Portal:Furfaggotry/Featured Article/Archive

<Portal:Furfaggotry/Featured Article

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February 2022

Featured Article - Dogpatch Press

Dogpatch Press
Real Name	Patrick Lake
AKA	Patch O'Furr Patch Packrat, Blake Killpatrick
Nationality:	Americunt
Birthday	Unknown (approx 30+)
Species	Husky
Sub-Species	Journalist
Genus	Furry

Patch (AKA Dogpatch Press, Patch O'Furr Patch Packrat, Blake Killpatrick, or Patrick Lake) is a sociopath and self-proclaimed furfag "journalist" best known for his news website of the same name titled "Dogpatch Press", and for having numerous autistic fits about nazis, nazifurs and furry raiders. We know this because he will never shut the fuck up about them, and he continually inserts himself into furry raiders drama for no other reason than to get clout. When this waste of human life isn't publishing hard-hitting journalism on his gay little news website, he's getting jerked off at pride events and getting slapped with lawsuits for fraud and libel. In a community filled with pedos, camwhores, autists, dogfuckers and antifa-endorsing neets, this guy not only manages to be the biggest, greasiest shitsmear on the underpants of the furry fandom, but excels in finding new ways of validating himself as the biggest, most gigantic, most unlikable super-supreme-ultra-mega-faggot in the entire universe that has ever existed and will ever exist.

Nazis here, Nazis there, Nazis every-fucking-where! That's the mind of the batshit insane roody-poo candy-ass behind the AltFurry blockbot, and that's the mind of anyone that uses it. Anyone right of Stalin is literally part of a death cult and the only salvation is to ignore every furfag not following the script. That's right, either you're a stunning and brave trans neet otherkin fighting one of many self-diagnosed mental illnesses, or you're a jack-booted Hitler Youth involved in a far-right conspiracy hell-bent on the destruction of the free liberal world. Why are you mad anon? You'd only be mad if you were a Nazi. Oh you're not mad? Nazi confirmed. Pwnt n00b LMAO UwU>

IN CASE YOU COULDN'T ALREADY TELL HE REALLY HATES NAZIS XDDDD

January 2022

Featured Article - Conner_Lupindo_Hemming

Conner Lupindo Hemming or AshiPaws or whatever he decides to call himself next week
Real Name	Zachary Scott White
Given Names	Dracofoxy, Malik A. Pawtendo, Ashi Paws, AshiPawpers, Malik Azreal Megedagik, Ashiato H. Watakashi, Conner Lupindo Hemming, ShadowConner, ConnerFirehawk, KaneSmith, Canidane Foxclaw, StrawberryPawz, MacroFurry, Chronic Vil Megedagik, Corgifox
Nationality:	Americunt
Birthday	Unknown (estimated 29)
Species	Wolf
Sub-Species	Mimic
Genus	Furry

Conner Lupindo Hemming (Powerword: Zachary Scott White) is an asspie furfag whose tantrums have led him to make some rather unfortunate decisions in his life. Between plugging his shitty band or in the midst of a vendetta against any of his numerous former internet flings, Conner got the idea that he could entice Encyclopedia Dramatica to attack his enemies for him due to his crippling incompetency.

It all started, as it so often does, on a humble little website known as DeviantArt. Conner started out his ban evading when he got banned from chatrooms on dAmn, Deviantart's social network. From there it went to Secondlife, where he roomed with a few "friends", and threw a hissy fit when one of them left a cock waffle, a prim penis with a waffle texture on it, in his room. He later claimed that setting eyes upon that cockwaffle actually turned him into the cock-loving faggot he is today.

	“	Seeing that cockwaffle actually turned me gay...	„
	—Conner claiming a prim penis on Secondlife turned him into a faggot

>

WE ALL LIKE A LITTLE COCKWAFFLE

March 2019

Featured Article - Sonicfox

Sonicfox
Real Name	Dominique McLean
Given Names	Sonicfox, Sonicfox5000
Nationality:	Americunt
Birthday	March 2, 1998
Species	Homo
Sub-Species	Black
Genus	Furry

Sonicfox, a.k.a. Dominique McLean, is a self-described SJW anti-hero of his own making, who, as his self-promoting Wikipedia article claims, is capable of mastering all new games and characters at a phenomenal rate, most likely because he won't leave his house without his fur suit on.

He has recently made a name for himself by overcoming his blackness and lack of opposable thumbs by becoming the highest-paid fighting games player in the world as of December 2018, proving that it is possible to make a living without having a life.

Like most left-leaning libtards with newfound fame, he is convinced that there is a right-wing conspiracy against him and has no qualms about voicing it, in some rather spectacular and lulzy ways. We must admit, it is better than most sitcoms on TV.

	“	I’m gay, Black, a furry—pretty much everything a Republican hates	„
	—Sonicfox at Game Awards

(( EVERYONE HATES A FURRY ))

January 2019

Featured Article - Kero The Wolf

The Face of Evil

Kero The Wolf (Powerword: Joshua Hoffman), formerly known as Yami The Wolf, is a Furfag YouTuber who decided fucking his dog would be a great idea. He was generally regarded as a respected member of the Furry community until info leaked from his Twitter account, indicating that he practised zoophilia and necrophilia as well as having a vore fetish. There has even been talk of Kero's alleged involvement in pedophilia. You do the math.

His dog Koda recently died of kidney failure, and Kero had no problem with admitting that he raped his dog on a regular basis. In the now infamous Telegram chat he expressed concern about his friends raping and dismembering his dog THEN killing it. His "friends" assured that they would never do that without his permission.

Kero was the furfag who was interviewed by the "popular" YouTuber Shane Dawson on July 6, 2017. As a result of Shane's fanbase being mostly autistic kids who watch shit like Jake Paul, Kero went from having 10,000 subscribers to 90,000 subscribers after the interview video was published. He later reached 100,000 subscribers in early 2018, but this success backfired because it meant that when his sick fuckery was suddenly exposed, far more people knew who he was than at any previous point in his excuse for a life.

(( "POPULAR FURRY YOUTUBER FUCKS DOG TO DEATH!!" ))

February 2018

Featured Article - BlueCatRiolu

BlueCatRiolu (also known as Riolu The Blue Cat or simply Riolu, powerword: Nicholas Salerno) is a cat-obsessed, narcissistic, chode-gargling fuckstain, who loves to shit out an endless slew of third-rate furry art on DeviantArt. All of his works are visibly mouse-drawn with one hand in Microsoft Paint, freeing the other hand for more important activities. This art of his has the consistent quality of blocky, aliased shit, always containing inflation, vore, and other disturbing fetishes (like shipping same genders allegedly).

When not posting his scribblings, BlueCatRiolu enjoys his time on DeviantArt by begging for Points or a Core membership, and writing hate journals about people who criticize him, while linking to them in said journals. These call-out journals have predictably created a strong animosity towards BlueCatRiolu, and as such he must be constantly guarded by a team of highly dedicated white knights, who stand ready to defend him from the evils of constructive criticism and his defectors.

The fact that this guy and his atrocious works of art have pulled in over a half-million page views in a span of about five years, while many great artists squalor in comparative obscurity, should tell you a lot about the current state of DeviantArt, and its user base consisting of mostly teenagers.

(( NOW ELIGIBLE FOR A KIWI FARMS THREAD ))

April 2017

Featured Article - Crinklemon

Crinklemon, originally Ryan Palone, now known as Shyanne Garrett, is an over 30, self-identified hermaphroditic alien foxtaur baby inflationist with telekenetic powers, his made up genetically retarded headmate's pronouns are hir, shi and shit (okay I made up that last one), who works at Walmart creeping everybody the fuck out. When he's not occupied pushing carts at this job, he's busy taking photos of himself wearing shit-filled diapers in the store's family restroom, whilst playing pocket pool. Get ready for a proverbial trip on NASA's "Vomit Comet" after an all you can eat buffet of cheap-ass Chinese cat 'n crap cuisine, cause this only goes down the diaper hole from here!

(( JUST A TYPICAL PERSON OF WALMART ))

February 2017

Featured Article - Viscerotonictsf

Just when you thought dA had enough edgy little kids. Along comes Viscerotonictsf second coming to PrincessElizabeth013. A narcissistic hypocrite on many subjects like tracing, overreacting to anybody's opinion and criticism they have of her, her lack of copyright knowledge, trigger happy when someone draws or mentions her character and her obsessive behavior over her arch enemy of the internet Kyrrah the emo wolf, where she continues the drama for her thirst on Kyrrah and any filthy follower who supports her.

( ( DEVIANTART STILL MANAGES TO PISS OFF SOME OF OUR WRITERS SOMEHOW! ) )

January 2017

Featured Article - Fursuit

A fursuit is an anthropomorphic animal costume worn by a furry. High-quality fursuits are really fucking expensive, as in thousands of dollars (plus a few hundred more on altering the suit so that it has an opening in the groin area so that the wearer can yiff while wearing it) but just like a rapper wearing a 5-pound gold chain, it does not give the furry himself any additional value. While not all fans of the Furry subculture own or wear fursuits, the only reasons any of them don't is because they're on welfare.

((IT'S NOT A PHASE DAD!!))

July 2014

Featured Article - Fluffy teh wolf

Fluffy teh wolf, aka qu33n-fluffy, Kira, and Dru (or Drucilla Violet Adams IRL), is a hideous land whale of a furfag who identifies herself as a "gender fluid" bisexual. She cheats and lies to everyone she encounters online and loves using people for free art. She pulls her own horrific art out of her outstretched vagina and plasters it all over the interwebz so everyone can see her awesome anatomy skillz. All she does is bitch and whine about her problems that no one gives a flying fuck about, and she'll threaten suicide every time someone refuses to e-date her. She even draws underaged p0rn as a bonus.

(( DATE ME OR I'LL KILL MYSELF ))

March 2014

Featured Article - SmilehKitteh

SmilehKitteh (Powerword: Kierstin F. Martin) is, at first glance, one of many mediocre artists that infests deviantART, but upon closer inspection has a soft, nougat fetish center. As is the case with anyone who is a furry, she has a sick fetish. In Smiley's case, her fursona is a Russian Blue cat who is always getting spanked. Now spanking, usually a shameful punishment for the person being spanked, is benign as far as fetishes go, if not for the simple fact this masochistic 23-year-old longs to have her ass bared then spanked.

(( I'D SPANK THAT ))

February 2014

Featured Article - Lapfox Trax

At first glance, Lapfox Trax looks like any other shitty indie electronic record label, with a twist. It’s for furries. There's shitty music, repetitive beats, and fursonas on the album covers along with old vidya game references. Dig deeper however, and you find out that not only is it even worse than it looks, but that Lapfox Trax is actually one man, "Ren Queenston", shitting out album after album of pure garbage when he's done shoving ZetaToys up his ass and then writing songs about it.

(( LAPFOX TRAX ))

January 2014

Featured Article - Rangerphile

Rangerphile is the term used to describe the sick mess of a person that is best described as the unique combination of a furry and a Christfag, or possibly as a web 1.0 version of a brony.

These people -- if they may be called that -- engage in a pathological sexual practice known as Rangerphilia, which is somewhat like pedophila, but rather than being into children, Rangerphilia consists of insatiable perversion directed at the characters from the shitty Disney cartoon series Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers.

(( RANGERPHILE ))

December 19, 2013

Featured Article - Lemonade Coyote

Cyrus/Lemonade Coyote is the fursona of Timothy McCormick, a God hating furfag who had thought he a long life ahead of him. However, God had other plans.

Like all furs he was sexually abused as a child. Details are sketchy but it was probably his father, an uncle, the old man from Family Guy or maybe his dog. As a boy his favorite shows always had cartoon animals in them. No exceptions.

(( Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS NEED JESUS ))

November 25, 2013

Featured Article - TheoTheFox

TheoTheFox (often just called "Theo" for short, and also known as "WildTheory" on DevianTART) is your local neighborhood sick fuck and artist, offering lots of cool stuff to the interbutts such as horribly drawn vore, horrifying furry porn, and dog dicks for the whole family. He's a self-proclaimed "furry celebrity" and is a master of being an absolute-fucking-child, it's amazing how him and Chasethehedgehog aren't best friends. His daily diet consists of alcohol, other furries, otter dicks, otter vaginas, otter anuses, and otters.

(( THEO THE FOX ))

May 10, 2013

Featured Article - Anthrocon

Anthrocon is a convention in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania which started at least 100 years ago where furry artwork, memorabilia, and other crap is sold to fat guys with glasses. It's also a convention where fursuiters prance around and talk about how Minevra Mink is hot. No women attend these furry conventions, they are all transvestites. These "women" that attend Anthrocon are fugly bulldykes.

(( DEN OF EVIL ))

May 3, 2003

Featured Article - Bestiality

Bestiality is the practice of having sex with animals. It is sort of like being a furry, only the animals are real, alive, and, chances are, don't want you shoving your penis in the ass of their fine fuzzy fundament. It's also technically rape most of the time because animals cannot consent to sex.

(( WHEN FURFAGGOTRY GOES TOO FAR ))

April 15, 2003

Featured Article - Brony

Bronies are the self-titled obsessive fanboy watchers of the television show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, usually adult men who channel their latent homosexuality and/or daddy issues by watching a show which has an audience bracket that consists of little girls. These basement dwelling sacks of neckbeard flesh latched their grubby hands onto everything pony as soon as they heard the whimsical theme-tune drift through their hairy ears. Bronies smothered themselves with all things related to the show, and spread their sick fetishism throughout the internet, declaring themselves the new collective of asperger ridden no-lifes on the block.

(( HORSE FUCKERS ))