Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.

Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Encyclopedia Dramatica:XOTN/Current/AOTN: Difference between revisions

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
← Older edit
No edit summary
No edit summary
 
(11 intermediate revisions by the same user not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
<div class="xotn-section" id="aotn">
<div class="xotn-section" id="aotn">
{{XOTN/AOTN
{{XOTN/AOTN
|title=[[Nautica Malone]]
|title=[[Internets]]


|image=Nautica Malone.png|
|image=EichenwaldAnimuPillow.png


|summary='''Nautica Thaddeus Furches Malone''' was a horny black guy who didn't have the spare change for an inner city, Port-A-Potty [[Whore|prostitute]] and decided that it would be better if he performed a drive-by [[masturbation]] at a [[Hooters|bikini coffee place]] obviously named '''Bikini Beans''', in [[Arizona]].
|summary=


After realizing that he seriously fucked up when the Barista working at the coffee shop ''Cruely'' realized that justice would be better served by posting the video that she made of Malone only wearing a hoodie and [[Masturbate|rubbing the bark off of his tree]] on the [[Internets]],  
'''Kurt Alexander Eichenwald'''{{jew}} is a [[Rage|hate-filled]] {{Age|1961|6|28}}-year-old [[paedophile]], [[dox]]er, [[cyber bully]], [[tentacle]] [[hentai]] [[Sick fuck|connoisseur]] and distinguished [[lolcow]] who can usually be found posing as a "''[[Fake News|journalist]]''" in an attempt to groom [[teenage]] [[boy]]s into sending him [[n00dz]] and/or having [[DO NOT WANT|hot]] unprotected [[pederast]] [[buttsecks]]. Aside from being a [[Cunt|contemptible person]], Eichenwald is also a [[Fugly|hideously unattractive]], [[bald]]ing, [[Jew]]-faced goblin who usually sets his profile photos to the middle-aged male equivalent of the [[Fat Girl Angle Shot]] and attempts to hide his blatant Jewiness by claiming to be "''[[Equestrian|Episcopalian]]''" when he isn't busy [[BAWWWWW]]ing over how his relatives [[Jewish|somehow]] ended up in [[Literally Hitler|Rosanne Barr]]'s Easy-Bake Oven.
Malone decided that it would make more sense to be known by his friends, family, neighbors and his children's classmates as that [[Sick fuck]] that was caught playing pocket pool in his car and [[An hero]]ed because the world was rightfully laughing at him. It was 3 days after the video went viral that Nautica Malone chose to part his hair with a .38 in an empty parking lot in Goodyear, Arizone.  


The embaressment and shame made him incable of doing what most rational people that felt the itch and had to scratch it in public would do. Most would change their name, move to a new city, in a new country that doesn't have the internet such as a jungle village in the deepest [[Heart]] of [[Africa]].  [[France]] would have made for another good hiding place because those ''Frogs'' lack the discipline to not give into their primal urges and will [[Fuck]] or take a shit on populated streets as people watch.
Eichenwald's antics have included paying a [[child porn]]ographer several thousand dollars for [[CP|who-knows-what]], reviewing his own shitty [[books]] on [[Amazon]], getting a man [[arrested]] for sending him a [[seizure]]-inducing .gif that he was [[Fucktarded|dumb enough to actually click on]], getting caught looking at [[hentai]] and then claiming that [[LOLWUT|he and his kids just wanted to show his wife]] that [[Captain Obvious|tentacle porn exists]], [[doxing]] an [[Oregon]] lawmaker and mocking a survivor of the [[Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting]] because they didn't support [[gun control]], and threatening to [[sue]] anyone who even makes mention of his aforementioned [[Sick fuck|paedophilic attraction to young boys]] and excellent taste in [[Japanese]] [[cartoon]] [[pornography]].


Evolutionary biologists like to refer to the French as the [[Nigger|White Monkey]] because of their smaller brains and lack of self-control when compared to superior races like those decended from [[Nazi|Germanic people]] and Scandanavians. Having 90% monkey DNA, because he had to misfortune of being born black, Malone would have fit right in.
Kurt was formerly employed by ''[[The New York Times]]'', ''Newsweek'', ''[[MSNBC]]'', ''Vanity Fair'' and a [[child porn]] site called ''Justin's Friends'' – although it appears that he has now been [[fired]] from every single fucking one of them for being an even bigger piece of dog shit than [[Brian Zaiger]]. You can help Kurt out by sending him all of the horrible [[job]] offers you have that even [[DACA|the border-hopping Mexican illegals]] weren't willing to accept.


Nautica has been nicknamed the '''''Goonlord''''' by his fans and became a martyr to [[gooners]] everywhere.


<center><big>'''''He is goon but not forgotten.'''''</big></center>


This event which occurred on January 8th, [[2025]], has been referred to as the ''"Drive-Thru Goonicide"'' as it is generally agreed upon by his family and fans that those Bikini Bitches and their perky [[Breasts|tits]] were the ones that drove Malone to suicide when it was decided to [[Shaming|Wank Shame]] him by posting the video of him ''taming the beast'' on the internet because he [[An hero]]ed a mere 3 days later on January 11, [[2025]].
<center><big>'''[[Kurt Eichenbald|Show Your Love For Kurt, He Loves It When People Post Strobing Pics On His Twitter]]'''</big></center>


<center><big>'''Let's Give A Big Round Of ED Applause For 2025's Golden iPod Winnar'''</big></center>


 
|link=Kurt Eichenbald
|link=Nautica Malone
   
   
|date=2026-1-6
|date=2026-1-20
|expires=2026-1-8
|expires=2026-1-22
|editor=[[User:The PolishPrince]]
|editor=[[User:The PolishPrince]]
|featured=true
|featured=true
Line 35: Line 30:




'''What have I missed?'''<br/>
'''What have I missed?'''<br/>[[Internets]] was 2 days ago • [[MLK]] was 4 days ago • [[Dilbert]] was 6 days ago
 
[[Serial Experiments Lain]] was 2 days ago • [[Changed]] was 4 days ago • [[2025]] was 6 days ago
</div>
</div>

Latest revision as of 00:12, 20 January 2026

Internets

Internets

Kurt Alexander Eichenwald✡ is a hate-filled 64-year-old paedophile, doxer, cyber bully, tentacle hentai connoisseur and distinguished lolcow who can usually be found posing as a "journalist" in an attempt to groom teenage boys into sending him n00dz and/or having hot unprotected pederast buttsecks. Aside from being a contemptible person, Eichenwald is also a hideously unattractive, balding, Jew-faced goblin who usually sets his profile photos to the middle-aged male equivalent of the Fat Girl Angle Shot and attempts to hide his blatant Jewiness by claiming to be "Episcopalian" when he isn't busy BAWWWWWing over how his relatives somehow ended up in Rosanne Barr's Easy-Bake Oven.

Eichenwald's antics have included paying a child pornographer several thousand dollars for who-knows-what, reviewing his own shitty books on Amazon, getting a man arrested for sending him a seizure-inducing .gif that he was dumb enough to actually click on, getting caught looking at hentai and then claiming that he and his kids just wanted to show his wife that tentacle porn exists, doxing an Oregon lawmaker and mocking a survivor of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting because they didn't support gun control, and threatening to sue anyone who even makes mention of his aforementioned paedophilic attraction to young boys and excellent taste in Japanese cartoon pornography.

Kurt was formerly employed by The New York Times, Newsweek, MSNBC, Vanity Fair and a child porn site called Justin's Friends – although it appears that he has now been fired from every single fucking one of them for being an even bigger piece of dog shit than Brian Zaiger. You can help Kurt out by sending him all of the horrible job offers you have that even the border-hopping Mexican illegals weren't willing to accept.


Show Your Love For Kurt, He Loves It When People Post Strobing Pics On His Twitter

Read the full article... • Set by User:The PolishPrince on 2026-1-20


What have I missed?
Internets was 2 days ago • MLK was 4 days ago • Dilbert was 6 days ago

Retrieved from "https://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Encyclopedia_Dramatica:XOTN/Current/AOTN&oldid=1943107"