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'''Kingdom Hearts''' is Squaresoft's biggest [[Blowjob|blowout]] hit since the  Great <del>[[gay|Gayification]]</del>, more colloquially known as their merger with Enix. This game features a wide variety of themes related to [[faggotry|friendship]], [[rape|love]], and [[holocaust|sacrifice]] that only the prestigious Nazi state of [[Japan|Japan]] could ever concoct. The thinly veiled ass fucking going on between the main protagonist, [[Mary Sue|Sora ]] and his "best bud", [[Emo|Riku]] makes up %69 percent of Rule 34. If this weren't enough to sate [[You|your]] tingling cock/mangina, then you'll be happy to see the underage B& Roxas ([[Jesus|WHO IS ALSO THE FUCKING PROTAGONIST, BUT, LIKE, ISN'T]])  get his ass pounded by [[ginger|a red headed]] pedophile named [[faggot|Axel]] (pronounced ass-hole) whose spiked hair is supported by grotesque amounts of boypussy cum. The plot of the entire franchise is just another fucking cliche of a JRPG that has big weapons, shitty boss battles, and no meaningful plot whatsoever besides the [[shit|WONDERFUL JOYS OF FRIENDSHIP =DDDDDD ]] with some "dark" shit added in for no reason but to give the game false depth.


{{warning|Kingdom Hearts believes it is [[Serious Business]], and produces no [[lulz]]}}
As for girls, they are basically nonexistent in this game, and the main female [[whore|Kairi]] does jack-shit. This just shows how weak and horrible women truly are. [[Multiple personality disorder|Oh, and also the main character has a girl persona named Xion]] (pronounced She-male).


[[image:Beltanzipper.png|thumb|Every Kingdom Hearts character ever.]]
In '''''Kingdom Hearts''''', you become [[Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing|winner]] by approaching an enemy and beat him [[What|senselessly with a key]] pressing X several times. Riku, the character who is pretty [[angst|angsty]] but not as [[angst|angsty]] as that one other character, can also perform magic attacks <strike>that do not do anything</strike> that are OP and break the game unless you're a total newfag, because Square sucks at balancing games. AI partners such as Donald and Goofy assist you in battle by using up all of your potions and dying. Between stages, players are punished for their stupid decision to buy the game by being forced to play through the microwave oven version of ''Star Fox''.


[[Image:KingdomHeartsFans.jpg|thumb|[[Buttertroll|Typical]] ''Kingdom Hearts'' [[MTF|fangirls.]]]]
Squeenix released the [[Superior|Final Mix]] versions of their KH games in Japan only. And to add even more insult to injury, the Western releases were censored. [[4Kids|And the censorship was retarded and inconsistent as fuck]]. In KH2, the enemies in the Pirates world were censored to wielding crossbows, yet Barbosa's gun wasn't censored and that fucking [[Monkey|nigger ape]] hunter had a fucking shotgun in the first Kingdom Hearts and Sora was [[an hero]]. Cid was censored to only having a toothpick in his mouth instead of a cigar in every game because it's not like Timeless River Pete didn't have a pipe or the fact that [[Duh|fucking kids cartoons have smoking or cigars]].


[[image:Sha_NAY_NAY.png|thumb|What happens when [[Gay|Axel]] and Roxas [[Secks|reunite]].]]
<center><youtube>SjhOvtmsHwk</youtube></center>
<center>'''Typical Kingdom Hearts game.'''</center>


[[Image:7235.jpg|thumb|[[Some argue]] that ''Kingdom Hearts'' is teh greatest gaem [[evar]].]]
[[image:Beltanzipper.png|thumb|Every Kingdom Hearts character ever.]]


[[Image:1179889033755.jpg|thumb|right|KH has an innovative [[faggotry|battle system]].]]
[[image:Sha_NAY_NAY.png|thumb|What happens when [[Gay|Axel]] and Roxas [[Secks|reunite]].]]


[[Image:Axelpooholes.jpg|thumb|left|Axel expressing his affection for pooholes.]]
[[Image:Trinity Power!-.jpg|thumb|right|One of Sora's many abilities.]]
Squaresoft's biggest blowout hit since the [[gay|gayzification]], more colloquially known as their merger with Enix.
==Gameplay==
In '''''Kingdom Hearts''''', you become [[Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing|winner]] by approaching an enemy and beat him [[What|senselessly with a key]] pressing X several times. Riku, the character who is pretty [[angst|angsty]] but not as [[angst|angsty]] as that one other character, can also perform magic attacks that do not do anything. AI partners such as Donald and Goofy assist you in battle by using up all of your potions and dying. Between stages, players are punished for their stupid decision to buy the game by being forced to play through the microwave oven version of ''Star Fox''.
<center><youtube>SjhOvtmsHwk</youtube></center>
<center>'''Typical Kingdom Hearts game.'''</center>
==Origins==
==Origins==


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Drunk on this idea, Disney put to work some of his finest imagineers at Tommorowland to develop a way for Disney to live on into the next century. Finally, after about a year of non stop work and many fatalities in the process, Disney had himself a cryogenic chamber. The plan was that Disney would enter the cryogenic chamber and be put in a state of suspended animation. He would remain this way until his birthday, December 5th, in the year 2000. He entered cryogenic sleep on December 15th, 1965. Jealous stockholders who lost millions of dollars on this crazy scheme, said that Walt died of lung cancer due to his constant smoking habit. Also, just to take a jab at the person who made them lose money, they said he was antisemitic.
Drunk on this idea, Disney put to work some of his finest imagineers at Tommorowland to develop a way for Disney to live on into the next century. Finally, after about a year of non stop work and many fatalities in the process, Disney had himself a cryogenic chamber. The plan was that Disney would enter the cryogenic chamber and be put in a state of suspended animation. He would remain this way until his birthday, December 5th, in the year 2000. He entered cryogenic sleep on December 15th, 1965. Jealous stockholders who lost millions of dollars on this crazy scheme, said that Walt died of lung cancer due to his constant smoking habit. Also, just to take a jab at the person who made them lose money, they said he was antisemitic.


As Disney awoke from his slumber, he looked at the world around him. And everything he saw displeased him. Turns out that his multi-billion dollar company wasn't the only multi-billion dollar company out there. Microsoft, McDonald's, Coca-Cola, the whole lot. Plus, the motion pictures, made-for-TV movies, and Animated motion pictures that had his name on the title sucked. He made this discovery after watching ''The Emporer's New Groove''.
As Disney awoke from his slumber, he looked at the world around him. And everything he saw displeased him. Turns out that his multi-billion dollar company wasn't the only multi-billion dollar company out there. Microsoft, McDonald's, Coca-Cola, the whole lot. Plus, the motion pictures, made-for-TV movies, and Animated motion pictures that had his name on the title sucked. He made this discovery after watching ''The Emperor's New Groove''.


What most disturbed Disney was that his beloved children from the 50's who used to have so much imagination were now fat little fucks that had no imagination whatsoever.
What most disturbed Disney was that his beloved children from the 50's who used to have so much imagination were now fat little fucks that had no imagination whatsoever.
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It was obvious what Disney had to do:
It was obvious what Disney had to do:


Create a video game combining what was great (or lucrative) about his animated films and combine them with the oh-so-complex and interesting characters and storylines found in ''Final Fantasy'' titles.
Create a video game combining what was <del>lucrative</del> great about his animated films and combine them with the oh-so-complex and interesting characters and storylines found in ''Final Fantasy'' titles.


"By God, I'm a genius!" he said as he picked up the phone to call Squaresoft.
"By God, I'm a genius!" he said as he picked up the phone to call Squaresoft.


==xxxKingdomxHeartsxxx==
==Games==
Unfortunately, there are many instances of this disease.
===Kingdom Hearts===
Despite what fanfags tell you, KH1 is actually the best game in the series. The plot is actually decent, the Disney worlds have little faggotry, and the story is dark. And there's Final Fantasy cameos as well. But unfortunately, Squeenix will start fucking up and each game will get worse and worse and moar cringy.
 
===Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories===
Sora finds himself trapped in castle by a [[Anonymous|mysterious organization]] that slipped him a date rape drug. As such, he can't remember anything, so you get to play through the original game again! Except this was on the GBA, and unfortunately for the [[Wapanese]] fantards, the superior 3D version was a Jap-exclusive PS2 version ([[Seriously|it did get re-released in the West in the 1.5 Remix a decade later]]) and you fight with [[Magic|CARDS]]! This is at least 50% gayer than the original especially with a final boss with pink showing off his [[Penis|willy]].
 
Square Enix was very happy when all the [[Fucktard|fans]] bought this game thinking it was a brand new experience.
 
===Kingdom Hearts 2===
 
'''''Kingdom Hearts II''''' is the even more linear and gimmicky sequel to ''Kingdom Hearts''. Unlike that first game there is ACTUAL gay content. With Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Sephiroth all in one game there's no way this wasn't targeted towards [[fangirls]],[[fanboys]], and 13-year-old gamers who don't know any better. They have 12 guys (half of which are already dead and Roxas left) talking about these [[Vagina|portals to people's hearts.]]
 
[[Image:Emomale.jpg|thumb|Typical ''Kingdom Hearts'' fanboy. Notice the abundance of friends and a social life.]]
 
Only furries and morons still obsessed with ''[[Final Fantasy VII]]'' play this game, and [[Republicans]] who pre-play their children's games to make sure it won't encourage them to develop any opinions on the world around them.
 
A feature implemented is that in this ''Kingdom Hearts'' shamelessly ruins <i>[[Pirates]] Of The Caribbean</i> by adding [[Jack Sparrow]] and giving him a [[faggot]]'s voice. Other movies ruined in the game include any movies that were unfortunate enough to be included in the mass murder of halfway decent Disney movies as we know them.
 
===Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days===
The result of Square/Enix reading a few too many Kingdom Hearts fanfics. You play as Roxas this time around, and you have to run around doing errands for the black-coated fags in Organization XIII, some of which include [[stalker|investigating new worlds]] and [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|killing]] [[everything]] that moves. The designers, attempting to [[STFU|silence]] the hoards of Axel/Roxas fangirls once and for all, threw in a [[Mary-Sue]] named [[Dickgirl|Xion]], complete with [[emo]] haircut and Keyblade use, to fall in love with Roxas. Of course, someone at the company loves their incest/masturbation fantasies, and makes it so Xion and Roxas are parts of the same person. The mention of Xion being a Mary Sue can spark a heated [[Flame war|debate]] over [[teh]] internets, turning fangirls into [[internet tough guys]].


Players have the chance to command a young boy(?) wearing a clown suit. Featured in the game is what is lack for a better word, [[J-Pop]] music by [[Utada Hikaru]] and characters from ''[[Final Fantasy]]'' and classic [[Disney]] movies. It is of note that this game decides to completely fucking disregard the canon of the other Final Fantasy games and simply brings [[bitch|Aeris]] back to life after Orpheus travels to the land of Hades to retrieve her. Consequentially, she is now named [[lolwut|Aerith]]. The story is about the boy(?), SORAs, [[Chris-chan|quest to find his girlfriend-to-be]], Kairi, in many worlds, each one more tacky than the previous. Unfortunately for Sora, Kairi falls into a coma and is kidnapped by angst ridden teenager Riku, who is trying to go [[wowzaz_86]] on the poor [[Lie|innocent]] [[Whore|Kairi]]. Along the way Sora has wet dreams which awaken Donald Duck with hot [[semen|spermjuice]]. Everybody dies in the end.
===Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep===


The game was quite a hit in the gaming world for featuring, amazingly in the midst of all the [[gayness]], a [[retarded]] gaming system which lured many [[virgins|gamers]] to this style, as well as [[whores|women]] attracted by the absurd amount of what is referred in some female circles as cuteness. This makes it the first video game, of any type, ever, to be played by members of the [[woman|weaker sex]].
[[image:Nigger_Cosplay.jpg|thumb|right|300x300px|[[Weeaboo|Niggers]] love [[jailbait|Aqua]], too.]]


This spawn of hell also created a new trend: huge fucking shoes. I mean seriously, look at every character's fucking feet. How big are all their feet?! God damn!
If you actually played through Kingdom Hearts 2, You are a total faggot. However you were rewarded with another encrypted secret trailer from those fuckheads at Square informing you that this confusing and utterly pointless story isnt over. Much to fanboys/girls dissapointments, they decided to [[Shit nobody cares about|shit out another prequel]]. In this game you go to even gayer worlds and you play as Roxas AGAIN. But wait theres moar?! [[Wut|Its not Roxas]]?! The game itself has minor improvements considering you dont have to fly in that cum guzzling spaceship again. The story line's pretty much the same. Except the fact that there are 3 characters stories and they "[[Orgy|intertwine]]" with each other. This consists of going to the same worlds with only certain areas blocked off depending on whose pointless story you chose to play through. One of the lead characters is a [[No girls on the internet|female]] but she sucks and her most powerful attack consists of her firing magical ping pong balls out of her [[vagoo|keyhole]]. This just provides us with more evidence that the dipshit creators are running out of fucking ideas with recycled characters and even more faggotry than any other game in the series, and they use this type of gameplay for now on. [[Spoiler|Oh, and everybody dies in the end]].


The game ''TimeSplitters: Future Perfect'' took the basic idea and plot and did it better with characters you didn't want to strangle. If only the game wasn't a shitty ''Goldeneye'' cocksucker.
===Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded===


==Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories==
[[Some argue]] that this originally [[Gimmick|cell phone based game]] actually contributes to the story. When really, it doesn't. It's nothing more than one-fifth of the original Kingdom Hearts re-hashed again ala Chain of Memories. And if that wasn't bad enough, wait for it. Here it comes. The final level of this game is the exact same setting in Chain of Memories! Woah, [[Captain Obvious|didn't see that coming!]]. They also use the excuse that the game takes place in a Datascape to have Roxas appear one more god damn time, and SPOILER!!! He's teh final boss!!!
Sora finds himself trapped in castle by a mysterious organization that slipped him a date rape drug. As such he can't remember anything so you get to play through the original game again! Except this is on the GBA and you fight with CARDS! This is at least 50% gayer than the original especially with a final boss with pink showing off his willy for a final boss.


Square Enix was very happy when all the dumb broads, I mean, fans bought this game for what little plot there is.
The only note-worthy thing is the secret ending, which hints at the next shitty installment. Apparently, Sora has to [[Dragon Ball Z|revive all the dead characters]] that the fanbase [[fap|enjoys]] or some shit akin to that via Kingdom Hearts 3.


==Kingdom Hearts 2==
===Kingdom Hearts: 3D - Dream Drop Distance===


'''''Kingdom Hearts II''''' is the shitty sequel to ''Kingdom Hearts''. Unlike that first game there is ACTUAL gay content. With Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Sephiroth all in one game there's no way this wasn't targeted towards [[fangirls]],[[fanboys]], and 13-year-old gamers who don't know any better. They have 12 guys (half of which are already dead) running talking about these portals (see [[vagina]]) to peoples hearts .
[[Lie|Square Enix claims that this will be the saving grace for the series.]] However, they also said the same thing with Birth By Sleep. Despite this, millions of fans were bought over instantly with new worlds based on properties such as The Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Three Musketeers, Tron: Legacy, Fantasia, and Pinocchio. Even though there was already a world based on Pinocchio. But I digress, [[Lie|I was bought over instantly with the fucking Musketeer world.]] Also, [[Fags|characters]] from [[The World Ends With You]] appear and no one cares or even know about the series in the first place. Sora and Riku have to take a lame test called the Mark of Mastery, the same test Aqua and Terra took in BBS. *SPOILER* [[Lol|Sora failed]] and was '''[[Gay rape|kidnapped]] yet again''' ala Chain of Memories by Xehanort, mainly his younger self, and his Heartless and Nobody incarnations. <s>Axel</s> Lea (he's not a 'Nobody' anymore because he's [[an hero]]), Sora's <s>boy</s>friend Riku, Mickey, Goofy, and Donald saved his ass once he fell asleep into "darkness".  


[[Image:Emomale.jpg|thumb|Typical ''Kingdom Hearts'' fanboy. Notice the abundance of friends and a social life.]]
The gameplay is basically Birth by Sleep (it has the same framework, game engine, and structure) but way more floaty and cheap via Flowmotion, plus you can make <s>Pokemon</s> Spirits. And in the original 3DS version, the stupid ass developers had the Balloon spell too overpowered which made the game even more cheap. In both versions, Nomura and the idiots at [[Square Enix|Squeenix]] made it extremely easy to get the fucking [[Overlord|Ultima Weapon]] by fighting some secret boss named Julius who is basically a giant Frankenstein Pete. And to make matters worse, your Abilites are literally tied to your Spirits! You can't even own your own Abilites! Basically it's the prequel to Kingdom Hearts 3 and you fight Xehanorts.


Only furries and morons still obsessed with ''[[Final Fantasy VII]]'' play this game, and [[Republicans]] who pre-play their children's games to make sure it won't encourage them to develop any opinions on the world around them.
===Kingdom Hearts 3===
{{Spoiler|XIGBAR IS LUXU, XEHANORT KILLS THAT USELESS CUNT KAIRI, AND RATHER THAN LEAVE THAT DUMB DAMSEL IN DISTRESS DEAD AND GET DICKED BY RIKU, SORA SACRIFICES HIMSELF SO KAIRI CAN LIVE. OR NOT AS NOW HE'S IN SHIBUYA OR SOME SHIT. HOLY SHIT THIS FAGGOTRY WON'T END}}
{{main|Kingdom Hearts 3}}
[[File:Aquawasraped.jpg|thumb|right|She was asking for it]]


A feature implemented is that in this ''Kingdom Hearts'' shamelessly ruins <i>[[Pirates]] Of The Caribbean</i> by adding [[Jack Sparrow]] and giving him a [[faggot]]'s voice. Other movies ruined in the game include any movies that were unfortunate enough to be included in the mass murder of halfway decent Disney movies as we know them.
First announced at E3 '''2013,''' this fucking game came out '''six years later''' on PS4 and Xbox One, '''finally''' becoming a multi-platform game. This game caused fantards to came and shit their pants in joy and it had the extremely annoying, normie Kingdom Hearts [[Jewtube|Jewtubers]] aka, the '[[Xxx|X]]-Keepers,' [[E-Begging|milking the fuck out of this game's hype]] for years. The game itself was supposed to end the Xehonort Saga, but it only bothers to deal with that shit in the last hour or so while you spend five weeks playing around with dumbass Pixar shit and watch an updated version of the ''Let It Go'' scene from Frozen, proving that movies nowadays suck.


==Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days==
Gameplay-wise, take <s>take Birth by Sleep, Re:coded, and 358/2 Days</s>--- basically that PS4 tech demo that Square asked $60 for, add in a few sparkles and make the atmosphere less interesting, and you have the Kingdom Hearts 3 gameplay, complete with broken magic returning. That gay Starfox rip-off mini game is back after a couple of years. This time, though, instead of ripping off Starfox 64, it's ripping off Starfox Assault, because we know that game was great.
The result of Square/Enix reading a few too many Kingdom Hearts fanfics. You play as Roxas this time around, and you have to run around doing errands for the black-coated fags in Organization XIII, some of which include [[stalker|investigating new worlds]] and [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|killing]] [[everything]] that moves. The designers, attempting to [[STFU|silence]] the hoards of Axel/Roxas fangirls once and for all, threw in a [[Mary-Sue]] named [[Dickgirl|Xion]], complete with [[emo]] haircut and Keyblade use, to fall in love with Roxas. Of course, someone at the company loves their incest/masturbation fantasies, and makes it so Xion and Roxas are parts of the same person. The mention of Xion being a Mary Sue can spark a heated [[Flame war|debate]] over [[teh]] internets, turning fangirls into [[internet tough guys]].


==Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep==
For a story, Nomura brought [[Lazy|everything from the previous gayums back as well]], including one-off tracks and a few boss themes to only be used haphazardly for minibosses and shit. Sora undoes what little development he had in Dream Drop Distance, but the villains are going ahead with their plan from that game anyway (so it's in a weird limbo state where Dream Drop Distance is both completely skippable, and still vital to understand what the fuck is happening. Great storytelling!). Meanwhile all of the Nobodies you killed in KH2 come back to life because if you an hero you become a Somebody. Including Axel, who goes to have sex with Kairi in the middle of some magic forest while most of the plot happens, and Ienzo, a NEET with the most emo bangs ever who calls Sora to tell him that they discovered that he doesn't one, not two, [[gay|but ''three'' people inside of him!]] Sora gets told that he needs to wake them up because his rectum is hurting them, and then Sora spends five hours dicking around with that fucking mouse from Ratatouille. Meanwhile Riku and Mickey Mouse are going to the beach to look for Aqua so something can happen, and get attacked by Heartless, breaking Riku's Keyblade. Riku leaves it behind and gets the keys for his Mercedes Benz because there's a man inside of him too. Not just any man, though, [[DOUBLE NIGGER|HIS OWN CLONE!]]


[[image:Nigger_Cosplay.jpg|thumb|right|Blasians love [[jailbait|Aqua]], too.]]
The Real Organization XIII then still hasn't finished assembling their ranks, so they go and fuck around with some Disney worlds while buying time to finish their own members. They recruited that faggot from KHII who made water clones, but decided that he was too gay to have Xehonart inside of him, so they also recruit the scientist who made the Riku clone. Xehonart decides this is a bad idea because there's a ripe loli he can go inside of instead, and Vexen and Demyx say "fuck this" and give Ienzo a spare body laying around so that one of the men inside of Sora can come out.


If you actually played through Kingdom Hearts 2, You are a total faggot. However you were rewarded with another encrypted secret trailer from those fuckheads at Square informing you that this confusing and utterly pointless story isnt over. Much to fanboys/girls dissapointments, they decided to [[Shit nobody cares about|shit out another prequel]]. In this game you go to even gayer worlds and you play as Roxas AGAIN. But wait theres moar?! [[Wut|Its not Roxas]]?! The game itself has minor improvements considering you dont have to fly in that cum guzzling spaceship again. The story line's pretty much the same. Except the fact that there are 3 characters stories and they "[[Orgy|intertwine]]" with each other. This consists of going to the same worlds with only certain areas blocked off depending on whose pointless story you chose to play through. One of the lead characters is a [[No girls on the internet|female]] but she sucks and her most powerful attack consists of her firing magical ping pong balls out of her [[vagoo|keyhole]]. This just provides us with more evidence that the dipshit creators are running out of fucking ideas with recycled characters and even more faggotry than any other game in the series. [[Spoiler|Oh, and everybody dies in the end]].
Eventually, the gang finds Aqua, who has amber eyes, which means she's evil because women with brown eyes are genetically inferior, and like a good feminist she hasn't had a dick in ten years. She attacks Riku, but Sora saves her and beats the shit out of her. Aqua learns her lesson and becomes good, then goes to Castle Oblivion to wake Ventus up. Then evil!Ventus appears and challenges them to a fight. Aqua goes to fight him to prove how strong she is, then like a good feminist immediately gets her ass handed to her, prompting Ventus to come out of Sora and give Vanitas his second round of surprise buttsecks that game. Yen Sid realized he can count to 7, so they all have one last beach party where Kairi promises to take care of Sora, and he promises likewise. Then they all go to the Keyblade Graveyard and literally and almost immediately all get fucking killed. Sora, being such a huge Gary Stu, survives dying and goes to save everyone from actually dying in one of these games for real. Then they warp back in time and Terra's armor stops them from dying this time. Then Xehonart summons a convenient maze and everyone fights in convenient pit squares for the player to wonder into and spam Firega until the game end. Surprising nobody, Kairi gets kidnapped before she can do anything, and Roxas finally comes out of Sora's asshole to beat the shit out of Siax, and then goes to cry with Axel and Xion. Terra is revealed to be the first game's Ansem's pet nigger, so he comes back too.


==Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded==
After all of the bosses from the last game die again, Xehonart penetrates Kairi with his Keyblade and she dies, then laughs because he found out how to use CTRL+C CTRL+V, and opens up Kingdom Hearts. Everyone except Sora shoots him with a fucking lazor while he goes inside to the Stairway to Heaven. There, Xehonart turns into a [[Furry|goat]] and loses the final boss fight. Then he gives the X-Blade to Sora after the old dude from Birth By Sleep tells him to fuck off, and everyone except Sora forgets that he killed Kairi. Sora then goes and tells everyone that he's going to be alright, then literally goes to kill himself. Somehow this brings Kairi back, and everyone has a fun beach party without him. The end.


[[Some argue]] that this originally [[Gimmick|cell phone based game]] actually contributes to the story. When really, it doesn't. It's nothing more than one-fifth of the original Kingdom Hearts re-hashed again ala Chain of Memories. And if that wasn't bad enough, wait for it. Here it comes. The final level of this game is the exact same setting in Chain of Memories! Woah, [[Captain Obvious|didn't see that coming!]]. They also use the excuse that the game takes place in a Datascape to have Roxas appear one more god damn time. The only note-worthy thing is the secret ending, which hints at the next shitty installment. Apparently, Sora has to [[Dragon Ball Z|revive all the dead characters]] that the fanbase [[fap|enjoys]] or some shit akin to that.  
After the credits, Xigbar is standing around while a bunch of faggots in fursuits ask him about his roll in fursecution, and he reveals that he secretly was a main character all along. Then Maleficent and Pete stand there like fucking retards watching them all talk. If the player watched the super-duper ''extra'' ending, they see Sora fucking around in that one city from The World Ends With You, and Riku walking somewhere in Japan too. We can only assume that this means there will be a Square Enix circle-jerk soon to be announced. Just when we thought the faggotry would end, it appears it is here to stay.


==Kingdom Hearts: 3D - Dream Drop Distance==
Basically the plot is a fucking autistic series finale character reunion clusterfuck.


[[Lie|Square Enix claims that this will be the saving grace for the series.]] However, they also said the same thing with Birth By Sleep. Despite this, millions of fans were bought over instantly with new worlds based on properties such as The Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Three Musketeers, Tron: Legacy, Fantasia, and Pinocchio. Even though there was already a world based on Pinocchio. But I digress, [[Lie|I was bought over instantly with the fucking Musketeer world.]] Also, [[Fags|characters]] from [[The World Ends With You]] appear. That is possibly the only other reason I can think of to get you to even consider purchasing this disappointment in the future.
For this game, they switched to Unreal Engine 4 during development <s>hell</s> (who isn't using that fucking game engine nowadays?).


==Characters==
==Characters==
 
[[Image:Axelpooholes.jpg|thumb|right|Axel expressing his affection for pooholes.]]
#[[Disney|Micky Mouse]] - the world's most famous pimp
#Sora - [[Hitler|young boy]] who forsakes his family (until this was retconned) and life to rescue his buttbuddy Riku. He is usually followed by Donald and Goofy, presumably so that he never forgets who the fuck is signing the paychecks around here.
#Donald - [[Furry]]
#Riku - Sora's ambiguously gay <s>lover</s> friend
#Goofy - Retarded furry
#Kairi - Sora and Riku's [[16-year-old girl|friend]]. She requires boys to be her guardian or else she gets [[Gang rape|raped by the darkness]].
#Sora - [[Hitler|young boy]] on quest for [[Holocaust|genocide]]
#[[Disney|Mickey Mouse]] - Everyone in the game worships him like a god, showing how egomaniacal Disney is. Serves no purpose after Kingdom Hearts 2 other than to offer Riku Blowjobs and fuck everything up.
#Riku - teh biggest douche EVER
#Donald - White supremacist duck that calls other people niggers.
#Kairi - [[16-year-old girl|whore]]
#Goofy - Retarded southern hick.
#Namine - DiZ and Marluxia's sex slave
#[[No one cares|Daisy]] - Doesn't do JACK SHIT and was [[Kill yourself|literally in only one scene]]
#DiZ - racist pedo
#Minnie- ALSO doesn't do JACK SHIT
#[[double nigger|Xemnas]] - Mansex
#Namine - DiZ and Marluxia's sex slave who can erase the memory of their rape victims.
#Xigbar - [[redneck]]
#Maleficent - Main [[bitch|Disney villain]] in the series.
#Pete - Shitty comic relief villain that works for Maleficent.
#DiZ/Ansem - [[Pedophile|Pedobear]] scientist king who fucked with some of the Organization XII members (until this was retconned)
#[[double nigger|Xemnas]] - Mansex and Xehanort's Nobody
#Ansem (Seeker of Darkness)- Even gayer Mansex and Xehanort's Heartless
#Xigbar - [[redneck]] fuck who's Xemnas's assistant (until this was retconned)
#[[Gaston|Xaldin]] - [[wigger]]
#[[Gaston|Xaldin]] - [[wigger]]
#Vexen - [[shit no one cares about|ugly fucktard]]
#Vexen - [[shit no one cares about|ugly fucktard]]
#Lexaeus - Zexion's man bitch
#Lexaeus - Zexion's man bitch and another character no one cares about
#Zexion - noisy [[emo]]
#Zexion - Bookworm fag [[emo]]
#Saix - Mansex's lap bitch
#Saix - Mansex's lap bitch, he and Axel's somebodies were [[Homosexuals|friends with benefits]]
#Axel - [[ginger]] pedo
#Axel - <strike>Sora's</strike> Roxas's gay lover
#Demyx - [[faggot|uses a gaint blue penis as his weapon]]
#Demyx - Stoner that plays guitar to fight
#Luxord - gambling [[british]] bastard
#Luxord - gambling [[british]] bastard
#Larxene - Bitch who likes to molest Axel and abuse children
#Larxene - Bitch who likes to abuse children. The most forgettable and useless character in the series. She's nearly tied with Kairi.
#Roxas - pedobait
#Roxas - The most uninteresting character in the series. Instead of finishing the series, Squeenix continues to shit out at least 100 different side stories about how "deep" Roxas is supposed to be. Half of Kingdom Hearts 2 is about him towing garbage, working as a mailman, exploring some caves, and fighting in some wifflebat tournament.
#Xion - hermaphordite emo bitch
#Xion - hermaphordite emo bitch who is a clone of Sora (until this was retconned) and [[Conversion Therapy|tries to make Roxas straight]]
#black person - [[douchebag]]
#Xehanort - [[ganguro]] who's actually an old white dude with a tan. *SPOILER* HE'S THE MAIN VILLAN AND [[Demon|RAPED]] HALF OF THE CHARACTERS!!!
#Xehanort - [[ganguro]]
#Terra - Emo [[Chad]] who got possessed by Xehanort
#Terra - Emo
#Ventus aka Roxas - Has half a heart and wants to have [[Gay sex|gay intimacy with Terra]]. *SPOILER* OMG ROXAS AND VENTUS ARE THE SAME FUCKING PERSON!!!!!
#Ventus aka Roxas - Has half a heart. *SPOILER* THEYRE THE SAME FUCKING PERSON!!!!!
#Aqua - Totally [[asking for it]]
#Aqua - Totally [[asking for it]]
#Vanitas - [[Anonymous]]
#Vanitas - [[Anonymous]] edgelord fag who's basically Evil Sora
#Yozora - Another emo. Really stretching your creative muscle, Nomura.
[[File:Soraisdaddy.jpg|thumb|center|1/3 of the Kingdom Hearts characters in a nutshell]]


==Fantards==
==Community==
===The Fantards Themselves===
All KH fantards are lesbians. If they aren't before entering the fandom, they will be soon.
All KH fantards are lesbians. If they aren't before entering the fandom, they will be soon.


Every KH fantard makes a music video of an
Every KH fantard makes a [[2000s|music video]] of an
[[emo|emo/screamo]] song and puts it on [[youtube]] accompanied by random KH scenes. This is [[fact]].  
[[emo|emo/screamo]] song and puts it on [[youtube]] accompanied by random KH scenes. This is [[fact]].  


Once Sora manhandled Riku's ass we all knew we would be screwed.  
Once Sora manhandled Riku's ass we all knew we would be screwed.  


Fangirls KAWAIIED over the "questionable friendship" the two boys had. So what happened? Well, they became Fuck Buddies, that's what freaking happened. Soon the swarms of horribly written fan fiction made several blind and may have cause some Grammar Nazis to commit suicide. Somehow, it's still better than the stories based around Axel and Roxas.
Fangirls KAWAIIED over the "questionable friendship" the two boys had. So what happened? Well, they became [[Fuck buddy|fuck buddies]], that's what freaking happened. Soon the swarms of [[My Immortal|horribly written fan fiction]] made several blind and may have cause some Grammar Nazis to commit [[an hero|suicide]]. Somehow, it's still better than the stories based around Axel and Roxas.
Fantards also ALWAYS have very creative user names such as:
*Roxas, Sora, or any other KH character + (insert number here)
*KH character + some random Japanese word, because this shitty fanbase is full of [[Wapanese]] who [[Masterbation|get off]] to [[Utada Hikaru]]
[[File:Typicakhnamelfag.png|thumb|right|200x200|Typical KH faggot usernames]]
*KH or Final Fantasy ability/thing + (insert number here)
*KH character +....you get the point.


When dealing with Kingdom Hearts fantards, it's important to remember that it has one of the most fucked up fandoms evar that somehow, [[lol wut|still exists]].
When dealing with Kingdom Hearts fantards, it's important to remember that it has one of the most fucked up fandoms evar that somehow, [[lol wut|still exists]].
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How to [[Troll|annoy]] a KH fantard:


How to [[Troll|annoy]] a KH fantard:
1."KH is a kids game. How old are you people? 7 years old?"
 
<strike>2.</strike>Tell them their wet dreams of Axel fucking Roxas will never happen. Axel became [[an hero]] to save him. <strike>He's dead; get over it. End of story.</strike> Skye! SHEEEIIIIT!!! Axel isn't a "Nobody" anymore and was resurrected back to being Lea! He saved <strike>Roxas's</strike> Sora's ass in Dream Drop Distance lol
 
2. Point out the fact that the plot is as deep as a puddle of dog piss. "''Their hurting will be mended when you return to end it.''" The '''fuck''' does that mean?
 
3. Tell the 300 pound chick in the Kairi outfit at Otacon that you spent the whole morning puking, because Jesus fucking Christ no one should ever have to see that many fat rolls.
 
4. Riku isn't a misunderstood hero. He's the world's biggest douche, second only to the great [[Gary Motherfucking Oak|Gary Motherfucking Oak]].
 
5. Troll on fanfiction.net by flaming all the shitty ass stories. Or simply tell them that [[truth|their 'story' sucks]] and wait for [[BAWWW|their reaction]].
 
6. Tell a [[yaoi]] [[fangirl]] that you just KNOW Sora and Kairi will end up together.
 
7. PRESSING X <strike>TO JASON</strike> TAKES SO MUCH SKILL, GUYZ!
 
8. <strike>Tell them there will NEVER be a Kingdom Hearts 3.</strike> [http://www.nintendo.co.uk/NOE/en_GB/games/nds/kingdom_hearts_recoded_23536.html Syke, Squeenix strikes once again!] <strike>Through... highly rendered [[bullshit|filler]]? And even ''moar'' cryptic shit? What a piece of- OMG you can now make [[Mary Sue|your custom KH Avatar]]?! GAYUM OF THE YEAARRR!</strike>-DECONFIRMED! (Be sure to look out for the fantards and Jewtubers [[Cancer|'''milking the fuck out of this GAYUM''']]).
 
9. Tell the still existing fantards that [[truth|nobody cares about Kingdom Hearts anymore]], so the previously mentioned title came out [[lol|five years too late]] for anyone to give a shit about.


#"KH is a kids game. How old are you people? 7 years old?"
10. Insult their favorite Jewtubers like those faggots TheGamersJoint (he screwed over a KH2 modder for Jewtube shekels), HMK, [[Racemixing|Skyward<strike>Fag</strike>Wing]], and that dyke [[Lesbian|SuperButterBuns]]
#Tell them their wet dreams of Axel fucking Roxas will never happen. Axel became [[an hero]] to save him. He's dead; get over it. End of story.
#Point out the fact that the plot is as deep as a puddle of dog piss. "''Their hurting will be mended when you return to end it.''" The '''fuck''' does that mean?
#Tell the 300 pound chick in the Kairi outfit at Otacon that you spent the whole morning puking, because Jesus fucking Christ no one should ever have to see that many fat rolls.
#Riku isn't a misunderstood hero. He's the world's biggest douche, second only to the great [[Gary Motherfucking Oak|Gary Motherfucking Oak]].
#Troll on fanfiction.net by flaming all the shitty ass stories. Or simply tell them that [[truth|their 'story' sucks]] and wait for [[BAWWW|their reaction]].
#Tell a [[yaoi]] [[fangirl]] that you just KNOW Sora and Kairi will end up together. Oh wait, that's EXACTLY what happened! [[Lulz|Problem?]]
#PRESSING X <strike>TO JASON</strike> TAKES SO MUCH SKILL, GUYZ!
#<strike>Tell them there will NEVER be a Kingdom Hearts 3.</strike> [http://www.nintendo.co.uk/NOE/en_GB/games/nds/kingdom_hearts_recoded_23536.html Syke, Squeenix strikes once again!] Through... highly rendered [[bullshit|filler]]? And even ''moar'' cryptic shit? What a piece of- OMG you can now make [[Mary Sue|your custom KH Avatar]]?! GAYUM OF THE YEAARRR! (Be sure to look out for the fantards [[recolor|very creative creations]]).
#Tell the still existing fantards that [[truth|nobody cares about Kingdom Hearts anymore]], so the previously mentioned title came out [[lol|five years too late]] for anyone to give a shit about.


==Fanfiction==
===Fanfiction===


KH Fan fiction is one of the worst things to exist in the history of the world, right behind [[Sonic]] fanfiction. Common elements include:
KH Fan fiction is one of the worst things to exist in the history of the world, right behind [[Sonic]] fanfiction. Common elements include:
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#Shitty high school AUs where every male character takes it up the ass, because het is ew.
#Shitty high school AUs where every male character takes it up the ass, because het is ew.
#[[Mpreg]] in which Sora and Riku get to raise an assbaby of their own.
#[[Mpreg]] in which Sora and Riku get to raise an assbaby of their own.
#Vammmpires. They might sparkle if the author is faggy enough to like that shit.
#Vampires. They might sparkle if the author is faggy enough to like that shit.
#A songfic highlighting the author's love of My Chemical Romance.
#A songfic highlighting the author's love of My Chemical Romance.
#Kairi dies a horrible, bloody death.
#Kairi dies a horrible, bloody death.But hey at least it's a plot development.
#Riku cuts himself.. darkness..blah blah blah...
#Riku cuts himself.. darkness..blah blah blah...
#Sora is randomly raped several times.  
#Sora is randomly raped several times.  
#Kairi is a bitch and wants to fuck Sora all on her own.
#Kairi is a bitch and wants to fuck Sora all on her own.[[Fail|Just like the games]]
#Have them randomly proclaim their love for each other for no reason at all
#Have them randomly proclaim their love for each other for no reason at all
#????
#????
#No. No profit.
#No. No profit.


Some shitty fan fiction for the purpose of lulz. Please flame at your convenience:


#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5137699/1/Everything_and_Anything Everything and Anything]: An AU in which Riku is a spoiled emo bitch who wants Sora but can't have him. In retaliation, Riku's father, Sephiroth (seriously, WTF??), rapes Sora so Riku can have a little bitch of his own.
===Pairings are teh Best!===
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5122154/1/Adopted Adopted]: Sora, Roxas, and Cloud are four-month-old cats who can turn into humans. They spend their time fucking Riku, Axel, and Squall. I SHIT YOU NOT.
[[Image:KingdomHeartsFans.jpg|thumb|[[Buttertroll|Typical]] ''Kingdom Hearts'' [[MTF|fangirls.]]]]
#<s>[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4984156/1/Whitest_Light Whitest Light]</s> BALEETED: The most horribly written, emo fanfic you'll ever read. Author has a warning about teh gayness of her characters, but only because someone tore her a new one.
[[Image:Kairi's_true_nature.gif‎|thumb|[[Buttertroll|Typical]] ''Kairi Fans'' [[MTF|fangirls.]]]]
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5127233/1/Kingdom_Hearts_In_France Kingdom Hearts in France]: How could this be anything BUT horrible?
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4686747/1/Boy_Oh_Boy Boy Oh Boy]: She advertises it as "better than it sounds". It's not.
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5058458/1/The_Other_Side_isnt_so_Green The Other Side Isn't so Green]: Axel's an emo bitch that's abused by his parents and raped by his dad. He says he sometimes likes teh buttfucking.
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6043267/1/Kingdom_Hearts_3 Kingdom Hearts 3]: Tell me how many of these we've had again? About seventy four, right?
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5987444/1/This_is_not_happening This is not happening]: You know what else isn't happening? The spark of my interest in this story. Another self-author insert. Read at your own risk.
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7751221/1/Me_Or_Her Me Or Her]: For those that just want a quick rage session at the computer.
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7587733/1/Im_only_human Im only human]: Self-insert general around here. Sora falls in love with an oc or some shit and they does teh buttfucking.
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7750280/1/our_darkest_hour our darkest hour]: The only review in this story is worth clicking this link alone.
 
However, for every one hundred fanfictions that make you want to turn your penis inside out. (As if it wasn't already.) [[Lie|There are at least...Say three or five, that are decent]]. It is your duty to tell these good people that they're using their abilities to horribly disfigure themselves. Also notice how the only good stories are the ones that basically say "Fuck you" to the series and the reader. Average-Decent contributions to this shitty fanbase include.
 
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7750459/1/Thats_Just_Nasty_My_Apprentice Thats Just Nasty, My Apprentice]: Vanitas eats mexican food and shits out Unversed, which are how he produces them. I FUCKING SHIT YOU NOT.
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7752006/1/Oprah_Pedophiles_and_You Oprah,Pedophiles, and You]: Axel and Roxas are fuck buddies who are six years apart in age. So they learn that their apartment complex is fucking rapetopia thanks to that nigger on the TV.
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7313651/1/Dance_Everyone_Dance Dance, Everyone, Dance]: Demyx is for some reason revived, now evil, and wants everyone's dick. Isn't that fan-fucking-tastic?
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7746416/1/The_Totally_OOC_AU_Organization_XIII_bVariety_b_bHour_b The Totally OOC AU Organization XIII Variety Hour]: Everyone dies by shock therapy. The gay pairings get lampooned a lot. Saix realizes he's faggot. Axel and Roxas buttfuck each other while playing Cooking Mama.
#[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7430731/1/Open_When_Im_bDead_b Open When Im Dead]: Xemnas fucks Saix on TV and Demyx makes everyone watch it. Later he makes love to a walrus and sings a song about raping asian men. I'm serious.
 
But that's about all the stories I could find that could even be considered "good". Some of them are too random for their own good. But that's as good as you're going to get with a fanbase as crappy as this one.
 
==Pairings Are teh Best!==


KH [[fangirls]] will pair any characters together as long as they deem it fappable. They're ALL [[gay]], of course:
KH [[fangirls]] will pair any characters together as long as they deem it fappable. They're all [[gay]], of course:


-<b>AkuRoku</b> - The [[weeaboo]] word for pairing Axel with Roxas. Mostly angsty, suicidal stories that go on for 500,000 words or more. S&M is a common element, and fangirls can't get off unless there are at least eighty-seven rape scenes.
-<b>AkuRoku</b> - The [[weeaboo]] word for pairing Axel with Roxas. Mostly angsty, suicidal stories that go on for 500,000 words or more. S&M is a common element, and fangirls can't get off unless there are at least eighty-seven rape scenes.


-<b>RikuxSora</b> - Generally portrays Sora as a pussy bitch who takes it up the ass from Riku, who might as well be Yuki from [[Gravitation]]. Sora MUST be raped by Ansem in order for the story to be considered good.
-<b>[[Why don't you have a seat over there|RikuxSora]]</b> - Generally portrays Sora as a pussy bitch who takes it up the ass from Riku, who might as well be Yuki from [[Gravitation]]. Sora MUST be raped by Ansem in order for the story to be considered good.


-<b>SoraxRoxas</b> - Masturbation FTW! Apparently fantards don't care that they're THE SAME FUCKING PERSON.
-<b>[[Why don't you have a seat over there|SoraxRoxas]]</b> - Masturbation FTW! Apparently fantards don't care that they're THE SAME FUCKING PERSON.


-<b>Zemyx</b> - Zexion and Demyx is one of the most popular pairings, despite the fact that the characters NEVER FUCKING MEET IN THE GAMES. EVER.
-<b>Zemyx</b> - Zexion and Demyx is one of the most popular pairings, despite the fact that the characters NEVER FUCKING MEET IN THE GAMES. EVER.
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-<b>Cleon</b> - Cloud and Leon, [[Lol wut|who is actually Squall, but doesn't use that name anymore since he's angst-ing about hard his home world got pwned]]. [[Shit nobody cares about|The most emo bullshit you'll ever see in your life. Apparently, because they stand back-to-back in one scene in KHII, this is a legitimate pairing, even though they don't even know each other prior to that other than through mutual friends, who, though it's redundant to say at this point, shouldn't even exist in the same fucking time-space.]]
-<b>Cleon</b> - Cloud and Leon, [[Lol wut|who is actually Squall, but doesn't use that name anymore since he's angst-ing about hard his home world got pwned]]. [[Shit nobody cares about|The most emo bullshit you'll ever see in your life. Apparently, because they stand back-to-back in one scene in KHII, this is a legitimate pairing, even though they don't even know each other prior to that other than through mutual friends, who, though it's redundant to say at this point, shouldn't even exist in the same fucking time-space.]]


-<b>Luxigger</b> - No, not Luxord and a [[negro]]. Luxord and Tigger. This is quite literally the only pairing worth looking into.  
-<b>[[Linux for Niggers|Luxigger]]</b> - No, not Luxord and a [[negro]]. Luxord and Tigger. This is quite literally the only pairing worth looking into.  


-<b>CrickAnsem</b> - Jiminy Cricket and Ansem, Seeker of Darkness. Is it wrong for me to say that Jiminy is the one that seduced him?
-<b>CrickAnsem</b> - Jiminy Cricket and Ansem, Seeker of Darkness. Is it wrong for me to say that Jiminy is the one that seduced him?
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At least 99% of all Kingdom Hearts fan fiction includes all of these pairings in one story and does not necessarily have to be bound by pesky details like continuity.
At least 99% of all Kingdom Hearts fan fiction includes all of these pairings in one story and does not necessarily have to be bound by pesky details like continuity.


==Enemies==
==Notable Gameplay==
===Enemies===


*The Heartless who have no bodies.
*The Heartless who have no bodies.
*The Nobodies who have no hearts.
*The Nobodies who have no hearts.
*The Dreameaters who feed off of dreams. [[Epic Fail|Also a cartoonish version of the Unversed]]
*The Unversed who feed off of [[Emo|"Negative Emotions"]] or some bullshit like that.
*The Unversed who feed off of [[Emo|"Negative Emotions"]] or some bullshit like that.
*The Goatse-less who like it in the butt.
*The Goatse-less who like it in the butt.
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*[[Utada Hikaru]]'s horrible English lyrics.
*[[Utada Hikaru]]'s horrible English lyrics.
*[[Frunz|The bad lulz]], [[old memes]] etc.
*[[Frunz|The bad lulz]], [[old memes]] etc.
*[[Org Infinity]], who fight with My Little Ponies.
*[[Org Infinity]], who fight with [[My Little Pony|My Little Ponies]].
*[[Your mom]] (along with your mom's mom)
*[[Your mom]] (along with your mom's mom)
*smart people
*smart people
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*Captain Falcon's giant [[cock]].
*Captain Falcon's giant [[cock]].
*[[Sarah Palin]].
*[[Sarah Palin]].
*Fangirls
The ending: '''THE VILLAN IS TECHNICALLY THE SAME PERSON OMG!!!'''


==Worlds==
[[Repetition|It's a vicious cycle]]
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</gallery>
 
===Worlds===
During your travels, you get to visit a bunch of shitty "worlds". (More commonly known as "Small trial of linear rooms with a Disney theme") Due to the overwhelming list of these places. And to cater to your [[Rage|confusion]]. We've taken the liberty of listing each world and a small description of what you can find there. Happy travels.
During your travels, you get to visit a bunch of shitty "worlds". (More commonly known as "Small trial of linear rooms with a Disney theme") Due to the overwhelming list of these places. And to cater to your [[Rage|confusion]]. We've taken the liberty of listing each world and a small description of what you can find there. Happy travels.


#100 Acre Wood - The only safe place in the entire series but unfortunately, The [[Love|gore's]] downgraded.  
#'''100 Acre Wood''' - The only safe place in the entire series but unfortunately, The [[Love|gore's]] downgraded.  
#Agrabah - The one world that keeps appearing in every game. Home of Bin Laden and his dirty street rats. Fun Fact: Half of 358/2 Days takes place in Agrabah.
#'''Agrabah''' - The one world that keeps appearing in every game. Home of Bin Laden and his dirty street rats. Fun Fact: Half of 358/2 Days takes place in Agrabah.
#Atlantica - The world that had some [[Gimmick|interesting techniques]] in it's original appearance. But then it got raped in the sequel. The diverse dialect of this world is noticeable when all happy characters shout, "Finny fun!" at the top of their lungs. Enter at your own risk.
#'''Atlantica''' - The world that had some [[Gimmick|interesting techniques]] in it's original appearance. But then it got raped in the sequel. The diverse dialect of this world is noticeable when all happy characters shout, "Finny fun!" at the top of their lungs. Enter at your own risk.
#Beast's Castle - The world that tries to teach you about [[love]]. But fails horrendously. Music's nice though.
#'''Beast's Castle''' - The world that tries to teach you about [[love]]. But fails horrendously. Music's nice though.
#Castle Oblivion - Linear world is linear. Straight path general.
#'''Castle Oblivion''' - Linear world is linear. Straight path general.
#Castle of Dreams - Despite what the title says, the entire world isn't just the fucking Castle. These names are starting to get real original, [[Wrong|right?]]
#'''Castle of Dreams''' - Despite what the title says, the entire world isn't just the fucking Castle. These names are starting to get real original, [[Wrong|right?]]
#Country of the Musketeers - Known for it's concept. Which is completely [[Lie|brilliant]].
#'''Country of the Musketeers''' - Known for it's concept. Which is completely [[Lie|brilliant]].
#Deep Jungle - The world that appeared once but then never appeared again. Assumed to have been devoured by [[Fags|darkness]]
#'''Deep Jungle''' - The world that appeared once but then never appeared again. Assumed to have been [[copyright|devoured by darkness]]
#Deep Space - The world that everyone was hyped as fuck for. But were disappointed with the result.
#'''Deep Space''' - The world that everyone was hyped as fuck for. But were disappointed with the result.
#Destiny Islands - Not even a relaxing island level can save this series. Also known as Pedobait Islands.
#'''Destiny Islands''' - Not even a relaxing island level can save this series. Also known as Pedobait Islands.
#Disney Castle - Home of walking brooms and anthropomorphic [[furries]]. AKA [[deviantArt]]: The World.
#'''Disney Castle''' - Home of walking brooms and anthropomorphic [[furries]]. AKA [[deviantArt]]: The World.
#Dwarf Woodlands -  Full of fruity midgets who trounce around, trying to protect their "[[Dollfie|Princess]]".
#'''Dwarf Woodlands''' -  Full of fruity midgets who trounce around, trying to protect their "[[Dollfie|Princess]]".
#Enchanted Dominion - The stupidest name for a world in existence. Moving on.
#'''Enchanted Dominion''' - The stupidest name for a world in existence. Moving on.
#End of the World - A rather appropriate name for a final level. Chernabog is thrown into this hellhole for [[God]] knows why.
#'''End of the World''' - A rather appropriate name for a final level. Chernabog is thrown into this hellhole for [[God]] knows why.
#Halloween Town - Composed of a tree of holiday-based worlds. Halloween Town being the most prominent. The smallest of course being, "Arbor Day City".
#'''The Final World''' - The Kingdom Heart's [[Hell|Afterlife]], here Sora proves once and for all Death has no meaning in this series by waltzing out of it as soon as it's introduced and [[A_Cat_Is_Fine_Too|making friends with a Stuffed Cat]].
#Hollow Bastion - Steampunk castle with pipes. A part of Radiant Garden. But they don't tell you this until the second game.  
#'''Halloween Town''' - Composed of a tree of holiday-based worlds. Halloween Town being the most prominent. The smallest of course being, "Arbor Day City".
#Keyblade Graveyard - An empty filler world with a bunch of fucking [[Dildos|Keyblades]].  
#'''Hollow Bastion''' - Steampunk castle with pipes. A part of Radiant Garden. But they don't tell you this until the second game.  
#La Cité des Cloches - The City of Bells for you 'murricans. Full of bells and shit.
#'''Keyblade Graveyard''' - An empty filler world with a bunch of fucking [[Dildos|Keyblades]].
#Land of Departure - Just a fucking castle and some mountains. These names aren't going to get anymore original, are they?
#'''La Cité des Cloches''' - The City of Bells for you 'murricans. Full of bells and shit.
#Mirage Arena - Filler world used for multiplayer. No actual story content. Ignore it's existence.  
#'''Land of Departure''' - Just a fucking castle and some mountains. These names aren't going to get anymore original, are they?
#Monstro - The worlds with the best music are always the ones with the most confusing layout. [[Vore]] is at it's highest here.
#'''Mirage Arena''' - Filler world used for multiplayer. No actual story content. Ignore it's existence.  
#Mysterious Tower - Just a tower and the small plains surrounding it. Right, these names aren't getting anymore original.
#'''Monstro''' - The worlds with the best music are always the ones with the most confusing layout. [[Vore]] is at it's highest here.
#Neverland - Despite it's name, only [[Captain Crunch|Captain Crunch's]] Pirate Ship and Big Ben are visited. The real islands are visited in Days and Birth by Sleep. You can also fly here, which is pretty neat.
#'''Mysterious Tower''' - Just a tower and the small plains surrounding it. Right, these names aren't getting anymore [[OC|original]].
#Olympus Coliseum - Appears in every game, it's purpose is to act as a filler world to insert tournaments.
#'''Neverland''' - Despite it's name, only [[Captain Crunch|Captain Crunch's]] Pirate Ship and Big Ben are visited. The real islands are visited in Days and Birth by Sleep. You can also fly here, which is pretty neat.
#Port Royal - The world that got raped the most. Jack Sparrow's reputation is ruined.
#'''Olympus Coliseum''' - Appears in every game, it's purpose is to act as a filler world to insert tournaments.
#Prankster's Paradise - Was supposed to appear in 358/2 Days. But was omitted because [[Lazy|no one really likes Pinocchio]].
#'''Port Royal''' - The world that got raped the most. Jack Sparrow's reputation is ruined.
#Pride Lands - While it is based on the best movie in Disney canon. It's appearance has caused furries to invade the series. Only making it shittier for everyone else.
#'''Prankster's Paradise''' - Was supposed to appear in 358/2 Days. But was omitted because [[Lazy|no one really likes Pinocchio]].
#Space Paranoids - In which the Master Control Program attempts to take over the [[Mac|worst operating system in history]].
#'''Pride Lands''' - While it is based on the best movie in Disney canon. It's appearance has caused furries to invade the series. Only making it shittier for everyone else.
#Symphony of Sorcery - Based on Fantasia. Chernabog is supposed to be here, but he left to become [[Coward|a savior among the denizens of this world]].
#'''Scala Ad Caelum''' - Is an [[Bleach|Original]] World that is somehow more uninspired than The World That Never Was and only an excuse for [[BAWWW|Nomura to reference Final Fantasy Versus XIII again.]] [[Shit_Nobody_Cares_About| Also Sora fights Xehanort Here.]]
#The Land of Dragons - You know, you could have just said "China". This world is full of [[Trap|traps and other questionable people]]. Even the main character is one. Make sure to always be on your guard when traveling here.
#'''Space Paranoids''' - In which the Master Control Program attempts to take over the [[Mac|worst operating system in history]]. AKA [[Electric Boogaloo|Deep Space 2: the Electric Boogaloo]]
#The World That Never Was - Cryptic fanfiction world that tries to be "edgy".
#'''Symphony of Sorcery - Based on Fantasia. Chernabog is supposed to be here, but he left to become [[Coward|a savior among the denizens of this world]].
#Timeless River - The world that makes you feel old. It's known for the infamous phrase that came from the Pete boss battle that took place in it, "GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
#'''The Land of Dragons''' - You know, you could have just said "China". This world is full of [[Trap|questionable people]]. Even the main character is one. Make sure to always be on your guard when traveling here.
#Traverse Town - Home to people who have lost their world. Among these including Merlin and the 101 [[Abortions|Dalmations]].
#'''The World That Never Was''' - Cryptic fanfiction world that tries to be "edgy".
#Twilight Town - Caters to depressed faggots who like to sit on clock towers eating ice cream, completely unaware of the fact that they're [[Retard|SECONDS AWAY FROM DEATH]].
#'''Timeless River''' - The world that makes you feel old. It's known for the infamous phrase that came from the Pete boss battle that took place in it, "GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
#Wonderland - The single most confusing world in the series. The music is known to drive you insane. If anything, it makes you "wonder" why this world fucking exists.
#'''Traverse Town''' - Home to people who have lost their world. Among these including Merlin and the 101 [[Abortions|Dalmations]].
 
#'''Twilight Town''' - Caters to depressed faggots who like to sit on clock towers eating ice cream, completely unaware of the fact that they're [[an hero|SECONDS AWAY FROM DEATH]].
==Images==
#'''Wonderland''' - The single most confusing world in the series. The music is known to drive you insane. If anything, it makes you "wonder" why this [[Shit|world]] fucking exists.


{{cg|Wat|watgallery|center|<gallery>
==Gallery==
Image:Pride lands sora level.jpg|The Pride Lands level in a nutshell.
<center>
Image:Logic goes where scar sora lions.jpg|It's easy to guess what group that Square Enix wanted to appeal to..
<gallery>
Image:Riku sora kingdom hearts.jpg|How the game REALLY ended.
Image:Sora_Ultimate_Form.jpg|Sora's Ultimate Form in ''Kingdom Hearts II''</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Donald duck winnie the pooh sora.png|The
Image:Kingdom hearts sora.jpg|entire
Image:Sora riku.jpg|game
Image:Naga sora riku.png|is
Image:Sora.png|like
Image:Sora riku roxas.jpg|this,
Image:Sora tinkerbell.jpg|honestly.
Image:1167100897900fh7.png|A test you must pass before being able to play the game.
Image:1167100897900fh7.png|A test you must pass before being able to play the game.
Image:Demyxanonymous.jpg|He love the [[cock]].
Image:Demyxanonymous.jpg|He love the [[cock]].
Image:Xemnagays.JPG|[[Moar|What really happens]] to [[You|Xemnas]] in ''Kingdom Hearts''.
Image:Xemnagays.JPG|[[Moar|What really happens]] to [[You|Xemnas]] in ''Kingdom Hearts''.
Image:Group_Photo_by_Keblademasteress.JPG|Typical Kingdom Hearts [[retard|fans]]
Image:Group_Photo_by_Keblademasteress.JPG|Typical Kingdom Hearts [[retard|fans]]
Image:Birthbysleeporgy.jpg|The secret ending to Birth By Sleep.
Image:Kingdom hearts for wii by calling all angelz-d354v88.jpg
Image:SoraXRiku.jpg|Gotta Love Dat [[Rule 34]]
Image:Kingdom Hearts Stereotypes by emily bright.jpg
</gallery>}}
Image:Soraisthekeyobamaposterstylekingdomhearts.png
Image:Kingdomhearts-searchesforhisfriends.jpg
Image:Kingdomhearscometodinner.png
Image:ALLTHEHEARTS.jpg
File:Topkekxemnas.jpg
File:Baldfagkh2idk.jpg
Image:Kingdomheartskeanu2.jpg
File:Xemnas Poke.jpg
File:roxel.jpg
</gallery></center>


== See also ==
== See also ==
Line 320: Line 343:
*''[[The World Ends With You]]''
*''[[The World Ends With You]]''
*[[DisneyFan01]]
*[[DisneyFan01]]
*[[Meta527II]] - Even uses [[13-year-old boy|Sora]] as his [[Mai waifu|avatar]].
*[[SapphyDracases]]
*[[SapphyDracases]]
*[[ShaloneSK]]
*[[ShaloneSK]]
Line 327: Line 351:
*[[Iris]]
*[[Iris]]


{{Nintendo}}
{{Gaming}}
{{Gaming}}


[[Category:Gaming]]
[[Category:Gaming]]

Latest revision as of 06:42, 6 August 2024

Kingdom Hearts is Squaresoft's biggest blowout hit since the Great Gayification, more colloquially known as their merger with Enix. This game features a wide variety of themes related to friendship, love, and sacrifice that only the prestigious Nazi state of Japan could ever concoct. The thinly veiled ass fucking going on between the main protagonist, Sora and his "best bud", Riku makes up %69 percent of Rule 34. If this weren't enough to sate your tingling cock/mangina, then you'll be happy to see the underage B& Roxas (WHO IS ALSO THE FUCKING PROTAGONIST, BUT, LIKE, ISN'T) get his ass pounded by a red headed pedophile named Axel (pronounced ass-hole) whose spiked hair is supported by grotesque amounts of boypussy cum. The plot of the entire franchise is just another fucking cliche of a JRPG that has big weapons, shitty boss battles, and no meaningful plot whatsoever besides the WONDERFUL JOYS OF FRIENDSHIP =DDDDDD with some "dark" shit added in for no reason but to give the game false depth.

As for girls, they are basically nonexistent in this game, and the main female Kairi does jack-shit. This just shows how weak and horrible women truly are. Oh, and also the main character has a girl persona named Xion (pronounced She-male).

In Kingdom Hearts, you become winner by approaching an enemy and beat him senselessly with a key pressing X several times. Riku, the character who is pretty angsty but not as angsty as that one other character, can also perform magic attacks that do not do anything that are OP and break the game unless you're a total newfag, because Square sucks at balancing games. AI partners such as Donald and Goofy assist you in battle by using up all of your potions and dying. Between stages, players are punished for their stupid decision to buy the game by being forced to play through the microwave oven version of Star Fox.

Squeenix released the Final Mix versions of their KH games in Japan only. And to add even more insult to injury, the Western releases were censored. And the censorship was retarded and inconsistent as fuck. In KH2, the enemies in the Pirates world were censored to wielding crossbows, yet Barbosa's gun wasn't censored and that fucking nigger ape hunter had a fucking shotgun in the first Kingdom Hearts and Sora was an hero. Cid was censored to only having a toothpick in his mouth instead of a cigar in every game because it's not like Timeless River Pete didn't have a pipe or the fact that fucking kids cartoons have smoking or cigars.

Typical Kingdom Hearts game.
Every Kingdom Hearts character ever.
What happens when Axel and Roxas reunite.

Origins

It was the year 2000. The world had barely entered the new millennium and the Y2K bug was averted. Yes, it seemed that mankind was at the very hallmark of it's existence.

Little did anyone know, an amazing event took place in California.

At an unknown cryogenics lab in Anaheim, the lid to an old cryogenic shuttle had been opened. Out of it came someone we were sure was dead.

Walt Disney.

You see, with his empire growing at a phenomenal level, Walt was content. But one day, while working on "The Sword and the Stone", Disney had a period of brief mortality. He was coming on 60 in this world and at the rate of his health he would never get to see the fruits of his labor. Sure, Disneyland was great. But what about that Disneyworld he planned to build in Florida? But why stop there? What about Tokyo Disney? EuroDisney? Hong Kong Disney? Maybe we can build one in Moscow and show those pinko commie sons of bitches a thing or two.

Drunk on this idea, Disney put to work some of his finest imagineers at Tommorowland to develop a way for Disney to live on into the next century. Finally, after about a year of non stop work and many fatalities in the process, Disney had himself a cryogenic chamber. The plan was that Disney would enter the cryogenic chamber and be put in a state of suspended animation. He would remain this way until his birthday, December 5th, in the year 2000. He entered cryogenic sleep on December 15th, 1965. Jealous stockholders who lost millions of dollars on this crazy scheme, said that Walt died of lung cancer due to his constant smoking habit. Also, just to take a jab at the person who made them lose money, they said he was antisemitic.

As Disney awoke from his slumber, he looked at the world around him. And everything he saw displeased him. Turns out that his multi-billion dollar company wasn't the only multi-billion dollar company out there. Microsoft, McDonald's, Coca-Cola, the whole lot. Plus, the motion pictures, made-for-TV movies, and Animated motion pictures that had his name on the title sucked. He made this discovery after watching The Emperor's New Groove.

What most disturbed Disney was that his beloved children from the 50's who used to have so much imagination were now fat little fucks that had no imagination whatsoever.

Feeling betrayed by the demographic who practically built his fortune, Disney looked to a new demographic: Video Gamers.

Although he was first skeptical, Disney was willing to try anything to get into the wallets of these very docile creatures. So he studied them.

After his study he made a conclusion.

Video Gamers like Anime.

Anime is commonly associated with RPG's

Many gamers grew up watching the shitstorm spawned by his period in stasis.

Why the hell couldn't he make an RPG with his characters, god damn it?

The flagship of RPGs was this fabled Final Fantasy.

It was obvious what Disney had to do:

Create a video game combining what was lucrative great about his animated films and combine them with the oh-so-complex and interesting characters and storylines found in Final Fantasy titles.

"By God, I'm a genius!" he said as he picked up the phone to call Squaresoft.

Games

Unfortunately, there are many instances of this disease.

Kingdom Hearts

Despite what fanfags tell you, KH1 is actually the best game in the series. The plot is actually decent, the Disney worlds have little faggotry, and the story is dark. And there's Final Fantasy cameos as well. But unfortunately, Squeenix will start fucking up and each game will get worse and worse and moar cringy.

Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories

Sora finds himself trapped in castle by a mysterious organization that slipped him a date rape drug. As such, he can't remember anything, so you get to play through the original game again! Except this was on the GBA, and unfortunately for the Wapanese fantards, the superior 3D version was a Jap-exclusive PS2 version (it did get re-released in the West in the 1.5 Remix a decade later) and you fight with CARDS! This is at least 50% gayer than the original especially with a final boss with pink showing off his willy.

Square Enix was very happy when all the fans bought this game thinking it was a brand new experience.

Kingdom Hearts 2

Kingdom Hearts II is the even more linear and gimmicky sequel to Kingdom Hearts. Unlike that first game there is ACTUAL gay content. With Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Sephiroth all in one game there's no way this wasn't targeted towards fangirls,fanboys, and 13-year-old gamers who don't know any better. They have 12 guys (half of which are already dead and Roxas left) talking about these portals to people's hearts.

Typical Kingdom Hearts fanboy. Notice the abundance of friends and a social life.

Only furries and morons still obsessed with Final Fantasy VII play this game, and Republicans who pre-play their children's games to make sure it won't encourage them to develop any opinions on the world around them.

A feature implemented is that in this Kingdom Hearts shamelessly ruins Pirates Of The Caribbean by adding Jack Sparrow and giving him a faggot's voice. Other movies ruined in the game include any movies that were unfortunate enough to be included in the mass murder of halfway decent Disney movies as we know them.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days

The result of Square/Enix reading a few too many Kingdom Hearts fanfics. You play as Roxas this time around, and you have to run around doing errands for the black-coated fags in Organization XIII, some of which include investigating new worlds and killing everything that moves. The designers, attempting to silence the hoards of Axel/Roxas fangirls once and for all, threw in a Mary-Sue named Xion, complete with emo haircut and Keyblade use, to fall in love with Roxas. Of course, someone at the company loves their incest/masturbation fantasies, and makes it so Xion and Roxas are parts of the same person. The mention of Xion being a Mary Sue can spark a heated debate over teh internets, turning fangirls into internet tough guys.

Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep

File:Nigger Cosplay.jpg
Niggers love Aqua, too.

If you actually played through Kingdom Hearts 2, You are a total faggot. However you were rewarded with another encrypted secret trailer from those fuckheads at Square informing you that this confusing and utterly pointless story isnt over. Much to fanboys/girls dissapointments, they decided to shit out another prequel. In this game you go to even gayer worlds and you play as Roxas AGAIN. But wait theres moar?! Its not Roxas?! The game itself has minor improvements considering you dont have to fly in that cum guzzling spaceship again. The story line's pretty much the same. Except the fact that there are 3 characters stories and they "intertwine" with each other. This consists of going to the same worlds with only certain areas blocked off depending on whose pointless story you chose to play through. One of the lead characters is a female but she sucks and her most powerful attack consists of her firing magical ping pong balls out of her keyhole. This just provides us with more evidence that the dipshit creators are running out of fucking ideas with recycled characters and even more faggotry than any other game in the series, and they use this type of gameplay for now on. Oh, and everybody dies in the end.

Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded

Some argue that this originally cell phone based game actually contributes to the story. When really, it doesn't. It's nothing more than one-fifth of the original Kingdom Hearts re-hashed again ala Chain of Memories. And if that wasn't bad enough, wait for it. Here it comes. The final level of this game is the exact same setting in Chain of Memories! Woah, didn't see that coming!. They also use the excuse that the game takes place in a Datascape to have Roxas appear one more god damn time, and SPOILER!!! He's teh final boss!!!

The only note-worthy thing is the secret ending, which hints at the next shitty installment. Apparently, Sora has to revive all the dead characters that the fanbase enjoys or some shit akin to that via Kingdom Hearts 3.

Kingdom Hearts: 3D - Dream Drop Distance

Square Enix claims that this will be the saving grace for the series. However, they also said the same thing with Birth By Sleep. Despite this, millions of fans were bought over instantly with new worlds based on properties such as The Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Three Musketeers, Tron: Legacy, Fantasia, and Pinocchio. Even though there was already a world based on Pinocchio. But I digress, I was bought over instantly with the fucking Musketeer world. Also, characters from The World Ends With You appear and no one cares or even know about the series in the first place. Sora and Riku have to take a lame test called the Mark of Mastery, the same test Aqua and Terra took in BBS. *SPOILER* Sora failed and was kidnapped yet again ala Chain of Memories by Xehanort, mainly his younger self, and his Heartless and Nobody incarnations. Axel Lea (he's not a 'Nobody' anymore because he's an hero), Sora's boyfriend Riku, Mickey, Goofy, and Donald saved his ass once he fell asleep into "darkness".

The gameplay is basically Birth by Sleep (it has the same framework, game engine, and structure) but way more floaty and cheap via Flowmotion, plus you can make Pokemon Spirits. And in the original 3DS version, the stupid ass developers had the Balloon spell too overpowered which made the game even more cheap. In both versions, Nomura and the idiots at Squeenix made it extremely easy to get the fucking Ultima Weapon by fighting some secret boss named Julius who is basically a giant Frankenstein Pete. And to make matters worse, your Abilites are literally tied to your Spirits! You can't even own your own Abilites! Basically it's the prequel to Kingdom Hearts 3 and you fight Xehanorts.

Kingdom Hearts 3

Moar info: Kingdom Hearts 3.

File:Aquawasraped.jpg
She was asking for it

First announced at E3 2013, this fucking game came out six years later on PS4 and Xbox One, finally becoming a multi-platform game. This game caused fantards to came and shit their pants in joy and it had the extremely annoying, normie Kingdom Hearts Jewtubers aka, the 'X-Keepers,' milking the fuck out of this game's hype for years. The game itself was supposed to end the Xehonort Saga, but it only bothers to deal with that shit in the last hour or so while you spend five weeks playing around with dumbass Pixar shit and watch an updated version of the Let It Go scene from Frozen, proving that movies nowadays suck.

Gameplay-wise, take take Birth by Sleep, Re:coded, and 358/2 Days--- basically that PS4 tech demo that Square asked $60 for, add in a few sparkles and make the atmosphere less interesting, and you have the Kingdom Hearts 3 gameplay, complete with broken magic returning. That gay Starfox rip-off mini game is back after a couple of years. This time, though, instead of ripping off Starfox 64, it's ripping off Starfox Assault, because we know that game was great.

For a story, Nomura brought everything from the previous gayums back as well, including one-off tracks and a few boss themes to only be used haphazardly for minibosses and shit. Sora undoes what little development he had in Dream Drop Distance, but the villains are going ahead with their plan from that game anyway (so it's in a weird limbo state where Dream Drop Distance is both completely skippable, and still vital to understand what the fuck is happening. Great storytelling!). Meanwhile all of the Nobodies you killed in KH2 come back to life because if you an hero you become a Somebody. Including Axel, who goes to have sex with Kairi in the middle of some magic forest while most of the plot happens, and Ienzo, a NEET with the most emo bangs ever who calls Sora to tell him that they discovered that he doesn't one, not two, but three people inside of him! Sora gets told that he needs to wake them up because his rectum is hurting them, and then Sora spends five hours dicking around with that fucking mouse from Ratatouille. Meanwhile Riku and Mickey Mouse are going to the beach to look for Aqua so something can happen, and get attacked by Heartless, breaking Riku's Keyblade. Riku leaves it behind and gets the keys for his Mercedes Benz because there's a man inside of him too. Not just any man, though, HIS OWN CLONE!

The Real Organization XIII then still hasn't finished assembling their ranks, so they go and fuck around with some Disney worlds while buying time to finish their own members. They recruited that faggot from KHII who made water clones, but decided that he was too gay to have Xehonart inside of him, so they also recruit the scientist who made the Riku clone. Xehonart decides this is a bad idea because there's a ripe loli he can go inside of instead, and Vexen and Demyx say "fuck this" and give Ienzo a spare body laying around so that one of the men inside of Sora can come out.

Eventually, the gang finds Aqua, who has amber eyes, which means she's evil because women with brown eyes are genetically inferior, and like a good feminist she hasn't had a dick in ten years. She attacks Riku, but Sora saves her and beats the shit out of her. Aqua learns her lesson and becomes good, then goes to Castle Oblivion to wake Ventus up. Then evil!Ventus appears and challenges them to a fight. Aqua goes to fight him to prove how strong she is, then like a good feminist immediately gets her ass handed to her, prompting Ventus to come out of Sora and give Vanitas his second round of surprise buttsecks that game. Yen Sid realized he can count to 7, so they all have one last beach party where Kairi promises to take care of Sora, and he promises likewise. Then they all go to the Keyblade Graveyard and literally and almost immediately all get fucking killed. Sora, being such a huge Gary Stu, survives dying and goes to save everyone from actually dying in one of these games for real. Then they warp back in time and Terra's armor stops them from dying this time. Then Xehonart summons a convenient maze and everyone fights in convenient pit squares for the player to wonder into and spam Firega until the game end. Surprising nobody, Kairi gets kidnapped before she can do anything, and Roxas finally comes out of Sora's asshole to beat the shit out of Siax, and then goes to cry with Axel and Xion. Terra is revealed to be the first game's Ansem's pet nigger, so he comes back too.

After all of the bosses from the last game die again, Xehonart penetrates Kairi with his Keyblade and she dies, then laughs because he found out how to use CTRL+C CTRL+V, and opens up Kingdom Hearts. Everyone except Sora shoots him with a fucking lazor while he goes inside to the Stairway to Heaven. There, Xehonart turns into a goat and loses the final boss fight. Then he gives the X-Blade to Sora after the old dude from Birth By Sleep tells him to fuck off, and everyone except Sora forgets that he killed Kairi. Sora then goes and tells everyone that he's going to be alright, then literally goes to kill himself. Somehow this brings Kairi back, and everyone has a fun beach party without him. The end.

After the credits, Xigbar is standing around while a bunch of faggots in fursuits ask him about his roll in fursecution, and he reveals that he secretly was a main character all along. Then Maleficent and Pete stand there like fucking retards watching them all talk. If the player watched the super-duper extra ending, they see Sora fucking around in that one city from The World Ends With You, and Riku walking somewhere in Japan too. We can only assume that this means there will be a Square Enix circle-jerk soon to be announced. Just when we thought the faggotry would end, it appears it is here to stay.

Basically the plot is a fucking autistic series finale character reunion clusterfuck.

For this game, they switched to Unreal Engine 4 during development hell (who isn't using that fucking game engine nowadays?).

Characters

Axel expressing his affection for pooholes.
  1. Sora - young boy who forsakes his family (until this was retconned) and life to rescue his buttbuddy Riku. He is usually followed by Donald and Goofy, presumably so that he never forgets who the fuck is signing the paychecks around here.
  2. Riku - Sora's ambiguously gay lover friend
  3. Kairi - Sora and Riku's friend. She requires boys to be her guardian or else she gets raped by the darkness.
  4. Mickey Mouse - Everyone in the game worships him like a god, showing how egomaniacal Disney is. Serves no purpose after Kingdom Hearts 2 other than to offer Riku Blowjobs and fuck everything up.
  5. Donald - White supremacist duck that calls other people niggers.
  6. Goofy - Retarded southern hick.
  7. Daisy - Doesn't do JACK SHIT and was literally in only one scene
  8. Minnie- ALSO doesn't do JACK SHIT
  9. Namine - DiZ and Marluxia's sex slave who can erase the memory of their rape victims.
  10. Maleficent - Main Disney villain in the series.
  11. Pete - Shitty comic relief villain that works for Maleficent.
  12. DiZ/Ansem - Pedobear scientist king who fucked with some of the Organization XII members (until this was retconned)
  13. Xemnas - Mansex and Xehanort's Nobody
  14. Ansem (Seeker of Darkness)- Even gayer Mansex and Xehanort's Heartless
  15. Xigbar - redneck fuck who's Xemnas's assistant (until this was retconned)
  16. Xaldin - wigger
  17. Vexen - ugly fucktard
  18. Lexaeus - Zexion's man bitch and another character no one cares about
  19. Zexion - Bookworm fag emo
  20. Saix - Mansex's lap bitch, he and Axel's somebodies were friends with benefits
  21. Axel - Sora's Roxas's gay lover
  22. Demyx - Stoner that plays guitar to fight
  23. Luxord - gambling british bastard
  24. Larxene - Bitch who likes to abuse children. The most forgettable and useless character in the series. She's nearly tied with Kairi.
  25. Roxas - The most uninteresting character in the series. Instead of finishing the series, Squeenix continues to shit out at least 100 different side stories about how "deep" Roxas is supposed to be. Half of Kingdom Hearts 2 is about him towing garbage, working as a mailman, exploring some caves, and fighting in some wifflebat tournament.
  26. Xion - hermaphordite emo bitch who is a clone of Sora (until this was retconned) and tries to make Roxas straight
  27. Xehanort - ganguro who's actually an old white dude with a tan. *SPOILER* HE'S THE MAIN VILLAN AND RAPED HALF OF THE CHARACTERS!!!
  28. Terra - Emo Chad who got possessed by Xehanort
  29. Ventus aka Roxas - Has half a heart and wants to have gay intimacy with Terra. *SPOILER* OMG ROXAS AND VENTUS ARE THE SAME FUCKING PERSON!!!!!
  30. Aqua - Totally asking for it
  31. Vanitas - Anonymous edgelord fag who's basically Evil Sora
  32. Yozora - Another emo. Really stretching your creative muscle, Nomura.
File:Soraisdaddy.jpg
1/3 of the Kingdom Hearts characters in a nutshell

Community

The Fantards Themselves

All KH fantards are lesbians. If they aren't before entering the fandom, they will be soon.

Every KH fantard makes a music video of an emo/screamo song and puts it on youtube accompanied by random KH scenes. This is fact.

Once Sora manhandled Riku's ass we all knew we would be screwed.

Fangirls KAWAIIED over the "questionable friendship" the two boys had. So what happened? Well, they became fuck buddies, that's what freaking happened. Soon the swarms of horribly written fan fiction made several blind and may have cause some Grammar Nazis to commit suicide. Somehow, it's still better than the stories based around Axel and Roxas. Fantards also ALWAYS have very creative user names such as:

  • Roxas, Sora, or any other KH character + (insert number here)
  • KH character + some random Japanese word, because this shitty fanbase is full of Wapanese who get off to Utada Hikaru
File:Typicakhnamelfag.png
Typical KH faggot usernames
  • KH or Final Fantasy ability/thing + (insert number here)
  • KH character +....you get the point.

When dealing with Kingdom Hearts fantards, it's important to remember that it has one of the most fucked up fandoms evar that somehow, still exists.


How to annoy a KH fantard:

1."KH is a kids game. How old are you people? 7 years old?"

2.Tell them their wet dreams of Axel fucking Roxas will never happen. Axel became an hero to save him. He's dead; get over it. End of story. Skye! SHEEEIIIIT!!! Axel isn't a "Nobody" anymore and was resurrected back to being Lea! He saved Roxas's Sora's ass in Dream Drop Distance lol

2. Point out the fact that the plot is as deep as a puddle of dog piss. "Their hurting will be mended when you return to end it." The fuck does that mean?

3. Tell the 300 pound chick in the Kairi outfit at Otacon that you spent the whole morning puking, because Jesus fucking Christ no one should ever have to see that many fat rolls.

4. Riku isn't a misunderstood hero. He's the world's biggest douche, second only to the great Gary Motherfucking Oak.

5. Troll on fanfiction.net by flaming all the shitty ass stories. Or simply tell them that their 'story' sucks and wait for their reaction.

6. Tell a yaoi fangirl that you just KNOW Sora and Kairi will end up together.

7. PRESSING X TO JASON TAKES SO MUCH SKILL, GUYZ!

8. Tell them there will NEVER be a Kingdom Hearts 3. Syke, Squeenix strikes once again! Through... highly rendered filler? And even moar cryptic shit? What a piece of- OMG you can now make your custom KH Avatar?! GAYUM OF THE YEAARRR!-DECONFIRMED! (Be sure to look out for the fantards and Jewtubers milking the fuck out of this GAYUM).

9. Tell the still existing fantards that nobody cares about Kingdom Hearts anymore, so the previously mentioned title came out five years too late for anyone to give a shit about.

10. Insult their favorite Jewtubers like those faggots TheGamersJoint (he screwed over a KH2 modder for Jewtube shekels), HMK, SkywardFagWing, and that dyke SuperButterBuns

Fanfiction

KH Fan fiction is one of the worst things to exist in the history of the world, right behind Sonic fanfiction. Common elements include:

  1. No Plot. AT ALL. Just like the games.
  2. Sora dreams of Riku fucking his ass.
  3. Shitty high school AUs where every male character takes it up the ass, because het is ew.
  4. Mpreg in which Sora and Riku get to raise an assbaby of their own.
  5. Vampires. They might sparkle if the author is faggy enough to like that shit.
  6. A songfic highlighting the author's love of My Chemical Romance.
  7. Kairi dies a horrible, bloody death.But hey at least it's a plot development.
  8. Riku cuts himself.. darkness..blah blah blah...
  9. Sora is randomly raped several times.
  10. Kairi is a bitch and wants to fuck Sora all on her own.Just like the games
  11. Have them randomly proclaim their love for each other for no reason at all
  12. ????
  13. No. No profit.


Pairings are teh Best!

Typical Kingdom Hearts fangirls.
Typical Kairi Fans fangirls.

KH fangirls will pair any characters together as long as they deem it fappable. They're all gay, of course:

-AkuRoku - The weeaboo word for pairing Axel with Roxas. Mostly angsty, suicidal stories that go on for 500,000 words or more. S&M is a common element, and fangirls can't get off unless there are at least eighty-seven rape scenes.

-RikuxSora - Generally portrays Sora as a pussy bitch who takes it up the ass from Riku, who might as well be Yuki from Gravitation. Sora MUST be raped by Ansem in order for the story to be considered good.

-SoraxRoxas - Masturbation FTW! Apparently fantards don't care that they're THE SAME FUCKING PERSON.

-Zemyx - Zexion and Demyx is one of the most popular pairings, despite the fact that the characters NEVER FUCKING MEET IN THE GAMES. EVER.

-VenxVan Ventus and Vanitas. See SoraxRoxas.

-Cleon - Cloud and Leon, who is actually Squall, but doesn't use that name anymore since he's angst-ing about hard his home world got pwned. The most emo bullshit you'll ever see in your life. Apparently, because they stand back-to-back in one scene in KHII, this is a legitimate pairing, even though they don't even know each other prior to that other than through mutual friends, who, though it's redundant to say at this point, shouldn't even exist in the same fucking time-space.

-Luxigger - No, not Luxord and a negro. Luxord and Tigger. This is quite literally the only pairing worth looking into.

-CrickAnsem - Jiminy Cricket and Ansem, Seeker of Darkness. Is it wrong for me to say that Jiminy is the one that seduced him?

At least 99% of all Kingdom Hearts fan fiction includes all of these pairings in one story and does not necessarily have to be bound by pesky details like continuity.

Notable Gameplay

Enemies

The ending: THE VILLAN IS TECHNICALLY THE SAME PERSON OMG!!!

It's a vicious cycle

Worlds

During your travels, you get to visit a bunch of shitty "worlds". (More commonly known as "Small trial of linear rooms with a Disney theme") Due to the overwhelming list of these places. And to cater to your confusion. We've taken the liberty of listing each world and a small description of what you can find there. Happy travels.

  1. 100 Acre Wood - The only safe place in the entire series but unfortunately, The gore's downgraded.
  2. Agrabah - The one world that keeps appearing in every game. Home of Bin Laden and his dirty street rats. Fun Fact: Half of 358/2 Days takes place in Agrabah.
  3. Atlantica - The world that had some interesting techniques in it's original appearance. But then it got raped in the sequel. The diverse dialect of this world is noticeable when all happy characters shout, "Finny fun!" at the top of their lungs. Enter at your own risk.
  4. Beast's Castle - The world that tries to teach you about love. But fails horrendously. Music's nice though.
  5. Castle Oblivion - Linear world is linear. Straight path general.
  6. Castle of Dreams - Despite what the title says, the entire world isn't just the fucking Castle. These names are starting to get real original, right?
  7. Country of the Musketeers - Known for it's concept. Which is completely brilliant.
  8. Deep Jungle - The world that appeared once but then never appeared again. Assumed to have been devoured by darkness
  9. Deep Space - The world that everyone was hyped as fuck for. But were disappointed with the result.
  10. Destiny Islands - Not even a relaxing island level can save this series. Also known as Pedobait Islands.
  11. Disney Castle - Home of walking brooms and anthropomorphic furries. AKA deviantArt: The World.
  12. Dwarf Woodlands - Full of fruity midgets who trounce around, trying to protect their "Princess".
  13. Enchanted Dominion - The stupidest name for a world in existence. Moving on.
  14. End of the World - A rather appropriate name for a final level. Chernabog is thrown into this hellhole for God knows why.
  15. The Final World - The Kingdom Heart's Afterlife, here Sora proves once and for all Death has no meaning in this series by waltzing out of it as soon as it's introduced and making friends with a Stuffed Cat.
  16. Halloween Town - Composed of a tree of holiday-based worlds. Halloween Town being the most prominent. The smallest of course being, "Arbor Day City".
  17. Hollow Bastion - Steampunk castle with pipes. A part of Radiant Garden. But they don't tell you this until the second game.
  18. Keyblade Graveyard - An empty filler world with a bunch of fucking Keyblades.
  19. La Cité des Cloches - The City of Bells for you 'murricans. Full of bells and shit.
  20. Land of Departure - Just a fucking castle and some mountains. These names aren't going to get anymore original, are they?
  21. Mirage Arena - Filler world used for multiplayer. No actual story content. Ignore it's existence.
  22. Monstro - The worlds with the best music are always the ones with the most confusing layout. Vore is at it's highest here.
  23. Mysterious Tower - Just a tower and the small plains surrounding it. Right, these names aren't getting anymore original.
  24. Neverland - Despite it's name, only Captain Crunch's Pirate Ship and Big Ben are visited. The real islands are visited in Days and Birth by Sleep. You can also fly here, which is pretty neat.
  25. Olympus Coliseum - Appears in every game, it's purpose is to act as a filler world to insert tournaments.
  26. Port Royal - The world that got raped the most. Jack Sparrow's reputation is ruined.
  27. Prankster's Paradise - Was supposed to appear in 358/2 Days. But was omitted because no one really likes Pinocchio.
  28. Pride Lands - While it is based on the best movie in Disney canon. It's appearance has caused furries to invade the series. Only making it shittier for everyone else.
  29. Scala Ad Caelum - Is an Original World that is somehow more uninspired than The World That Never Was and only an excuse for Nomura to reference Final Fantasy Versus XIII again. Also Sora fights Xehanort Here.
  30. Space Paranoids - In which the Master Control Program attempts to take over the worst operating system in history. AKA Deep Space 2: the Electric Boogaloo
  31. Symphony of Sorcery - Based on Fantasia. Chernabog is supposed to be here, but he left to become a savior among the denizens of this world.
  32. The Land of Dragons - You know, you could have just said "China". This world is full of questionable people. Even the main character is one. Make sure to always be on your guard when traveling here.
  33. The World That Never Was - Cryptic fanfiction world that tries to be "edgy".
  34. Timeless River - The world that makes you feel old. It's known for the infamous phrase that came from the Pete boss battle that took place in it, "GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
  35. Traverse Town - Home to people who have lost their world. Among these including Merlin and the 101 Dalmations.
  36. Twilight Town - Caters to depressed faggots who like to sit on clock towers eating ice cream, completely unaware of the fact that they're SECONDS AWAY FROM DEATH.
  37. Wonderland - The single most confusing world in the series. The music is known to drive you insane. If anything, it makes you "wonder" why this world fucking exists.

Gallery

See also

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