DSM

Take a close look at this stereoscopic image. If you see an asian woman holding a red book, you are schizophrenic

So you're shit out of luck with no money and the best way to get by is to get Social Security via Disability huh? Well the first thing you've got to do is pass a test done by the DSM-V. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Association, is the handbook used most often in diagnosing mental disorders in the United States and other countries. We don't list other countries on this site; we're American. If you think you're somewhere else, then congratulations! You've passed the first test; basic loss of place and/or time!

Tests

To get administered to a psych ward, the person has to be deemed;

1. Risk to themselves
2. Risk to others
3. Risk of reputation

Other factors that conglomerate into this pile of clusterfuck are the following;

1. Loss of time
2. Sensory hallucinations
3. Delusions

A great way to start off your psychotic honeypot is to sleep deprive yourself for at least up to 3 days, then go out and do some really fucking cool (or in your case, fucking dumb) shit. The cops will see those blood-stained, moisture deprived eyes of yours and think to themselves; "This guy's definitely on the gear". Better yet, if you've got access to cool ass college friends (don't try to tell us that you're not underage) you can attempt a drug induced psychosis! Depending on which psych ward you get into, you'll get off scott-free with no questions asked and you'll be deemed schizophrenic despite getting too fucked up on meth.

Loopholes

So there's standard protocol in an MVA (Motor Vehicle Accident, for you dumbfucks) where paramedics mop up the gore, the blood, the shit, the piss etc. They clean up congealed blood on the patient, make an assessment, give that assessment to the Doctors and Surgeons performing on that patient and then it's taken from there. Guess what?

THERE IS NO STANDARD PROTOCOL IN MENTAL HEALTH!

That's right! These dumbshits are actually making a psychoanalysis on you with the DSM-V, which is textbook theory bullshit. You can literally tell them the most retarded story you can think of and they'll believe 100% that you're Schizophrenic and are having an episode. Not like it should be hard for you anyway; once you're in a psych ward you're pretty much fucked since psychiatrists and doctors will believe nothing you say!

Having a bad day at the psych ward? No worries! Drug yourself up with Valium (Lorazepam's the new hip thing) and float on a cloud. Discuss with the other patients about how they're psychics and get your future read. Speaking of future, if you decide to go down the badass and cool criminal path feel free to get yourself on a Community Treatment Order when you get out. Psych patient's get-out-of-jail-free card!

Mental Illness to Order

It can even be used as a checklist for people into disease whoring, with Celiac being a recently notable example[1]. There are substantiated reports of people in their late teens getting together and going through and diagnosing themselves and others in an ad-hoc manner in order to obtain prescription drugs, like marijuana. Despite the nearly legalese style in which all people specializing in psychological disorders must speak to convey the fuckitude of the stuff they deal with, which the DSM is written in, somehow the social rejects of the world find ways to excuse their failures in all things social with a few awkwardly worded passages quoted from the DSM.

Controversy

While widely accepted among psychologists and psychiatrists, the manual has proved controversial in its listing of certain characteristics as mental disorders. The most notorious example is the listing in the DSM-II of homosexuality as a mental disorder; a classification that was removed by vote of the APA in 1973 (see also homosexuality and psychology). It has yet to include Otherkin.

Asperger's "Syndrome"

No longer considered a disorder as of DSM-5, so essentially new diagnoses will be made under the rest of the Autism spectrum. Here's a link to the original article that broke the story[2]. It should also be noted that people such as Chris-chan amazingly do not have Asperger's, he's simply an Autistic asshole rather than what most people assume him to be. For a more in depth explanation, there is one YouTube channel[3] that attempts to explain what Asperger's and general Autism is in a very identifiable way, there's a good chance you'll laugh for the right reasons as well. If you do watch those videos, you might begin to question what exactly Chris-chan is doing...

See Also

• Disorder
• Asperger's Syndrome
• Internet Disease Chart
• Insane
• LiveWire

External link

• DSM-IV-TR online
• DSM IV Made Easy
• American Psychological Association

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DSM is part of a series on Body and Health

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DSM is part of a series on Psychology