HowToBasic

There are 3.5 million retards that are subscribed to this manchild. If this is where comedy is going, we are all doomed.

Available in paperback.

HowToBasic is an anonymous, psychopathic, egg-wasting fucktard that violently throws and/or smashes food for other people's pleasure on YouTube. If one was stoned out of their mind enough to watch such deplorable and cringe-worthy content, one would discover that in nearly all of his videos, the cameraman is completely naked to presumably attract the homosexuals who dwell in the dark corners of YouTube. HowToBasic utterly proves that only women should be in the kitchen. And if a man dares to enter it, there is no telling what sort of catastrophe will unfold.

Background

This sad excuse for a YouTuber plays with his food in some of the most disgusting ways known to mankind - he has been known to orgasm and moan heavily with his food, smash eggs in a drunken manner, fist his meat down the toilet, piss on food he then proceeds to eat, and concludes by taking a shit on the ground. How Google allows this cunt to be on YouTube and still doesn't allow gay furry porn is a mystery to this very day, but perhaps someone high up at Google goes home and masturbates to this content. HowToBasic shatters all hope for the human race, simply and quite profoundly.

Origins

Obvious retard is retarded.

HowToBasic proves that the sad pathetic individuals who watch this talentless Youtube channel really will watch anything that is not even remotely amusing. It has been rumored that at one point this massive faggot used to upload videos that somewhat resembled horrendous how-to tutorials for those who were dumb enough not to figure it out for themselves. The only problem? All those who watched said "tutorials" soon developed terminal cancer. Thus, these tutorials have since fallen into the void of obscurity.

In order to reduce the amount of time and effort, these so-called tutorials became increasingly short, uninteresting, and boring, much like your sex life. These 'basic' tutorials included: how to pick up an umbrella, how to open a door, and how to fuck raw food. HowToBasic realized how many idiots there are on the internet, so he decided to make more of this absurd nonsense.

However, he knew that it would get old really fast. So to stay relevant, he became a complete douche and did what he does today: waste tons of food (quite literally) by throwing and/or smashing it, perhaps try to compensate for all the times he was raped as a young boy. Or he could just have an intense food-sex fetish. Let's hope we never find out.

Channel Evolution

HowToBasic's channel has gone through several distinct phases, documented below:

• Stage 1 - Origins: Some of this cretin's earliest videos involve him doing things that actually reflected his channel's name, by which I mean they were incredibly basic household tasks, such as turning off a light or putting your shoes away. Fortunately, these videos were usually less than 10 seconds in length.
• Stage 2 - First Signs of Psychosis: Over time, HowToGaysex realized that his viewers ultimately found him boring, so he decided to shift gears. The changes were subtle. He began introducing strange objects to his videos, and his methods slowly went from informative to nonsensical. For example, in his video "How to Pick a Lock", he pokes a banana up against the keyhole of the door, magically "unlocking" it.
• Stage 3 - Full-blown Psychosis: HowToBasic finally let go all pretense of being informative and helpful, and began making bizarre videos that involved him making huge messes in his house, usually throwing things against the wall or in the toilet. While retarded, the videos were still mildly watchable, and he still wore clothes in some of these videos.
• Stage 4 - How is this shitstain still not in a mental hospital?: Finally, HowToBasic let himself go, introducing some of his worst videos to date. His videos now are 50% jumpcuts, 40% destroying perfectly good food, and 10% animal sounds. The videos are known to cause seizures and migraines in viewers after the first 30 seconds, and can sometimes run upwards of ten minutes. He has also taken to inserting random sounds in his videos, usually farm animals. May God have mercy on us all and kill this jackoff.

Repetition

Meanwhile, in Africa...

HowToBasic is also notorious for using nearly the same formula and still not being amusing at all. As if he couldn't already make anyone want to shoot themselves repeatedly in the head, he lacks such originality and creativity it makes your drunken grandmother look somewhat attractive.

If you ever happen to watch these despicable smears of feces in the cesspool that is Youtube, please be on the look out for the following:

• An unfathomable amount of eggs being flung violently at anything really.
• Heavy moans, as if during sexual intercourse
• Saying "shhhhhhh", as if he was raping the body of his dead sister
• Using sausage to compensate for his small dick
• Shitting on the floor
• Putting bodily parts into the toilet for no apparent reason
• Slapping food against his knee, feet, or anywhere on his lower body to perhaps make himself get a boner
• Violently patting anything
• Throwing non-foods (i.e. dolls, plushies) into the piles of squandered food
• Fingering food like he wishes to finger his own anus
• Using insane amounts of jumpcuts in an attempt the shock people into laughing
• Giggling like a fucktard

Irrational and Psychopathic Tendencies

Proof that he's a good parent.

HowToBasic on multiple occasions has threatened the well-being of those around him. For example, when the faggot received a million subscribers, he went on an egg-crashing rampage, much to the disgust of the mentally well.

His psychopathic tendencies are evident in his fixation with playing with his own genitalia, raping unsuspecting food, and repeatedly having flirtatious and unwarranted camera angles of dolls. He also enjoys partaking in his bounty of wealth and materialism, knowing perfectly well that the starving niggers in Africa watch all of his Youtube videos with nothing to eat. Perhaps he is a terrible racist as well as one of the most insane Youtubers known to humanity.

No one knows if this twisted individual has ever been to therapy, but if he has, he probably murdered and raped the dead body of his therapist a long time ago.

Videos

Wait for the ending...

His most insightful video to date.

An insightful video of how to install GTA on your laptop.

This is the result when he takes his audience's unfunny jokes
literally.

This is how he thanks his audience: by smashing more eggs.
How original!

A rant on HowToBasic. It's cringe-worthy, so that's just a warning.

How original!

Previous Video | Next Video

See Also

• Food
• Homosexual
• Autism
• Meat
• Eggs
• Insane

External Links

• HowToBasic
•  HowToBasic
•  HowToBasic
• HowToBasic

	HowToBasic is part of a series on YouTube.
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	HowToBasic is part of a series on Food and Drink [BleurghOm Nom Nom]
Food Bacon • Bacon and Eggs • Bread • Candwich • Cheeky Nando's • Chick-Fil-A • Fried Chicken • Chocolate Ice Cream • Cookies • Mayonnaise • Cupcake • Delicious Cake • Double Down • Green Onions • Ham • Honey Bunches of Oats • Hot Dogs and Sausages • Jesus Tortilla • Leeks • Liver • Meat • Pasta • Pears • Nutella • Pie • Pizza and Beer • Pork • Potato • Ramen • Sammich • Spaghettios • Subway • Sushi • Taco Bell • Topkek • Waffles • Watermelonz • Wendy's Superbar Drink Alcohol • Crystal Head Vodka • Coffee • Jizztini • Kool-AIDS • Milk • Mountain Dew • Pabst Blue Ribbon • Tentacle Grape • Whiskey • Wilkins Coffee Delicious Internets Ainsley Harriott • The Annoying Orange • BREADCRAB • Dancing Sandwich • Make me a sandwich • Food Pyramid • Gordon the Pringles Giraffe • Hypnocake • Loli Haet Pizza • Mershed Perderder • Sea Kittens • The Domino's YouTube Incident • Paula Deen • People eating fruit • Wikipedia's Greatest Hits Food • Растишка Not Fit For Consumption Amy's Baking Company • Andouillette • Armin Meiwes • Gordon Ramsay • HowToBasic • Jared Fogle • McDonalds • Pocky • Simply Sara • Subservient Chicken • Sugarless Gummy Bears • Calamari • The McNugget Burgler

Featured article August 16th & 17th, 2014
Preceded by HowToBasic	HowToBasic	Succeeded by Kpop