Mike Tyson's Punch Out: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 15:54, 29 December 2016

An actual screenshot from the original release.

Mike Tyson's Punch Out is the timeless tale of how a bland, emotionless white guy can brutally overcome any and all racially offensive stereotype ever concieved. Coached by Al Roker, the hero (Little Albert) uppercuts his way to become the Mismatched Weight Class Champion of the World! This is probably one of the easiest Nintendo games to beat ever released. Every day some NES fucktard fanboy remembers how sweet this game used to be and forces his little buddies to watch him play this antiquated, racist, offensive game until he gets bored and invariably moves on to reminisce about Little Nemo the Dream Master for 20 minutes. YTMND has had over 9000 stupid parodies of it. black person stole my- SHUT THE FUCK UP THE FAD DIED YEARS AGO. Mike Tyson starred in it before he raped a bunch of 16-year-old girls and Nintendo decided to replace him with a generic white guy who somehow wasn't Lowtax.

Character Roster

The upcoming remake offers ultra-realistic PunchBlack™ action... ☻

Name	Information
Glass Joe	Unseasoned boxer with a record of 1-99 (whoever lost to him deserves to be maimed, tortured, and reaped because he is terrible). His attacks consist of getting punched 10+ times and falling down. Nintendo claim he's French, but we call bullshit, since he actually stays in the ring until he's knocked out.
Von Kaiser	The closest thing to Hitler that Nintendo would allow. He has a bad heart and his super attack is 'Final Solution'.
Piston Honda	Gook champion of the Beginners circuit. He attacks by utilizing some possibly illegal karate-punching.
Don Flamenco	Some faggot from Spain. He holds a rose in his mouth and attempts to molest you.
King Hippo	A fatass everybody thought was hard until they figured out his obvious weak spot.
Great Tiger	A Paki who spins around and attacks you with SPESHUL MAGICZZ!!! then has a seizure like a retarded monkey exposed to rapidly flashing-lights.
Bald Bull	A secret muslim from Turkey. His 'Bull Charge' is pretty impressive but unfortunately it does not make up for his lack of personality... the drapes match the curtains.
Vodka Drunkenski	Russian pedophile who attempts to spread the joys of communism; Nintendo actually changed his name to "Soda Popinski" as they were afraid butthurt parents might bawww otherwise.
Mr. Sandman	A negro who wants to put Mac to sleep; attacks by being an asshole and playing the race-card.
Super Macho Man	RELEASE THE BOGUS!
Mr. Dream	Nintendo's Jew tactic after dumping Tyson from the game for going on a rampage so that they can re-release the same fucking game a million times and inadvertantly proving once and for all that the White-man will always be the dominant race.