Bloodninja/logs

<Bloodninja

Thank you, blood ninja, for just going on with your bad self.

Sorry the colors are gone from the text. But that's not really the funny part, so it doesn't matter.

Bloodninja : I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.

Sarah19fca : mmmm, okay.

Bloodninja : I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.

Sarah19fca : Yeah I like it rough.

Bloodninja : I smack you thick booty.

Sarah19fca : Oh yeah, that feels good.

Bloodninja : Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.

Bloodninja : I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.

Sarah19fca : you like that?

Bloodninja : I peel some bananas.

Sarah19fca : Oh, what are you gonna do with those?

Bloodninja : get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.

Sarah19fca : Peanuts?

Bloodninja : Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.

Sarah19fca : What are you talking about?

Bloodninja : I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.

Sarah19fca : This is stupid.

Bloodninja : Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.

Bloodninja : Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?

Bloodninja : Yeeaahhhh.

Sarah19fca : /ignore

Bloodninja : Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.

Bloodninja : We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.:

---

Bloodninja : Wanna cyber?

DirtyKate : K, but don't tell anybody ;-)

DirtyKate : Who are you?

Bloodninja : I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot

Bloodninja : And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.

DirtyKate : You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..

Bloodninja : Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order

DirtyKate : Haha! OK

DirtyKate : Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.

Bloodninja : Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then :you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?

DirtyKate : I want everything, baby!

Bloodninja : Is this a delivery?

DirtyKate : Umm...Yes

DirtyKate : So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...

Bloodninja : Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.

• • pause**

DirtyKate :I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!

Bloodninja : You can't hurry good pizza.

Bloodninja : I'm on my way now though

• • pause**

DirtyKate : So you're at my front door now.

Bloodninja : How did you know?

Bloodninja : I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on :your coffee table.

Bloodninja : Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven

DirtyKate : ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby

Bloodninja : So you're still in the bathroom?

DirtyKate : Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.

Bloodninja : I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey :cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in :seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....

DirtyKate : What the fuck?

DirtyKate : You perverted piece of shit

DirtyKate : Fuck

---

Bloodninja : Wanna cyber?

MommyMelissa : Sure, you into vegetables?

Bloodninja : What like gardening an shit?

MommyMelissa : Yeah, something like that.

Bloodninja : Nuthin turns me on more, check this out

Bloodninja : You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

MommyMelissa : is that it?

Bloodninja : You water your tomato patch.

Bloodninja : Are you ready for my fresh produce?

MommyMelissa : I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

Bloodninja : I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.

Bloodninja : I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.

MommyMelissa : Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

Bloodninja : my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

Bloodninja : Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.

MommyMelissa : ...

Bloodninja : My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower :of love.

MommyMelissa : What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

Bloodninja : Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.

MommyMelissa : whatever.

---

Bloodninja : Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14 : Aight.

Bloodninja : Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14 : I slip out of my pants, just for you, Bloodninja.

Bloodninja : Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14 : Oh, I like to play dress up.

Bloodninja : Me too baby.

BritneySpears14 : I kiss you softly on your chest.

Bloodninja : I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14 : Hey...

Bloodninja : I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14 : Funny I still don't see it.

Bloodninja : I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14 : You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

Bloodninja : Don't fuck with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

Bloodninja : I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl :2 Druid.

BritneySpears14 : Don't ever message me again you piece.

Bloodninja : Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of :metal.

Bloodninja : King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. :Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

Bloodninja : You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

Bloodninja : Baby?

---

Bloodninja : Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli13 : thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

Bloodninja : A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli13 : haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli13 : i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

Bloodninja : I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli13 : haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli13 : i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

Bloodninja : Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli13 : No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

Bloodninja : Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.

j_gurli13 : stop, cmon be serious.

Bloodninja : It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

Bloodninja : I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli13 : thats it.

Bloodninja : Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see :as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

Bloodninja : Fuck am I hard now.

---

BritneySpears14 : Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA : Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14 : I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA : huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14 : Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14 : I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA : Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14 : What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA : Oh shit

BritneySpears14 : I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.

eminemBNJA : Oh shit

eminemBNJA : damn I gotta write down your names or something:

---

sweet17 : Hi

Bloodninja : hello

Bloodninja : who is this?

sweet17 : just a someone?

Bloodninja : A someone I know?

sweet17 : nope

Bloodninja : Then why the hell are you bothering me?

sweet17 : well sorrrrrry

sweet17 : I just wanted to chat with you

Bloodninja : why?

sweet17 : nevermind your an jerk

Bloodninja : Hey wait a minute

sweet17 : yes?

Bloodninja : look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid

sweet17 : paranoid?

Bloodninja : yes

sweet17 : of what?

sweet17 : me?

Bloodninja : No. I'm in hiding.

sweet17 : LOL

Bloodninja : Don't fucking laugh at me!

Bloodninja : This shit is serious!

sweet17 : What are you hiding from?

Bloodninja : The cops.

sweet17 : gimme a fucking break

Bloodninja : I'm serious.

sweet17 : I don't get it

Bloodninja : The cops are after me.

sweet17 : For what?

Bloodninja : I'm wanted in three states

sweet17 : For???

Bloodninja : It's kindof embarrasing.

Bloodninja : I had sex with a turkey.

Bloodninja : Hello?

sweet17 : You are fucking sick.

Bloodninja : Send me your picture.

sweet17 : why?

Bloodninja : so I know you aren't one of them.

sweet17 : One of what?

Bloodninja : The cops.

sweet17 : I'm not a cop i told you

Bloodninja : Then send me your picture.

sweet17 : hold on

Bloodninja : Hurry up.

Bloodninja : Are you there?

Bloodninja : Fuck you, cop!

sweet17 : Hey sorry

sweet17 : I had to do something for my mom.

Bloodninja : I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.

Bloodninja : When really you were notifying the authorities.

Bloodninja : Weren't you!?

sweet17 : thats not it

Bloodninja : Then what?

sweet17 : I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty

Bloodninja : Most cops aren't

sweet17 : IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU ASSHOLE!

Bloodninja : Then send me the picture.

sweet17 : fine. What's your e-mail?

Bloodninja : Just send it through here.

sweet17 : alright *PIC*

sweet17 : Did you get it?

Bloodninja : Hold on. I'm looking.

sweet17 : That was me back in may

sweet17 : I've lost weight since then.

Bloodninja : I hope so

sweet17 : what?!?

sweet17 : that hurt my feelings.

Bloodninja : Did it?

sweet17 : Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.

Bloodninja : Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?

sweet17 : yes

Bloodninja : Alright let me find it.

sweet17 : kks

Bloodninja : Okay here it is. *PIC*

sweet17 : this isn't you.

Bloodninja : I'll be damned if it ain't!

sweet17 : You don't look like that.

Bloodninja : How the hell do you know?

sweet17 : cause your profile has another picture.

Bloodninja : The profile pic is a fake.

Bloodninja : I use it to hide from the cops.

sweet17 : You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol

Bloodninja : Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....

Bloodninja : Not to mention all the groceries.

sweet17 : Go fuck yourself

Bloodninja : I was going to until I saw that picture

Bloodninja : Now my unit won't get hard for a week.

sweet17 : I shouldn't have sent you that picture.

sweet17 : You've done nothing but slam me.

sweet17 : you hurt me.

Bloodninja : And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?

sweet17 : I thought you were bullcrapping me!

Bloodninja : Why would I do that?

sweet17 : I can't believe that cops are after you

Bloodninja : I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..

sweet17 : FUCK YOU!!!

Bloodninja : You'd break both of his legs.

sweet17 : You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE!

sweet17 : I've been teased my whole life because of my weight

sweet17 : and you make fun of me when you don't even know me

Bloodninja : Ok. I'm sorry.

sweet17 : No you aren't

Bloodninja : You're right. I'm not.

Bloodninja : HAARRRRR!

sweet17 : I'm done with you

Bloodninja : Aww. I'm sorry.

sweet17 : I'm putting you on ignore

Bloodninja : Wait a sec

Bloodninja : We got off on the wrong foot.

Bloodninja : Wanna start over?

sweet17 : No

Bloodninja : I'll eat your kitty

sweet17 : You'll what?

Bloodninja : You heard me.

Bloodninja : I said I'd eat your kitty.

sweet17 : I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture

Bloodninja : Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?

sweet17 : I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes

Bloodninja : Well I'm not like most men.

Bloodninja : I get excited in different ways.

sweet17 : Like what?

Bloodninja : Do you really wanna know?

sweet17 : I don't know

Bloodninja : You have to tell me yes or no.

sweet17 : I'm afraid to

Bloodninja : Why?

sweet17 : cause

Bloodninja : cause why?

sweet17 : well lets see

sweet17 : you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out

sweet17 : doesn't that seem strange to you?

Bloodninja : Nope

sweet17 : well its strange to me

Bloodninja : Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to

sweet17 : I didn't say that

Bloodninja : So is that a yes?

sweet17 : I guess so.

Bloodninja : Ok. I need your help getting excited though.

Bloodninja : Are you willing?

sweet17 : What do you need me to do?

Bloodninja : I need you talk like a pirate.

sweet17 : ???

Bloodninja : When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"

Bloodninja : ok?

Bloodninja : Hello?

sweet17 : You can't be serious

Bloodninja : Oh yes I am!

Bloodninja : It's my fantasy.

sweet17 : this is retarded

Bloodninja : Do you want it or not?

sweet17 : Yes I want it.

Bloodninja : Then you'll do it for me?

sweet17 : sure

Bloodninja : Ok. Here we go.

Bloodninja : I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.

Bloodninja : You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them

Bloodninja : I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.

Bloodninja : I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.

sweet17 : mmmm yeah

Bloodninja : uh oh ...going limp.

sweet17 : Har

Bloodninja : You gotta do better than that!

Bloodninja : Your picture was really bad.

sweet17 : HARRRRRRRRRRRR

Bloodninja : Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.

Bloodninja : I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.

Bloodninja : Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.

Bloodninja : I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.

sweet17 : mmmmmm you are good

Bloodninja : I feel your thighs tighten as I suckharder

Bloodninja : going limp

sweet17 : HARRRRRRR

Bloodninja : Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.

Bloodninja : You begin to sway back and forth.

Bloodninja : going limp

sweet17 : this is stupid

Bloodninja : ...still limp

Bloodninja : Do it!

sweet17 : HARRRRRRRRRRRRR

Bloodninja : I turn you around to lick your asshole.

Bloodninja : I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.

Bloodninja : I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.

sweet17 : WTF?!?!?

Bloodninja : They stink really bad.

sweet17 : OMG STOP!!!

Bloodninja : I start to get fed up with your ugly ass

Bloodninja : I tear off your wooden peg leg.

Bloodninja : I ram it up your ass.

sweet17 : YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!

Bloodninja : Then I pour hot carmel over your head.

Bloodninja : And turn you into a fucking candy apple...

Bloodninja : I kick you in the face!

sweet17 : FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!

Bloodninja : The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...

Bloodninja : Your parrot flys away.

Bloodninja : ...going limp again.

Bloodninja : Hello?

Bloodninja : Say it!

Bloodninja : HAARRRRRR!!!!!

---

Wellhung : Hello, Sweetheart . What do you look like?

Sweetheart : I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My :measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung : I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also :wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart : I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung : OK

Sweetheart : We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up :into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung : I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart : I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung : Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart : I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung : I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart : I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and :rubbing.

Wellhung : My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart : That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung : I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart : Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and :harder.

Wellhung : I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart : I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses :my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung : How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart : I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung : I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart : I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung : I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart : What?

Wellhung : I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart : I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung : I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart : OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung : I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart : I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung : I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart : What's the matter?

Wellhung : I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart : Are you OK?

Wellhung : I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart : Can I help?

Wellhung : I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your :cups?

Sweetheart : In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung : I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart : Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung : I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart : I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung : I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm :lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart : Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung : I found it.

Sweetheart : I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung : Me too.

Sweetheart : Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung : Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung : OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart : I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung : I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart : Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung : I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart : I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung : I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart : What's the matter now?

Wellhung : I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling :my way.

Sweetheart : Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung : OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart : Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung : I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart : I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung : I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart : What?

Wellhung : I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart : I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung : I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart : No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung : No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair :spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart : I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung : I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm :pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart : Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung : Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

---

I.F. : You ready yet? Im bearing to go!

SexyKarla17 : Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?

I.F. : a Kodiac bear

SexyKarla17 : ?

I.F. : Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me

SexyKarla17 : Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my :way down your stomach

I.F. : I growl to warm you my cubs are near

SexyKarla17 : huh?

I.F. : Bears get fuckin pumped when anyone is near their cubs

Sexkarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly..

SexyKarla17 : I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.

I.F. : Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now

SexyKarla17 : hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking :it off me slowly

I.F. : I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you

I.F. : I Growl again, and start to bite you

SexyKarla17 : Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now

I.F. : I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood :mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.

SexyKarla17 : what the fuck?

I.F. :uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.

---

I.F. : My shit is hard you ready to jump aboard?

1hOttYeVe : oh yhea im so wet right now

I.F. : Why you just shower?

1hOttYeVe : no im wet for you

I.F. : Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or that gator shit you would dive and slide down, there was that :badass pool at the end of it.

1hOttYeVe : What the fuck are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not?

I.F. : I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then you say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on :you...

I.F. : Im sorry lets continue!

1hOttYeVe : alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest

I.F. : I pop like 16 boners

1hOttYeVe : what the fuck!

I.F. : what?

---

Partner6 : So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?

J-Dogg : Yeah, J for Julie.

Partner6 : So whats with the "Dogg"

J-Dogg : Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.

Partner6 : Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?

J-Dogg : Yeah like I got 6 guns.

Partner6 : Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?

J-Dogg : hehe, of course baby.

Partner6 : I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".

J-Dogg : Ohh, it's so big.

Partner6 : Yeah, what you want to do?

J-Dogg : Umm, i guess stroke it or something.

Partner6 : It likes that.

J-Dogg : aight.

Partner6 : Keep talking to me baby...

J-Dogg : I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.

Partner6 : Mmmm, daddy like.

J-Dogg : I unzip my pants...

Partner6 : Yes, show me what you got.

J-Dogg : I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...

Partner6 : WTF?!

J-Dogg : Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!

Partner6 : I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...

J-Dogg : Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!

Partner6 : You dipshit.

J-Dogg : I whimper to myself...

J-Dogg : please don't shoot me Mr.

---

J-Dogg : I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.

Partner8 : Who the fuck are you?

J-Dogg : I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:

J-Dogg : Fuck me, Fuck me.

J-Dogg : My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.

Partner8 : OMFG are you trying to cyber me?

J-Dogg : We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that :forms in your thigh.

Partner8 : Is that like cancer?

J-Dogg : If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.

Partner8 : Good one romeo.

J-Dogg : You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My :tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

The salmon swim at night.

Towards your room.

The snow and the moon.

Partner8 : that was never a haiku.

J-Dogg : To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.

Partner8 : That made even less sense than your "haiku"

J-Dogg : So you ready to fuck then?

Partner8 : You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.

J-Dogg : ...

Partner8 : ?

J-Dogg : I'm spent.

---

Jdogg : Hey

QT-Pie : Hey

Jdogg : whats goin on

QT-Pie : Nothing. Who are you?

Jdogg : Jdogg . Wanna cyber?

QT-Pie : what does that mean?

Jdogg : what are you wearing?

QT-Pie : T-shirt. Jeans.

Jdogg : Garter belt?

QT-Pie : Ummm...no.

Jdogg : Are we gonna cyber or not?

QT-Pie : uh, okay.

Jdogg : Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.

Jdogg : You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.

QT-Pie : WHAT?!

Jdogg : I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.

Jdogg : You leave everything to Jdogg.

Jdogg : I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.

QT-Pie : This is weird. I should go.

Jdogg : I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.

QT-Pie : A stripe?

Jdogg : I need a sandwich.

QT-Pie : You're a freak.

Jdogg : I was great. You loved it.

---

murph_304: hi

murph_304: there

bIond_n_a_vette: hi ya stud

murph_304: hows your cat

bIond_n_a_vette: hungry for your manhood

murph_304: so how did you afford to get a vette..??

bIond_n_a_vette: i worked a lot of hours on my back, want ride me?

bIond_n_a_vette: i am more fun to ride in than my vette

murph_304: Hmmmmm, really?

bIond_n_a_vette: yes

murph_304: how old are you.?

bIond_n_a_vette: 23

murph_304: and what do you look like..??

bIond_n_a_vette: blond, with big tits

murph_304: where are you from..

bIond_n_a_vette: houston

murph_304: damn, a long way away.... but i wish i was there........

bIond_n_a_vette: want to have sex over the phone?

murph_304: it will cost a fortune............

bIond_n_a_vette: ill call you then

bIond_n_a_vette: whats your number?

murph_304: but i'm from sydney, australia

murph_304: not even in the us

bIond_n_a_vette: i dont care, i want to hear your manly voice

murph_304: i cant at the moment...... but add me to your friends list and maybe we can later..

bIond_n_a_vette: its now or never

murph_304: Whats your name anyway

bIond_n_a_vette: Ralph

murph_304: Ralph..????????/

bIond_n_a_vette: Yeah short for Ralphinna

murph_304: You sick bastard go away!

bIond_n_a_vette: But...but...I love you!

murph_304: Ignored!

---

RaveLuvinBabe: Hi there!

cheesedog: HEYA!

RaveLuvinBabe: What u up 2?

cheesedog: Nice English.

cheesedog: Did you learn that on the short bus?

RaveLuvinBabe: Get fucked

cheesedog: I'm just joking relax

RaveLuvinBabe:

cheesedog: What's your name?

RaveLuvinBabe: Whats yours?

cheesedog: I asked you first.

RaveLuvinBabe: I asked you second

cheesedog: Did I time just warp to middle school?

RaveLuvinBabe: huh

cheesedog: Never mind. My name is Johnny

cheesedog: Johnny Cheesedog

RaveLuvinBabe: Thats not your real name

cheesedog: Why isn't that my real name?

RaveLuvinBabe: No one has the name Cheesedog as a last name

cheesedog: Well I do. Whats wrong with it?

RaveLuvinBabe: Nothin i suppose

RaveLuvinBabe: Is that your real pic in that av?

cheesedog: Yes it is

RaveLuvinBabe: Very handsome

cheesedog: Thanks

RaveLuvinBabe: You kinda look like eminem

cheesedog: Fuck you.

RaveLuvinBabe: HEY! I meant that in a good way

RaveLuvinBabe: I think eminem is hot!

cheesedog: Oh. You think I'm hot?

RaveLuvinBabe: Yeah

cheesedog: What do you look like?

cheesedog: Do you have a pic?

RaveLuvinBabe: I don't show my picture to anyone

cheesedog: Why not?

RaveLuvinBabe: Cause I'm ugly

cheesedog: I won't make fun of you

RaveLuvinBabe: Its not that. I just don't like my looks

cheesedog: So you have no self-esteem, huh?

cheesedog: Is that what you're saying?

RaveLuvinBabe: I just don't think I'm pretty

cheesedog: Let me be the judge of that.

RaveLuvinBabe: Nahhh

cheesedog: Then describe yourself.

RaveLuvinBabe: Why do u wanna know what I look like?

cheesedog: Because I think you're nice

cheesedog: I want to picture you in my head while I'm talking to you.

RaveLuvinBabe: LMAO!! You don't want 2 picture me. Trust me

cheesedog: Why not?

RaveLuvinBabe: I told you. I'm ugly.

cheesedog: Well... I think you're beautiful on the inside.

RaveLuvinBabe: You don't even know me

cheesedog: I'm a pretty good judge of character

RaveLuvinBabe: Then why do u need 2 see me?

cheesedog: I just wanted to know thats all

cheesedog: If you aren't comfortable with it... thats fine.

RaveLuvinBabe: You don't understand

cheesedog: Is it that bad?

RaveLuvinBabe: YESSSSS

cheesedog: Ok then. I'm gonna picture you as Weezy from the Jeffersons.

cheesedog: She is the bomb!

cheesedog: She makes me hot just thinking about her!

RaveLuvinBabe: Wheezy?

cheesedog: Yep. Weezy.

RaveLuvinBabe: Who is that?

cheesedog: George's wife.

RaveLuvinBabe: Who is george

cheesedog: George Jefferson. From the Jeffersons.

cheesedog: Are you fucking deaf?

RaveLuvinBabe: Who are the Jeffersons?

cheesedog: Oh lord. Here we go

RaveLuvinBabe: wut?

cheesedog: You don't know who the Jeffersons are?

RaveLuvinBabe: Should I?

cheesedog: Yes.

RaveLuvinBabe: Well I don't.

cheesedog: FISH DONT FRY IN THE KITCHEN! BEANS DONT BURN ON THE GREEEELL...

RaveLuvinBabe: huhhh?

cheesedog: TOOK A WHOOOOLE LOTTA LU UH VINNNN. JUST TO GET UP THAT HEEEELL

RaveLuvinBabe: Wut the hell are you saying?

cheesedog: Hold on a second

cheesedog: Here you go. *PIC*

RaveLuvinBabe: Thats her?

cheesedog: Yep

RaveLuvinBabe: I don't look anything like that

cheesedog: SHUT UP! You're ruining my fantasy!

RaveLuvinBabe: LOL. You're funny.

cheesedog: What's funny?

RaveLuvinBabe: u r

cheesedog: I'm glad I entertain you

RaveLuvinBabe: me 2

cheesedog: So if you don't look like Weezy, what do you look like?

RaveLuvinBabe: u don't give up do u?

cheesedog: Never

RaveLuvinBabe: I'm the exact opposite of her

cheesedog: ???

RaveLuvinBabe: I'm very white

cheesedog: Thats cool, my white anti-soul sista'

RaveLuvinBabe: LOL

cheesedog: I can dig white chicks too, I guess.

RaveLuvinBabe: I'm whiter than most

cheesedog: really?

RaveLuvinBabe: I'm an albino

cheesedog: a what?

RaveLuvinBabe: u don't know what that is?

cheesedog: I've heard the word before

RaveLuvinBabe: I have no pigment in my skin, eyes or hair

RaveLuvinBabe: So I'm all white

cheesedog: This is bullshit

RaveLuvinBabe: I'm serious!

RaveLuvinBabe: You've never seen an albino before?

cheesedog: No. Where do they live? Albinia?

RaveLuvinBabe: No, we live all over.

cheesedog: Then how come I've never seen any

RaveLuvinBabe: Lucky I suppose

cheesedog: Send me your picture. I wanna know what an albino looks like.

RaveLuvinBabe: I'll send you a picture of one but not me

cheesedog: Ok

RaveLuvinBabe: Here u go *PIC*

cheesedog: Whoa. Thats freaky

RaveLuvinBabe: See why I don't send my picture out?

cheesedog: there's nothing wrong with it.

cheesedog: It doesn't make you ugly

cheesedog: This chick is kind of hot actually.

RaveLuvinBabe: Thank u

cheesedog: No problem

cheesedog: Her, not you. I don't know what you look like.

RaveLuvinBabe: Are you gonna be on in 3 hours?

cheesedog: Yes

RaveLuvinBabe: I have to go to the mall with my sister

RaveLuvinBabe: Will you be here when I get back?

cheesedog: Sure. Then I'll sex you up.

RaveLuvinBabe: Gee thanks. LOL

cheesedog: I'm serious

RaveLuvinBabe: We'll see.

cheesedog: Yes we will.

RaveLuvinBabe: Bye for now!

cheesedog: Make sure you wear some sunscreen.

RaveLuvinBabe: <USER HAS LOGGED OUT>

About 3 hours later...

RaveLuvinBabe: HEY!

cheesedog: Hello there

RaveLuvinBabe: I'm back

cheesedog: Have fun at the mall?

RaveLuvinBabe: Yeah. I got some new shoes

cheesedog: Interesting

RaveLuvinBabe: Not really. Just shoes

cheesedog: You ready to be sexed up now?

RaveLuvinBabe: LOL

cheesedog: Is that a yes?

RaveLuvinBabe: Could be

RaveLuvinBabe:

cheesedog: HOT DAMN!

cheesedog: I gently suck your nipples

cheesedog: I feel them get hard then I jam my hand down your pants

RaveLuvinBabe: WOAH! Slow down cowboy

cheesedog: Why?

RaveLuvinBabe: I'm not just gonna cyber with you if thats all you want

cheesedog: What do you mean?

RaveLuvinBabe: You're not going to ignore me later are you?

cheesedog: Of course not.

cheesedog: I like you.

RaveLuvinBabe: I don't even know how old you are.

cheesedog: I'm 27. Now...

cheesedog: I gently massage your breasts with my rough hands

cheesedog: I roll your nipples between my fingers

RaveLuvinBabe: WAIT!

cheesedog: They get hard again... what?

RaveLuvinBabe: Don't you wanna know anything about me first?

RaveLuvinBabe: Like what I like?

cheesedog: Oh yeah. Sure. Hurry up.

RaveLuvinBabe: That didn't sound convincing.

cheesedog: YES I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW!!!

RaveLuvinBabe: Now u r being a smartass

RaveLuvinBabe: Just give me a minute

cheesedog: ok

RaveLuvinBabe: I'm back

cheesedog: np

RaveLuvinBabe: thank you

cheesedog: So what do you like?

RaveLuvinBabe: Ummmm being licked

cheesedog: Where?

RaveLuvinBabe: Everywhere

cheesedog: Any place in particular?

RaveLuvinBabe: uhhh yeah

cheesedog: tell me

RaveLuvinBabe: on my clit

cheesedog: OK!

cheesedog: NOW YOU'RE TALKIN!

RaveLuvinBabe: I also like being done from behind

cheesedog: Ooooooohhhh.

cheesedog: Ok. Check this out.

cheesedog: We're in an abandoned building.

cheesedog: No is around. Its all quiet.

RaveLuvinBabe: Uh huh

cheesedog: I gently unbutton your pants and slide my hand across your clit

cheesedog: You get all warm and juicy.

cheesedog: I slip your panties down and continue to massage your pussy

RaveLuvinBabe: oooohh mmmm

cheesedog: I place my mouth on your pussy as I eat you from behind

cheesedog: I wiggle my tounge around across your moist hole

RaveLuvinBabe: yessss

cheesedog: I cover your ears with my hands as I eat you.

cheesedog: Egon and Ray sneak in from the back.

cheesedog: *Powering up Proton packs*

RaveLuvinBabe: ???

cheesedog: Then... Egon BLASTS your pasty white ass!!

cheesedog: POW!! BZZZZZTTTTTPHTTTTTT!!!

cheesedog: Winston and Peter set up the containment trap....

RaveLuvinBabe: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!!

cheesedog: You wiggle around in the proton streams buck naked

cheesedog: The streams almost cross! Look out!!

cheesedog: Peter smacks you across the chin with his gun

cheesedog: They open the trap and it sucks your pale ass in!

RaveLuvinBabe: This isn't funny johnny!

cheesedog: SHUT UP! YOUR CAUGHT!

cheesedog: **puts you in the containment area**

cheesedog: Slimer is in there too...

RaveLuvinBabe: YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!

cheesedog: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!

cheesedog: Now...Slimer sticks his green, slimey cock in your pigmentless ass.

cheesedog: **HE SLIMES YOU!**

RaveLuvinBabe: Never talk to me again!

cheesedog: He cums all over your hair... but no one notices cause its the same color

RaveLuvinBabe: FUCK YOUUUU

cheesedog: He eats a powdered donut!

RaveLuvinBabe: SHUT UP AND FUCK YOUUUU!!!!!

cheesedog: o wait! It was your hand, you scary, white whore!

RaveLuvinBabe: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

cheesedog: Chill out, Casper. You're trapped, I said.

cheesedog: Slimer goes to lick your clit.

cheesedog: But there is already slime on it!!

cheesedog: Slimer thinks you are a cheater and gets jealous!!

cheesedog: HE RIPS YOUR WHITE TITS OFF!

RaveLuvinBabe: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!

cheesedog: **Plays volleyball with them**

RaveLuvinBabe: <USER HAS LOGGED OUT>

---

evil_sarah: So you like bbws?

RobInHood: Nope...I Luv BBW"S...;o)))

evil_sarah: You're sort of cute.

RobInHood: ThanXXX...;o)))

RobInHood: Am Truly Honored...

evil_sarah: You look like you really know how to handle a woman like me.

RobInHood: 24/7...........;o)))

evil_sarah: So what would you do to me if I was there right now?

RobInHood: cover you in cane syrup and start licking you from your toes up to your ears...

evil_sarah: Mmmmm. That sounds good. Then what?

RobInHood: rub you down with baby oil and make HOT SLIPPERY LOVE to You For Hours...

evil_sarah: I only have 5 toes.

evil_sarah: Is that a problem for you?

RobInHood: is ok with me...

evil_sarah: Ok.

evil_sarah: I lost one of my legs in Desert Storm.

evil_sarah: They didn't show any of it on CNN, but it was hell over there.

evil_sarah: I was really in the shit.

RobInHood: am a vet also...

evil_sarah: yeah. From what war?

RobInHood: Nam Era...

evil_sarah: Really?

evil_sarah: You kill a lot of gooks over there?

RobInHood: some...was in Armor...a Tanker...

evil_sarah: You kill any women and children?

RobInHood: not that I Know of...

evil_sarah: I did.

evil_sarah: I hit them with the flame thrower.

evil_sarah: They tried to tell me they were civilians but I knew better.

evil_sarah: So I torched them.

evil_sarah: One of them threw a grenade and blew off one of my legs.

RobInHood: was pretty lucky...came back "Almost" like I left...

evil_sarah: What do you mean "Almost"?

RobInHood: still think about tymes...there...but ok Physically...

evil_sarah: Yeah? Did you ever make a neclace out of ears?

RobInHood: you never really forget...

evil_sarah: I did.

RobInHood: no...tried very hard to keep my Sanity...

evil_sarah: I still have a finger neclace that I wear every day.

evil_sarah: It stunk for a while but now it's just like a bunch of beef jerky.

RobInHood: did not get to bring anything back...

evil_sarah: They didn't want to let me keep it on the transport back so I had to hide it in my ass.

evil_sarah: It hurt. The fingernails kept scratching me.

evil_sarah: Let's not talk about those times.

evil_sarah: You were just about to oil up my stump.

RobInHood: ok...

evil_sarah: Keep going. Tell me what you would do next.

RobInHood: completely lost the mode...sorry...

RobInHood: mood...

evil_sarah: Come on. Pretend I'm one of those Saigon whores.

RobInHood: mind kinda wonders off to those tymes...

RobInHood: they were not really all that hot...alll skin and bones...

RobInHood: not cuddly at all...

evil_sarah: Tell me I'm a slut and pull my hair.

RobInHood: I like to do that...;o)))

evil_sarah: What's up with that link on your profile? You have herpes?

RobInHood: yes...one thing I did get to bring back...

evil_sarah: I got it too from Kuwait.

evil_sarah: No big deal. I can deal with it.

RobInHood: me also...

evil_sarah: Does yours itch?

RobInHood: am pretty lucky...only a few tymes a yr...

evil_sarah: Sometimes i can't tell if it's the herpes or the vaginosis. But it itches like crazy.

evil_sarah: It smells horrible too. Like a burning tire.

evil_sarah: So come on. You were in the middle of oiling me up.

evil_sarah: Let's get it on.

RobInHood: Sorry ...maybe some other tyme...maybe???

evil_sarah: No. Come on. You got me all excited now.

evil_sarah: Don't you want to have cyber sex with me?

RobInHood: can not concentrate right now...

evil_sarah: Why not?

evil_sarah: You're not having flashbacks to the Nam are you?

RobInHood: not really flashbacks...just bad memeories

evil_sarah: Like what?

evil_sarah: You hearing voices?

evil_sarah: You got gooks in the peremiter?

RobInHood: you always hear their voices and see their faces...but worst yet is when the faces

RobInHood: you see is their Death Face...not when they were alive...

evil_sarah: Oh yeah. Now your're getting me hot. Keep going.

evil_sarah: I'm sucking on one of the fingers from my neclace right now. Hello?

RobInHood: have to hit the showers. Got to get up for work tomorrow.

evil_sarah: No don't go!

evil_sarah: I'm almost finished.

evil_sarah: I'm fingering my self with one of the bigger ones from my neclace.

RobInHood: don't have tyme

evil_sarah: This fuckign vaginosois. Makes it look like it's covered with cottage cheese.

RobInHood: sounds nice. Bye.

evil_sarah: You pussy!

evil_sarah: A real man would at least finish a woman off.

evil_sarah: You have no backbone.

RobInHood: But I love you! You are a bbw!!

evil_sarah: That's why you couldn't bring yourself to torch those women and kids In the Nam.

evil_sarah: I once burned a kid to death with a pack of matched

evil_sarah: because my flamethrower was out of gas.

RobInHood: Bye.

evil_sarah: I smuggled one guy's brains back in a mayonnaise jar.

evil_sarah: I put it on crackers and eat it at special occasions.

RobInHood: You're sick. Goodbye.

evil_sarah: Mostly on Holidays. I don't have much left.

evil_sarah: Are you still there?

evil_sarah: ANSWER ME!

Bloodninja/logs is part of a series on Chat Logs

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