Schrödinger's cat

Not to be confused with Schroedinger's Cunt

	“	Would somebody just get me the fuck out of here already?	„
	—The cat in question.

WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?!

Schrödinger's Cat is the invisible pink unicorn for nonfags. He is a subject of much debate as to whether he is alive or dead. According to Schrodinger, his cat is neither alive or dead. This is fucking bullshit^{[citation needed]} because you don't need a degree in accounting to know that something can't be dead and alive at the same time. Schrodinger is believed to have made the whole thing up to distract from the fact that he was a over 9000 year old virgin that liked to sadistically mutilate cats... For science.

Schrodinger

MOAR LIEK SCHRODINGER'S FAT, HAHAHAHAHAHA

	“	I did it for the lulz	„
	—Schrödinger, on why he likes to mutilate helpless animals.

Schrodinger, himself, was a Nazi zombie that fucked your mom. He worked for our Führer, Hitler, and helped try to make a nuke. Unfortunately, this led to much fail. Deciding to impress his führer, he preformed an experiment using a Jew cat. After performing the experiment and telling his good friend Adolf that the cat was not dead, but dead and alive, he was immediately pwned for telling the führer bullshit.

The Bullshit he said

Schrödinger's Cat is a sort of meme amongst self-centered scientists who believe the world only exists when they open their eyes and that the sun disappears every night. You probably heard about it from your High School Physics Teacher who either mentioned it at least 100 times or wore a t-shirt referencing it for a week straight. Go to any Physics or Math department in any college and you will see some brownnoser trying to look smart by wearing a smelly Schrödinger's Cat shirt, and watch in horror as passing students chuckle. This is because Schrödinger's Cat is exactly the kind of stale, unfunny crap scientists love to laugh at over and over, despite the fact that the "joke" should have been dead long, long ago.

Schrödinger's Cat was the star of a "thought experiment" in which a cat is placed in a box with a radioactive material with a short half-life. What's supposedly funny about Schrödinger's Cat is the paradox that, due to the freak laws of probability involved in nuclear decay, the cat is both alive and dead according to the laws of quantum physics. The fact that corny science majors have been chortling over this for running up on 90 years suggests that some things really never change.

Interpretations

• Copenhagen Interpretation: The cat only becomes alive or dead once the box is opened.
• Everett's Many-Worlds Interpretation & consistent histories: When you open the box, a parallel universe splits off.
• Ensemble Interpretation: The dead/alive state of the cat is only statistically true.
• Objective Collapse Theories: The cat observes itself, thus causing its own death.
• The Stoner Guru Interpretation Dude! Didn't you have a cat or something?

As such, Schrödinger's Cat can be summed up in this tasteful piece of artwork:

Enough said.

Cat in a box

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Quotes

Stereotypical Schrödinger's Cat shirt.

	“	Scrhodinger was a man who enjoyed the death of cats. He was also a Scientologist. Or was it scientist? Either way, the man was a fucking genius. He trapped a kitten inside a box with cyanide and a radioactive substance. At the end of the half-life of the substance, there was a 50/50 chance the cyanide would be released, and the cat would be dead. However, because Schrodinger had the Hepatitis D Syndrome, he could not observe teh cat trapped in the box. In his theory, the cat was both alive and dead at the same time (see quantum physics). With this, Schrodinger proceeded to proclaim, "I have just divided by zero!!!" Almost instantly, Kool-aid Man broke through the wall of his laboratory and said in his deep voice, "OH SHI--"	„
	—Anon, gracing us with his usual faggotry

See Also

• Cat
• Cheyenne Cherry
• Godwin's Law
• Hamtaro's Theory
• Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle
• Pavolov's Dog
• Schroedinger's Cunt
• Physics

Schrödinger's cat is part of a series on SCIENCE! [FizzlePop]

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