Akinator

It knows who you are, it knows where you live, it knows where your mom sleeps. It is an obvious reason for paranoia. Better watch out, because Akinator is under your table.

Akinator is a serious case of internet magic, describing itself as a mere "web genius", even though we all know that this castrated muslim is a god. The website itself is like a web version of Twenty Questions - you think of something and this faggot out of a lamp tries to figure out who are you imagining. Of course, this is all boring until you understand - AKINATOR GUESSES IT RIGHT ALL THE TIME. Straight out, no exceptions. Either you click random answers like a hyperactive aspie or you think of an internet loser nobody ever gives a shit about - you always see it right in front of you. Some do not appreciate this noble miracle, and fearlessly exclaim that Akinator does make mistakes. Well, the truth is, it is you who can't answer the fucking questions right. Do it, homosexual. It will blow your brain.

But how?

Complex hacking and miracles, that's how. But actually, it's easy. By answering questions, you open up categories for Akinator to choose from. And eventually you dig deeper and deeper through those categories, resulting in the ultimate guess. However, to know what categories to actually go to, the genie has to be "programmed" by users themselves - that is why it is so important to Akinator whether he guessed it right or not, and if not, who we were actually looking for. So yeah, Santa doesn't actually exist.

Oh, manipulatable

And the best thing is, all of the characters there are added by users. With that said, the possibilities are endless. Add ED users, add yourself, add your dick. And since it is likely nobody will ever be thinking of the last two things (nobody is interested in you and your dick), you can get to another great thing - bombing. Simply get the genie to guess someone that is guessed frequently (check the fucking stats) and, in the end, click "No". When you will be asked to input what you were actually thinking of, feel free to write your dick here. Repeat this for a few thousand times and Akinator may be broken by now.

Practical Uses: Porn

Akinator can, in fact, be used for things beyond blowing your mind and desperately trying (and failing) to make other people look at your shit. If you tell him your character is real, female and an actress, he will ask you wether or not she is a porn actress. He does not hesitate to ask for size of boobs, hair color, and general looks. You may now go fap to whatever actress - let's face it, actor - he told you.