Fire

Fire is what happens when nature decides to show off and have some fun. Fire has existed for at least 100 years, but was little known and rarely used until popularized by some Cheetohs™ marketing campaign. Since then, civilization has carried the scars of fire to a no good extent of animal-cruelty, Tesla-coils and whatnot.

Uses of Fire

Practical application.

Fire has a variety of uses, including, but not limited to:

• Getting rid of lice infestation in the hair
• Burning two towers filled with fat Americans
• Burning books
• ending your life at the behest of others
• Dramatic entrances
• Smoking
• Keeping warm
• Getting rid of old buildings
• Starting a flame war
• Solving the Jew problem
• Solving the pesky asians problem
• Solving the black problem
• Solving the homeless problem
• Solving the whore problem
• Solving the witch problem
• Solving almost any problem
• Giving white supremacists what they deserve (A nice hot meal)
• Cleaning up Canada
• Getting rid of those pesky homosexuals and essentially cures AIDS
• Like AIDS fire can also cure all other forms of diseases including Acne
• Burning small furry animals to piss off animal rights activists who really only care about the rights of cute animals, those bigots
• Taking Furfags to Hell where they can Yiff in peace
• Baking a Delicious Cake
• Getting rid of Mormons
• Burning Jews
• Putting Wiggers in their place.
• Burning California
• Clearing Large rooms of people, generally resulting in Lulz and a stampede.
• Pwning the Australians

Having sex with fire

Although it's much easier to have sex with ice, since ice forms convenient dildo shapes and thrusting your pecker into a tube of crushed ice is the closest you'll ever get to fucking a hot vampire, you can have sexy fun times with fire. If you're careful.

Protection is important. A single latex condom may not provide enough protection. Consider wearing three or four.

Talk first. Sex is about mutual respect and trust. Ask the fire about its favorite hobbies, dreams, wishes, or ambitions. Make sure the fire is comfortable before you turn up the heat.

Thrust slowly into the flames. Sex is a mutual act, so be sure to watch the fire's response. If it isn't responding, try thrusting faster, followed by alternating fast-slow movemements.

If at any point your penis feels uncomfortable, or falls off, consult a health care professional.

Dispose of condoms thoughtfully.

Trolling Fires

• Show them a bottle of water.
• Call them Oil-Dependent.
• Be anal about their blue and orange color.
• Constantly make jokes about getting fired.
• Ask them if it burns.
• Ask them to write their name and number on a piece of paper.
• Use particular phrases like "Must be off" and "How did you get on with it?"
• Tell them electricity works better.

Gallery

About missing Pics

• 
  When Man discovered fire, he likely did not realize that his discovery would be used to set street-bums and gutter-whores aflame. If he had, he would have discovered it earlier.
• 
• 
  Doing it right.
• 
• 
  Effective fire fighting.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• File:Exit building before Tweeting about it.jpg
• 
• 
  Porkchop Sandwiches.
• 
• 
  Fire knows no fear.
• 
  Fire stole my bike
• 
• 
  Fire! Fire! Fire! Heh heh heh.... FIRE!
• 
  Also for killing it
• 
  Nintendo fully sanctions killing it with fire
• 
  So do the Simpsons.
• 
  Whoever started me, it was most definitely not Billy Joel.
• 
  The use of fire has spread like wildfire
• 
  Also useful for witches.
• 
  Jacqueline Saburido did it for the lulz.
• 
  A German on fire
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
  Niggers; cheaper than firewood and often burn for twice as long.

Videos

We Didn't Start The Fire. This faggot did.

Previous Video | Next Video

See Also

• Flame wars
• Flamer
• Pyro
• KILL IT WITH FIRE
• Fire's Forum

Fire is part of a series on SCIENCE! [FizzlePop]

Great Minds Alan Turing • Albert Einstein • Aristotle • Bill Nye • Charles Darwin • L. Ron Hubbard • Nikola Tesla • Richard Dawkins • Sir Isaac Newton • Socrates • Stephen Hawking Theories Balloon Boy • Theoretical physics • God • Existence • Evolution • Global Warming • Look Around You • Memes • Computer Science III • Large Hadron Collider • Apophis • How is babby formed? • The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz • Schrödinger's cat • Schrödinger's Cunt • Zero Division Proven by Science Alternative Medicine • Chemistry • Cubic Time • Earth • George Bush doesn't care about black people • Giant Thumbs • God hates fags • Gravity • HAARP • Intelligent Design • JEWS DID WTC • Motor Oil • No girls on the internet • Ouija Board • Duct Tape • Pluto • Raelism • The Moon • Scientology • Tree Hugging • Trepanation • Uranus Science in Action! 2024 Eclipse • Archaeology • Butyric Acid • Creationism • Diabeetus • Drugs • Electricity • Fire • Heart • Lawnmower • Lead • Lens flare • Magnetostatics • Marijuana Addiction • NASA • Nanotechnology • Nuclear War • Pain (Physical) • Sex • Tay • Thiopental Sodium • Uranium • WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?

Fire is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.