Nikola Tesla

Nikola Tesla

The original mad scientist. Nik is best known for being an attention whore, an uber-1337 h4x0r, illegal immigrant from Austro-Hungarian Empire, IQ over 9000 and for trolling Einstein. He was born during the renaissance in 1984, his father was a pedophilic priest, his mother died before he was born at age eleven. He moved to America to avoid the love of his German father. He's well known by conpiracy theorists for having invented free energy for the world. Due to the lack of future money revenue of this project and the dangers of making it collapse the illuminati's capitalism and making humankind step further in the evolution and enlightment illuminati hidded this from the world but still it was rediscovered by another American named Edwin Gray. Of course all of this was hidden until today, mainly through the involvement of Donald Trump's uncle John, who examined all Tesla's inventions after Tesla's death and covered them up. For more info use TOR and visit the deepweb .onion pages within the External Links section of this article. A good start on uncovering his secrets is the ebook Free Energy Secrets with Tesla patents.

lolz i r invent teh science

Oh hai

This is fun. You should try it.

Nikola Tesla was well-known for being fabulous

Nik is famous for spamming the patent office; he submitted at least 7,696,449 ideas, most involving giant robots and flying saucers. His lesser inventions include:

• The steam engine
• The light bulb
• Time
• Gravitation
• The radio (in your face Marconi)
• The Tesla turbine
• The Theory of Relativity, just about everyone ripped him off.
• Several experimental A.I.s
• A vibrator for splitting planets in half, and its smaller rendition for knocking down buildings
• A death ray capable of destroying 10,000 airplanes at a distance of 250 miles
• The telephone repeater, a 1337 phr34k1ng tool (also known as the tesla box)
• The tesla coil, for k-lining l4m0rz by sending 82,553,815,247 volts over the phone lines
• An equine torture device, which remotely caused horseshoes to become electrically charged in relation to the ground. Nik also considered similar devices for hearts, moons, stars, clovers, diamonds and balloons.
• A miniature submarine for cats
• The Remington Fuzz-Away
• X-Men member Storm (accidental)
• The mechanical diarrhea-inducing bull
• Accidently created the crappy DC cartoon Static Shock when he tried to electrocute his pregnant, black maid on a whim.
• Your mom
• Anti-bacterial soap on a rope
• Sentient fire
• meatspin.com
• anti-lulz cannon
• Nanobots
• Ziggy Stardust
• The Tesla electric car
• MOD-Cleo
• Scientology
• The Hug Box
• Bruce Wayne, Yep he's really Batman's dad.
• The Donkey Punch
• A really shitty band from the 80's that started that whole unplugged thing in the 90's

(All of which were also built by Tony Stark in a cave with a box of scraps)

Nik's plans to build a wireless world brainwashing transmitter - codename Internet - were interrupted when he made contact with the alien planet of Rigel IV. The Rigelians were peaceful at that time, but Nik threatened to probe their planet with his vibrator if they refused to make him their supreme leader. He has since been building his intergalactic army in preparation of conquering the Multiverse. Experts predict this will occur in the year 2032.

Trolling in the Good Old Days

Also a severe sufferer of Attention Deficit Disorder, some of his whoring tactics include his obsession with the number 3, most likely originating from the number of dicks he could stuff in his mouth at once. The scientific world has made an honorable reference to him by coining his name to the 'magnetic flux density', which is actually just 'Weber per square meter'. Chances are though that this was all part of his evil plot, as there seems to be a magnetic object of at least 100 tesla approaching planet Earth, but it's probably a troll.

Pwnt

Then the Jews and the FBI thought he was a communist and then they raided his house. Because WoW hadn't been invented yet, they all ragequit after pissing and moaning about the shitty loot system when they just got a bunch of papers and books, and not even any Epic Books. So then people had to reinvent all of his shit at least 100 years later, and made it run on a series of tubes.

ForeverAlone

File:Death of nikola tesla - the new york times (january 8, 1943).png

Forever alone

Since Tesla was a socially retarded Serbian, he died by himself; an 86 year old virgin. Also he was fucking crazy and spent the last years of his life talking to pigeons. In addition to dying without ever getting his dick wet, he also ended up a broke ass nigger because he wanted to bust Edison's balls with one big slice of the lulz by ensuring that his AC invention became the Nation's choice and not Edison's DC in what was known as the War of the Currents. To do this Tesla gave Westinghouse relief from his responsability to pay him royalties because what Westinghouse had agreed to pay Tesla for every Kilowatt sold could have easily added up into billions, ruining the fledgling company and Tesla wanted to badly break one off in Edison's ass.
To this day, people know who Edison is and no one could give a fuck who Tesla is or even care about his inventions that make the modern life of basement dwellers possible.

See Also

Tesla at work

• Conspiracy Theories
• Electricity
• FBI
• Fucking magnets - Tesla knew how they worked, but never wrote it down
• Genius (mega ultra super)
• Germany
• Large Hadron Collider
• Musk, Elon - CEO of Tesla, Inc.
• Mysticism (Nazi)
• Serbian - Tesla was one
• Science

External Links

The Tesla Ray

• How Trump's uncle hid the truth in 1943 (Archived: 1 2)
• "Did Trump’s Uncle Tell Him about Missing Tesla Papers & Flying Saucers?" - Umm, maybe not (Archived: 1 2)
• Tesla eBook Collection (TOR)
• Nikola Tesla (TOR)
• Free Energy (TOR)

Featured article October 8, 2005
Preceded by Weblog	Nikola Tesla	Succeeded by Logic