- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Red Dead Redemption 2: Difference between revisions
imported>The PolishPrince |
imported>The PolishPrince |
||
Line 16: | Line 16: | ||
== Story == | == Story == | ||
[[File: | [[File:Group shot red dead redemption 2.jpg|thumb|right|250px]] | ||
Gay cowboys ride around eating pudding while following their "Pied Piper" Dutch promise and preach what an easy life in Tahiti they'll have after they make, '''That one, last big score'''. | Gay cowboys ride around eating pudding while following their "Pied Piper" Dutch promise and preach what an easy life in Tahiti they'll have after they make, '''That one, last big score'''. |
Revision as of 17:28, 19 June 2023
Red Dead Redemption 2 is the newest most overrated video game from the microtransactions dispensers, Rockstar Games. This game inspired by Brokeback Mountain, is popular with anyone wanting to be a gay cowboy. Somehow it has racked in all the highest ratings, despite at best being mediocre.
R2D2 I2018 was released by Rockstar Games and it serves as a Star Wars prequel to their 2010 hit, Red Dead Redemption, which was itself a pseudo-sequel to a 2004 game that literally noone remembers called Red Dead Revolver.
Set in Murika in 1899, Red Dead Redemption 2 follows the adventures of a pudding eating, gay cowboy outlaw named Arthur Morgan as he rides horses and shoots people with a shitty six-shot firearm (with modern Xbox 360 auto aim feature) that's older than Your Mom's chosen profession of given hummers to sailors on leave.
As you might expect from a sequel to Red Dead Redemption—which infamously ended with protagonist John Marston being filled with more holes than a student at Sandy Hook Elementary School—Red Dead Redemption 2 "ends" after hours of tear inducing epilogue, (why won't it fucking end?) with Arthur biting the dust, beforehand, and the player once again taking control of John Marston – a fact that you probably didn't want to know if you're not a fan of major spoilers or figured out if you have more than 2 brain cells and heard his name being said at the first Chapter of the game or watched South Park
Story
Gay cowboys ride around eating pudding while following their "Pied Piper" Dutch promise and preach what an easy life in Tahiti they'll have after they make, That one, last big score.
After a robbery went wrong and sent them running to hide in the mountains the game basically follows the mechanics of rob, get run out of town, fight gangs, rob, repeat with every Spaghetti western ever made and Jeremiah Johnson thrown in for good measure.
The game mostly serves as a pre-quel for RDR1 in it's bore you to tears epilogue that will have you asking the same question for 2 days, was John Marston's life after Dutch really this dry and boring and why can't we play post game as the more interesting character of Arthur?
Important Characters
Name | Description | picture |
---|---|---|
Arthur Morgan | Your tragic hero du-jour that sets out to make a change for the better after getting what happens to be the most progressive case of the consumption in history. If you're not an idiot, you already know that you'll be playing most of the game with him. His role in the game is to be something from early Christian myth/Arthurian legend that teaches that a man is measured by his deeds and how others view him instead of reforming at the moment of death. He mostly serves as the guardian angel for John Marston, saving his lane ass numerous times - usually after being prodded or guilt tripped into it. As said earlier he dies in a hail of bullets so that John can escape and start a life with his wife and son after having strong feelings of animosity towards him during early parts of the game for up and running on his wife and kid for over a year. The most disappointing part of the game is that you don't get to play post game as him. Your basic pillar of strength that everyone leans on when times are bad but who will get betrayed by more ambitious types when things start to turn good. Give's John Marston his hat like he were a pedo trying to seduce a little boy in the gayest moment of the game. | |
Douch Van Der Linde | Your Pied Piper of Hamlin that leads everyone around by the nose by promising bigger Scores and retirement in Tahiti. While Arthur Morgan may be the main character the story follows Dutch's descent into the cray cray as he becomes unhinged with his schemes failing and the prospect of a traitor. Arthur was his golden boy until Dutch starts to believe that he is turning against him when, in fact, Arthur holds to Dutch's beliefs more stringently than he does, constantly reminding Dutch of his philosophies against revenge, killing women and such. His character looks like it was literally lifted from Powers Booth playing Curly Bill in Tombstone in both mannerisms and look. At the end of Arthur's story he chooses Micah over Arthur but later redeems himself when he chooses John Marston over Micah. Raised both Arthur and John as his sons, teaching them to both read and write so it is a disappointment when he turns on Arthur that doesn't resolve even when he chooses John over Micah. | |
John Marston | A million gamers groaned in displeasure when they heard his name in the first chapter. The game serves mostly as a prequel to RDR1, proving the Star Wars and Star Trek theories that the 2nd of a Series will always be the best because it doesn't focus as hard on the characters from the first. He and Arthur were Dutch's golden boys, seeing him as a father figure. His whole place in game is to ruin what was a really good game with his G-D, Why won't they end? epilogues that connect him to various conversations he had in RDR1, such as being a ranch hand, being married or having a son. | |
✡Leopold Strauss✡ | An Austrian, money-lending Jew that is responsible for Arthur getting TB when he sends Arthur out to collect from a debtor with the consumption. |
|
Micah Bell | Really serves no purpose in the story except to be the Danny Greene, Lucky Luciano type that will sell out everyone and anyone to the man because he got pinched and sees it as a way to relieve himself of some competition while lining his pockets. Takes advantage of Dutch's weakening sanity to lead him against his ideals and get him to turn on his most loyal members like Arthur and John. A wannabe tough guy that is jealous of Arthur's position in the gang and as Dutch's advisor. | |
Sadie Adler | Your all around Inclusion Character that can be considered a strong female character because she never tries to one up the men and only wants to be seen as equal, furthermore she doesn't stand around harping on men like a high school girl and really never has conversations with the women in game. Introduced when Micah almost rapes her in the first chapter. Her character plays out more in the never ending epilogues where she works as a bounty Hunter, hiring John Marston for jobs. | |
Colm O'Driscol | The drunken, mick Irish bastard that leads the O'Driscol gang. Killed Dutch's wife in retaliation for Dutch killing his brother which sets off Dutch's descent into the crazy |
Connection To GTA5
In Geology for Beginners you are tasked by Francis Sinclair to find a series of rock carvings. Upon completion you will have found that Francis has regressed to an infant. If you look at him you will see he has the same birthmark as the Descendants Of Kraff, the Scientology spoof in GTA5.
Trailer
RDR2 Southpark
Bugs
This game has so many bugs that even Todd Howard would release patches.
External Links
See Also
- Red Dead Redemption
- Grand Theft Auto V
- The Oregon Trail
- Ku Klux Klan
- South Park
- RDR2-45 L. Ron Jeremy's version of RDR2.
Red Dead Redemption 2 is part of a series on Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage. |
Red Dead Redemption 2 is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
Featured article November 23 & November 24, 2018 | ||
Preceded by Thanksgiving |
Red Dead Redemption 2 | Succeeded by JoeyPknowsalotaboutthat |