Donald Drumpf

Anita, that you?

THE ESSENCE

Donald Trump, Donald Drumpf or Telangpu, is a toupee wearing charlatan who somehow became an American presidential candidate in 2016 by saying the dumbest shit imaginable and dumb voters eating it up as it was fucking gospel. Somehow (see average voter IQ) he has convinced the masses that he is not running on contributions, even though he actually does. The rest of his campaign, is literally him lending himself the money, self funding, that is. Before becoming a candidate he was known for inheriting a large sum of money and spending it on doomed projects, declaring bankruptcy, selling them, evading tax, and somehow making a profit. So guess what he will do with America? He will put his name all over it before running it into the ground and selling it to the Chinese in TPP 2.0, after which he'll retire to a high castle on the German-Austrian border.

美国 is how you spell America. You are welcome. Enjoy your new Chinese overlords in 2020.

The Apprentice

President Trump's great reality television show is called The Apprentice. The show also has a retarded brother called "The Celebrity Apprentice." This show has been home to many stars, including Lil' Jon, La Toya Jackson, and that one fat guy. President Donald Trump has also been seen extorting money from other contestants including rock singer Meatloaf. Arnold Schwarzenegger will be hosting the next The Celebrity Apprentice because even President Donald Trump's job has been stolen by an immigrant.

Knowledge on America

	“	I do not know what the 13 stripes represent [on the US flag].	„
	—President Donald Trump on The Colbert Report

Trump is not his real name

The inevitable fate of the American voter

Like two out of three Americans, Donny's grandpa was originally a German, but because he didn't want to pay taxes or serve in the military he fled to the USA with only the money he owned the German government and his new slogan: Geld macht frei. But there was a problem when you are named Drumpf in 1885's USA, so he tried his luck in Canada instead. After returning to Germany to marry, only to return to Queens again grandpa Friedrich made a fortune in brothels and died from the Spanish Flu.

	“	For single men the Arctic has excellent accommodations as well as the best restaurant in Bennett, but I would not advise respectable women to go there to sleep as they are liable to hear that which would be repugnant to their feelings – and uttered, too, by the depraved of their own sex	„
	—Yukon Sun

• The first Trump hotel was known for selling prostitutes. A practice that still goes on to this day
• Just like his grandpa, Donald is also known for tax evasion.
• His actual name is Drumpf, but he will be recorded in Chinese Annals as Te Lang Poo or 特朗>:(

Bankruptcies

• 1991 - He had to sell his yacht, to pay off the debt on Taj Mahal casino, less than a year after its opening. He was saved by billionaire Carl C. Icahn - Trump declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy
• 1992 - When he couldn't pay for Trump Plaza Hotel, so it had to be bought out by Citibank. - Trump declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy
• 2004 - Couldn't afford the "crushing debt" of Trump Hotels & Casino Resorts Inc. He went from 47% of the stakes to a measly 27% - Trump declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy
• 2009 - Donnie was kindly asked to step down as the head of the board when Trump Entertainment Resorts couldn't pay a 53 million dollar bill. - The company was forced to declare Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Was bought by Carl C. Icahn, so Americans shouldn't be without jobs.
• 2017 - America, when he spends all the money on the defense budget. Will declare a chapter 11 bankruptcy to the Chinese.

Failed business ventures

• 1992 - Trump Shuttle where he managed to lose $100 million.
• 2008 - Trump Vodka was abandoned just a mere two years after being released. Did we mention that Trump is a teetotaler and his brother was a severe alcoholic?
• 2007 - Trump Mortgage was led off by this immortal comment "I think it's a great time to start a mortgage company ... who knows about financing better than I do?". It was right before housing market crash. Well done, Nostradamus.
• 2007 - Trump Steaks were discontinued almost immediately. The Trump Steakhouse was found to be utterly fucking disgusting to the point where even Gordon Ramsay would give up. It was closed because it had expired yogurt and five months overdue duck.
• 1990 - Trump the Game was a Monopoly rip-off. It was brought back in 2005, to meh reviews.
• 2010 - Trump Ice. Would you like to buy some "Natural" "Spring" "Water", that tasted like socks?
• 2007 - GoTrump.com was a place for Trump by Trump. It shut down within a year.
• 2009 - Trump Magazine first appeared in 2007, where his daughter was on the front page. Unfortunately she was dressed. It was supposed to cash in on the booming advertising market for yachts and other high-end commodities. Didn't work out.
• 1985 - The New Jersey Generals was an NFL team that Trump re-bought. His decision was so poor that not only did he destroy the team, he destroyed an entire league.
• 2011 - Trump University was a diploma mill. Trump ended up getting sued for 40 million dollars, because he lied.

Lifestyle

President Trump during his daily routine.

President Trump spends his days in his Manhattan home, eating delicious cake and playing with himself. He dreams of Jessi Slaughter and faps his 24 karat gilded five inch penis. In recent years he has begun to lure in little boys with wads of cash to have sex with him. President Trump, being the latent homosexual that is his agenda, is the sole financial source behind Boku no Pico. It is rumored that the plot is inspired by President Trump's childhood, but given how much President Trump brags about his accomplishments, if he did have such an awesome childhood--he'd never shut the fuck up about it. It is speculated that he will pander to militant homosexuals after he locks up the GOP nomination. He also has an extensive wardrobe, which ranges from green business suits to skimpy, black panties. It should be noted that President Trump has managed to bankrupt his entire business empire, twice, the first time it was a chain of casino resorts, which even those with the most tenuous grasp on economics, will tell you is fucking impossible unless you are a hire complete and utter retards. Both times President Trump got back on his feet again, from a combination of giving blowjobs to his neo-con friends (including the Clintons) and begging for bailouts from the government. The joke is on you cause he has "fuck you" money many times over and you are reading this not fully clothed.

Videos

The notorious suppressed 1991 documentary

Don't go stealing Donald's Thunder

Trump supporter telling it like it is!

Donald Trump is ISIS' number one recruiter.

Previous Video | Next Video

Gallery

Drumpf About missing Pics

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  Hebrew writing plaque in Donald Trump's office - another proof that he into Jewry
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  Trump giving handshake to Jewred Kushner
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  Avoiding answering the hard questions like any insider politician.
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  It's real like your waifu's orgasms.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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  Another sort of people also support Trump.
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  Proof that you can ruin food by simply pointing at it.
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  Trump, putting the "ss" back in "business".
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  Donald's cat.
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  Donald's rat.
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  Trump gets pwned on Twitter.
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  Trump pals around with his friend Rudy Ghouliani.

See Also

• Dolan Trump
• Bernie Madoff
• Bernie Sanders
• Business
• Blaming China
• Fired
• God
• Jews
• Money
• Rosie
• The Man
• The True God

External links

• Trump the Donald literally.

External links of White Supremacy

• The Great White Hope
• Is Trump our Last Chance? (probably)
• Trump's unwelcome support

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Featured article March 5 & 6, 2016
Preceded by Lowti3rgod	Donald Drumpf	Succeeded by TBD