Batman

Batman and Robin

The Goddamn Batman is the bat-themed superhero made famous by DC comics in the late 30's and early 40's. Batman wasn't exactly original or ground breaking and certainly wasn't the first comic book character of his kind. You can tell because by the time Batman's creator got into the business, all the other good furry-themed superhero animals were obviously taken. However, Batman is said to be among the first complex comic book characters, as he is constantly dealing with his own personal demons, such as the loss of his parents, and his closet homosexuality. It should be noted that Batman WILL always have a way, which inspires many dreams shared by many people that he should just admit he's gay and an hero.

Supporting characters

The Joker

<video type="youtube" id="WWz5h4or-yo" width="200" height="180" position="right" desc="Joker's also a fan of Bel-Air's, apparently"/>

Harley doing what she loves.

Catwoman is such a great role model for women.

"Now then, now then, Batman, you'll never catch me!"

The dastardly Penguin has Batman helpless and in his clutches...

A clown-themed super-villain. Joker is the hallmark IRL Troll of the Batman franchise because, honestly, he's unpredictable and does everything just for shits and giggles. The Joker presents a paradox, as he always has plenty of money for his latest schemes, despite never actually being successful at stealing anything. One wonders why he just wouldn't just move to another town for his crime enterprises, or at least try using a fucking gun. Sadly, that gay cowboy who played the Joker died recently of a drug overdose.

	“	As if that was not enough, Batman began to pin the clown down assuming an ancient male response. As he did so, the sheet that covered his legs exposed bare flesh until finally tipping over, letting Batman do what he hungered for. He wasn’t thinking about his reputation as Gotham’s most eligible bachelor, it didn’t cross his mind about the possible tarnishing of his name at Wayne Enterprises. Caution was thrown to the wind when Batman pressed his muscle bound build onto Joker’s who accepted the reversed role by spreading his thighs and letting the detective undo his robe and meet with his white trembling body.	„
	—A Joker "love" story

As demonstrated in the previous stream of fuck-nuggetry, many worthless yaoi fangirls are attracted to the character of the Joker due to the misplaced belief that his character is all about putting on clownish make-up and attention-seeking. As far as they are aware, this is perfectly normal behavior, and judge it as 'Bishie'. Why no one kills this cum-faced cunt is the reason this is a fantasy story, and is proof that Gotham City makes Springfield look intelligent.

Other Villains

The Batman has a complete set of villains not played by Heath Ledger. Batman villains all have strong themes, such as a sexual attraction to Alice in Wonderland, and they are all batshit insane. Batman villains include:

• Poison Ivy - Likes plants so much she became one, best friends with Harley Quinn. Played by Uma in the movies.
• Harley Quinn - The Joker's whore. In The Batman cartoon becomes a loli, but is a woman in all the rest. Beloved by fangirls, because domestic violence is so kawaii.
• Catwoman - Fursuiter. Unfortunately totally a furry. Actually blew up a government installation to save some cats. Gets pissed if you don't like pussies.
• Man-Bat - A furry.
• Clock King - A jerk who hates clocks.
• The Scarecrow - A skinny white man who induces people with hallucinogenic drugs, giving the comic book artists a chance to draw cool, trippy shit. Despite poncing about wearing an outfit made of straw and other highly flammable materials, Batman never just sets him on fire. Despite being a scrawny little freak with a big nose, has loads of fangirls, probably because in the movies he was played by that watery-eyed wax-faced Irish boy from 28 Days Later.
• Killer Croc - Also available in Spiderman, not a furry.
• Mister Freeze - He's cool. His real name is "Victor Fries".
• Two Face - Indecisive cunt with really bad sunburn down one side of his body, because the Joker replaced his sun tan lotion with his toxic clown jizz.
• Mad Hatter - A pedo in a stupid hat.
• Baby Doll - Criminally insane permaloli who has secks with Killer Croc.
• Riddler - Faggot who can't stop using stupid riddles.
• Calendar Man - No, really.
• Black Mask - Prefers to be called African-American Mask nowadays.
• The Ventriloquist - Started as creepy guy talking to a puppet. Recently became a hot chick.
  
• The Motherfuckin' Penguin
• Bane - Mexican drug addict and wrestler. Nobody cared who he was until he put on the mask.
• Mr. Zsasz - Serial killer and cutter.
• Huge Strange - Evil neckbeard.
• Onomatopoeia - Kevin Smith's Mary Sue villain, an assassin who's schtick is providing his own sound effects. While a guy saying sound effects can sometimes appear cool in a comic book, in a movie or TV show having a guy say "Bang!" after firing a gun would look fucking ghey, so he has zero chance of ever appearing outside of a comic book.
• Clayface - A huge walking turd.
• Professor Pyg - Sick fuck in a pig mask.
• Ra's al Ghul - The only Arab villain Batman fights, which is highly unrealistic, because as we all know Arabs are always up to no good. His name is pronounced 'racial ghoul'.
• Anarky - V from V for Vendetta, but without the mask and with a big Ⓐ on his shirt. There are literally no other differences.
• Prometheus - Ridiculous Mary Sue villain, invented by Grant Morrison while high. Once took out the entire Justice League, but then got blindsided by Green Arrow.
• The Sewer King - Nobody gives a fuck about Sewer King.

Other Good Guys

Commissioner Gordon: Leader of the Gotham City police. Considered one of Batman's most trusted allies, despite the fact that the cops never even show up until after Batman subdues the villains.

Barbara Gordon: Ginger cripple who helps Batman by monitoring 4chan.

Robin: Batman's shota sidekick, and "adopted son". He specializes in hand jobs, and getting captured by the Joker. He is deeply in love with Batman and is often found trying to seduce him by wearing his faggy short tights. Robin in general is an all-around bitch. When not trying to get into Batman's pants, or getting his ass kicked, he can be found being replaced by another kid for getting to old. Said replacements include:

• Dick Grayson: The oh so serious leader of the Teen Titans. Becomes the new Batman.
• Jason Todd: Pwned by the Joker.
• Tim Drake: See Shit nobody cares about
• Stephanie Brown: A girl Robin introduced because they wanted to draw more hot chicks in leather. Only lasted three issues before getting killed, but later came back to life after the addition of the female Batman villains so she could be included in all sorts of lesbian orgies.

Batmobile

Either the most badass or gayest car ever, depending on which series you are watching/reading. The best thing about the Batmobile is that if you happen to run anyone over while driving it, then there's pretty much no doubt as to who did it, so you could probably get away with anything. The only thing Batman hates more than chocolate ice cream is people making fun of his car.

Anger issues, Batboy?

Alignment

Batman is consistently the character who's alignment is subject to constant debate, and seems to defy the conventions of the system. Given the sheer amount of time that Bat-Fans have on their hands, you think they would figure out this shit eventually. Here are the fruits of their lack of labor:

The Dark Knight

Moar info: The Dark Knight IMDb Board.

At least now we know why the Joker needed to steal all that money.

The second latest film in the Batman saga, The Dark Knight is considered by all the top critics to be the greatest thing to ever happen to them since their last excursion in totally legitimate reproductive intercourse.

The Dark Knight hit the number one spot on imdb's best movies of all time list within an hour of its release and then garnered more money than the first Star Wars film, solidifying it as "one of the most awesome movies of all time". Despite this, when the movie came to Japan the inhabitants of Godzilla-land showed zero interest for the film. The Mummy 3, What Happens in Vegas, and Sex in the City all had higher box office intake than The Dark Knight. Why so unpopular? It has to do with Japan's utter hatred for manly men who have to shave, have a baritone voice, big penises, and muscles. Japan likes heroes that look like androgynous pop idols who whine about how sad they are. The sheer manliness of Christian Bale's cock probably made the entire country tremble in fear.

Since critics said that Heath Ledger, fanboys lined up for hours to watch this masterpiece. Too bad it was about as entertaining as British porn, but at least you get to see Batman's dong, thanks to the new batsuit. Oh, and he's not going to be in the sequel.

Galleries

About missing Pics

• 
  LOL terrorism
• 
• 
• 
  Joker is a pretty cool guy.
  eh kills kids with a metal-bar and doesn't afraid of anything.
• 
  Another classic issue.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  A man completely secure with his heterosexuality.
• 
  Batman trying to stop the Joker.
• 
  The Joker and Batman, mortal enemies locked in a cycle of perpetual violence.
• 
  From the actual comic book.
• 
  Batdrama
• 
  No, this pic isn't shopped.
• 
  Batman and Robin share a special relationship.
• 
  Not the first time Lois finds Batman playing with Superman.
• 
  The newest Batman villain.
• 
• 
  It's a message from the Batman!
• 
  He fucking hates chocolate.
• 
  Another Batman villain, Jeff Goldblum.
• 
  Some YouTubers take Batman quite srsly.
• 
  Calculation
• 
  I am... BATMANCHILD!!
• 
  How the joker makes pencils disappear.
• 
  Warum denn so Ernst?
• 
  The Joker IRL
• 
  Y SO SRS, CAT?
• 
  Bawwwwwwwww.
• 
• 
  Batman a proud furry.
• 
  Batman and Robin sometimes pop up on /d/, where they fight trolls.
• 
  Not Gay.
• 
  The Joker is most certainly not amused.
• 
  Batman expresses his love for chocolate milk on /co/.
• 
  The great thing about being Batman isn't fighting Heath, it's showing everyone in Gotham I did.
• 
  I'm the goddamn batchu.
• 
  Battim would love to buy a big jar of batman sperm.
• 
  The Joker is not pleased with his newly purchased Batman sperm.
• 
  Are you retarded or something?
• 
  Typical Batman comic strip.
• 
  Batman retires.
• 
  This is why we cant have nice things.
• 
  Robin letting the bat out of the bag
• 
  Yes, he hates chocolate.
• 
  I HERD HE LIKES CHOCOLATE MILK!
• 
  Batman doesn't like niggers.
• 
  A challenger appears
• 
• 
  Blackman can't go a night without robbin'
• 
  In your markets, signin' your food
• 
  He is the goddamn Batman.
• 
  Overpowered by Faggotry™
• 
  tumblr whores <3 Batman
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• File:Robin the pervert.jpg
• 
  Holy titillation Batman!
• 
• 
  Invisible Penis
• 
  Who was phone?
• 
• 
  Who's a good Batman?
• 
• 
• 
  Batman and former crack-cocaine dealer Jay-Z in a classic team-up from The Brave & The Bold.
• 
  I'm the Mathman!
• 
  Batman is pretty awesome.

Rule 34 About missing Pics

• 
• 
• 
  Other Batman villains.
• 
  Superman finds out that Batman's been cheating on him with his cousin.
• 
  You will never be eaten alive by a giant clown girl...

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Robin, deploy the Bat-Jizz!
• 
  No exceptions!
• 
  Batman rapes Robin.
• 
  Always testing the bat pole.
• 
  Teamwork is the key to their crime fighting success.
• 
  Hmmmmm
• 
• 
  Why so rule 34ed?
• 
  Who's the boss?
• 
  No matter how many times bad guys get defeated, they will always have a big dick.
• 
  The Joker, about to show Two-Face his "pencil trick".

[-+]Copypasta

---

Once upon a time there was a young man named Batman.

Then his parents got dead.
And then Batman got pissed off, so then he fucked-off to Princeton.
And then he fucked-off to China to be a ninja because his parents were dead.
Batman went back home to Earth and said “I will become Batman.”
And he became BAT-MAN.
Then Batman dicked around for a bit…
Then Batman said “I need a Bat-buttmobile.”
But Morgan Freeman said “NO! You get a tank because you suck dick!” and germs killed the martians…
So Batman fucked around for a while and then there was a guy with a potato-sack for a head and he said “Fuck You!”
And Batman said “No…Fuck you.”
Then Batman made him get dumb.
Then there was a ninja on a train that said “Everyone in this city is a dick-butt!”
So Batman said “Enjoy your choo-choo to dick-fuck town.”

And everybody died especially Heath Ledger.

Videos

We think Batman is capable of dealing with everything, but this shows just how a puny little drug addict can easily overcome the Dark Knight. With a taser to the crotch! Followed up with heroin, surprise sex, and more heroin, and then some BAWWWWING about his own prison experiences, and then a little suicide. At the end, this causes Batman to become an an hero.

An average evening with Mr. Wayne

Previous Video | Next Video

See Also

• Ace's Last Moments (Justice League Unlimited)
• Bane
• Brushie Bat
• Comic book fans
• Heath Ledger
• Space Bat
• Superdickery
• Why So Exploitable?
• Why So Serious?
• The Batman Rapist

Batman is part of a series on Television Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article February 4th and 5th, 2013
Preceded by Britam	Batman	Succeeded by Incumbent