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Revision as of 11:08, 11 June 2015
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KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID! This article is TL;DR. You can help by editing this page and removing the large blocks of boring text. |
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This article needs a serious clean up
Somebody should do something about it. |
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Ctrl-Alt-Delete is a shitty webcomic named after how you get the endless stream of unfunny off your poor computer screen. Being produced by renowned douchebag, plagiarist and attention whore Tim Buckley, it is known throughout the webcomics community and the wider internet community for being amongst the gayest shit that was ever shat. It is widely regarded as a masturbatory wish-fulfillment fantasy for Tim. It is also renowned for having characters with exactly the same facial expression in every panel. Also known as B^U to /v/irgins and /co/mrades. A prime example of the tired formula for a gaming webcomic consisting of gamer-guy who is stupid, irresponsible, and should become an hero immediately, rooming with nice-guy who is responsible, and has every reason to murder the aforementioned character type, and hot-gamer-girl who always falls for gamer-guy despite his active neglect, stupidity, and neverending "lovable" idiocy that usually has a fairly high price tag cost.
Due to recent stupidity, B^Uckley may be instilling a series reboot, starting with the separation of Ethan and Lilah, Lucas and whoever his girlfriend was, and the decapitation of that Xbox robot thing. Details to follow.
History
In 2002, Tim Buckley was a poor artist struggling with his sexuality, poor gaming skills, DeviantART, when he came across Penny Arcade. Realizing that Penny Arcade and VG Cats hadn't suckered everyone in yet there was a possible gap in the market for yet more atrocious gaming webcomics.
At first, Ctrl-Alt-Delete's readers were easily amused by such new and refreshing lame slapstick gags as people being shot by arrows and rude language. Sadly, Tim saw this low-level popularity as akin to internet fame, and everything started to go downhill from there.
"Characters"
Ethan
Ethan is essentially the online persona of Tim B^Uckley/Thrindel, only he displays none of B^Uckleys love of underage sex. He is a bumbling, woefully socially inept human, like B^Uckley, and also like B^Uckley, has created the worlds first robot sidekick in a webcomic...Oh wait. As B^Uckley is Ethan and Ethan is B^Uckley, every inane, self-destructive, ridiculous thing Ethan does is treated less as the actions of a dangerous sociopath and more the delightful flailings of a puppy. Rather than be arrested, beaten or simply shot for his actions, he is applauded, as though he were a tiny boy who has just pottied in the pot like a big, big boy. When not failing to create lulz, he is busy failing to create lulz through outlandish story arcs, more specifically though, the CADbortion arc, in which his dumbass girlfriend loses her baby. It is expected that this will be explained in an upcoming arc where it is revealed that Ethan has mutant sperm, just like B^Uckley.
Lucas
Lucas is the quintessential straight man, in that he has absolutely no personality of his own and exists only to serve as a frame for Ethan's supposedly entertaining "zany" behavior. He is a harsh, hollow parody, a mockery of a man that in the end serves no purpose apart from to illustrate that Tim Fuckley has no idea how real people think, act, speak or behave. Despite his recent attempts to break away from his poisonous life and get an education, this pitiable sadsack will more than likely work at Ethan's video game store as a retail jockey for the rest of his life because, as Lilah is quick to remind him, Ethan would do anything for Lucas. You know, like that time he stole Lucas' wallet to commit identity fraud and get a job at Bioware so that he could steal a video game or some shit, only to lie about it and crush Lucas' dreams. That Ethan, what a wacky rapscallion/wonderful friend!
Lilah
Ethan's girlfriend. It has yet to be explained why she is attracted to Ethan, given his penchant for being the online persona of Tim Fuckley. She looks identical to every single girl that B^Uckley has ever drawn. Also, in case you didn't know, because they almost never talk about it, she had a miscarriage. What B^Uckley didn't realize was that her miscarriage was the lulziest "plot twist" to come out of CAD, as evidenced by the official lulz generator on the planet Anonymous. It's highly likely that Fuckley simply did not know how to draw a human child, even with a CADface, and gave up on it.
The guy who hates Microsoft/loves Linux
One day, in a desperate bid to create a new character that shared none of the tastes of the others, Buckley was reading Penny Arcade, another shitty webcomic. Suddenly he came upon the Apple guy/whatever his name is, and realized that he could photoshop the character into his own comic. Somewhere along the line, he altered the character to not look like him. No one cares because both webcomics suck dick.
X-Bot
Similar to Linux Guy, Tim B^Uckley, in a fit of retardation, stole another character from the same shitty webcomic. In this instance, it was a robot. In CAD, Ethan built him. That's right, Ethan builds fully functioning humanoid robots, but can only get a job working in a video game store. Recent studies suggest that he's the Ecksbawks Kid's long lost brother.
Ethan's Now-Former Boss
Note how, as we go down through the characters, the comic appears to be so full of stupidity as to lead readers to question the author's own grasp on reality. The fact that Ethan's ex-boss never fired him proves this. Ethan frequently creates scenarios where he would not only be fired, but arrested and thrown in jail. Just like B^Uckley. Furthermore, after some interesting plot developments, Ethan's boss retired (at 30?) and gave Ethan ownership of the game store. So now Ethan, through dumb luck, is suddenly the boss himself. This once again brings into sharp focus the comic's stupidity and the author's grasp of reality.
Rob
Ethan's former co-worker at the video game store and now his employee. A bald guy with an earring that says "dude" and "guy" a lot, Ethan hates him with a fiery passion, constantly insulting him. He's even tried to kill or at least seriously maim him on a few occasions, like by pushing a vending machine on him. Why? Because Rob likes Counter-Strike a bit too much. That's it. Which once again shows how much of an unlikeable dick Ethan is.
Chief O'Brian (geddit?)
The chef is one of the more annoying characters in the septic tank of CAD, which is saying something. Much like Linux Guy, the Chef is a blatant rip-off of an IRL (that is to say non-webcomic) comic book character, Happy Noodle Boy. While Happy Noodle Boy was fully capable of generating small amounts of lulz, B^Uckley, and by extension, the Chef, is not. This is the character who B^Uckley reserves for his lazier moods and as such, it is incredible that he's not in every story.
Failbot 2.0
Shitty robot named Embla (moar like NAMBLA amirite?) Buckley Ethan made to fuck his other shitty robot. Probably will masturbate while watching them.
Baby
Wait, what? Oh, that's right, I forgot, IT DIED, TOO BAD. LULZ.
Differences from Penny Arcade
The RoM Incident
Whilst CAD had been watching its reading on the failure-o-meter increase for several years, there remained one element about it that did not follow this pattern. Rantings of Madmen was the closest the CAD forums had to worthwhile content. It was an island in which the odd funny post could be found amongst a sea of emo kids, otaku, Tim's groupies, basement-dwelling nerds and furries.
On September the 11th, 2005, a post was made in RoM called "This thread contains a motherfucking forum revelation". The thread alleged what many had long suspected: Tim was a closet pedo, who had sent pictures of his shriveled and malformed cock to under-age forum members. Some lol'd, some refused to believe it, some maintained they knew it all along.
Suddenly, Tim found it, and like any sensible adult who was innocent of a wrongful claim put against him, threw a huge fucking hissy fit. He waded in, banhammer swinging left and right. Dozens of users who had posted in the thread, guilty of deflating his ego or not, were b& instantly and without mercy.
At this point several mods rebelled and unbanned all of the banned users, provoking a massive shitstorm in which RoM posters spammed the entire forum with guro and goatse images (Oh and week-old 4chan macros). Using IRC, all banned users and banned mods were unbanned just as fast as Tim could ban them and handle the spam problem. Eventually, he gave up, deleting the Rantings of Madmen section and eventually locking the entire forum for five days with the message "forums are down whilst we take out the trash". At the end of the battle 9,002 users had been removed from the forum database, but the entire internet saw how much of a batshit insane faggot Tim was, marking a mass exodus of readers and the elimination of any respect he may have once had.
After it was all said and done, several weak faggots who had previously been sucking up to everyone in RoM decided to kiss Tim's ass instead, resulting in the modship of such faggots as Cyanide, Abbadon and Sidnaceous, and the introduction of a Nazi police state on the CAD forums.
RoM moved on to its own forum, not having much more to do with anything, but occasionally emerging to laugh at whatever stupid bullshit Tim was up to at the time. Whether or not Tim actually DID show his penis is debated furiously to this day, but most agree he wouldn't have been such an over-reacting fuckwit if he was innocent.
Forum
With the elimination of RoM, the CAD forums were finally overrun with AIDS. They are now filled with some of the web's biggest fags and noobs. Run by Sidnacious, a gender confused stay-at-home breeder who considers himself supreme lord and master of the forum, they take the internet far too seriously after the RoM Incident. Now any flaming, sexual orientation insults, and legitimate lulz, mention of RoM, or criticism of Tim receive an instant banhammer. (Who is only referred to as such in whispers and private messages since calling anyone a Nazi there will get you banned.)
It's also ironic that the forums were changed to be kid friendly, and in Sidnaceous' signature is some stupid shit about cat semen rolling off his lips. He's a furry at best. Never go there unless it's for trolling. Unfortunately his wife does all the breadwinning, allowing Sid to sit at his PC all day and instantly ban you, ruining any fun unless you know what you're doing.
The other subforums are run by their own breed of psycho Nazi admin. For example, the "art" forums are run by a psychotic self-righteous fucktard who flamed the 'noobs' work so horribly even he got banned. Srsly though, it's all pretty crap. And loaded with furries. In fact, it's better if you avoid it altogether. It's pretty much devoid of any lulz opportunities at all. Also, there's that psychotic bisexual hillbilly. He likes Top Gear or something.
CAD The Animated Series
— Ryan Sohmer of Blind Ferret Entertainment. [1] | ||
—KiLLplaystation, Uploader of CAD episodes to Bit Torrent, after wasting $30 on 12 three minute episodes. | ||
Previous Video | Next Video
I would also like to point out that these videos has more emotion than anything B^Uckley has come up with.
Tim eventually realized, like all capitalistic money hungry whores do, that he needed another way to screw over his fans. To achieve this, he teamed up with Blind Ferret Entertainment. He grabbed his unnecessarily expensive Wacom, a bong, a load of weed, and went down to the studio, where everyone got seriously baked, made some random crap, and slapped a price tag on it.
When he made an article about it on his page, the readers instantly realized what he was up to. Someone brought a copy with some money they stole from a hobo, torrented it, and sent the link to everyone. Tim got really pissed that people were selfishly hanging onto their money rather than sending it to him, threw yet another hissy fit, then went home and cried. Just another day, really.
To make matters worse, the animation is worse than four-year-old pieces of shit on Newgrounds. The voice acting is worse than Resident Evil 1. The "episodes" don't even last as long as taking a decent shit. Anybody who willingly paid over 9000 for the DVD is welcome to become an hero. And to make matters worse, Jack Thompson is in the last three episodes. Isn't that profiting off his likeness? He should sue Fuckley for the lulz.
The entire animated series summarized in 4 minutes:
Slightly Improved:
Previous Video | Next Video
Previous Video | Next Video
The CAD Rule
At some point in time, 4chan got fed up with the general shitfest that is Tim Buckley's recent comics, and instigated a simple rule to make his comic much more tolerable and lulz worthy. By the simple act of removing the second and third panels, and removing the text from the fourth panel, the comic is made much funnier (which, ironically enough, isn't hard to do since the comic has long since been devoid of anything amusing and filled with walls of text and storyline faggotry). Any redundant panel in CAD is generally referred to as a Buckleybox. A second variation to the CAD rule is replacing the fourth panel of the comic with the fourth panel of "It's a Zu out There" (original plox). Not as lulz worthy, but the edits are still vastly superior to the original comic.
- The CAD Rule V:3.0. Simply replace any last panel of a comic with the final panel of the CADBortion comic. Anonymous's top scientists have found that this elicits much moar lulz than even the original CAD rule.
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CAD Poop talk -
First and most popular use of the CAD rule. -
Lilah has mind powers. -
Guitar Hero has mind control powers.
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Another one where the dialogue can stay. -
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Buckley aborts a serious story arc to make way for more shit comics. -
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Like all gamer idiots Ethane is afraid of beeps as it usually signifies that the xbawks is going to fuck up and a game over will ensue. -
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Like waterboarding, this is torture. -
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Ugh... just stop right there...
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This is how he makes his comics.
How to make CAD in three easy steps
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Step 1: Find a background on Google images and add a Gaussian blur. Why bother drawing when you have no talent? -
Step 2: Add poorly drawn characters and paste the same damn mouth and eyes in B^U. Step 3: shitload of text. Make sure to spell things wrong!
This is not to be confused with: How to make an Original Character in three easy steps.
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In conclusion...
CADbortion Comic Shops
Further adding to the webcomic's mind-numbingly retarded pool of unfunny, undramatic plot drama, Tim Buckley decided it would be fun to kill off the bitch's unborn child (This is probably the funniest comic he's done to date). When asked why he thought a miscarriage would be a particularly good plot turn, he gave a tl;dr response on his website about character building and plot or some shit. This shows that not only is Buckley an unfunny hack, but he's also a fucking lunatic for thinking that his shitty little webcomic actually has anything close to an engaging storyline or good characterization. Also, he would have had to make a new drawing of a fat bitch, and that was too much work. Naturally, some wept, some raged, and Anon fired up Photoshop to extract some lulz from the situation.
CADbortion Comic Code
Some goon created a program that randomly generates CADbortions for Lulz.
The Download is here Just extract it and run the Jar and hit Go and instant lulz is created.
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ROBOBORTION !!!
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I reckon the PSP can do anything! -
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Iron Man hates kids. -
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Whew! No more fucking parenthood to worry about. Back to the XBox! -
Gordon Freeman? -
Confirmed for Brawl. -
PK ABORT!! -
FALCON PUNCH!!! -
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Dodged a bullet -
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CAPS EAGLE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR DRAMA. -
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The ultimate CAD rule, with horrifying results. -
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I'm going to gut you like a Cornish game hen. -
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BONK! -
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SHOOP!!! -
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ITT: Abortions -
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Buckley spreads festive cheer. -
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Damn it, Shinji! -
CAD IRL
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SERIOUS MISCARRY -
This belongs in a museum
Fuckley would go on to thank his fanbase "from the bottom of my heart for your overwhelming support" for all the emails he got. Yeah, that's right. Comfort me! The guy who drew a comic with no words and made the bitch lose her spawn, not actual women who miscarry. Attention-whore Douchefag Status confirmed.
Only time will tell if Fuckley chooses to see this intentionally unfunny plot twist through, complete with crushed relationships, grief counseling, alcohol and substance abuse, and his author inserted fantasy persona maturing into a real man and taking serious charge of the situation, AND sustain this for the months and maybe years it would take to properly unwind this tragedy, or if he'll just jump the shark again and dive right back into the lulzless shitfest that is his comic as if nothing ever happened.
The Internet Says Fuck You
After trying to pull off this retarded "plot" twist, Fuckley has been ceaselessly mocked by many people and webcomics, including Cyanide and Happiness and Zero Punctuation, showing that even people so low down on the internet food chain as less popular webcomic artists and Angry Video Game Nerd clones consider Fuckley an idiot.
B^U gets removed from TOW
On March 3rd, the shittastic comic had its article removed from TOW. The reason given was "non-notable subject with only primary sources. Little information exists to replace primary sources, excepting a meme spawned at the comic's expense." Read the discussion here.
How The CADbortion Story Arc Should Have Gone
"Shortly after the latest comic, Lilah blames Ethan for his carelessness and reckless attitude during the entire pregnancy process and the wedding plans. She cancels the wedding, and tells Ethan that she needs time alone, and plans to return home to her parents after her stay at the hospital is over.
Ethan's day only gets worse when he arrives home to discover a crowd of people and ambulances surrounding the area, trying to aid Lucas, who had fallen off a ladder shortly after Ethan left for work. Lucas is pronounced dead on arrival.
Ethan spends the next three days sobbing uncontrollably. A message from the Gamehaven blares from his answering machine, stating that he's been terminated from work after leaving his post for the fifth time unattended (lol, maybe).
Ethan decides he cannot live with the burden of losing his friend and loved one, and decides to end it before he hurts another with his stupidity. He deactivates Zeke and wipes his data, throwing him outside next to the trashcan in the hopes that someone will collect him (close enough), and returns inside to hang himself with an Xbox controller cable, the crown of Winter-een-mas laying under his feet.
Elsewhere in the household, Linux guy and his pet penguin sit at their desk with a wicked grin, wearing a headset for each and looking over a little black notebook."
/v/ under CADbortion madness
The CADbortion threads were lasting so long and were being posted so often that the mods on 4chan's /v/ got pissed off and started banning people for starting new threads. /v/ rejoiced.
Fuckley Cops Out
Realizing that his comic is so beyond repair that even the 4chan CAD rule cannot save it, Tim has begun cranking out three panel shit comics that follow a very basic formula:
PANEL ONE: Author-inserted fantasy persona reads the title of an article on Kotaku.
PANEL TWO: Level-headed sidekick asks a question.
PANEL THREE: Primary faggot farts out of his mouth.
Alternately, you can replace the above formula with discussion on children's cartoon characters having sex.
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The sad truth.
To be fair, these aren't as bad as the main strip, but that's like saying you'd prefer to fuck another guy in the ass than be on the receiving end.
This image proves Buckley's complete lack of originality. Even this piece of crap was stolen from other webcomics.
Gallery
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The infamous "CAD Stare". Notice how it is used on EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER. -
Extended B^U -
Animated Version -
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The infamous Macs Vs PCs strip WILL get posted or linked to on forums whenever mentioning Macs VS PCs. -
Second use of the CAD rule. -
This is what you think it is, but you are now gay for looking at it -
This is funnier than the original. -
Remember how Jews were tattooed to signify their inferiority? Same concept -
Tim sometimes forgets that retarded people ARE his fanbase. -
The same comic, only better. -
Tim Buckley himself, showing off his gaming skills. -
Leaked ending for the comic strip. -
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MONORAIL! -
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Whoops -
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B^U
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Their comic on Chris-chan. -
No, he did not even bother to acknowledge Bioware for this character.
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Matt Groening, daring to plagiarize one of the greats. -
WITNESS MY LEET SKILLS! -
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DEAD BABIES = ENTERTAINMENT
It's not hypocrisy when I do it you see
Once again, Fuckley has proved himself to be an art-thief of spectacular ineptitude. Shitstorm in progress on the forums.
TIM SPEAKS:
From.I'm in NYC for a wedding this weekend. Posting this from my Droid, so I'm going to keep this brief.
I saw that picture in an article about punk concerts while researching character reference for Abigail. I needed clothing reference for a style of dress that I had only a passing familiarity with.
That drawing was among many I looked at, and had clothing that I felt matched the character I had in my head.
I'm sorry if this seems underhanded to you, but it is not uncommon for an artist to look for reference when drawing something new outside their comfort zone I don't believe people would be making a big deal if it had been a photograph I'd referenced clothing from. And as it stands, that is all I really did here. Best I could tell from the article (which had no link to the pic's artist ) this was a one-off pinup.
Again, if the artist would like credit for the clothing inspiration, I am more than happy to offer it. I will happily apologize to the artist when i get home if je feels wronged. But there was nothing villainous at work here, despite how much some would love to paint it as such. I looked for an outfit for a character and found one I liked.
TL;DR, he stole it and admitted to it on his board.
In January 2012 Buckley took to tracing off of Google once more, this time for a caricature of George Lucas. No shitstorm has come of it because of the CAD forums' mods and lack of publicity.
Strangle
Yet again Buckley went about an ill-advised attempted to wade into super serious territory with his comics. Unleashing a new wave of pitifully executed drama onto his dwindling fans. Fuckley decided to create some new storyline that involves the xbox taking over the planet, ending one section with some arse handled "melodrama" once again in the form of causing his cartoon girlfriend pain. Buckley had his character's xbox strangle his future self's girlfriend in front of him, and on that day shat out any ounce of creative respect he ever has or will have onto the floor of his sad lonely art studio.
Naturally the entire interbutts collectively roared with laughter at Buckley's re-emerging dreams to be taken seriously as a writer, and they are now beginning a whole new flood of glorious buckley bashing.
See Also
External Links
- CAD forums. Go there if you want severe lack of lulz.
- you can get permabanned for being a conservative
- The animated series. Warning: May cause you to kill yourself. That's how bad it is.
- More evidence
- The secret of CAD lies within
- Bad Webcomic Review
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CTRL ALT Delete is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
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CTRL ALT Delete is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |