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Fundamentalist

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I've told you twice, we're married in the eyes of God, and that makes you my bitch.
Christianhillbilly has a special relationship with God.

Fundamentalists ("fundies," "fgts") are closeted homosexual hardcore believers of their religion, which they believe is the only religion in the world that can accurately explain the truth about the history of the universe. The average fundamentalist, whether Christian, Muslim, Lord of the Rings fanboy, Star Wars fanboy, goth fangirl,Atheist or furry, spends most of his or her time on the Internet engaged in intellectual debate with other fundamentalists over subjects such as whether Jesus, Muhammad, or maybe even Insane Clown Posse wanted their followers to kill all the Jews, Arabs, fags, etc. True fundamentalists write slashfic based on favorite characters from their holy books, and constantly perform acts of kindness due to their beliefs. FundieMENTALists do not believe in science as they believe it is a trick of satan to mislead them. Fundies also do not waste their money on medicine and would rather pray in order to cure their cancer. In Latin, "fundament" means ass, ergo, all fundamentalists enjoy buttsecks.

Atheism leads to Civil War.
This fundie never evolved from the primate stage
Will teach their children after death.

There are fundamentalists in every religion:

Christianity

Note: Christian fundamentalists are identifiable by their large, incestuous families. The husbands refer to their wives as "Mrs. [their surname]". Fundamentalist wives – assuming that they have not had their tongues cut out – usually refer to their husbands as "my Master", and are seen as baby-machines, as these crazy-ass fundies say that all birth control is wrong.

Christian fundamentalism is based upon the "five fundamentals" of the Christian Faith. But the average fucktard is too stupid to consult google before labeling someone a fundamentalist. This induces butthurt among Christian fundamentalists akin to Star Wars fundamentalists who get butthurt after being confused with Star Trek fundamentalists. The average fucktard is identifiable by their inability to explain what fundamentalism is, why the person or group in question is fundamentalist, and what the fuck believing in a list of basic Christian doctrines has to do with being a self-righteous, judgemental fuckwit.

Communities

People on the Internets

IRL

Lord of the Rings

LotR fundamentalists believe every single word of the trilogy is flawless, there are no plot holes, and Tolkien is the greatest wordsmith in human history.

They react violently to questions such as, "Why didn't the giant eagles just fly the ring to Mount Doom?"

Scientology

Islam

Atheism

Internets

Trolling fundamentlists

  • Tell them their religion is complete bullshit.
  • Tell them to experiment with other religions.
  • Ask their opinions on other religions.
  • Mention that their religion might not be true.
  • Ask them to troll other religion, then show them how their religion is just the same as the trolled one.
  • Here's for epic lulz. Become friends with a fundamentalist. Find another fundamentalist (same beliefs do not count). Copy that person's name. Tell the fundy you became friends with about this person. After that, watch the lulz from the two morons.
  • Start any conversation with them about anything, and watch them troll themselves.
  • Also, Poe's law states it is almost impossible to tell the difference between a fundie and a parody of a fundie. This makes it easy to pretend to be a fundie and troll the fuck out of everyone.

Remember: you can't spell "Fundamentalist" without "amen", "fun", "fund", "a", "mental" or "a list". Also, you can't be a fundamentalist if you're not an ass.

Related Links

Fundamentalist
is part of a series on
Christianity
Blessed by God [-+]
Beliefs, Events, Traditions and Other Drama [-+]
Pissing Off the Almighty [-+]
Heathens [-+]
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