Lowtax: Difference between revisions

← Older edit Newer edit →

Revision as of 21:52, 30 December 2015

LOWTAX IS HITLER

This article is crap. You can help by completely re-writing it.

What Lowtax considers more important than food and water.

Lowtax relaxing at home - a rare photo from the early days of SA

Lowtax pwning PeppermintPatti on YouTube.

Richard "Kyanka" Lowtax--businessman and paragon of mental stability, unless fruit juice is involved

Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka is the toe-sucking foot-fetish retard currently in charge of Something Awful. With the help of his goon henchmen and former Asian mail-order bride, Lowtax has spent the past ten years in his parent's basement, leeching off his gullible, pseudo-intellectual hivemind, eventually leading Paypal to freeze his account for fraudulent activity.

Lowtax is prone to meltdowns, and can't hold a professional relationship with any company he works with. SomethingAwful has had problems with advertisers, Google, and almost anything that requires Lowtax to deal on a professional level with another human being. Typically, Lowtax will create a service to cut out the need for a middle man (Awful Video, Awful Wear, etc.), but ironically enough most users report hardships with receiving merchandise and will get banned for their troubles. Since Lowtax is truly the premier businessman of the 21st century, it's only natural this success has led to an eventful personal life.

Lowtax has claimed responsibility for the following:

Lowtax is an avowed enemy of the following:

Maddox
Buttes
Freedom
Metalheads
Pedophiles
Uwe Boll
Furries (despite the fact that Lowtax himself is obsessed with pigs and even has a closet furry working with the site)
Scientologists
ebaum, who he punched in the face before banging his mom
Juggalos
Dan Lirette
Marriage

Lowtax is considered paranoid and dangerous due to excessive self-importance. Avoid at all costs. He also really fucking hates Google because Google pwned Something Awful hard. Really.

Mangosteens

Lowtax is a major supporter of mangosteens, a type of repulsively shitty fruit that he claims to have beneficial nutritive properties. In the past, he tried to scam goons into buying mangosteen products and mortgage backed securities, to little effect. After being repeatedly trolled by his own forum users, Lowtax had a meltdown:

“

SO DONT FUCKING BUY IT, DONT FUCKING DRINK IT, DONT FUCKING CLICK MY LINKS.

I mean Christ, all I did was make this thread to support a product which actually pleasantly surprised me, and folks are voting this thread "crap" and suggesting I'm scamming them. I've said repeatedly that this was just my experience and in no way should indicate how everybody else will feel. I've said the links to Amazon were referrals, so I'm not trying to hide anything. I've-

ahh fuck it, I'm closing this thread, fuck you and fuck GBS, I can never post a single goddamn thread in here without you faggots making GBS threads it up in some way or another. I should've learned my lesson long ago and never left the intelligent, rational forum where I don't have to deal with clueless idiots and morons like you people. I'm going back to FYAD and staying there, since it has a microscopic fraction of the retards and trolls populating GBS.

I guess that should strike me as being ironic, but it's more sad to me than anything. Thanks for running me out of my own goddamn forum.

„

— A very e-angry Lowtax

A mangosteen grenade is the logo for SASS.

Lowtax vs. PeppermintPatti

Lowtax was very traumatized by PeppermintPatti. Culexor, Vipor231, and Pixelbee joined forces in "The Final Solution to the Problem of Lowtax" and attempted to kill him by snipping his brakelines, poisoning his apple juice, and posting video blogs. [1] Although the attacks from the youtuber's eventually stopped, Kyanka lives in fear of their reprisal to this day.

El fin

An artist depiction of Lowtax's ultimate fate.

As of February 12, 2008, Lowtax is no longer the titular master and commander of his forums, due to the fact that goons actually started talking back to him after he reacted badly to yet another totally avoidable massive security breach. Speculation runs rampant among the ranks: will Lowtax actually give up power and focus on making the front page funny again, or will he continue to micromanage and shit up the forums through their newly-appointed Grand Poobah (who just so happens to live in Lowtax's basement)? MOAR AS IT DEVELOPS

Gallery of a mangosteen foot fetishist

An infant Lowtax and his mother
Lowtax, back in the days when he got off his ass and did something worthwhile with his life.
Lowtax hard at work, channeling his inner beaner. (Note the pills and wine lol)