Internet Law

Internet Law is the Law of the Internet. OL laws are very different from IRL laws.

Encyclopedia Dramatica is internet's counterpart of the Harvard Law Review. Please, see the articles listed at the bottom for the most comprehensive information concerning internets.

The Characters

E-lawyers

Rising to the level of e-lawyer requires that one side start spouting off a bunch of legal-sounding bullshit. The best e-lawyer will use arguments learned from TV shows like Law & Order or Matlock.

Detective

LJDrama.org often employs detectives to dig up background info on drama, specifically when the drama originated in real life. The detective utilizes his skills to reveal all relevant information regarding the participants, the real cause of the drama, and will even suggest possible resolutions (most commonly suicide).

Internet Legal Process

Prosecution pending.

Legal action

The correct response when someone makes you angry on the internet.

Internet court

A rare phenomena when someone successfully sues someone else over the internet. Many Internet lawsuits have been lost, won and threatened, but few have actually been carried out. Perhaps most notably, mediacrat won a settlement from hepkitten for $10,000 in Internet court.

Internet trial

When internet drama plays out in a public form or, more commonly, the accuser's head, resulting in declaration of internet guilt of the accused.

Miscellaneous Internet Laws

• Internet Laws are not to be confused with the Rules of the Internet.

Godwin's Law

As made famous by Mike Godwin, "As a thread grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one." What followed for Mike Godwin, we can only imagine, was an unremarkable career in stag films. Thereafter, he went on to become the General Counsel for TOW. Seriously.

Drew's Law

As made by the Anon Drew, "If Godwin's Law is ever mentioned, the thread discussion will lead to Hitler or Nazis." The inverse of Godwin's Law, which is also true.

Get Law

The closer a person gets to a significant post number the more likely they are to fail. (Unless it's quads then you become a God)

Siannan's Law

Created by auntiesiannan, the law states that the appearance of a retarded Amish midget in a thread at any point shall be considered equivalent to the invocation of Godwin's Law.

When an angsty human buttplug who likes it in the ass enters a thread, suddenly the flame wars between people cease, the discussion degenerates to nothing of value, and the thread is thereby abandoned.

Protagoras' Law

Protagoras' Law is a variation of Godwin's Law. It states, "The longer any given philosophical argument, the probability of a dismissal of said argument as sophistry approaches 1." Protagoras' Law is not funny unless you've taken a course on the Greeks.

Rosenzweig's Theory

An algorithm in itself is a finite sequence of well-defined steps for solving a problem. This algorithm explains how long it will take for a male troll to develop real social skills starting from the first time he trolls on the internet. (In months)

120-10SO+20SS

SO=Sexual Relations with the Opposite Gender

SS=Sexual Relations with the Same Gender

You start off with 10 years and subtract 10 months per every time the troll (male) has sexual relations with a woman. Unfortunately if it's with another man, it adds 20 months to the equation.

Though of course while other variables can affect this equation, it will only affect it in terms of days and has no real significance when confronting sexual relations.

If you point out anything wrong with this you really have no life.

The Myers Inventory

A complicated, but extremely accurate formula used to gauge how much longer any given individual will live in their parents' basement.

Where:
a = Your age
b = Total # of Facebook photos you're tagged in
p = Total # of Pokemon caught (not including those caught with masterballs)
y = Total # of YouTube videos hosted
f_gay = Total # of gay friends
f_guido = Total # of guido friends
s = Total # of heterosexual relationships you've had
m = Total # of siblings who have successfully moved out

Additionally, MQ stands for Mackey's quotient which is calculated as so:

• If total games >= 100, then substitute 1 for (100-(total games))

Finally, one's change in coolness is calculated by subtracting your current friends from your number of friends last year. Or in other words:


Once a inventory is calculated, participants must use the following chart to determine how much longer they will be Basement Dwellers.

Inventory Chart:
Tier 1: A score between 0 and 9 translates to 0-1 more years at home.
Tier 2: A score between 10 and 24 translates to 2-3 more years at home.
Tier 3: A score between 25 and 59 translates to 4-7 more years at home.
Tier 4: A score between 60 and 99 translates to 8-12 more years at home.
Tier 5: A score between 100 and 299 translates to 13-19 more years at home.
Tier 6: A score between 300 and 799 translates to 20-35 more years at home.
Tier 7: A score above 800 means YOU WILL NEVER LIVE IN YOUR OWN ABODE!!!

FACT: Marriland is the only person to score over 800.

FACT: As of May 2010, Internet Psychologist Myers, phD himself scored a 15.76.

Pythagoras' Theorem

A variation of Godwin's Law, the Pythagorean theorem states that "As a thread grows longer, the probability of A²+B² equaling C² approaches one." This is, of course, the most unlulzy law evar and the creator should be resurrected so he can be raped and then killed again.

Law of Exponential Loss

This law states that in any forum post, thread, chat message, audio, video, or any other media, the user, reader, viewer, etc will lose The Game when reminded of said game, with no possibility of "winning."

IE: You have just lost.

The Limp Bizkit Principle

The simplest truths meet with the sternest resistance. For example, Limp Bizkit (the band of which the law is named) is often decried and lambasted across the internet, but at the same time they have sold millions of records. This would not be possible if every one was speaking the truth.

The Australian's Law

Anyone or anything slightly effeminate on the internet is a fag or was made by one. There are no exceptions to this rule.

Furry's Law

A variation of Godwin's Law which states that, in a debate, if you are a furry, you lose. There are no exceptions to this law. Furfags are sick faggots who should be purged with fire.

• Furry's Law in Action

Jansonius's Law

When the mere innocence of a thread in the wrong place advocates its imminent fail, the chances of a question resulting in penis shame replies are equal to the thread's author's original innocence.

Bloodlent's Law

A variation of Godwin's Law which states that, in a debate, if you are an emo/scenester/goth, you lose.

• Origination of Bloodlent's Law

Proof's Law

A variation on Godwin's law which states that, in any given discussion about anything, as the thread gets longer, the probability of the discussion degenerating into a debate over rock vs. rap approaches one. At this point, all arguments may be refuted by a fifty Proof post. Tupac is also acceptable, but neither have been attempted in practice as of yet.

Connery's Law

Mostly applied to YTMND. The funny value of a fad is an inversely proportional to the funny value of the joke that started the fad.

Empirical law

In any given discussion about anything, between a Britfag and an Americunt, as the thread gets longer the probability of the Britfag making the Americunt fail due to superior language skils approaches 1. This law is always true unless a frenchman gets involved.

Comic Law

In any given discussion about comic books, as the the thread gets longer, the probability of the discussion degenerating into a pussyfight over Batman vs. Superman approaches one.

Banaan's Law

Banaan's Law states that for any given internets user, his Internet Reputation (ePoints) is inversely proportional to his IRL Reputation.

Krade's Exception

Krade's Exception to Banaan's Law states that while having high eRep implies having low IRLRep, having low IRLRep does not necessarily imply having high eRep.

A factually accurate version of Krade's Exception in LaTeX.

Pauls's Synthesis

IRLRep * eRep <= K

YCTAT Law

You cannot troll a troll. Although not written in stone, when teenagers attempt to fight experienced trolls they often forget this.

ATCTAT Exception

If a troll is of enough experience, he can, in theory, troll another troll.

LJ Friends Corollary

The LJ Friends Corollary can be derived from Banaan's Law, since it's a particular case of it. It states that the length of your LJ friendslist is inversely proportional to the amount of IRL friends you have.

Juggity's Fundamental Theorem of Caturday

Banbot's Hypothesis

Sine, cosine, tangent. Alternatively, cosecant, secant, cotangent are the reciprocal identities.

In any flame war, argument or discussion online, it is important to have an entirely irrelevant tangent. This enables the thread to be completely derailed, allowing for unexpected drama and lulz. Tangential discussions are very popular with trolls who find it amusing to destroy any possibility of a conversation making any progress towards reaching a satisfying conclusion.

It has been hypothesized that the creation of tangential discussions of continuously decreasing relevance can indefinitely circumnavigate Godwin's Law. It seems doubtful that this hypothesis can ever be tested as no troll is likely to have sufficient expressive ability to avoid the effect of Protagoras's Law throughout a thread of infinite length. Nonetheless, you are welcome to refer to this concept as Banbot's Hypothesis.

Samadhi's Law

In any discussion among animal activists/vegans/vegetarians regarding their lifestyle choices and/or beliefs, someone will inevitably bring up PETA. The person who brings up PETA or attempts to use PETA as a legitimate source automatically loses the debate. Once Samadhi's Law is called, the discussion is dead.

Sturgeon's Law

"Ninety percent of everything is crap."

This fundamental law of the universe was discovered by science fiction author Theodore Sturgeon. The law applies to everything, except Encyclopedia Dramatica, because if you believe ED it must be true articles. However, most agree that Sturgeon was low-balling when it comes to people.

Some pedants insist that this is not Sturgeon's Law, but Sturgeon's Revelation. They are full of shit.

Some pedants insist that the last word in Sturgeon's Law is "crud". They are uptight librarians who can't say the word crap.

Hamill's Law

The quality of the fan fiction in any given fandom is equal to the negative of the square of the absolute value of the quality of the fandom's canon, or, in mathematical terms, X = -(|Y|)². Therefore, both good and bad canons will have far worse fanfictions. Thusly, from this, we can conclude that all fanfiction is bad.

• Math fail. Taking the absolute value of Y is completely unnecessary, unless the quality of the canon might be imaginary. Which, I suppose is possible. It's complex.

Ket's Law

Virginity, left untreated, leads to repeated viewings of guro porn and becoming a furry.

Seven's Law

Seven's Law (also referred to Seven's Law of MMOs) is an adaption of Godwin's Law, pertaining to the likelihood of a comparison to World of Warcraft in any discussion of a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG). The rule is as follows:

As any discussion pertaining to any MMORPG grows longer, the probability of a comparison to World of Warcraft approaches one.

When this law is invoked, much like Godwin's law the person who made the comparison automatically loses the conversation. The only exception to this rule is known as the "WoW exception", which states that if the user is speaking in a WoW forum or in the game itself the rule does not apply.

Hungryandhollow's Law

Hungryandhollow's Law states that, for every additional day a person on the internets does not post pictures of themselves, the probability that they are fat and/or hideously ugly increases.

The inverse to this law states that, for every picture of themselves on the internet totaling more then three, the probability that they are a whore increases.

Bunker's Law

A satirist's popularity is inversely proportional to the percentage of people that understand him.

This is based on the observations of Carroll O'Connor, known as famed bigot Archie Bunker on "All In The Family". Towards the final days of playing his Archie character, racists and homophobes would walk up to him on the street and thank him for standing up for what they believe in.

This law may be at the root of the GRIDS that is killing ED.

Banhammer Theorem

Also known as "That fucking mod's law!" which states that as a thread grows longer, the probability of someone receiving the banhammer approaches 1.

The Dartboard Corollary

An addition to the Banhammer Theorum which states that as a thread grows longer , the possibility of someone being banned without any reason whatsoever approaches 1.

Your Mother's Basement Law

As a debate grows longer the probability of getting accused of living in your mother's basement approaches one.

Arkal's Law

The more people who enjoy a user's trolling, the less chance he has of getting b&.

Cryos's Effect

In addition to Arkal's Law, if said user is b& by a moderator; rebellion will take place. The lower the chance the user had of getting b&, the higher the amount of hate will be conjured to this moderator.

God's Law

A variation of Godwin's Law which states that, in a debate, if you are a theist, you lose. This is due to the fact that theists are about half as intelligent as steamed prawns, though theists are the much preferred cuisine according to lions. God's Law holds even in debates that are not clearly related to religion, such as PS3 vs. 360. This can lead to the interesting result that both sides are demonstrably wrong. Though counterintuitive at first glance, this actually makes perfect sense, as all people are fucking idiots.

God's Law, Corollary

In a debate, if you are an atheist, you win. Included for completeness, the Corollary to God's Law is no law at all. This can be easily proven by assuming the truth of the Corollary and deriving a contradiction.

0) In a debate, if you are an atheist, you win.

1) In a debate, if you are a theist, you lose. (God's Law)

2) If you lose, your position is proven wrong.

3) Sometimes some theists and some atheists will find themselves on the same side of a debate. (e.g. Burger King vs. McDonald's, there are theists and atheists on both sides of the debate.)

4) Some theists believe that Burger King is better than McDonald's.

5) Some theists believe that McDonald's is better than Burger King.

6) Burger King is not better than McDonald's. (From 1 and 4.)

7) McDonald's is not better than Burger King. (From 1 and 5.)

8) Some atheists believe that Burger King is better than McDonald's.

9) Some atheists believe that McDonald's is better than Burger King.

10) Some atheists are wrong in the debate of Burger King vs. McDonald's.

11) Some atheists are wrong in the debate of Burger King vs. McDonald's and in a debate, if you are an atheist, you win. (from 10 and 0, contradiction.)

12) Therefore, it is not the case that in a debate, if you are an atheist, you win. (Discharge the assumption from which a contradiction was derived.)

This is an example of logic, so you are encouraged to ignore it.

Dawson's Hypothesis

In relation to both God's Law and Godwin's Law: The longer a debate in which there are both atheist and theist members of the forum/wiki/imageboard/shitty video-based, emofag breeding ground on both sides of the debate continues, then probability of a tangent (see Banbot's Hypothesis) towards a flamewar relating to the religious orientation of the aforementioned theist members of said site reaches 1.

NOTE: If the forum is facepunch, then the likelihood is already 1.

God's Second Law

A variation on Proof's law which states that, in any given discussion about anything, as the the thread gets longer, the probability of the discussion degenerating into a debate over Atheists vs Christians approaches one. At this point, all arguments may NOT be refuted and the thread is over. If the thread does not end, it will eventually be invaded by the Jews and Towelheads who were pissed off because they were ignored for being Jews and Towelheads. After that the thread will either branch off into an e-lawsuit started by a greedy Jew, or if everyone leaves the towelheads will make a bomb threat and inevitably get V&.

The Law of furfaggotry and narutardation on artist websites

On any given art site, but especially deviantART, the page of most popular art will contain at least one Naruto or furry piece of "art". This is raised exponentially by factors such as location, disposition, and demographics enclosed.

The law of dox shock

The more a person guards their identity, the more they will react with shock when it is revealed, the law dictates that responses range from the standard "those aren't mine" to "oh those are my friends dox" to "OH SHIT WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE".

Law of the Post Count

An unwritten internet law that states that the likelihood of a poster being moderated, regardless of the merits or otherwise of their post, is inversely proportional to their relative post count. The Law also states that the truthiness of any post is directly proportional to the post count of its creator.

Burk's law

The amount of butthurt is directly related to exposure of negative traits. The more someones secret life is exposed, to where their family may find it, The more likely he is to delete fucking everything, and the amount of drama is increased exponentially when ones personal documents can be procured and the secrets of said person revealed to his family members by way of civic-minded socially responsible individuals. The quickest way to incite butthurt is that which gives most publicity (like a spot on ED's front page), responses are always predictable and easy to deal with. Any and all contact after said exposure is likely to yield lulz, and contact should be encouraged.

Zero's Forgotten Law

Zero's law states that the amount of "leetspeak" a person uses on the internet is inversely proportional to the person's IRL intelligence. i.e. anyone who calls themselves a "1337 haX0r" is clearly a fucktard and it is your responsibility to stone and beat the offender to death.

Law of the Fags

This law states that a faggotry cannot be standalone and every fag OL/IRL must also be either a furfag, motherfucker, jew, towelhead, nigger, mother-licker, pervert, pedophile, fat fucking piece of shit, Limp Bizkit Fan (see above) or any combination of the previous.

Sinistar's law

Sinistar's law states that you must beware, for he lives, and you must beware. It also states that he hungers. Also, you must run, for you are a coward.

The Tigerwolf Effect

If a person has been wrong or stupid even once on a certain forum, users of that forum will disagree with or mock anything that person says in the future, even if it's right.

(note: While Tigerwolf is certainly legit, some believe this law to have been made by Grace Saunders, others refute this on the grounds that Peter (grace) would never admit he had been stupid once.)

Grace Saunders law

If you whine enough, even the most peaceful of people will become brutal, vicious trolls to you.

Cornell's law

If there is one side to an argument, there will always be those who oppose the idea, no matter how conclusively proven the former, or irrationally fail the latter. (See Creationists, Christians and Conservatives )

Vedder's law

The more proof, facts, evidence or examples you provide, the more likely some one is to deny those facts, if it will benefit them in the short run.

Law Of Unintended Consequences

The "Law of Unintended Consequences" (also called the "law of unforeseen consequences") states that any purposeful action will produce some unintended consequences. A classic example is a bypass — a road built to relieve traffic congestion on a congested road — that attracts new development and with it more traffic, resulting in two congested streets instead of one.

This maxim is not a scientific law. Rather, it is more a warning against the hubristic belief that humans can fully control the world around them which, therefore, establishes that each cause has more than one effect, and these effects will invariably include at least one unforeseen side effect and it is likely that the unintended side effect can potentially be more significant than any of the intended effects.

TL;DR, see: Irony.

Assburgers Law

The law that the longer a person goes without having the SHIT BEAT OUT OF THEM IRL the more likely it is they will develop aspergers' =syndrome, and consequentially become an internet lolcow.

Alex The Droog Law

It is better to choose to be bad than to be forced to be good.

Akinator Law

Existance can only be proved by the knowledge of Akinator; more ultimately - if Akinator does not know of it, it does not exist.

Nitti's Law

1 out of every 9 users of the Internet will eventually commit incest, rape a dog, rape little girls, cut their penis off and then for some reason expect that bacon, eggs, and wieners make a hearty breakfast, listen to Britney Spears while jacking it, or try to blow themselves. Several members have committed multiple acts.

Banjo Hick's Law

If, at any point in time, you make fun of another user's mother then their mother automatically becomes dead. This is mainly to make the person feel bad, but never works and goes on to make many lulz.

Formosa's Law

"The truly insane have enough on their plates without us adding to it." That is, flaming someone with an obvious mental problem can't make it any better. Most often cited on alt.usenet.kooks as a reason not to issue a KotM (Kook of the Month) Award.

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