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Celts: Difference between revisions
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<!-- Taken From http://web.archive.org/web/20100514100047/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Celts --> | <!-- Taken From http://web.archive.org/web/20100514100047/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Celts --> | ||
[[File: | [[File:Celtic Pride Poster.jpg|thumb|right|The #1 [[Google]] search result for "Celtic Pride".]] | ||
The Celts are a people gifted in football skills, but lacking in independent countries and understandable | The Celts are a people gifted in football skills, but lacking in independent countries and understandable accents. They have pale skin and are sensitive to the Sun. If the French are known for surrender, then the Celts are known for having their land occupied by foreigners. Celtic lands were conquered by the Romans, the [[german|Saxons]], the [[Vikings]], the [[french|Normans]], the [[French]], and the [[English]]. Most of the Celtic nations are a apart of [[UK]], while [[Ireland]] remains a Third World nation. The Celts were mistreated and stereotyped in Britain and the [[United States]]. | ||
Little of the original Celtic culture remain: Their languages aren't mainstream anymore, bishops and the [[Pope]] replaced the Druids, and kilts are laughed at. | Little of the original Celtic culture remain: Their languages aren't mainstream anymore, bishops and the [[Pope]] replaced the Druids, and kilts are laughed at. | ||
==Ancient Celts== | ==Ancient Celts== | ||
[[File: | [[File:Celtic Guardian.jpg|thumb|right|How [[weeaboos]] view the ancient Celts.]] | ||
===Gauls=== | ===Gauls=== | ||
The '''Gauls''' were the ancient Celtic inhabitants of [[France]] and Northern [[Italy]]. They were [[pwnt|defeated and conquered]] by [[ | The '''Gauls''' were the ancient Celtic inhabitants of [[France]] and Northern [[Italy]]. They were [[pwnt|defeated and conquered]] by [[Romans|Julius Caesar]]. The Romans then [[strip|stripped]] the Gauls of their [[pride]] and [[penis|masculinity]] and [[rape|gave birth]] to the modern [[French]] people. | ||
===Celtiberians=== | ===Celtiberians=== | ||
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===Welsh=== | ===Welsh=== | ||
The '''Welsh''' are the inhabitants of '''[[Wales]]'''. Although Welsh is the supposed language of the country, most of them speak [[English]] (or at least [[engrish|something that resembles English]]). This is mostly due to the fact that Welsh sounds like someone choking on a handkerchief. Pierce Brosnan is Wales' most famous person and is known for portraying James Bond in the best film of that series (''Goldeneye''). | The '''Welsh''' are the inhabitants of '''[[Wales]]'''. Although Welsh is the supposed language of the country, most of them speak [[English]] (or at least [[engrish|something that resembles English]]). This is mostly due to the fact that Welsh sounds like someone choking on a handkerchief. <s>Pierce Brosnan is Wales' most famous person and is known for portraying James Bond in the best film of that series (''Goldeneye'').</s> He's Irish you retard! | ||
===Bretons=== | ===Bretons=== | ||
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==Gallery== | ==Gallery== | ||
<gallery> | <center><gallery> | ||
File:ObnoxiousCelticGuard.jpg|[[Typical]] Obnoxious Celtic Guard. | File:ObnoxiousCelticGuard.jpg|[[Typical]] Obnoxious Celtic Guard. | ||
File:CerneAbbasGiant.jpg| A fine example of Celtic art. | File:CerneAbbasGiant.jpg| A fine example of Celtic art. | ||
File:Wikipedias_Greatest_Hits_Oddities_-_5.jpg|Up close and personal. | File:Wikipedias_Greatest_Hits_Oddities_-_5.jpg|Up close and personal. | ||
File:WickerMan.jpg|How the Celts celebrate [[Hannukah]] | File:WickerMan.jpg|How the Celts celebrate [[Christmas|Hannukah]] | ||
</gallery> | </gallery></center> | ||
==Celts of the Internet== | ==Celts of the Internet== | ||
*[[Mythunderstood]] | *[[Mythunderstood]] | ||
*[[Friends of A-Log#Honorable Mention: PaganDeathKnight - the Wannabe Friend of A-Log|PaganDeathKnight]] | |||
*[[Sean Connery]] | |||
*SwissCelt | *SwissCelt | ||
==See also== | ==See also== | ||
*[[Ireland]] | *[[Ireland]] | ||
*[[Northern Ireland]] | *[[Northern Ireland]] | ||
*[[Pagan]] | |||
*[[Scotland]] | *[[Scotland]] | ||
*[[Wales]] | *[[Wales]] | ||
*[[Wicca]] | *[[Wicca]] | ||
==External links== | ==External links== | ||
*[http://www.celticleague.net/ Celtic League] | *[http://www.celticleague.net/ Celtic League] | ||
{{race}} | {{race}} | ||
[[Category:People]] | [[Category:People]] | ||
{{stub}} | |||
Latest revision as of 01:25, 18 August 2014
The Celts are a people gifted in football skills, but lacking in independent countries and understandable accents. They have pale skin and are sensitive to the Sun. If the French are known for surrender, then the Celts are known for having their land occupied by foreigners. Celtic lands were conquered by the Romans, the Saxons, the Vikings, the Normans, the French, and the English. Most of the Celtic nations are a apart of UK, while Ireland remains a Third World nation. The Celts were mistreated and stereotyped in Britain and the United States.
Little of the original Celtic culture remain: Their languages aren't mainstream anymore, bishops and the Pope replaced the Druids, and kilts are laughed at.
Ancient Celts
Gauls
The Gauls were the ancient Celtic inhabitants of France and Northern Italy. They were defeated and conquered by Julius Caesar. The Romans then stripped the Gauls of their pride and masculinity and gave birth to the modern French people.
Celtiberians
The Celtiberians were the ancient Celtic inhabitants of Spain and Portugal. As with the Gauls, these Celts were conquered by the Roman.
Britons
The Britons were the ancient Celtic inhabitants of Southern Britain. Unlike the Gauls and the Celtiberians, these group of Celts didn't fall to the Romans so easily. Julius Caesar failed to conquer Britain twice. The Romans didn't conquer Britain until a century later, and even then, the Romans found Britain difficult to control. Queen Boudica nearly drove the Romans off of the island, and many Roman usurpers used Britain as a base of support. Eventually, the Romans decided to leave, since they discovered that the Empire was dying of AIDS.
Unfortunately, the end of Roman occupation didn't result in lasting independence for the Briton. The Saxons invaded and forced the Britons to move to Wales, Cornwall, and Brittany. William the Conqueror and the Normans later arrived in order to finish the job.
Caledonians and the Picts
The Caledonians and the Picts were the ancient Celtic inhabitants of Scotland. They were able to halt the Roman invasion, and the Romans were forced to build Hadrian's Wall in order to protect themselves. The Roman defeat also prevented civilization from reaching Scotland until the English arrive centuries later.
Modern Celts
Irish
The Irish are the inhabitants of Ireland and Northern Ireland. They're known mostly for their drunkenness and hard partying. Their chief exports are alcohol, immigrants, St. Patrick's Day parades, and potatoes.
Scottish
The Scottish are the inhabitants of Scotland. The most renown Scottish person in the world is Sean Connery, who portrays a government agent fighting for the country that dominates Scotland. The Scottish are also known for kilts, bagpipes, and funny hats.
Welsh
The Welsh are the inhabitants of Wales. Although Welsh is the supposed language of the country, most of them speak English (or at least something that resembles English). This is mostly due to the fact that Welsh sounds like someone choking on a handkerchief. Pierce Brosnan is Wales' most famous person and is known for portraying James Bond in the best film of that series (Goldeneye). He's Irish you retard!
Bretons
The Bretons are the inhabitants of Brittany. Brittany happens to be the only Celtic nation not to be conquered by Great Britain. Instead, Brittany was conquered by France, which is embarrassing considering the French fondness of surrender. Breton is also the name of a sophisticated, yet physically weak race of people in The Elder Scrolls series of games.
Manx
The Manx are the inhabitants of the Isle of Man. The Isle of Man is an itty bitty island in between Ireland and Britain. As such, there isn't really anyone outside of the British Isles who really know or care about the Isle of Man. The Isle is best known for the Manx cat, which is considered one of the many wonders of the world.
Cornish
The Cornish are the inhabitants of Cornwall. Unlike Scotland and Northern Ireland, Cornwall isn't a country; it's a county of England. Despite this, the county wishes to be a country.
Gallery
Celts of the Internet
- Mythunderstood
- PaganDeathKnight
- Sean Connery
- SwissCelt
See also
External links
| Celts is part of a series on Race |
[Click for moar] Races to Holocaust |
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