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Conficker: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:Conficker3.jpg|thumb|F-secure, today: "F-Secure Content Cloud is a platform solution on which to build a tailored online storage services multi-devices, multi-services and multi-content." [http://www.f-secure.com/no/web/operators_global/content-cloud] ]] | [[Image:Conficker3.jpg|thumb|F-secure, today: "F-Secure Content Cloud is a platform solution on which to build a tailored online storage services multi-devices, multi-services and multi-content." [http://www.f-secure.com/no/web/operators_global/content-cloud] ]] | ||
'''Conficker,''' also known as <del>the venjix virus</del> [[Meatspin|Downadup]] and [[Pedobear|Kido]], is a hugely successful computer virus that will fuck up your computer the instant you let it in. Due to the failure of [[Microsoft]], it is infecting computers at a rapid rate and their shitty patches and antivirus programs cannot compete. Conficker is truly the [[AIDS]] of computer viruses, given its brutality - king of the computer worms just as AIDS is king of the STDs. There are many ways you can get Conficker, including [[oral sex|through internet downloads]] and by [[anal sex|sticking an infected USB into your computer's tight hole]]. | '''Conficker,''' also known as <del>the venjix virus</del> [[Meatspin|Downadup]] and [[Pedobear|Kido]], is a hugely successful computer virus that will fuck up your computer the instant you let it in. Due to the failure of [[Microsoft]], it is infecting computers at a rapid rate and their shitty patches and antivirus programs cannot compete. Conficker is truly the [[AIDS]] of computer viruses, given its brutality - the king of the computer worms just as AIDS is king of the STDs. There are many ways you can get Conficker, including [[oral sex|through internet downloads]] and by [[anal sex|sticking an infected USB into your computer's tight hole]]. | ||
The only way to fully safeguard against Conficker is [[I GOT NORTON!|getting Norton]], which will [[pwn]] this shitty worm into oblivion, to be forgotten like the [[Y2K|Y2K bug]]. | The only way to fully safeguard against Conficker is [[I GOT NORTON!|getting Norton]], which will [[pwn]] this shitty worm into oblivion, to be forgotten like the [[Y2K|Y2K bug]]. | ||
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==Name== | ==Name== | ||
[[Image:Orcadildo.jpg|thumb|A cone fucker ]] | [[Image:Orcadildo.jpg|thumb|A cone fucker ]] | ||
The Microsoft [[Anal|analyst]], [http://www.furaffinity.net/user/jphill/ zeta toy fucker] and [http://murderpedia.org/male.P/p/phillips-joshua.htm child murderer] Joshua "Cone Fucker" Phillips, like any discoverer, wanted to | The Microsoft [[Anal|analyst]], [http://www.furaffinity.net/user/jphill/ zeta toy fucker] and [http://murderpedia.org/male.P/p/phillips-joshua.htm child murderer] Joshua "Cone Fucker" Phillips, like any discoverer, wanted to insert his fursona, a fox that has [[buttsex]] with cone shaped zeta toys, into the name of his new discovery. As a tribute to the [[Hitler|nazi Germany]], he made a portmanteau of "cone" and the German word [http://ipcommunications.tmcnet.com/topics/ip-communications/articles/50562-microsofts-5000000-reward-the-conficker-worm-creators.htm Ficker] (fucker). | ||
This is [http://www.microsoft.com/security/portal/threat/encyclopedia/entry.aspx?Name=Worm%3aWin32%2fConficker.a his excuse] for putting censored words in news reports: | This is [http://www.microsoft.com/security/portal/threat/encyclopedia/entry.aspx?Name=Worm%3aWin32%2fConficker.a his excuse] for putting censored words in news reports: | ||
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Analysis by Joshua Phillips"</center> | Analysis by Joshua Phillips"</center> | ||
He was still thinking | He was still thinking of being fucked by his favorite zeta toy when he arrived at this conclusion. He made his formula (2)(1)(+k)(3) to match his own name, Josh<B>u</B>a <B>Ph</b>illip<B>s</B>: (u)(ph)(s) => (ph)(u)(+k)(s) => [[Fucks|phuks]]. | ||
==Authors== | ==Authors== | ||
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Conficker was created by [[Faggot|Mikko Hypponen]] to sell you the [[Fuck|Ficker]]-Secure (F-Secure) antivirus (its first versions were known as F-Downadup antivirus [ftp://ftp.f-secure.com/anti-virus/tools/beta/]). | Conficker was created by [[Faggot|Mikko Hypponen]] to sell you the [[Fuck|Ficker]]-Secure (F-Secure) antivirus (its first versions were known as F-Downadup antivirus [ftp://ftp.f-secure.com/anti-virus/tools/beta/]). | ||
On April 25, 2006, some unknown F-Secure partners hacked microsoft.com and | On April 25, 2006, some unknown F-Secure partners hacked microsoft.com and placed Conficker in a database, disguised as Windows Genuine Advantage, a "critical update." | ||
<del>The [[FBI]]</del> [[Microsoft]] [http://www.microsoft.com/en-us/news/press/2009/feb09/02-12ConfickerPR.aspx] has put out a $250K reward for information leading to the arrest of [[Mike Sandy|Mikko Hypponen]]. | <del>The [[FBI]]</del> [[Microsoft]] [http://www.microsoft.com/en-us/news/press/2009/feb09/02-12ConfickerPR.aspx] has put out a $250K reward for information leading to the arrest of [[Mike Sandy|Mikko Hypponen]]. | ||
Revision as of 19:00, 1 February 2013
Conficker, also known as the venjix virus Downadup and Kido, is a hugely successful computer virus that will fuck up your computer the instant you let it in. Due to the failure of Microsoft, it is infecting computers at a rapid rate and their shitty patches and antivirus programs cannot compete. Conficker is truly the AIDS of computer viruses, given its brutality - the king of the computer worms just as AIDS is king of the STDs. There are many ways you can get Conficker, including through internet downloads and by sticking an infected USB into your computer's tight hole.
The only way to fully safeguard against Conficker is getting Norton, which will pwn this shitty worm into oblivion, to be forgotten like the Y2K bug.
Name
The Microsoft analyst, zeta toy fucker and child murderer Joshua "Cone Fucker" Phillips, like any discoverer, wanted to insert his fursona, a fox that has buttsex with cone shaped zeta toys, into the name of his new discovery. As a tribute to the nazi Germany, he made a portmanteau of "cone" and the German word Ficker (fucker).
This is his excuse for putting censored words in news reports:
(fic)(con)(er) => (con)(fic)(+k)(er) => conficker
Analysis by Joshua Phillips"He was still thinking of being fucked by his favorite zeta toy when he arrived at this conclusion. He made his formula (2)(1)(+k)(3) to match his own name, Joshua Phillips: (u)(ph)(s) => (ph)(u)(+k)(s) => phuks.
Authors
Conficker was created by Mikko Hypponen to sell you the Ficker-Secure (F-Secure) antivirus (its first versions were known as F-Downadup antivirus [3]).
On April 25, 2006, some unknown F-Secure partners hacked microsoft.com and placed Conficker in a database, disguised as Windows Genuine Advantage, a "critical update."
The FBI Microsoft [4] has put out a $250K reward for information leading to the arrest of Mikko Hypponen.
Things that Conficker does
- Controls the operations of your entire computer.
- Freezes your mouse and keyboard
- Wipes your hard drive
- All your passwords, credit card info, personal information leaked to Conficker's creators.
- At startup, login, and during use of the Windows OS, it alerts you that your copy of Windows is not genuine
People and groups afflicted by Conficker
- The UK Government House of Commons
- The UK Naval Fleet
- UK MoD
- France
- Germany
- Furfags
- Niggers
- Your school
- Your university
- Your workplace
- Your mother
- You
When Conficker will hit again
April 1, 2009. Be prepared!
NEVERMIND, WE WERE TROLLED.
Related Articles
 Conficker is part of a series on Security Faggots |
1337 h4x0rz Captain Crunch • Cult of the Dead Cow • David L. Smith • Gary McKinnon • GOBBLES • HD Moore • Jeff Moss • Kevin Mitnick • Lance M. Havok • Robert Morris • Theo de Raadt • weev • Woz
Try-Hards
2cash • AnonOps • Brian Salcedo • Fearnor • Fry Guy • Gadi Evron • g00ns • Hack This Site • Hacking Team • hann • Joanna Rutkowska • John Field • Joseph Camp • Lizard Squad • LulzSec • Mark Zuckerberg • MarshviperX • Masters of Deception • Michael Lynn • Krashed • Raven • r000t • Ryan • Steve Gibson • th3j35t3r • The Regime • Sabu • Zeekill
Related Shit
4chan 2025 MegaHack • Avira • Ciscogate • Cloudflare • Conficker • CyberDefender • Defcon • The Gibson • The Great Em/b/assy Security Leak of 2007 • Heartbleed • I GOT NORTON! • Is Your Son a Computer Hacker? • Operation Sundevil • PIFTS.exe • Social engineering • Stylometry • SubSeven • Zone-H |
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