Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.

Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Encyclopedia Dramatica:XOTN/Current/AOTN: Difference between revisions

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
← Older editNewer edit →
No edit summary
No edit summary
Line 3: Line 3:
|title=[[Internets]]
|title=[[Internets]]


|image=Internetman.jpg
|image=EichenwaldAnimuPillow.png


|summary=
|summary=


To put it simple, the internet is like an autisic AI program.
'''Kurt Alexander Eichenwald'''{{jew}} is a [[Rage|hate-filled]] {{Age|1961|6|28}}-year-old [[paedophile]], [[dox]]er, [[cyber bully]], [[tentacle]] [[hentai]] [[Sick fuck|connoisseur]] and distinguished [[lolcow]] who can usually be found posing as a "''[[Fake News|journalist]]''" in an attempt to groom [[teenage]] [[boy]]s into sending him [[n00dz]] and/or having [[DO NOT WANT|hot]] unprotected [[pederast]] [[buttsecks]]. Aside from being a [[Cunt|contemptible person]], Eichenwald is also a [[Fugly|hideously unattractive]], [[bald]]ing, [[Jew]]-faced goblin who usually sets his profile photos to the middle-aged male equivalent of the [[Fat Girl Angle Shot]] and attempts to hide his blatant Jewiness by claiming to be "''[[Equestrian|Episcopalian]]''" when he isn't busy [[BAWWWWW]]ing over how his relatives [[Jewish|somehow]] ended up in [[Literally Hitler|Rosanne Barr]]'s Easy-Bake Oven.


Invented by [[Al Gore|Al]] [[guro|Gore]], not the [[William Atchison|couch cuck]] - the Vice President one, and pluralized by [[Dubya]], the [[internets]] have become the new center of world communication. [[boring|Technically speaking]], the WWWord '''Internets''' came into being during the 2004 presidential elections when [[Dubya]] spawned multiple clones of the Internet by saying "there are rumors on the Internets." Needless to say, like all [[fucktard|brilliant]] things Bush said, "Internets" became a reality.
Eichenwald's antics have included paying a [[child porn]]ographer several thousand dollars for [[CP|who-knows-what]], reviewing his own shitty [[books]] on [[Amazon]], getting a man [[arrested]] for sending him a [[seizure]]-inducing .gif that he was [[Fucktarded|dumb enough to actually click on]], getting caught looking at [[hentai]] and then claiming that [[LOLWUT|he and his kids just wanted to show his wife]] that [[Captain Obvious|tentacle porn exists]], [[doxing]] an [[Oregon]] lawmaker and mocking a survivor of the [[Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting]] because they didn't support [[gun control]], and threatening to [[sue]] anyone who even makes mention of his aforementioned [[Sick fuck|paedophilic attraction to young boys]] and excellent taste in [[Japanese]] [[cartoon]] [[pornography]].


However, according to the Bible:
Kurt was formerly employed by ''[[The New York Times]]'', ''Newsweek'', ''[[MSNBC]]'', ''Vanity Fair'' and a [[child porn]] site called ''Justin's Friends'' – although it appears that he has now been [[fired]] from every single fucking one of them for being an even bigger piece of dog shit than [[Brian Zaiger]]. You can help Kurt out by sending him all of the horrible [[job]] offers you have that even [[DACA|the border-hopping Mexican illegals]] weren't willing to accept.


:1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
:1:2 - And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
:1:3 - And God said, Let there be Internet: and there was Internet
:1:4 - And God saw the Internet, that it was kinda "[[meh]]": and so God divided the '''Internet''' from the '''Internets'''.


Since the dawn of the [[World Wide Web|time]], there have actually been '''''two''''' separate entities know as the Internet: the plain, old, boring [[NORP]]y Internet, where [[normalfag]]s who call themselves ''Netizens'' go to do shit like online banking, shop on [[Amazon]], play [[online poker]] and [[Ted Stevens|put stuff on like it was a truck]] and <u>the</u> Internets, (where you are now) where nerds, hackers and [[EDiots|haters]] go to [[lurk moar]], troll, [[flame]], post noodz and generally lulz it up. Obviously, the latter is much moar [[lulz|fun]], infinitely moar [[hammertime|interesting]] and a provides a home for a diverse crowd of [[basement dwellers|society's outcasts]] and [[anon|malignant narcissists]]. 


The parallel universes that are the Internet and teh Internets have very little in common, the exception being the Internets' primary directive which -as everybody knows- is the delivery of [[pr0n]].
<center><big>'''[[Kurt Eichenbald|Show Your Love For Kurt, He Loves It When People Post Strobing Pics On His Twitter]]'''</big></center>


Though immensely complex due to the large amount of tubes involved, there are a handful Internet Experts, most notably [[Kim Jong Il]].


 
|link=Kurt Eichenbald
<center><big>'''[[Internets|If It Weren't For Al Gore, You Wouldn't Has Us]]'''</big></center>
 
 
|link=Internets
   
   
|date=2026-1-18
|date=2026-1-20
|expires=2026-1-20
|expires=2026-1-22
|editor=[[User:The PolishPrince]]
|editor=[[User:The PolishPrince]]
|featured=true
|featured=true
Line 40: Line 30:




'''What have I missed?'''<br/>
'''What have I missed?'''<br/>[[Internets]] was 2 days ago • [[MLK]] was 4 days ago • [[Dilbert]] was 6 days ago
 
[[MLK]] was 2 days ago • [[Dilbert]] was 4 days ago • [[Incelcore]] was 6 days ago
</div>
</div>

Revision as of 00:12, 20 January 2026

Internets

Internets

Kurt Alexander Eichenwald✡ is a hate-filled 64-year-old paedophile, doxer, cyber bully, tentacle hentai connoisseur and distinguished lolcow who can usually be found posing as a "journalist" in an attempt to groom teenage boys into sending him n00dz and/or having hot unprotected pederast buttsecks. Aside from being a contemptible person, Eichenwald is also a hideously unattractive, balding, Jew-faced goblin who usually sets his profile photos to the middle-aged male equivalent of the Fat Girl Angle Shot and attempts to hide his blatant Jewiness by claiming to be "Episcopalian" when he isn't busy BAWWWWWing over how his relatives somehow ended up in Rosanne Barr's Easy-Bake Oven.

Eichenwald's antics have included paying a child pornographer several thousand dollars for who-knows-what, reviewing his own shitty books on Amazon, getting a man arrested for sending him a seizure-inducing .gif that he was dumb enough to actually click on, getting caught looking at hentai and then claiming that he and his kids just wanted to show his wife that tentacle porn exists, doxing an Oregon lawmaker and mocking a survivor of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting because they didn't support gun control, and threatening to sue anyone who even makes mention of his aforementioned paedophilic attraction to young boys and excellent taste in Japanese cartoon pornography.

Kurt was formerly employed by The New York Times, Newsweek, MSNBC, Vanity Fair and a child porn site called Justin's Friends – although it appears that he has now been fired from every single fucking one of them for being an even bigger piece of dog shit than Brian Zaiger. You can help Kurt out by sending him all of the horrible job offers you have that even the border-hopping Mexican illegals weren't willing to accept.


Show Your Love For Kurt, He Loves It When People Post Strobing Pics On His Twitter

Read the full article... • Set by User:The PolishPrince on 2026-1-20


What have I missed?
Internets was 2 days ago • MLK was 4 days ago • Dilbert was 6 days ago

Retrieved from "https://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Encyclopedia_Dramatica:XOTN/Current/AOTN&oldid=1943107"