The Ring

The Ring was a Japanese documentary about a constantly wet piece of jailbait that haunts old media, most commonly known by the cheap (and quite frankly superior) American ripoff of the same name. For reasons which make absolutely no sense if you've seen the movie, people whose old media she haunts tend to die immediately after looking at common ring-like things such as coffee stains and anal sphincters. The release of this information has caused many USAns to look at their own assholes just to be sure, which caused half of them to break their backs and the other half to get their heads stuck up their asses. This is one of the more feasible theories for the origins of the Democratic (or "spineless") and Republican(or "white trash") parties.

The Ring started the long craze of retarded ass movies that are supposed to portray wet and dirty Japanese girls as terrifying. Other crap ass films that follow this shit-minded logic are: The Grudge, The Grudge II, HOLY SHIT THERE'S A WET GIRL WITH LONG BLACK HAIR CRAWLING AROUND ON YOUR FLOOR 3, and The Grifter. This is all nothing but urban legend of course, as everyone knows that the REAL terror of Japanese girls is a lifetime of clingy, passive-aggressive servitude, a shotgun wedding and, if you live in Tokyo, at least 100 different types of kamikaze ninja crabs. Even though the villain is a little Japanese girl, it is discovered in the movie that she balls has a pair of balls after a doctor tried to fuck her. The cursed videotape has been digitized in the years since the documentary was released and people stopped watching the physical copies. Some argue that digital copies of the tape do not carry its curse.

I'd hit it

Internets connection

im in ur LJ hauntin ur p0stz

the first time I shat my pants in a movie theatre.

Interest in the movie, which is a hoax, was inspired by the discovery of several web sites with clues about the haunting, including a web site for the Morgan Ranch, where Samara lived as a young girl. At least one site contained scans of newspaper clippings documenting some of the strange occurrences documented in the film, including mass suicide of horses at Morgan Ranch. All the sites have disappeared since the American release of the movie. John McCain promises to get to the bottom of this.

Because of the unforgettable and clearly factual nature of her story, Samara still comes up for discussion fairly often in places like sleepparalysis. Believe it or not, one can usually generate drama in any community with enough pussies just by using Samara-themed icons or posting pictures of Samara in lewd and come-hither positions.

The wet chick dances.

Terror's Realm

A video game entitled The Ring: Terror's Realm was created for the Sega Dreamcast and became one of its most popular games. Samara's curse takes the form of a computer virus and forces people to look at Goatse, the ultimate ring. Critics praised the game's avant-garde nature, citing how it broke away from the survival horror genre by not being scary in the slightest. Professionals also appreciated the homages to other popular games such as Resident Evil and Silent Hill. Players went nuts over the awesome controls and commented that they enjoyed the extensive plot; the cutscenes were so in-depth that they minimized gameplay, and who ever really wants to PLAY a video game, amirite? The music was universally praised and has spawned quite a few videos on JewTube, which may be one of the few bad things that came from this game.

Gay Version

There exists another version, for all the anally inclined. "The Hole" is about a movie which when viewed, causes the viewer to become gay in 7 days. Hilarity and awkward moments ensue. No homo. [1]

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