Golden Road.net

Golden Road.net looks like it was written by pseudo-intellectual 13-year-old boys. Look out for unfunny Uncyclopedia bullshit, boring in-jokes, and angsty teen-ery. You could also add in actual humor.

Bob Barker; the ever popular
host of The Price is Right.

Golden Road.net is a place where asspies gather on a regular basis to discuss an extremely old game show called The Price Is Right.

The users are deathly afraid of change and have somehow adopted the delusion that the show should remain exactly the same no matter what. The site is run by a pair of emo basement dwellers named Marc Green and John "ClockGameJohn" Sly. They get butthurt very easily, and, as you'll see in the section on Roger Dobkowitz's firing, that tends to hurt innocent users MOAR often than not. There was also a third owner named Robert Searcy, but he got pwned in the ass and hasn't been seen since. GRN today is nothing more than a haven for every autistic moron who can't string together words into a coherent sentence.

The site

• Split Decision: A forum where you can send Roger Dobkowitz your well-wishes. Assuming, of course, you have any.
• The Front Office: This is where the SRS BSNS gets posted.
• The Talk Is Right: The general discussion forum. Here, you can:
  • Wank
  • Flame anyone who proposes a change to the show
  • Worship Bob Barker and bash Drew Carey
  • Whine any time a change is made to the actual show.
  • Masturbate to pictures of Janice Pennington, Dian Parkinson, and Holly Hallstrom
  • And so much MOAR!
• There's also a forum called "Out in Left Field", where you can do the same thing for other game shows, but noone gives a crap about them.
• Price Around the World: There are international versions of the show!?! LOL!!! I never knew that...!
• Ticket Requests: Scalp tickets from your fellow Price fans.
• Joe Capitano's Summaries and Spoilers: Some dipshit actually devotes his life to summarizing Price Is Right episodes. OMG SRS BSNS!!! There's also a section titled "Retro Recaps" for episodes made prior to the existence of the site. Like anyone gives a shit.
• Pricing Game Reviews: As if things on the site couldn't get any more fucktarded, they actually allow you to write reviews of the over 9,000 pricing games on the show! Some paranoid dipshit named Alfonzo made the Retired Game Review section members-only. LOL WUT! But, as of August 9, 2008, the seal on the forum has been broken, and now Anonymous can read reviews of the retired pricing games. [1] Yay.
• Host Your Own!:

	“	Think you have what it takes to be the next Bob Barker or Drew Carey? Join your fellow members in participating in mock TPIR episodes!	„
	—Golden Road.net

• No. These members fail at that because Bob Barker is God, and Drew Carey is just a fat bozo with no life. On an interesting side note, 20% of your posts have to be in other sections of the site in order for you to play. Honestly, who gives a fucking shit?
• CSS: Not "cascading stylesheet", but "Chatroom Showcase Showoff". Basically, during the final round of the show (AKA the Showcase), the users go into the site's chatroom and bid on the Showcases on the real show. The winrar gets...absolutely nothing. WTF!?!
• FPG BALEETED!!!: "Friday Prediction Game". The users take the pricing game lineups for the Monday-Thursday episodes and use them to predict Friday's lineup. Admittedly quite fun.
• Other games:
  • The Amazing Race: Shitty spinoff of another CBS show.
  • GRECO!: A shitty ripoff of a shitty game called bingo.
• ALL BALEETED!!!
• Golden Gallery: A picture gallery full of crap. Used to be publicly viewable, but in 2005, Marc Green got fucking paranoid and made it members-only. Epic fail.

Memes

Because The Price Is Right has been on for 40 years, and because Golden Road.net has been online for about 6, a number of memes, both from the show and from the site, have formed.

From the show

• The Epic Battle of Drew Carey vs. Bob Barker: The members of the site love to get in retarded flame wars over which host is better, with Bob Barker winning the battle by over 9,000 points. They think that Bob Barker is the ONLY one who can do TPIR, and that noone else can. Defenders of Drew Carey say that the show now has a fresh feel to it, and that the show is enjoyable for the first time in many years. This constant bitching is a source of epic lulz.
• Barker's Beauties: Many Price fantards think that three sluts named Janice Pennington, Dian Parkinson, and Holly Hallstrom are the only three models that should be on TPIR, and that no one else can do the job. Never mind the fact that Bob raped them, then fired them when they called him on it. Never mind the fact that they are bloody old and wrinkly and are as ugly as Madonna. Never mind the fact that the new models are younger and are put in a rotation to keep things fresh. They gots Asperger Syndrome, remembar!?! They want things to stay the same FOREVAR!!!
• Yolanda Bowlsley: In 1977, some contestant wearing a tube top flashed her boobs to the crowd, resulting in epic lulz. Bob Barker was initially confused about the whole situation, wondering why the audience was so overly excited to see him enter. Johnny Olson, the announcer at the time, said, "Bob, they have given their all for you!" Later on, Bob remarked that "she came on down, and they came on out!" Yolanda to this day claims it was a wardrobe malfuncion. LIES. Not to be outdone, in the early days of Drew Carey's run on the show, a couple other black women bared their asses on the show. LOL.
• Samoans: In the early days of the show, fat Samoan women with little to no impulse control would glomp Bob Barker and lift him really high in the air. He fears Samoans to this day!

Previous Video | Next Video

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• $9,000 Surfboards: On TPIR's 25th Anniversary Special, a clip was shown of a really old lady bid $9,000 on a pair of surfboards. The incident happened years before. Not to be outdone, in the spring of 2008, a really stupid contestant bid such shit as $2,000,000 on a prize. YouTube vids PLZ or it didn't happen.

From within the site

• Exacta/Wipeout: An Exacta is what happens when a contestant plays a game perfectly. But since most Price Is Right contestants are clueless morons, this rarely happens, and those few that do score an Exacta usually are left completely confused, wondering how they got it. A Wipeout is what happens when a contestant loses the game very badly.
• Semi-Memorials: A Showcase where both contestants are male is dubbed a "Robair Mackey Semi-Memorial Stag Showcase" by Joe Capitano. A Showcase Showdown where all three contestants are male is dubbed a "Betty White "Just Men!" Semi-Memorial SCSD". Unofficially, there is also a "HeelsRule1988 Semi-Memorial" for all-female Showcases.
• Can't Stop The Dob!: Roger Dobkowitz likes to rig the show so that contestants lose. "Can't Stop The Dob" is secret code-speak. If the contestant wins the rigged game, then they successfully "Stopped The Dob". No longer relevant now that Roger is fired; however, now that Kathy "Fingers" Greco is in his place, the site is considering renaming this meme to "Can't Fool the Fingers!".
• Heels/Fields/Garf/Willy/WSD/etc.: Terms for going over or under the actual price of a Showcase by certain increments. There are no hard and fast guidelines for these memes except for the WSD, which occurs when a contestant overbids on their Showcase by $250 or less. It's the inverse of "DSW", Double Showcase Win, which is what happens if the contestant wins by bidding within $250 of the right price. Like anyone really cares.
• GRECO, DAMN IT!!!: What people called out when they were playing GRECO!. Yawn, plz.
• Searcy, you beeyotches!: A term used to signify the coming of Robert Searcy. No longer relevant now that Searcy has been functionally b&.
• Bork: The site's chatroom server is very unstable. Sometimes, users get kicked for no apparent reason. This is called Borking. Not to be confused with the Borg.
• Friggin' Random...: Refers to prizes given on the show that seem to come from out of nowhere. Like boats, trailers, and Chevy Corvettes in some Showcases. Almost as pointless as DevianTart's "Collective Rectum" catchprase.
• _____ of the Century: The blank is filled in with one of the overbid/underbid terms (Heels, Willy, Garf) or Bork. This signifies that a user or contestant performed EXTREMELY poorly on something. It's essentially the Golden Road.net equivalent of "epic fail". A Bork of the Century happens when everyone gets kicked from the chatroom at the same time for no apparent reason.

The Administration

STOP RIGHT THERE, FAGGOT! ED does NOT need a huge list of absolute nobodies, nor does it give a shit about your petty forum feud with that bitch who doesn't agree with your Zutara OTP. Rather than spreading your butthurt vendetta over to this site, how about you read ED:101 and ED:A User's Guide to Article Building. And while you're at it, how about contributing to some actual drama you fucking idiot?

Pre Golden-Road.net: The "MSN Years"

• Jeff "Dickhead" Parsons...claims to be a Radio DJ somewhere in New England, but you can blame him for getting the Asspie/FanboI TPIR fan movement going! He started a really shitty forum on bravenet back in the day, and shut it down, because he claimed people were trolling. Steve Gavazzi himself posted several troll posts, and blamed Hdayejr for it. Hdayejr got a ban because of this. They ended up dumping the shitty Bravenet forum for a new one on MSN Groups. They did take Zach Horan with them.
• Zach "Mommy Fucker" Horan. A real poster boy of the "Assburger" disease. Banned both from GRN and Invision, simply because he is a bit retarded, like the rest of his fellow boardies. Used to do the same job as Capitano, until 2003 on the new GRN. He gave Marc and John a piece of his mind about the change of the guard, and got banned. He wrote many things about TPIR in "Third Person", or possibly, his mother, Bonnie, wrote it for him. Or, quite possibly, she wrote all that stuff, while he was masturbating to his own posts. Sayings like ZHIFOS, ZHMTHOP, ZHIAGDMF, and even the newest one, ZHIBFI (Zach Horan is Banned from Invision), were coined during these versions of GRN. NU NU NU game show terms were coined by him also. AWOR(another week of reruns), Spoiler space(with 9000 carriage returns after those words) were used frequently by him. Check the old alt.tv.game-shows for information about Retard Horan.
• Darryl Heine. His best known posts on golden-road.net had him freaking out over the show still using an older style of Pop-Tarts box after the company changed its logo, claiming that he would mute the TV and turn away every time said box showed up. An autistic user known throughout the Internet for various reasons. Got banned from a retail group on Yahoo! for asking nothing but "Does anyone remember [name of obscure retail chain]" or "What is [name of store] like?" over and over; got run off Invision in its earliest days for bitching about GSN. He also does shitty Arthur fanart on DeviantART and hangs out on a forum related to Chuck E. Cheese, despite being over 40, which certainly puts him in the pantheon for autistic man-children of the Internet.

Golden Road: The New Order

Sometime in 2003, admin Marc Green managed to fire creator Jeff Parsons. The old admin regime was cast out to make way for Marc and his minions.

• Marc Green: Created the site in 1998. The majority of the site is essentially the product of him sucking Roger Dobkowitz's cock. Was originally thought to be one of the few sane fans on the site, but his true intentions have now been revealed. He's just another ordinary fanb01. Went stark raving mad in 2008 or so and went on a banning frenzy against some of the founding members of his site, then one day just walked away from the site. ClockGameJohn took over, and the site was blessedly back to normal--until Marc came back and started rampaging again. Egotistical bully.
• ClockGameJohn: Sometimes called "LoserGameSally" in a joke that only two or three people get. He's a very arrogant administrator who thinks he's all that and a bag of chips because he played Clock Game on the actual show back in 2003. He's really a dumb fuck. Like all moderators, he sucks. Has definitely earned the nickname "Hitler John" for his excessive range blocks of IP addresses.
• Seth/Hexadecimal/Lauren: One of the site's admins, came out as a transsexual spring 2014, and insists he now be called "Lauren."

Famous events

• The Price Is Right Live: Not to be confused with a set of live shows done in Las Vegas by Todd Newton, ClockGameJohn did "live" shows in GRN's chatroom. However, there wasn't been a single live show done since 2006 until 2013, and no one really knows why. The current rendition of the show is hosted by goldenroadfanatic. Likewise, why it came back, nobody really knows why.
• Daniel Rosen trolls the site: [2] In 2004, in the period after Rod Roddy died but before Rich Fields became announcer, several guest announcers tried out for the role. A single user registered over 9,000 accounts to support Rosen, a guest announcer whom everyone else thought completely sucked ass. ClockGameJohn, however, found him out and pwned him on a topic called, "Welcome, Troll!"
• DuffnationUSA: In early 2007, a user by this name proposed a bunch of changes to TPIR, such as models in bikinis (something that, might we add, has actually happened now that Drew Carey is the host), bidding in secret in Contestants' Row, inviting the fired models, and showing Bob Barker's last episode live. The fanb01z, being ass burgers, fired back, flamed him, and got him permab&. Nevar forget.
• MOAR threads: [3] [4] [5] [6] The last link contains spoilers, hence why DuffNation was b&. ZOMG HEAVEN FORBID SOMEONE SPOIL THE OUTCOMES OF THEIR PRECIOUS GAMESHOW!!! D: D: D: D: D:
• Bob Barker's retirement: The entire Golden Road.net fan community went up in arms when Bob Barker decided to retire from The Price Is Right after hosting it for 35 years straight. Most of them thought that the show should have been cancelled, and those that wanted the show to go on wanted some robotic clone like Todd Newton or John O' Hurley to be the new host. And when Drew Carey was picked, it took them a while to believe it. Are they stubborn or what? xD
• Field of 64 Pricing Games: Someone named sideshowPA pulled this idea out of his ass. Basically, he took 64 pricing games and played an NCAA-style elimination tournament with them. The winrar was not Golden Road, Plinko, or Cliff Hangers but "Hole in One". The tournament lasted through the show's 35th season.
• Chatroom drama: Robert Searcy got paranoid of FPGWillyT abusing his moderator powers in the chatroom late in 2007, and starting going batshit crazy. He started urging people to boycott the site and the chatroom. Marc Green fired him, and possibly banned him. The irony is, FPGWillyT did nothing wrong. LOL WUT. [7] [8] Someone on BuzzerBlog later recounted the event as Marc acting "like a little baby here a few months ago because someone peed in his corn flakes, and he stepped down as the admin? What a cry baby." QFT.
• The meltdown: [9] Junkaholic95 got all pissy because someone DARED to criticize Bob Barker. The ensuing lulz caused Marc Green to disable editing of posts. After some protests, the ability to edit posts returned, but not before ClockGameJohn put a 10-minute limit on editing. And what did all that accomplish? Nothing. By the way, the "anonymous member" is actually a user named WarioBarker, aka Daniel Benfield. Nice try.
• Terry Ownz the Showcase: In December 2008, a contestant by the name of Terry totally owned the showcase by making a perfect bid. The entire Golden Road.net fan community went up in arms about Drew Carey's non-reaction. Fanbois claimed to cause Terry's win, but Terry said they were losers.

Roger Dobkowitz Gets Fired

On July 3, 2008, longtime producer Roger Dobkowitz got pwned by the suits at Fremantle Media for unknown reasons. But, given the fact that he is associated with Bob Barker, it may be because they want to get rid of Bob's legacy completely and make people associate the show with Drew Carey.

Seems like a perfectly good reason to fire someone, amirite? Out with the old; in with the new. C'est la vie. But the fanb01z, being autistic, don't see it that way. Just as they thought Bob Barker should continue hosting until he died onstage, they think that Roger should continue until he dies in the director's box.

So, in an emo fit of butthurt, Marc Green deleted fucking everything and made a thread called "The End of the Golden Road", which contained announcements that implied that he would be shutting the site down. The fanb01z responded accordingly, blaming Fremantle Media like Adolf Hitler blamed Jews. Some were already swearing off the show even though Season 36 (and therefore Roger's run) didn't end until July 17, 2008, and some even called for a boycott of Price. Loyal Friends and True...quitting watching the show they're loyal to!?! OMGWTFBBQ!?! Now that's hypocrisy. LOL!

The grand irony was, they were already saying that Price has jumped the shark when they didn't even know who Roger's successor will be! They were already scaring fellow TPIR fans with phantoms of video walls, LCD Contestants' Row podiums, and other stuff that Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy! adopted many years ago. Further proving that they all have Asperger Syndrome.

They did this shit last year when Bob Barker left...and even the most hardcore fanb01z admit that Drew Carey does a much better job than they first thought. History's repeating itself. Everything old is new again. If Roger Dobkowitz's successor turns out to be like Drew Carey, or if nothing ends up changing when Season 37 begins, they'll likely end up committing suicide because they suck at life. ROFLMAO

Golden Road.net recovers...uh, we think

By July 17, 2008, Golden Road.net was finally back up. The "End of the Golden Road" forum was replaced with a forum called "Split Decision". In that forum, there are two threads. The first one is for sending "The Dob" well-wishes that will later be shown to him. But in the other forum, ClockGameJohn claims that he BALEETED the old forum to "preserve the integrity of the site". The grand irony is, he and Marc Green were the ones who encouraged users to destroy the integrity in the first place.

Do these guys know Jark, by any chance? They sure are acting a lot like him...

Anyway, while the "End of the Golden Road" forum may have been deleted, the quotes have not. Because the truth can't be hidden, and the Internets nevar forget. See the "Notable Quotes" section below.

Also, some members of the site have actually seen the show in person and have confirmed that some changes have been made to the show. This thread contains lots of ongoing debate about Season 37.

[10] But while taping for Season 37, it appears that someone made a mistake while playing Plinko. Also, there were quite a few...uh, problems...with the Showcase Showdown wheel. To Anonymous, this is shit no one cares about...yet, once again, just like with Roger Dobkowitz's firing, the fanb01z are already raising bloody hell about a possible rigging scandal. And, once again, they're blaming Fremantle for everything. So they still haven't recovered from "The Dob"'s firing. Troll for the lulz PLZ.

GRN finds out about this page

Golden Road.net found out about this article. And their reactions to it only confirm to us that they are stupid fucktards. They are accusing Anonymous of slander and are acting extremely butthurt. Like we haven't already seen that shit a million times with Snapesnogger, DivineAngel, and their own MDetector5? LOL. xD

All their accusations and emo whining seem to center around a user on that site named "Alex" who was banned in 2006. Alex just happens to go by the name A-l-e-x-99 on this website, and he wrote the first version of this page, and stops by occasionally to do maintenance or add lulz. The grand irony is, they're accusing him of doing stuff that they do on a regular basis. They're also accusing him of really wild shit like harrassing users via private messaging, which he never did.

All he did in his short period of time on GRN was lurk through the Golden Gallery, and make a few posts. In the thread titled "Card Game rules", he tried to post a poll, but the software the site ran on at the time was glitchy as hell, and it kept eating his poll. He let his anger boil over on the site by posting "DAMN IT, WHERE'S MY ****ING POLL!?!" in red and with really big text, and he was banhammered in June 2006 for that.

ClockGameJohn SAID it was a 30-day ban. Yet, 90 days went by and he was never unbanned. Although he threatened to sue the site, nothing really ever got off the ground. He E-mailed ClockGameJohn about the ban, and Marc apologized for CGJ's douche baggery...by being a douche bag himself. And he is still banned, even to this day. Which is why we said earlier that CGJ was arrogant and a dumb fuck.

Alex vowed back then that he would ruin the website and everything it stood for, but eventually, he just gave up. But, in a rather ironic twist of fate, that's what the site's been doing to itself lately. And their reaction to this article proves it.

Unfortunately, Frank15 locked this thread after just three pages. Some argue that if he hadn't, the thread would've boiled into an over 9,000-page clusterfuck of epic fail.

And, in the red corner...

A-l-e-x-99 reacts

Alex has posted no official reaction to the thread on Golden Road.net. However, just shortly before and shortly after writing this article, he made several LiveJournal entries explaining why he did it.

• Fremantle Media Stopped The Dob: Alex's initial reaction to the situation.
• Congratulations, Golden Road.net!: Alex announces this article.
• You Know Who I Really Hate? Golden Road.net!!!: Alex further justifies why he wrote this article. Recommended reading for the fanb01z.

Snippets of these journals can be found in the "Notable Quotes" section below.

Notable quotes

Moar info: Golden Road.net/Notable Quotes.

This section got too long, so click up there to see the quotes.

How to be a Golden Road.net User

1. Worship Bob Barker and Roger Dobkowitz
2. Claim that the show was at its best from 1983-1992 and then jumped the shark thereafter.
3. Spew all over Drew Carey and Kathy "Fingers" Greco
4. Believe that Fremantle Media did WTC
5. Cut yourself over every little change made to the show
6. Claim to quit watching after cutting yourself over every little change, but then be spotted in one of Joe Capitano's recap threads only days later
7. ????
8. PROFIT!
9. Believe any change is going to be an Epic Fail and post the Epic Fail graphic in your posts.
10. Masturbate to your own posts while your mommy posts on your behalf, and have her defend you when someone flames you.

Related Articles

• Television
• Butthurt
• Flame War

External Links

• Golden Road.net
•  Golden Road dot Netters

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