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Amy's Baking Company: Difference between revisions
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{{achtung|[[INTERNET HATE MACHINE|CYBER BULLIES]] DID ABC}} | {{achtung|[[INTERNET HATE MACHINE|CYBER BULLIES]] DID ABC}} | ||
[[Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_24.jpg|thumb|right]] | [[Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_24.jpg|thumb|right]] | ||
'''Amy's Baking Company (ABC)''', run by '''Amy''' and '''Samy Bouzaglo''' | '''Amy's Baking Company (ABC)''', run by '''Amy''' and '''Samy Bouzaglo''' (yes their names are nearly identical) is a Scottsdale, Arizona based restaurant best known for serving [[shit|high quality]] food in a [[flamewar|pleasant environment]]. They are also known for being insane [[lolcows]] who appeared in the national media after responding to negative [[OTI]] reviews of their restaurant with a torrent of batshit [[rage]], [[butthurt]] and [[sockpuppetry]] that everyone found hilarious except themselves. Despite being dismissed as "hopeless" by professional kitchen [[troll]] [[Gordon Ramsay]], shaming themselves on national TV with an epic display of [[retardation]], and becoming a permanent [[loser|laughingstock]] to the general public and the internet, they remain [[FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON|convinced of their righteousness]] to the present day. | ||
[[Unwarranted Self-Importance|Amy's]] a [[batshit|psychopathic]] [[cat|cat hoarder]] who enjoys [[criminal|credit card fraud]] and identity theft, making the world's shittiest reheated pizza and responding to criticism or stress by firing her entire staff and degenerating into an [[rage|apoplectic pissy fit]] similar to an unmedicated 12 year old with [[assburgers]]. She also claims to have three boys "in cat bodies", whom she most likely ground up into the cakes to either make them taste a level higher than cow shit or from [[rage]]. | [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|Amy's]] a [[batshit|psychopathic]] [[cat|cat hoarder]] who enjoys [[criminal|credit card fraud]] and identity theft, making the world's shittiest reheated pizza and responding to criticism or stress by firing her entire staff and degenerating into an [[rage|apoplectic pissy fit]] similar to an unmedicated 12 year old with [[assburgers]]. She also claims to have three boys "in cat bodies", whom she most likely ground up into the cakes to either make them taste a level higher than cow shit or from [[rage]]. | ||
[[Terrorist|Samy's]] a [[Pussy|hard-azz]] [[ | [[Terrorist|Samy's]] a [[Pussy|hard-azz]] [[Drug|drug-slangin']] [[Jews|Jew]] [[gangsta]] ([[srsly]]) who responds to criticism of his wife's shitty pizza by [[Internet Tough Guy|bragging about his gang connections on national TV]], [[threats of violence|threatening to murder his customers]] and grinding their bones into [[Jew Gold|Jew bread]]. | ||
Together, they are Amy's Baking Company. Lulz and IRL flamewarring ensues. | Together, they are Amy's Baking Company. Lulz and IRL flamewarring ensues. | ||
'''UPDATE''': Against all odds, Samy ''is'', apparently, a gang-affiliated Israeli citizen with a history of [[ | '''UPDATE''': Against all odds, Samy ''is'', apparently, a gang-affiliated [[Israel|Israeli]] citizen with a history of [[drug|drug trafficking]] and [[threats of violence|extortion]] and is currently being considered for [[Banned|deportation]]. The lulz thickens! [http://www.timesofisrael.com/nightmare-restaurateur-headed-home/] | ||
__TOC__ | __TOC__ | ||
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Amy Bossington had a dream. She wanted to open her very own [[toilet|restaurant]]. Unfortunately, she had no training, and couldn't cook worth shit. This is one woman that you want to stay OUT of your kitchen. Then along came Samy Bouzaglo. For [[pussy|reasons]] too fucking [[Retard|retarded]] to list, he decided to fund her stupid dream with his [[Jew gold|drug money]], and the two were later bound forever in ill-advised matrimony. In 2010, Amy's Bullshit Company was born, and [[Lies|didn't do half-bad for a while]]. But then they decided to turn their bakery into a bistro, and the clusterfuck began. | Amy Bossington had a dream. She wanted to open her very own [[toilet|restaurant]]. Unfortunately, she had no training, and couldn't cook worth shit. This is one woman that you want to stay OUT of your kitchen. Then along came Samy Bouzaglo. For [[pussy|reasons]] too fucking [[Retard|retarded]] to list, he decided to fund her stupid dream with his [[Jew gold|drug money]], and the two were later bound forever in ill-advised matrimony. In 2010, Amy's Bullshit Company was born, and [[Lies|didn't do half-bad for a while]]. But then they decided to turn their bakery into a bistro, and the clusterfuck began. | ||
==You | |||
[[Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_- | ==Kitchen Nightmares== | ||
[[Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_28.jpg|right|thumb]] | |||
[[Gordon Ramsay]] decided to try his hand at saving this sinking Titanic of a restaurant on his television show, Kitchen Nightmares, in [[Last_Thursday|2013]]. Needless to say, it didn't go very well. A clip of the episode was posted on Reddit before it was aired, and was later taken down and had its comments disabled following the inevitable shitstorm. | |||
<center><youtube>7uPOGxUtZvk</youtube></center> | |||
Right off the bat, Amy exposes her craziness to the world by rambling about how haters and bloggers have been trash-talking her business and lying about her food, [[A cat is fine too|how she loves her <strike>cats</strike> three little boys in cat bodies]], and how she [[unrealistic expectations|knows]] Ramsay will tell everybody how [[shit|lovely]] her food is. They foolishly thought Ramsay was just there to prove those haters wrong and not actually do a fucking show. | |||
And thus begins the downward spiral into chaos. We learn that she thinks that the bun on a salmon burger ''should'' be spewing greasy liquids at the slightest touch, that raw pizza dough is "crisp and crunchy", that her husband steals tips from waitresses [[shit nobody cares about|(which in this case isn't technically illegal because they do pay full-time wages to the staff, but still a douchebag move)]], that she sells Chef Boyardee ravioli she buys from the grocery store and calls it fresh, and how, like an [[aspie]] on [[deviantArt]] or a 13-year-old reviewer on YouTube, she and her husband collapse into sputtering fits of insanity at the slightest hint of criticism. | |||
He gets approached by two former employees too, and they tell him that Amy fired at least 50 (it ends up being [[over 9000|over 100]]) staff members in one year, and that Samy had his employees [[LOL|wash his car for him]] just cause he wanted to and was too cheap to go through an automatic car wash at a Shell station. | |||
Following a second conversation with Amy and Samy that starts off with them "clarifying" a few things with him, namely that the reason some orders MAY have been a little messed up was because Ramsay was [[lies|distracting Amy by being in the kitchen and disrupting the normal flow of things]] (even though he spent most of his time out in the dining room, and when offered to go into the kitchen the first day to try the food, he said no), Ramsay decides that he can't help them. He does the only sensible thing shown in this episode, and just [[ragequit|walks the fuck away]]. | |||
Throughout his criticism to them and their restaurant with them actually shutting the fuck up for once, all Amy did was nod and pretty much kept admitting that she was a failure at life and cooking and that she was a lost cause and everything she does just to get Ramsay to leave faster with her bitter and inhuman gaze and attitude, while Samy just sat there looking like [[Truth|his wife was genuinely crazy.]] Ramsay could've sworn and screamed like he always does, but he actually didn't give them the satisfaction this time. You could see that he wanted to rain hell on them, but they were already destined for good ol' Lucifer anyway, so he decided not to. | |||
Funnily enough, this is probably the calmest Ramsay's ever been on television. And considering he just straight walks out on the restaurant at the end, that's saying something. | |||
==The Aftermath== | |||
Almost straight away after this was aired, Amy's Baking Company's Facebook page exploded. Like the mature, responsible, level-headed adults they are, they figured this was the perfect opportunity for an ALL-CAPS SHIT-FLINGING CONTEST. This went on for several hours, during which time this shit was spread all over Facebook. [[Sarcasm|Way to fix your reputation, guys.]] | |||
The next day, they claimed their page was hacked. | |||
{{cg|The Madness|hooha|center|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_10.jpg|What the fuck am I reading? | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_04.jpg|He's going to call the Internet police. | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_05.jpg|Hey, at least she hates Reddit, she can't be all bad. | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_06.jpg|Racism is good for business. | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_07.jpg|Ressling? | |||
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5"> | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_12.jpg|Say it to my face fucker not online see what happens | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_08.jpg | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_09.jpg | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_11.jpg | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_13.jpg | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_14.jpg|Her cats are her "kids". No, really. | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_15.jpg | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_16.jpg | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_18.jpg | |||
Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_03.jpg|Lol, okay | |||
Image:abcharassmenttruth.png|While Amy talking shit behind Ramsay's back, she harasses Ramsay about the 'truth'. | |||
Image:abcnolongerservingbattletoads.png|A common excuse. Call if they got Battletoads anyway. | |||
Image:abcsearchengine.png | |||
</gallery> | |||
}} | |||
==The Revisit== | |||
Ramsay typically revisits the restaurants he profiles on Kitchen Nightmares, with Amy's Baking Company billed as the long awaited season premiere of Kitchen Nightmares USA on April 11th, 2014. It turned out Ramsay has decided NOT to step foot to the restaurant again, and instead shows extra footage of his visit last year. So yeah, same shit, different footage, more proof that the duo are demons in disguise. They even tried to profit off of their infamy as much as they could by selling shirts with quotes from that episode. such as "I'm the GANGSTER" and "Here's your pizza, go fuck yourself", etc; even more proof of their delusion that they think [[No|this is going to be a big business boom.]] | |||
<center><youtube>N8ME0yYRX9Y</youtube></center> | |||
==Your Typical Yelp Reviews== | |||
Almost immediately, they started receiving negative reviews on Yelp, much to the [[butthurt]] of Amy. The reviews cited piss-poor service and lousy food with ingredients that taste like shit together, on top of the rude behavior of the managers. Amy and her husband decided that the only way to fix this problem was to maturely respond to the negative criticisms by logging onto [[Yelp.com|Yelp]] and insulting people in a five-star review of their own restaurant with made-up [[sockpuppet]] accounts to balance out the review score, [http://www.yelp.com/biz/amys-baking-company-scottsdale which is why it has a 3/5 rating on Yelp right now.] | Almost immediately, they started receiving negative reviews on Yelp, much to the [[butthurt]] of Amy. The reviews cited piss-poor service and lousy food with ingredients that taste like shit together, on top of the rude behavior of the managers. Amy and her husband decided that the only way to fix this problem was to maturely respond to the negative criticisms by logging onto [[Yelp.com|Yelp]] and insulting people in a five-star review of their own restaurant with made-up [[sockpuppet]] accounts to balance out the review score, [http://www.yelp.com/biz/amys-baking-company-scottsdale which is why it has a 3/5 rating on Yelp right now.] | ||
<center> | |||
{{frame|{{morphquote|mqtest4|background-color: pink;|font-weight: bold; | |||
|Did you ever think sushi and pizza would go well together? Well, Chef Amy Bouzaglo thought so too! Like sushi, Amy's pizza is raw and smells like delicious fish. I don't know why raw pizza wasn't invented before. | |||
Also, did you ever think getting yelled out by restaurant owner's would be a ticklish delight? Well, Owner/Gangster Salomon "Samy" Bouzaglo thought so too! This sexy Israeli/Italian stallion berated and belittled me in front of other paying customers, all for expectingmy Sushi Pizza with Prosciutto to be finished in less than an hour. It's all very arousing in a [[Fifty Shades of Grey]] kind of way.|Nat P. | |||
|First course was out of this world! A whole bowl of mayonnaise with a pinch of fresh cracked black pepper--DELISH! Sammy told me that this dish isn't just a great app, but also is great to lather in ones hair-it's his secret he told me not to tell but I'm just too excited about it. | |||
Second course, was of course, Amy's famous calzone. This one they actually make quite often for the regulars, just ask your server..err..I mean ask Samy (since they don't have servers here) for the 'Short Temper Pie.' Amy takes an ice cold can of grape soda and flash-marinades a heaping handful of black olives which are then tossed with house-cooked bacon bits, then all that tasty goodness is delicately folded into pizza dough and fired off in their brick oven. I noticed a guy on another table was brought the same calzone and seemed mildly confused and asked to try a regular cheese pizza. Samy and I both told this guy he doesn't know what real food should taste like and that his petty palate is made for Olive Garden. What a jerk. | |||
For dessert I had some doughnuts I bought at the gas station. Samy said Amy was going to make me a creme brule, but after seeing her come out of the kitchen to talk to Samy and pointing at me 3 times I decided I'd better not eat it... Last time Amy came out of the kitchen wondering who ordered a certain dish I had the runs for weeks. The doughnuts were pretty good though, but my server told me to hide them from Samy and it made for a very awkward end to the meal. | |||
When I was leaving I got the traditional hot coffee splash to the face from Samy, he tells me it helps him spread good word of mouth..an old Greek tradition I guess. |Louis P. | |||
|Update, I left my wallet at Amy's. I know I did because as I was walking to my car I heard my server calling me saying I had forgot something. As I was half way back to the front door I saw Samy take something from her hands, hit her, spit on her and told her "never do that again, its ours now and its his own damn fault." I didn't know it was my wallet at the time, but that is ok--just gives me another reason to go back! You just can't get a burger that soggy anywhere else...|Louis P. | |||
|[[50 Shades of Grey|I have been looking FOREVER for a place like Amy's Baking Co. The place is simply perfect for my needs. You wouldn't believe how hard it is as a masochist to find a place that will give you a good ol slapping around. Samy and Amy were able to verbally abuse and berate me in creative ways I could never imagine; Amy even incorporated all sorts of meowing and hissing to keep it interesting. | |||
Minus one star because they forgot to tell me the safe word.]]|Harrison W. | |||
|Absolutely horrible. And Amy had bitter, dead eyes. She consumes costumer's souls and pours all of her hate into her food, hence why it tastes so damn bad. I guess that's what happens when you marry for money...|Reilly G. | |||
|The undercooked food loosened the stool impacted in my colon. Thanks, Amy's!|Seymour G. | |||
|best food ever try the pizza best ever and owners are super nice and sweet|Amy is the only one who writes something positive for her restaurant | |||
|Amy is such a sweetheart. After a wonderful meal there recently she told me not to bother leaving a tip. She then pulled a wad of ones out of her pocket and gave me a few of them. She is great.|[[Unrealistic expectations]] | |||
}}|border=pink|background=pink}} | |||
</center><br /> | |||
{{scrolltext|In retrospect, I should have known better than to step foot into Amy's Baking Company (a.k.a. ABC Bistro). | |||
-8 pm on a Saturday night, three tables are occupied | -8 pm on a Saturday night, three tables are occupied | ||
Line 57: | Line 133: | ||
Perhaps the sign on the door should also say, "Wanted: New owner". | Perhaps the sign on the door should also say, "Wanted: New owner". | ||
I cannot, for the life of me, recommend this restaurant to anyone.|Joel L | I cannot, for the life of me, recommend this restaurant to anyone.|700|300|Joel L's review|left}}{{scrolltext|Dear Joel,L. It is blatantly obvious to me why you were ALONE on a Saturday night! | ||
The Pizza was fresh and amazing. The reason the tomatoes had different texture was because I use three different heirloom tomatoes and some of them are sundried. So of course they are going to have a different texture from the fresh ones!!! | Read any of the reviews that have been written about us and you will see that EVERYONE loves us!! The only people that don't is our "Competition". We knew you had been sent by another restaurant before you even ordered your $14.00 Pizza. | ||
But perhaps you are only accustomed to tasting the ones that come "fresh from the can!" | |||
The Pizza was fresh and amazing. The reason the tomatoes had different texture was because I use three different heirloom tomatoes and some of them are sundried. So of course they are going to have a different texture from the fresh ones!!! But perhaps you are only accustomed to tasting the ones that come "fresh from the can!" | |||
Moving on to the "Store bought Dough" Comment. PLEASE!! My dough is made fresh every day from 100% organic ingredients. Perhaps your palate is not sophisticated enough to tell the difference. | Moving on to the "Store bought Dough" Comment. PLEASE!! My dough is made fresh every day from 100% organic ingredients. Perhaps your palate is not sophisticated enough to tell the difference. | ||
As for you having the Patio all to yourself unless you have been living on another PLANET it is summertime in ARIZONA MORON!!! Only TRAMPS and LOSERS want to sit outside in 110 temperatures!!!! | As for you having the Patio all to yourself unless you have been living on another PLANET it is summertime in ARIZONA MORON!!! Only TRAMPS and LOSERS want to sit outside in 110 temperatures!!!! We are hiring because we are so busy that we need to hire more people. You just so happened to come right after a huge rush. And the people did not change their mind for the Margarita Pizza they ordered. They were still enjoying their amazing Caesar salad and I thought perhaps you would appreciate not having to wait so long for your pizza. Which was just coming out of the OVEN. | ||
We are hiring because we are so busy that we need to hire more people. You just so happened to come right after a huge rush. And the people did not change their mind for the Margarita Pizza they ordered. They were still enjoying their amazing Caesar salad and I thought perhaps you would appreciate not having to wait so long for your pizza. | |||
I am the CHEF and the owner, and I am the one that made your Pizza. | I am the CHEF and the owner, and I am the one that made your Pizza. | ||
Line 74: | Line 147: | ||
As for the no smoking comment everyone knows that it is against the LAW to smoke within 20 feet of a public place. But perhaps you think you are above the LAW. Have a little respect not everyone wants to subject themselves to being around second hand smoke. | As for the no smoking comment everyone knows that it is against the LAW to smoke within 20 feet of a public place. But perhaps you think you are above the LAW. Have a little respect not everyone wants to subject themselves to being around second hand smoke. | ||
And as for the overpriced menu items if you think that $12.00 is too much for an ENTRÉE sized ORGANIC Salad or $14.00 is too much for an AMAZING Pizza then perhaps you should go to the PITA JUNGLE that is just a stone's throw away. And if you get lucky maybe you can even dig up someone up to take with you so you can share a $5.00 Falafel. | And as for the overpriced menu items if you think that $12.00 is too much for an ENTRÉE sized ORGANIC Salad or $14.00 is too much for an AMAZING Pizza then perhaps you should go to the PITA JUNGLE that is just a stone's throw away. And if you get lucky maybe you can even dig up someone up to take with you so you can share a $5.00 Falafel. Do US a favor and keep your ugly face and you ugly opinions to yourself and go back to the restaurant that you really work at!! | ||
Do US a favor and keep your ugly face and you ugly opinions to yourself and go back to the restaurant that you really work at!! | |||
I would LOVE for anyone who reads this review to come to ABC and try our Pizza. If you don't like it then I guarantee you don't have to pay for it. | |||
|701|301|Amy's Response|right}} | |||
{{clear}} | |||
Take careful note of the [[ALL CAPS]], [[rage|baseless insults]], and [[lies|wild excuses]]. They will be a recurring theme. | Take careful note of the [[ALL CAPS]], [[rage|baseless insults]], and [[lies|wild excuses]]. They will be a recurring theme. | ||
This incident was later picked up by the local news, who [http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/bella/2010/08/ouch_todays_hard_lesson_on_yel.php wrote an article about it] on their site. | This incident was later picked up by the local news, who [http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/bella/2010/08/ouch_todays_hard_lesson_on_yel.php wrote an article about it] on their site. | ||
==Professional critics on the "food"== | |||
[[Image:Amy's_Baking_Company_-_19.jpg|right|thumb]] | |||
Yelp isn't the only place that Amy's left a bad taste in their mouths. The [http://www.bizjournals.com/phoenix/blog/business/2013/05/amys-baking-company-kicks-us-out.html?page=all Phoenix Business Journal] foolishly sent their food critics there on opening night. They had the bouncers kick everyone else out but the critics, then the critics were kicked out for finding flies in their drinks... ''three times''. | Yelp isn't the only place that Amy's left a bad taste in their mouths. The [http://www.bizjournals.com/phoenix/blog/business/2013/05/amys-baking-company-kicks-us-out.html?page=all Phoenix Business Journal] foolishly sent their food critics there on opening night. They had the bouncers kick everyone else out but the critics, then the critics were kicked out for finding flies in their drinks... ''three times''. | ||
Line 91: | Line 166: | ||
So our group of four, which had all ordered alcohol except for me, and had each ordered a dish close to $15, walked out at Samy's stern request.|Unhappy reporter}} | So our group of four, which had all ordered alcohol except for me, and had each ordered a dish close to $15, walked out at Samy's stern request.|Unhappy reporter}} | ||
<center> | |||
{{scrolltext|We went in with an open mind Friday night to try Amy's Baking Company for the first time, but our quartet was kicked out after pointing out bugs in not one, not two, but three versions of one simple vodka martini. | |||
After Tuesday's cancellation of a press conference and media interviews, I really wanted to get a firsthand account of the restaurant and the owners Amy and Samy Bouzaglo. | After Tuesday's cancellation of a press conference and media interviews, I really wanted to get a firsthand account of the restaurant and the owners Amy and Samy Bouzaglo. | ||
Line 137: | Line 211: | ||
The cake was good, although when we opened the box we immediately noticed what looked like a fingerprint smooshed into the side. | The cake was good, although when we opened the box we immediately noticed what looked like a fingerprint smooshed into the side. | ||
We ate around the fingerprint and laughed. What else can you do?| | We ate around the fingerprint and laughed. What else can you do?|600|400|Hayley Ringle, Reporter for the Phoenix Business Journal|"left," "right," or leave blank}}</center> | ||
Hayley Ringle, Reporter for the Phoenix Business Journal | |||
}} | |||
==Current Status== | ==Current Status== | ||
[[File:Amy's Baking Company knife or something.jpg|thumb|Samy wielding a knife that looks like a pen]] | [[File:Amy's Baking Company knife or something.jpg|thumb|Samy wielding a knife that looks like a pen]] | ||
[[File:Samy's Knifing Company.gif||thumb|I'll write you an angry letter with this pen. Using your fucking blood.]] | [[File:Samy's Knifing Company.gif||thumb|I'll write you an angry letter with this pen. Using your fucking blood.]] | ||
Amy and Samy have learned exactly zero from all this and still have not been committed to an insane asylum. In her active accounts like Twitter and Facebook, Amy is still talking shit behind Ramsay's back, and harassing Ramsay [[Fox|and company]] about airing the episode. They say that Ramsay is lying about them and don't know the truth when seeing the two scumbags action and the food on camera is enough truth. In September 2014, [[TMZ]] released [http://www.tmz.com/2014/09/28/kitchen-nightmares-amys-baking-company-threatens-guy-with-knife/ footage of Samy] chasing a terrorist, cleverly disguised as a drunk customer, from his restaurant with a <s>knife</s> pen... a very large pen that only ''looks'' like a knife or hammer that gets wider when you turn it. The guy did comply and leave the store, but Samy, clearly on a murder withdrawal, went after him, eventually backing off anyway when he realized he was getting deported regardless and getting more jail time in the US wouldn't be good for business. | Amy and Samy have learned exactly zero from all this and still have not been committed to an insane asylum. In her active accounts like Twitter and Facebook, Amy is still talking shit behind Ramsay's back, and harassing Ramsay [[Fox|and company]] about airing the episode. They say that Ramsay is lying about them and don't know the truth when seeing the two scumbags action and the food on camera is enough truth. In September 2014, [[TMZ]] released [http://www.tmz.com/2014/09/28/kitchen-nightmares-amys-baking-company-threatens-guy-with-knife/ footage of Samy] chasing a terrorist, cleverly disguised as a drunk customer, from his restaurant with a <s>knife</s> pen... a very large pen that only ''looks'' like a knife or hammer that gets wider when you turn it. The guy did comply and leave the store, but Samy, clearly on a murder withdrawal, went after him, eventually backing off anyway when he realized he was getting deported regardless and getting more jail time in the US wouldn't be good for business. [[Last Thursday|On May 21st]], ABC re-opened to zero fanfare. Not many lulz ensued, probably due to the fact that they didn't let any media people in, except that their PR firm dumped them and they were threatened with lolsuits from Fox. | ||
But in a surprise twist, it looks like Samy's probably getting his ass sent back to [[Israel]] without Amy, who has a felony record. He will be shouting at customers in Tel Aviv while Amy rots in Hell for her pride. | |||
{{clear}} | {{clear}} | ||
== How to piss ABCDEFG off == | == How to piss ABCDEFG off == | ||
[[File:Amy's Baking Company - Venn Diagram.png|thumb|Amy's Baking Company described perfectly in a [[Venn Diagram]]]] | |||
*Tell them their pizza was store-bought from the local Publix dumpster. | *Tell them their pizza was store-bought from the local Publix dumpster. | ||
*Give the waitresses, if you see any, a tip in secret. | *Give the waitresses, if you see any, a tip in secret. | ||
Line 248: | Line 235: | ||
*Tell her that she's the only woman that should not be allowed in your kitchen. | *Tell her that she's the only woman that should not be allowed in your kitchen. | ||
*Tell them you've happily added eating her food as a new event in the Pain Olympics. | *Tell them you've happily added eating her food as a new event in the Pain Olympics. | ||
==Quotes== | ==Quotes== |
Latest revision as of 22:18, 27 March 2017
CYBER BULLIES DID ABC |
Amy's Baking Company (ABC), run by Amy and Samy Bouzaglo (yes their names are nearly identical) is a Scottsdale, Arizona based restaurant best known for serving high quality food in a pleasant environment. They are also known for being insane lolcows who appeared in the national media after responding to negative OTI reviews of their restaurant with a torrent of batshit rage, butthurt and sockpuppetry that everyone found hilarious except themselves. Despite being dismissed as "hopeless" by professional kitchen troll Gordon Ramsay, shaming themselves on national TV with an epic display of retardation, and becoming a permanent laughingstock to the general public and the internet, they remain convinced of their righteousness to the present day.
Amy's a psychopathic cat hoarder who enjoys credit card fraud and identity theft, making the world's shittiest reheated pizza and responding to criticism or stress by firing her entire staff and degenerating into an apoplectic pissy fit similar to an unmedicated 12 year old with assburgers. She also claims to have three boys "in cat bodies", whom she most likely ground up into the cakes to either make them taste a level higher than cow shit or from rage.
Samy's a hard-azz drug-slangin' Jew gangsta (srsly) who responds to criticism of his wife's shitty pizza by bragging about his gang connections on national TV, threatening to murder his customers and grinding their bones into Jew bread.
Together, they are Amy's Baking Company. Lulz and IRL flamewarring ensues.
UPDATE: Against all odds, Samy is, apparently, a gang-affiliated Israeli citizen with a history of drug trafficking and extortion and is currently being considered for deportation. The lulz thickens! [1]
The Restaurant
Amy Bossington had a dream. She wanted to open her very own restaurant. Unfortunately, she had no training, and couldn't cook worth shit. This is one woman that you want to stay OUT of your kitchen. Then along came Samy Bouzaglo. For reasons too fucking retarded to list, he decided to fund her stupid dream with his drug money, and the two were later bound forever in ill-advised matrimony. In 2010, Amy's Bullshit Company was born, and didn't do half-bad for a while. But then they decided to turn their bakery into a bistro, and the clusterfuck began.
Kitchen Nightmares
Gordon Ramsay decided to try his hand at saving this sinking Titanic of a restaurant on his television show, Kitchen Nightmares, in 2013. Needless to say, it didn't go very well. A clip of the episode was posted on Reddit before it was aired, and was later taken down and had its comments disabled following the inevitable shitstorm.
Right off the bat, Amy exposes her craziness to the world by rambling about how haters and bloggers have been trash-talking her business and lying about her food, how she loves her cats three little boys in cat bodies, and how she knows Ramsay will tell everybody how lovely her food is. They foolishly thought Ramsay was just there to prove those haters wrong and not actually do a fucking show.
And thus begins the downward spiral into chaos. We learn that she thinks that the bun on a salmon burger should be spewing greasy liquids at the slightest touch, that raw pizza dough is "crisp and crunchy", that her husband steals tips from waitresses (which in this case isn't technically illegal because they do pay full-time wages to the staff, but still a douchebag move), that she sells Chef Boyardee ravioli she buys from the grocery store and calls it fresh, and how, like an aspie on deviantArt or a 13-year-old reviewer on YouTube, she and her husband collapse into sputtering fits of insanity at the slightest hint of criticism.
He gets approached by two former employees too, and they tell him that Amy fired at least 50 (it ends up being over 100) staff members in one year, and that Samy had his employees wash his car for him just cause he wanted to and was too cheap to go through an automatic car wash at a Shell station.
Following a second conversation with Amy and Samy that starts off with them "clarifying" a few things with him, namely that the reason some orders MAY have been a little messed up was because Ramsay was distracting Amy by being in the kitchen and disrupting the normal flow of things (even though he spent most of his time out in the dining room, and when offered to go into the kitchen the first day to try the food, he said no), Ramsay decides that he can't help them. He does the only sensible thing shown in this episode, and just walks the fuck away.
Throughout his criticism to them and their restaurant with them actually shutting the fuck up for once, all Amy did was nod and pretty much kept admitting that she was a failure at life and cooking and that she was a lost cause and everything she does just to get Ramsay to leave faster with her bitter and inhuman gaze and attitude, while Samy just sat there looking like his wife was genuinely crazy. Ramsay could've sworn and screamed like he always does, but he actually didn't give them the satisfaction this time. You could see that he wanted to rain hell on them, but they were already destined for good ol' Lucifer anyway, so he decided not to.
Funnily enough, this is probably the calmest Ramsay's ever been on television. And considering he just straight walks out on the restaurant at the end, that's saying something.
The Aftermath
Almost straight away after this was aired, Amy's Baking Company's Facebook page exploded. Like the mature, responsible, level-headed adults they are, they figured this was the perfect opportunity for an ALL-CAPS SHIT-FLINGING CONTEST. This went on for several hours, during which time this shit was spread all over Facebook. Way to fix your reputation, guys.
The next day, they claimed their page was hacked.
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What the fuck am I reading?
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He's going to call the Internet police.
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Hey, at least she hates Reddit, she can't be all bad.
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Racism is good for business.
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Ressling?
The Revisit
Ramsay typically revisits the restaurants he profiles on Kitchen Nightmares, with Amy's Baking Company billed as the long awaited season premiere of Kitchen Nightmares USA on April 11th, 2014. It turned out Ramsay has decided NOT to step foot to the restaurant again, and instead shows extra footage of his visit last year. So yeah, same shit, different footage, more proof that the duo are demons in disguise. They even tried to profit off of their infamy as much as they could by selling shirts with quotes from that episode. such as "I'm the GANGSTER" and "Here's your pizza, go fuck yourself", etc; even more proof of their delusion that they think this is going to be a big business boom.
Your Typical Yelp Reviews
Almost immediately, they started receiving negative reviews on Yelp, much to the butthurt of Amy. The reviews cited piss-poor service and lousy food with ingredients that taste like shit together, on top of the rude behavior of the managers. Amy and her husband decided that the only way to fix this problem was to maturely respond to the negative criticisms by logging onto Yelp and insulting people in a five-star review of their own restaurant with made-up sockpuppet accounts to balance out the review score, which is why it has a 3/5 rating on Yelp right now.
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Take careful note of the ALL CAPS, baseless insults, and wild excuses. They will be a recurring theme.
This incident was later picked up by the local news, who wrote an article about it on their site.
Professional critics on the "food"
Yelp isn't the only place that Amy's left a bad taste in their mouths. The Phoenix Business Journal foolishly sent their food critics there on opening night. They had the bouncers kick everyone else out but the critics, then the critics were kicked out for finding flies in their drinks... three times.
—Unhappy reporter |
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Current Status
Amy and Samy have learned exactly zero from all this and still have not been committed to an insane asylum. In her active accounts like Twitter and Facebook, Amy is still talking shit behind Ramsay's back, and harassing Ramsay and company about airing the episode. They say that Ramsay is lying about them and don't know the truth when seeing the two scumbags action and the food on camera is enough truth. In September 2014, TMZ released footage of Samy chasing a terrorist, cleverly disguised as a drunk customer, from his restaurant with a knife pen... a very large pen that only looks like a knife or hammer that gets wider when you turn it. The guy did comply and leave the store, but Samy, clearly on a murder withdrawal, went after him, eventually backing off anyway when he realized he was getting deported regardless and getting more jail time in the US wouldn't be good for business. On May 21st, ABC re-opened to zero fanfare. Not many lulz ensued, probably due to the fact that they didn't let any media people in, except that their PR firm dumped them and they were threatened with lolsuits from Fox.
But in a surprise twist, it looks like Samy's probably getting his ass sent back to Israel without Amy, who has a felony record. He will be shouting at customers in Tel Aviv while Amy rots in Hell for her pride.
How to piss ABCDEFG off
- Tell them their pizza was store-bought from the local Publix dumpster.
- Give the waitresses, if you see any, a tip in secret.
- Squeeze and pretty much destroy their fragile Blue Ribbon Burgers and make them watch the pool of fluids fill the plate.
- Give them 1-star ratings everywhere you go.
- Document their ALL CAPS Facebook rage for evidence later.
- Pretend to perform an exorcism on the store and the two of them.
- Ask if Amy had been sexually harassed recently.
- Pretend to have a heart attack when Amy looks at you with her soul-eating eyes.
- Bring a bag of cat shit into their store and say to everyone "This is the best thing this restaurant has ever made".
- Mention and explain NEDM to Amy.
- Tell her that she's the only woman that should not be allowed in your kitchen.
- Tell them you've happily added eating her food as a new event in the Pain Olympics.
Quotes
—Amy calling all Gordon Ramsay fans mules. |
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Dox
- Company Name - Amy's Baking Company
- Address - 7366 East Shea Blvd # 112, Scottsdale, Arizona 85260
- Phone - (480) 607-0677
See also
- Food - Better than Amy's shit.
- Gordon Ramsay - Owned the shit out of Amy on Kitchen Nightmares USA.
- Shit - What they cook and claim is gourmet food.
External Links
- Their website
- amysbakingco - BALEETED
- amybakingco - Their NEW Facebook page.
- rodpitts - The #1 fanboy of ABC from a Baptist Church.
- amybakingco - Their NEW Facebook page.
- Their product store
- The fail Twitter account. Reading her comments from her 'supporters' would make you want to wash your eyes with bleach.
- Their YouTube page
- Their Pinterest page
- Their Google Virtual Tour
- ABC on Yelp. Tell them how much you love their food. May be deleted if they saw it.
Other Links
- Amy's Baking Company - Know Your Meme on Amy's Baking Company PR Scandal.
- Amy's stupidity now claiming Gordon Ramsay sexually harassed her during filming their May 2013 appearance on Kitchen Nightmares USA!
- PBS gives Amy's Baking Company glowing reviews. Let PBS know the real truth about them.
Amy's Baking Company is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |