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Teenager: Difference between revisions

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==[[Masturbation|What They Are Most Known for Doing]]==
==[[Masturbation|What They Are Most Known for Doing]]==
[[Image:L 658f283065ba4915bb4115499f00fd8c.jpg|thumb|Note this girl, who thinks she is being [[uber|uber]] hawt]]
{{quote|It is a well documented [[shit nobody cares about|fact]] that only 98 percent of teens have not tried [[pot]]. [[Chain letter|If you are the other 2% put this in your sig.]]|98% of teenagers}}
{{quote|It is a well documented [[shit nobody cares about|fact]] that only 98 percent of teens have not tried [[pot]]. [[Chain letter|If you are the other 2% put this in your sig.]]|98% of teenagers}}
*Saying "[[lol]]" or "[[lmao]]" after a [[sarcasm|sarcastic]] statement
*Saying "[[lol]]" or "[[lmao]]" after a [[sarcasm|sarcastic]] statement
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*Attempting (and failing) to get laid
*Attempting (and failing) to get laid
*Looking tough (and also failing miserably)
*Looking tough (and also failing miserably)
*fappinh in class while sitting behind some random chick
*Fapping in class while sitting behind some random chick
*reading cyanide and happiness comics
*Reading [[Explosm|Cyanide and Happiness]] comics


==The Two Phenotypes==
==The Two Phenotypes==
[[Image:Teens playing.jpg|thumb|240px|right|''Two teens, two bats'', marker drawing by [[Nathan Keefer]], 19??. Shitage Museum.]]
Teenagers come in a wide variety of flavors, including:
Teenagers come in a wide variety of flavors, including:


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===[[16 year old girl]]===
===[[16 year old girl]]===
[[Image:Skins.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Note to parents - all teen parties are like this...]]
[[Image:Skins.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Note to parents - all teen parties are like this...]]
[[Image:Party puke.jpg|thumb|250px|...unless [[/b/]] is present.]]
[[Image:Party puke.jpg|thumb|150px|...unless [[b/|/b/]] is present.]]
Note that sixteen year-old girls are not so much a flavor or "type" of teenager, but are instead a "template." Thus, a sixteen year-old girl can also be a goth, or emo, or almost any other flavor of teenager.
Note that sixteen year-old girls are not so much a flavor or "type" of teenager, but are instead a "template." Thus, a sixteen year-old girl can also be a goth, or emo, or almost any other flavor of teenager.
If and when they begin to drone on about how, liek, Stacey was, liek, OMG stealing her boyfriend find the nearest e-[[pimp]] and be proud that you have found him his newest [[skank]] [[whore]]. They most likely put the art of gossiping above anything else in school, but sometimes are found in a unstimulated state. Teachers, fortunately, can manipulate them by putting sound-absorbent foam in the room to suck up every social stimuli, or use the great old fashioned [[GTFO|banhammer]] when they [[crapflood|get out of hand]].
If and when they begin to drone on about how, liek, Stacey was, liek, OMG stealing her boyfriend find the nearest e-[[pimp]] and be proud that you have found him his newest [[skank]] [[whore]]. They most likely put the art of gossiping above anything else in school, but sometimes are found in a unstimulated state. Teachers, fortunately, can manipulate them by putting sound-absorbent foam in the room to suck up every social stimuli, or use the great old fashioned [[GTFO|banhammer]] when they [[crapflood|get out of hand]].
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:*[[Drama whore]]
:*[[Drama whore]]


{{clear}}
==Puberty==
==Puberty==
[[Image:German sleeping beauty.jpg|thumb||right|During puberty, you begin to grow a taste for [[slut|beautiful women]].]]
[[Image:German sleeping beauty.jpg|thumb||right|During puberty, you begin to grow a taste for [[slut|beautiful women]].]]
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If you or someone you [[rape|know]] are going through puberty and do not know [[Suicide|how to cope with your symptoms]], there is additional material available to help you through this [[BAWWW|difficult time]].
If you or someone you [[rape|know]] are going through puberty and do not know [[Suicide|how to cope with your symptoms]], there is additional material available to help you through this [[BAWWW|difficult time]].
[[Image:Neds.jpg|thumb|left|Facing puberty is never pretty]]


===Facing It===
===Facing It===
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==Teen Angst==
==Teen Angst==
[[Image:Punkkid.jpg|thumb|If I had to pay $18 for a shitty Rancid shirt, I'd be angry, too.]]
[[Image:TeenAngst.jpg|thumb|Behold the power of the angst..]]‎  
[[Image:TeenAngst.jpg|thumb|Behold the power of the angst..]]‎  
[[Image:Lolno.png|thumb|Teen Angst at its finest.]]
[[Image:Punkkid.jpg|thumb|If I had to pay $<s>18</s>  29.99 (adjusted for {{CURRENTYEAR}} inflation) for a shitty Rancid shirt, I'd be angry, too.]]
The '''angsty teen''' is something of a [[redundant]] term, since to be a [[teenager]] is to be [[butthurt|angsty]] all the time. In more common usage, however, an angsty teen is a catch-all category into which most [[16 year old girls|under-18]] [[drama whore]]s, [[homosexual]]s, [[attention]] seekers, [[Tartlet|DA users]] and [[self injury|self-mutilators]] [[fail|fall]]. Teenagers angst especially hard when treated like the idiots they are. The half-developed brain of a teenager will perceive its first [[Obama|colored pube]] as a sign of immediate adulthood. This delusion of equality convinces teenagers to [[Mr. T|act a fool]] as a way to protest [[Apartheid|justified intolerance]].
The '''angsty teen''' is something of a [[redundant]] term, since to be a [[teenager]] is to be [[butthurt|angsty]] all the time. In more common usage, however, an angsty teen is a catch-all category into which most [[16 year old girls|under-18]] [[drama whore]]s, [[homosexual]]s, [[attention]] seekers, [[Tartlet|DA users]] and [[self injury|self-mutilators]] [[fail|fall]]. Teenagers angst especially hard when treated like the idiots they are. The half-developed brain of a teenager will perceive its first [[Obama|colored pube]] as a sign of immediate adulthood. This delusion of equality convinces teenagers to [[Mr. T|act a fool]] as a way to protest [[Apartheid|justified intolerance]].


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*Make fun of their "[[art]]."
*Make fun of their "[[art]]."
*Explain [[2012]].
*Explain [[2012]].
*Let them know that [[noone]] is looking. Ever
*Let them know that [[noone]] is looking. Evar
*remind them that they're [[satan|satanist]] and that their parents are [[christfags]]
*remind them that they're [[satan|satanist]] and that their parents are [[christfags]]
*tell them goatse is in fact a guy
*tell them goatse is in fact a guy
*When they complain about how [[Bullshit|depressed]] they are, tell them to kill themselves.
*When they complain about how [[Bullshit|depressed]] they are, tell them to kill themselves.
*When a [[16 year old girl]] asks you if they are pretty, answer no, tell her that [[Truth|she is ugly]] and should kill herself.
*When a [[16 year old girl]] asks you if they are pretty, answer no, tell her that [[Truth|she is ugly]] and should kill herself.
==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Mcloving388.jpg|A teen trying to buy alcohol
File:Leelah alcorn selfie.jpg|[[Leelah Alcorn|A generic teenage boy nowadays]]
File:Daddy's money jailbait lesbian.jpg|Teenage girls are known for their whorish nature, like most women.
File:Sjwwhore.jpg|They're also known for being massive hypocrites.
File:Instagram - Dildo In View.jpg|[[Generation Z|Instagram Generation]]
Image:Lolno.png|Teen Angst at its finest.
Image:L 658f283065ba4915bb4115499f00fd8c.jpg|Note this girl, who thinks she is being [[uber|uber]] hawt
Image:Teens playing.jpg|''Two teens, two bats'', marker drawing by [[Nathan Keefer]], 19??. Shitage Museum.
Image:Neds.jpg|Facing puberty is never pretty
File:Par40b.jpg|A 18 year old dude watching pornhub
File:Internettoughkid.jpg|A teen's reaction to being offended online
File:Bitches Don't Know About Halo.jpg|He'll fuck your shit up. Bitch.
</gallery></center>


==Teens to Troll==
==Teens to Troll==
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==See Also==
==See Also==
[[File:Street name retard.jpg|300px|right]]
*[[Generation Z]]
*[[BAWWW]]
*[[BAWWW]]
*[[Beavis and Butthead]]
*[[Children]]
*[[Children]]
*[[Fail]]
*[[Fail]]
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*[[Ruining the internet]]
*[[Ruining the internet]]
*[[Twilight]]
*[[Twilight]]
*[[Sex]]
*[[Sex]] - Only 1/3 of them get any, and they fail horribly.
 


{{Timeline|Featured article July 23, [[2006]]|[[DMCA]]|Puberty|[[Put shoe on head]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article July 23, [[2006]]|[[DMCA]]|Puberty|[[Put shoe on head]]}}
{{Psychology}}


{{Psychology}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Subcultures]]
[[Category:Subcultures]]

Latest revision as of 12:22, 16 March 2019

All teenagers look like this. If they don't, they are most likely lying to you. Meet IRL to be sure.
What did they say about My Chemical Romance???
Blame it on the interwebz.

Teenager is the name used for the human adolescent, so named for the "teen" in their age (e.g. sixteen).

They are known to suffer from acne, fatness, puberty, angst, USI, self-loathing and wearing braces. You can spot a teenager, by their constant overuse of commas, and, the word "like", as well as their hypocrisy and acne.

When not wasting daylight on the Internets, they tend to frequent the local mall and masturbate during English class. They are generally considered to be the Uncyclopedia of the human race, as they are filled with fucking fail and, like 4chan, it would be a mistake to take them seriously.

On the internet, it is common for teenage boys to lie about their age to make them seem more mature. If you encounter a teenage boy of at least 15 years of age on the internet, subtract 3 years and add a vagina if needed.

Teenage girls are more prone to uploading endless photos of themselves at sexi angles and flooding the interwebs with pictures of their cats. Both genders feel the need to push their misguided preferences and agendas over every social networking site possible.

Teenagers make up the largest percentage of the LJ user base, and often use x or underscores in their user names to set them apart from the sheeple (which rarely works; see the Law of Conformity). All teenagers are hypocritical assholes, and need to be reminded of this until they either commit suicide or turn 20.

According to Michael Moore, being a teenager in America sucks. And that's true.

What They Are Most Known for Doing

   
“ 		 
It is a well documented fact that only 98 percent of teens have not tried pot. If you are the other 2% put this in your sig.
  		„
  		 

—98% of teenagers

The Two Phenotypes

Teenagers come in a wide variety of flavors, including:

13 year old boy

Tell them that no matter how hard they try, they will never be a nigger or an azn and laugh when they try to prove that they are.

Categories:

16 year old girl

Note to parents - all teen parties are like this...
...unless /b/ is present.

Note that sixteen year-old girls are not so much a flavor or "type" of teenager, but are instead a "template." Thus, a sixteen year-old girl can also be a goth, or emo, or almost any other flavor of teenager. If and when they begin to drone on about how, liek, Stacey was, liek, OMG stealing her boyfriend find the nearest e-pimp and be proud that you have found him his newest skank whore. They most likely put the art of gossiping above anything else in school, but sometimes are found in a unstimulated state. Teachers, fortunately, can manipulate them by putting sound-absorbent foam in the room to suck up every social stimuli, or use the great old fashioned banhammer when they get out of hand.

Categories: (note: may be in more than one)

  • Faggoth FOR LULZ: Introduce them to a tanning bed and revel in the burning flesh! For maximum results, bring a fire hose to wash away the pounds of makeup.
  • Hippy FOR LULZ: Eat meat, drive a Hummer.
  • Hipster FOR LULZ: Call them a hipster or say that they are unoriginal.

Puberty

During puberty, you begin to grow a taste for beautiful women.

Some teenagers go through puberty. Puberty is that special time when children start becoming adults. However, this never goes as God planned, and all it produces are retards, retards and even more retards. Teenagers going through puberty will not only be insane, but they will experience the following symptoms:

If you or someone you know are going through puberty and do not know how to cope with your symptoms, there is additional material available to help you through this difficult time.

Facing It

When confronting puberty sufferers on the internets, keep in mind where they are coming from to ensure maximum lulz can be achieved. Pubescents will complain about many things, but the appropriate response will be to remind them of what the future holds for their individuality. Tell them the world is coming to an end in 2012 so they can do whatever they want without fear of consequences. If you can convince them of this, you may solve the population crisis.

Facing Yourself During It

The best way to deal with the terrifying changes happening to your body and mind is to start a journal. Doing this can be part of the healing process; however, if you're foolish enough to put your deepest, darkest secrets information on the internet, it is highly recommended that you get it through your mushy adolescent brain that you're asking for it.

Another way to deal with the horror is to find a mentor. Howevar, be careful with your selection; some people are better than others.

Teen Angst

Behold the power of the angst..

‎

If I had to pay $18 29.99 (adjusted for 2024 inflation) for a shitty Rancid shirt, I'd be angry, too.

The angsty teen is something of a redundant term, since to be a teenager is to be angsty all the time. In more common usage, however, an angsty teen is a catch-all category into which most under-18 drama whores, homosexuals, attention seekers, DA users and self-mutilators fall. Teenagers angst especially hard when treated like the idiots they are. The half-developed brain of a teenager will perceive its first colored pube as a sign of immediate adulthood. This delusion of equality convinces teenagers to act a fool as a way to protest justified intolerance.

The most common species of angsty teens include emos, goths, nerds, punks and everything.

Angsty teens are statistically more likely to:

Angsty teens are most often seen at home whining on their livejournals and posting photos of their cuts.

Trolling

Teens are easy to troll in a number of ways:

Gallery

  • A teen trying to buy alcohol
    A teen trying to buy alcohol
  • A generic teenage boy nowadays
    A generic teenage boy nowadays
  • Teenage girls are known for their whorish nature, like most women.
    Teenage girls are known for their whorish nature, like most women.
  • They're also known for being massive hypocrites.
    They're also known for being massive hypocrites.
  • Instagram Generation
    Instagram Generation
  • Teen Angst at its finest.
    Teen Angst at its finest.
  • Note this girl, who thinks she is being uber hawt
    Note this girl, who thinks she is being uber hawt
  • Two teens, two bats, marker drawing by Nathan Keefer, 19??. Shitage Museum.
    Two teens, two bats, marker drawing by Nathan Keefer, 19??. Shitage Museum.
  • Facing puberty is never pretty
    Facing puberty is never pretty
  • A 18 year old dude watching pornhub
    A 18 year old dude watching pornhub
  • A teen's reaction to being offended online
    A teen's reaction to being offended online
  • He'll fuck your shit up. Bitch.
    He'll fuck your shit up. Bitch.

Teens to Troll

See Also


Featured article July 23, 2006
Preceded by
DMCA 		Puberty Succeeded by
Put shoe on head
[Give $500 PlzOpen Up to Us]
Teenager is part of a series on Psychology
Mental illness & Disorders

Acrotomophilia • Addiction • Agoraphobia • Alcoholism • Alexis Pilkington Syndrome • Alzheimer's • Anorexia • Antisocial personality disorder • Anthropophobia • Anxiety • ADD • ADHD • Asperger's Syndrome • Autism • Bimbofication • Bipolar • Borderline personality disorder • Bug Chasing • Bulimia • Cognitive dissonance • Deep thinker • Depression • Dick Impalement • Down's Syndrome • Dyslexia • Eating disorder • Factitious disorder • Fake Schizophrenia • Fauxlimia • Feminism • Gender dysphoria • Girl on the Internet Syndrome • Heterophobia • Hero Complex • HFA • Histrionic Personality Disorder • Hutchence's Syndrome • Hyperbolimia • Inadequacy • Inconsistent personality disorder • Insanity • Liberal Butthurt Syndrome • Liberalism • Low Self-esteem • 'Missing White Woman' Syndrome • Multiple personality disorder • Napoleon Complex • Narcissistic personality disorder • Neurotypical • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder • Paranoia • Paranoid personality disorder • Peter Pan Syndrome • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder • Psychopathy • Pyromania • Retardation • Schizophrenia • Seasonal Affective Disorder • Self-diagnosis • Self Injury • Sexsomnia • Sickfuckery • Sociopathy • Social anxiety disorder • Special Snowflake Syndrome • Terminological percipience disorder • Trolling Induced Transsexuality Syndrome • Tulpa • Unrealistic expectations • Victim complex

Fetishes:

Acrotomophilia • Aquaphilia • Arborphilia • Audiophilia • Autogynephilia • Balloon Fetish • Bestiality • Carmen Electra complex • Cross Dressing • Dollfilia • Emetophilia • Emosexuality • Eproctophilia • Fatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • Fetishism • Foot Fetish • Furniture Porn • Furrism • Goo girl • Guro • Heterophilia • Homophilia • Inflation Fetish • Japanophilia • Jungle Fever • Lesbian pedophilia • Lotion Play • Macrophilia • Maiesiophilia • Mechanophilia • Mpreg • Necrophilia • Objectophilia • Oedipial Complex • Paraphilia • Pedophilia • Plushophilia • Pregnant Loli • Pregnophilia • Quicksand Fetish • Rangerphilia • Spectrophilia • Statuephilia • Trichophilia • Voraphilia • Wet and Messy Fetishism • Wetlook • Xenophilia • Yellow fever • Zoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll Syndrome • Deletionism • E-go • E-Psychiatrist • E-Psychiatry • ETD • Hivemind • I-Dosing • I have a 140 IQ • IRC Disease • Imaginary girlfriend • Internet Disease & Internet Disease Chart • Internet poverty delusions • Internet Rehab • Internet troll personality disorder • Mega ultra super genius • Nerdy Fandom Gateway Theory • Sex by association • Lulz-Blindness • Wikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fm • Brainwashing • Hypnosis • Milgram Experiment • Scientology • Stanford Prison Experiment • The Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top Secret • B/ • Bodies Under Siege • CYOC • Chatroulette • Defense Industries Organization • Deeker • FoolQuest.com • InkBunny • Neuticles.com • Psyke.org • WarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric Association • Anger • ASMR • Child abuse • Conscience • Dreams • DSM • Elan School • Enlightenment • Intelligence • Lobotomy • Mary Bell • Psychiatristy • Serial Killers • Take the meat bridge • The Law of Conformity • Trigger Warning

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