Superman

Warning! Superman is a Communist!

It's goofy time, little Jimmy.

Superman is a name of a comic book character and a sex move. (Imagine like a "Chicago sunroof", but with heat vision.) This is interesting as comic book fans have no sex and are incapable of orgasm. As always on ED, when there is more than one subject to be discussed in a single article, we discuss the subject that the majority of our readers will concern themselves with first. Every actor who's played Superman has been pwned in some way or another. Coincidence? You be the judge.

The character was born as Kal-El on the planet Krypton; upon Earth he became known as Clark Kent. Whatever, he's still an alien freak horse-rapist and eater of man-scrotum. Some would call him a dick, and others would call him a faggot. Still others would call him a sucker of foreskins, but they are Jew anyway.

Superman (The Character)

Welcome to Earth...

Superman is a character created by a couple of Nazis Jews to glorify the White race. IRL, Superman is Clark Kent, a mild-mannered newspaperman who looks exactly like Superman, except he wears glasses and a strap-on. In reality, he is Kal-El, the last survivor of some planet that blew up at least 100 years ago. Like many landed immigrants, he crashed on US-soil in a small metallic escape pod from space and forgot to apply for citizenship, but they still let him vote. His brothers are Sonny and Michael Corleone & Tom Hagen, as his father was Vito Corleone. The name Superman comes from the German word "Ubermenschen" which was a Nazi term for the SUPERMEN, or the Aryan race]]. Superman's arch rival is Lex Luthor, a bald American-CEO and all-round rich bastard; it's almost like Jesus Christ taking on Wall-Street. As with the character of Batman, Superman is to stupid to realize that simply killing his enemy would solve the problem.

Also, Superman is gay and has homosexual relationships with his editor, a photographer boy, his archenemy Lex Luthor, and Batman. (Ya know, Batman would raep his butler if it brought his mommy and daddy back to life. Wait, where were we?) Superman also has a line of softcore pr0n films that co-star Aquaman.

The most interesting period of Superman's comics was the late 1950s and early 1960s, when the Nazis had been replaced with writers who were taking illegal drugs long before it was popular. The editor, who took the most drugs of any of them, was infamous Julius Schwartz. Under his guidance, DC Comics constantly cranked out comics that were always either awesome, stupid, or awesomely stupid. Making fun of these comics has become popular recently on teh internets, especially on Superdickery.

A large number of the people Superman knows have the initials LL, which means that they are lesbians. Yes, LESBIANS. One example is Lois Lane, an attention whore who pretends to be Superman's girlfriend but in all probability wouldn't love him if he had no powers. In reality, she's having sex with her rival Lana Lang. Lex Luthor qualifies as a lesbian even though he is a gay-man as he secretly writes fanfic. Fanfic lesbians know that Luthor is one of them. Since Smallville, lesbians have started have been obsessed with Luthor having sex with Superman in the ass.

Superman (The Sex Move)

The Superman is a sex move where you fuck a girl and then throw her out of a window; Quasidan tried posting this on Wikipedia and it got deleted faster than a speeding bullet. If you want to see a "superman" move, just try asking your mom, or her niggah manslave.

Superman in Second Life

Gene Turnbow, who plays Second Life, believes he is Superman and has adopted the identity of Kal El.

Rule 63'd

Superwoman is similar to Superman, only her kryptonite is penis.

The Death and Return of Superman

DC has killed him off and brought him back to life so many times, he might as well be Tom Preston. Or a GTA character with bleached skin. Whatever, he's teh ghey niggah.

Notes

• Lesbian comic book readers have less sex than male comic book readers.
• The aforementioned point is retarded, negative numbers are not real numbers.
• Technically the aforementioned point is true as having negative amounts of sex results in other people around you having sex with anyone you try to approach.
• The aforementioned point is pointless.
• The aforementioned points are both valid as negative sexual numbers always leave ALL lesbians in a constant state of asking for it. Nature abhors a vacuum and like a black hole of cock this leaves them in a constant state of waiting to be raped.
• Lesbian comic book readers spread their anti-male propaganda on Yahoo role playing chat rooms.
• THERE IS NO SPOON. THERE IS NO RED PILL. YOU DO NOT HAVE GENITALS.

Gallery

Superman About missing Pics

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  Superman after exposure to kryptonite.
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  Superman enjoys educating women.
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  Does Batman have to choke a bitch?

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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  Wears a colostomy bag in the novelisation of Superman III.
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  The Original Superman... Ubermensch
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  Superman when he was a 70's porn star
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  The Superfriends caution the use of tube socks in the bedroom
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  Bizarro Lois!
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  Ok, seriously...
  What the fuck?
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  lol It turns out that antibiotics were Superman's real kryptonite!
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  I think Red Sun is a pretty cool guy. Eh smashes capitalism and doesn't afraid of anything.
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  He's super, thanks for asking!
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  Bizarro Super-Nigger!
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  Where you are, I will be.
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  Paralysed and homophobic? Dude's a cunt!
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  When I was...
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  Superjap!
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  Is it a bird? Is it a pla...
  Oh... it's a Nigger.
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Also see

• Comic Book Fans
• Goku Vs Superman
• Superman 64
• Superdickery

Superman is part of a series on Comic Books

Comics 300 • Aquaman • Archie • Batman • Calvin and Hobbes • Cerebus • Deadpool • Dilbert • Garfield • Incarnate • Iron Man • Lobo • Scott Pilgrim vs the World • Spider-man • Superman • Teen Titans • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles • The Boondocks • The Incredible Hulk • The Walking Dead • Transformers • V for Vendetta • Watchmen • Wolverine • Wonder Woman • X-Men Related Stuff 60's Spider-Man • Ace's Last Moments • Alan Moore • Bane • Canon • Carlos Latuff • Chick tracts • City of Heroes • /co/ • Comic book fans • Comic-Con • Comics • Disney • Drawn Sex • Everybody Draw Mohammed Day • Fanboy • Frank Face • Goku Vs Superman • Graphic art • Green Lex Luthor • HAHAHA OH WOW • Horsecock • How Do I Shot Web? • Iron Man Numbers • Jhonen Vasquez • Joan Cornella • Marvel vs Capcom 3 • Marvel vs. Capcom 2: New Age of Heroes • Muhammad Cartoons • Neil Gaiman • Paheal • Real Life Super Hero • Superdickery • Superman 64 • The Batman Rapist • The Dark Knight IMDb Board • The Juggernaut • Tyrannosaurus Reich • Webcomics • Why So Exploitable? • Why So Serious?

Featured article December 4, 2005
Preceded by Vampire	Smallville	Succeeded by George Bush doesn't care about black people