalgia Critic invents a catchphrase where, to make it funny, he adds "fuck" to it in any variation. In one instance, to parody the movie "My Pet Monster" and the fact that nobody was really reacting with terror when they noticed that the main character had transformed into a blue ball of shit, Doug played an unfunny skit where he walked into another room to find his brother wearing a dinosaur mask, who proceeded to proclaim "I'm a fucking dinosaur." Because adding fucking to every catchphrase equates to comedy gold. While this specific example may turn into a forced meme in itself, another more-well known example is "ZUUL, MOTHERFUCKER, ZUUL." or simply saying motherfucker in anything, like "TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERFUCKER!"

A Bat Credit Card?!

Originates from the Batman and Robin review. Uttering these words forces Doug to go ape shit and viewers to quickly mute the video. Even he admitted he is fucking sick of fans saying this to him IRL, but he still encourages them by 'tarding out because "it's what they expect". This shows just what kind of fans Doug has attrached to his site. And how much Doug would go through for a couple of bucks from internet ads.

Typical NC Fan: "Hey Doug, I've got a Bat credit card! Go apeshit for me and I'll give you $10,000! DO ET FAGGOT, or I'll download AdBlock!!!"

Frying the Coke

The Critic's first attempt to create a forced meme he's actually aware of. First used in his review of Double Team, Doug was afraid nobody would give a fuck and so he used it again in his review of The Tommyknockers, in which he explained it again in detail in case not every of his 12 year old fans got it the first time. Basically it's used when someone makes something so ridicolous and dumb that you find it awesome. Expect him to make more shitty references in future to force this meme even more.

Fun Fact: On the Urban Dictionary, the first and best voted entry you find says that's, indeed, just a shitty forced meme. Way to go, Doug!

Randy Newman

Making its debut in his review of James and the Giant Peach, the Critic decided his impersonation of Randy Newman was so hilarious that he also included it in his reviews of The Tommyknockers and Felix the Cat - The Movie. However, due to the fact that neither of these two movies have anything to do with Randy Newman, the joke stopped being funny after the James and the Giant Peach review.

January: Shitty Gimmick Month

This man used to be employed as a fucking artist.

The New Year is very good at bringing out the very worst of the Nostalgia Critic, for every January Doug devotes an entire month to something specific and completely fucks the whole thing up less than halfway through. In 2009 he declared January to be "Nickelodeon Month". What you may not realize is that although the Nostalgia Critic's cutoff date is 2000, he stopped watching cartoons somewhere in the early-mid 90s, which means he's devoted an entire month to talking about a tiny fraction of Nickelodeon's 20+ year history. He did have the courtesy to do some research on a few of Nick's mid 90s shows like Hey Arnold and Kenan & Kel, and by research we mean he watched a single episode on youtube and just made assumptions about what the other episodes were like. For the self proclaimed voice of manchildren everywhere, Doug certainly doesn't pay much attention to what happens to the things he grows up with, does he?

One year later, he declared January to be Schwarzenegger month. If you're not aware, Doug has a strange obsession with trashing every movie The Governator has ever appeared in and saying he's the worst actor in history, so he basically devoted an entire month to something he already talks about all the fucking time. In his attempts to find the perfect example of how Arnold is an untalented hack, he instead ended up showing how bad Doug himself is at being witty when he doesn't have the opportunity to use his running gags and drawn out jokes by reviewing Junior, a movie so uneventful that Doug had to devote a large portion of the review to pretending to vomit for 5 minutes and later doing a completely unrelated dream sequence in which he sings about how boring the movie is. It is easily the worst Nostalgia Critic review Doug's ever made, being one of the few to actually receive a negative reaction from fans. He then compared the people who disliked the review to Hitler in a Downfall parody. He also reviewed Conan the Barbarian that month, probably the most recognizable movie he's reviewed in 2010. One wonders when he'll finally be pushed to the point where he reviews Terminator out of desperation and triggers the mother of all backlashes.

January of 2011 was dedicated to sequels starting with The Neverending Story III. Since he has long since stopped giving a fuck, the reviews are, of course, terrible. Keep it up, Doug!

Doug Walker's Voice

If there's one thing about Doug that makes him stand out from other internet reviewers, it's his voice. Doug's voice can best be described as being similar to what the Angry German Kid would sound like if he were passing a kidney stone while being castrated. The eardrum-shattering noise that comes out of Doug's mouth is so horrifyingly unpleasant that some believe he has the most unbearable voice on the internet. Doug, on the other hand, can't seem to get enough of hearing himself. About one and a half minutes into every Nostalgia Critic review he starts talking in ALL CAPS and stays that way for the remainder of the video. He's also been compared to Seth MacFarlane for his tendency to break out into song at inappropriate times.

	“	It's much funnier when he sounds whiny and pathetic...	„
	—Doug Walker, making us all deaf for his own amusement.

All the shouting Doug does isn't just unpleasant to hear, it's hurting him too. Doug's screaming has caused him to throw out his voice three times in less than two years since he started reviewing shitty movies. He's had to do several reviews completely mute, with the help of things like captions, signs, and Microsoft Sam (because it's not like he can just wait to get better, right?) Like Spoony or Sean Fausz and their expanding waistlines, Doug hasn't taken his declining health as a possible reason to change his lifestyle, he always comes back shouting as if his throat had never been better. Massive lulz are expected on the day that Doug does permanent damage to his throat and finally realizes that screaming at the top of his lungs for more than 30 minutes straight every week may not have been the best idea.

Rivalry With the AVGN

The Irate Gamer was not pleased to hear that he was no longer the AVGN's biggest rival.

Last Thursday, Doug posted a special Nostagia Critic video adressed to the Angry Video Game Nerd telling him that his fans were accusing Doug of ripping him off. Doug then proceeded to warn that if the Nerd didn't tell his fans to STFU, there was going to be trouble. Since none of the AVGN's fans really gave a shit about Doug's crappy videos, it can be assumed that Doug's fans spammed James Rolfe with so many links to the video and messages like "UR GOING DOWN!" that he gave in and responded to the video. But instead of telling the Critic to fuck off, he said that Doug was a pretty cool guy. Doug managed to keep the feud alive by spewing out paranoid bullshit and luckily for him, James decided to play along. A series of Critic vs Nerd videos were made, ultimately leading up to a final confrontation in the TGWTG 1-year anniversary video. The video itself was probably the best thing Doug has ever appeared in, mainly because when you have an actor as terrible as him, even someone like James Rolfe's acting/directing will look amazing in comparison. The battle ended when That Guy with the Glasses (the character), came out of nowhere and told them that their fighting is pointless and that they should stop. They then proceeded to review some boring Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and the feud ended. For James, at least. The rivalry seems to be alive and well in the Nostalgia Critic's videos, most likely to get his fans excited about the possibility of another Critic vs. Nerd video that will never be made. For those wondering, James hasn't done anything other than shitty 2-second cameos in Doug's videos since then. Even in his 2-year anniversary video, James only appeared to explain a board game that nobody has played in decades. As for the fans, well there wasn't really any conflict between them to begin with. Many of the Nerd's fans became fans of Doug and the two fanbases have largely become one.

TL;DR: IT WAS ALL AN ACT THAT WOULD LET DOUG LEECH OFF OF THE NERD'S POPULARITY

Doug Walker vs. Encylopedia Dramatica

In the Nostalgia Critic's review of A Troll In Central Park he makes a comment in an attempt to retaliate against the claims of unfunniness made against him by ED. His faggot fanboys agreed with him in the comment section calling all ED users "big mean doodie poo poo heads." ~~A dramatican late to the party linked to this article and said "NO U."~~ Apparently admins are butthurt too because they baleeted it, but that zany character is going to keep reposting it until B& or they stop deleting it. Will lulz ensue?

But it's not just Douglas whose upset with us at ED, Their viewers are also distraught at our descriptions of their graven idols.

	“	Something that amuses me about the TGWTG page - the immense amount of butthurt over a joke in A Troll In Central Park. The joke was included in a gigantic wall of text that was on the screen for maybe a second, yet they're whining like babies. I always have to laugh at how defensive people on ED get over jabs at ED. It's surprising how fragile the feelings are on a site that's like 90% goatse.	„
	—Rebochan, Live from Mirror-World, first left from Irony-Ville. Also, it's closer to 98%. Get it right, retard.

"The Room" Review

Sometime on a Tuesday in July, the Lultastic Avenger strikes again. A while ago, maybe on a Sunday, the Nostalgia Critic's award-winning masterpiece review of The Room was taken down from the site due to threats of a lawsuit from John from TheRoomMovie.com due to copyright infringement. In retaliation, the Doug's latest masterpiece has him pretending to be Tommy Wiseau, some French faggot who directed The Room. He totally supports his innocence by trying to be lulzy ala blasting Wiseau and John, and ultimately proves to be as funny as Carlos Mencia. Upon hearing their mighty hero's ego wounded and eager to suck cock, the fanboys were called to battle, ~~brandishing the Internets to battle the evildoers who wronged Their Lord by writing angry letters~~ Apparently, the email link was taken down on the site because of the mass flood of butthurt from The Nostalgia Critic's fanboys. But alas, nobody gave a flying fuck. The butthurt fantards also tried to write about this event on Wikipedia, but their stories have been removed by the admins. CRY SUMMOAR. What should be noted is that TGWTG's founder, Mike Michaud, never said anything to Doug about how butthurt he is coming off as, nor did he tell his chosen manchild that he could potentially kill Channel Awesome.

Doug Fails Miserably at Let's Play

On Tuesday, September 6th, Doug Walker posted a video titled "Let's Play Bart's Nightmare". It went like this.

If you feel your senses struggling to self-terminate, that's good. It means you're a human being with a shred of taste. The video received the lowest possible rating on thatguywiththeglasses.com, which is to say a 3.5 out of 5. It wasn't long before Retsupurae got their hands on it and bravely decided to watch the entire video and record their reactions.

http://blip.tv/slowbeef/retsupurae-vs-the-nostalgia-critic-5535142

As expected, their honest commentary on exactly what makes Doug terrible and unfunny was met by anger and outrage by Nostalgia Critic's drooling mongoloid fanbase.

The backlash eventually became so great that Doug "apologized" by making a review of some shitty movie based on some shitty book or something. This could have been acceptable as an "apology" by TGWTG fans if Doug had not again labelled his critics as whiny retards. Whether Doug had refused to admit his fuckups as a result of a slip of well-hidden cutzpah or just blatant stupidity is unsure, but the former is highly unlikely.

Ladies and gents, we give you; the brill comments concerning the worst 'Let's Play' ever made:

	“	I like the part where he swore and screamed. Contextless profanity is a cornerstone of decent comedy. Truly this man is a witty comedic genius.	„
	—Are you daring to question the Critic's genius with sarcasm? STONE HIM

	“	This was brutally unfunny and boring.	„
	—STONE HIM TOO

	“	I love how so many people are saying that this video isn't that bad, and yet the person who uploaded this disabled the ratings system.	„
	—Criticism? What's that?

	“	'People like to see me get tortured' - So before you bitch about this, remember this, it was YOU lol'd the first time and video game reviews was on demand since then. Basically, YOU asked for this and now you bitch about it. So yeah think about that.	„
	— Yeah! It's all OUR fault Doug made a horrible Let's Pla- wait.

	“	People need to get a life if they take this too seriously. Honestly. Go outside and get some fresh air. It's immature, unreasonable, stupid, idiotic, dimwitted, etc to lash out and troll and saying he's a terrible person aghagjahgjhag are really low. Seriously. I don't get it. He made a bad video. You have every right to like it or not, but there's a difference between disliking and trolling. Everyone takes these things way too seriously when they shouldn't. If you do, get a life. That's all..	„
	—Also don't like it don't watch it yada yada.

	“	"Stop complaining and don't watch if you don't like it u sad people." Um... The Nostalgia Critic gets paid to watch movies that he doesn't like and then complain about them. He even goes looking for shitty movies. So why can't NC fans complain about a video they were expecting to be good?	„
	—Surprisingly, the fanboys didn't respond to this gem.

	“	I really dont see why people dont like this, this was the funniest thing I ever seen. I was literally ROTFL.	„
	—Now where's that pesky brain of mine I keep losing over and over?

	“	Not. A big. Fucking. DEAL. I mean, Doug's made mediocre videos before, he's allowed to have an off week, on account of his frequent genius.	„
	—Too bad this is his day job dipshit, so he's automatically obliged to put some effort in his videos with his non-existent frequent genius.

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The end of the Nostalgia Critic and other lulz

Recently, Doug attempted to ditch his character the Nostalgia Critic and try new things. However, his fans, being insecure, whiny fucks who hate the idea of changing a regular, comforting formula, threw a collective bitch-fit, "causing" Doug's new crap to flop. Though, to be fair, that crap deserved to flop anyways. Butthurt, Doug gave in to demands and returned to the show that was making him the most money, his material now shittier and pointless cameo-littered than ever. Of course, the fans love it.

Recognizing a good opportunity when he saw one, and probably offended that his other projects failed so hard, Doug decided to do an AVGN and set up a fundraiser where fanboys could donate moneyz to his ~~retirement fund~~ show for shitty, worthless "prizes." Fortunately for him, his fans were moronic enough to believe that someone who earns over $1,000,000 a year off needed their help to buy recording equipment, so the donations came flying in. They wanted to upgrade to an SDI workflow, which would help achieve a better quality, faster. This would be all well and good, if they used a platform that supported the higher bitrate from SDI. Something Blip.TV doesn't do. On a more lulzy note, although Doug managed to reach his goal of $50,000, he was hoping to get at least $1,000,000, but "only" ended up getting just under $90,000. This may seem like a lot, but when you consider that the Angry Video Game Nerd made over $325,000, you can't help but chuckle a little. How's that "rivalry" working out now, Doug?

	“	We think we're pretty awesome -- but that's only because our fans are awesome!	„
	—Now let us show our gratitude by charging you $500 for a 30-minute Skype call!

So, what do you get for donating your hard-earned money to this wonderful young man, you might ask? Well, just feast your eyes on this!

$5: ~~Forgot International Shipping~~ Fuck-all: If you ordered something that requires shipping costs but were too busy fapping to an NC episode to remember to pay the shipping, you can do so separately here. Aw, that's so nice~

$10: ~~Thank You!~~ Fuck-all, again: A crappy video Doug made ~~collectively for everyone who was stupid enough to give him $10.00~~ especially for you. You also get to be on a list no one will ever read.

$25: Autographed Photo: An autographed photo of Doug, as well as Rob, Malcom and Rachel. No, seriously, who are those other people? Regardless, you can get the same thing for much cheaper here.

$50: Behind the Scenes Access!: No, you don't actually get to go behind the scenes and watch the show being made. They just email you links to it, which you can then share on Pirate Bay for the win.

$100: Limited DVD & T-Shirt: You get a limited edition (as in, one of only 750) DVD and T-shirt. For bonus points, wear the T-shirt in public and tell people how much you paid for it. They'll all be super-jealous, really! For some reason, only just under 150 people bothered to buy this, which makes one wonder what happened to the rest.

$200: Voicemail Greeting: Within reason, Doug will record you your very own voice mail greeting or small video. When your friends call you and get said voice mail, they'll think you're BFFs with the man himself... until you confess that you paid $200 to get it.

$250: Sketch by Doug: You thought the commissions on Deviant Art could be expensive? If you feel like paying $250 for a medicore sketch that you could get from someone else for $10, then this perk is for you!

$450: Site Linkage: Your site or blog will be linked with the big guys ~~forever~~ for a whole two months! Just imagine how impressed everyone will be when you tell them you spent almost $500 to get plugged for two months! People will be flocking to your shitty Geocities site for years to come!

$500: Skype Call with Doug and Rob: Pay $500 to talk to Doug and some guy you've never heard of for a whole thirty minutes! Slightly less of a rip off than the "meet & greet" sessions at conventions, but not by much. But don't worry! Once you've paid them to talk to you for that half hour, they'll be so impressed by your charming wit and ~~kiss-assery~~ constructive insight, they'll want to become best friends with you for real! Just make sure you're properly funded, and you can ~~pretend to~~ be best friends with them every weekend! After all, it's not like you'll have anything else to do on those days.

For everyone else, keep an eye out on Youtube for "my call with Doug Walker" videos, and act accordingly when you find some.

$750: Screen Your Show: Doug and Rob will watch your shitty rip-off of the Nostalgia Critic on Skype, pretend to like it and give you tips.

$1,250: Super Promotion!: Doug will promote your shitty show at the end of one of his Nostalgia Critic episodes. Keep in mind that just about everyone who watches will know how much you paid to get this promotion, and those who aren't laughing at your stupidity will completely ignore the plug. Money well spent, right?

$1,500: Tour our Studio: Tour Doug's studio and get a bunch of shitty DVDs out of the deal. You'll have to arrange your own travel costs and lodging, but it's all worth it when you get to be a part of the greatest show ever made!

$2,000: Watch Doug film the NC: Watch Doug film his fast-declining magnum opus. Squeal with glee as you get to watch him ~~pile on outtakes~~ HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS, the Nostalgia Critic show only has one take, yell at his extras and get drunk onset to help him cope with the growing depression of being a washed up internet celebrity. Oh, and like before, you'll have to pay your own way there. Be sure to cash in those extra Welfare checks soon!

$3,500: Lunch with Us!: Spend $3,500 to have lunch with Doug, Rob (WHO THE FUCK IS ROB?!) and some other losers (if requested). Granted, there are probably restaurants in Lombard that charge that much, but if you think Doug will be spending your money on having a good time with you, think again. Likely as not, you'll get a quick, cheap "treat" from him in a local McDonald's, then abandoned as Doug and his real friends laugh at your naivety. Also, again, you'll have to pay your own way there and back, which, when combined with the $3,500 Doug wants for his time, will probably add up to the price of a decent car or a down-payment on a flat. But why waste ~~your~~ the government's money on stupid stuff like that when you can waste it on this instead?

$6,500: Be in a NC episode!: Be in an episode of the Nostalgia Critic, for the very reasonable price of $6,500 (and also tour the studio and eat a cheap lunch). When people see you in the episode, wonder who you are and google your name, only to find out you're not important enough to be in a NC episode, they'll soon realize you paid thousands of dollars for the cameo (then again, considering the stupidity of the majority of the viewers on TGWTG, you might be in the clear). But those who do figure it out will be really impressed and jealous, and knowing you bought your way to recognition will give people nothing but respect and admiration for your work! You'll be the talk of their town for the next decade! Like before, you have to pay for your own travel costs and lodging in edition to everything else, but hell, if you're willing to flush this much money down the toilet, a few thousand more shouldn't be a big deal.