Breaking Bad

Breaking Bad is an overhyped TV crime drama about an oldfag chemistry teacher who resorts to cooking crystal meth in order to earn a shit-ton of money for his family after finding out he has srs lung cancer. The show was produced by Vince Gilligan, a man mostly known for movies like Hancock, The X-Files, and, that's about it. This show somehow garnered at least 100 fucking awards, along with an immensely addictive fandom who repeatedly dub Breaking Bad and it's spin-off prequel, Better Call Saul, as "teh best fukin tv series evar!!!one!11". While the show itself is somewhat "lulzy", the fandom fails to follow suit, and like with any other existing media, they always manage to fuck up the experience for everyone, typically through the spreading of unfunny memes, or crossing the show over with other retarded fandoms and franchises.

It should also be mentioned that Breaking Bad is literally the only reason anyone gives a shit about New Mexico let alone Albuquerque. Ever since the show developed a cult following, New Mexico has become a tourism destination for meth-cooking wannabe fantards around the world.

Plot

Pants are for Pussies.

The plot concerns Walter White, a high-school chemistry teacher who realizes that his life has gone to shit after he's diagnosed with lung cancer, which causes him to eventually say "fuck it" and cook crystal meth. For assistance in fucking-up his life even further, he seeks his ex-bitch junkie (Jesse Pinkman), and proceeds to allow him to join-in. The audience of the show is entirely made up of 15 year-old male couch potatoes who develop an addiction after the first episode, and also report feeling extremely confident after watching just one episode (this usually wears off as soon as the faggot looks in the mirror,) with similar persona effects after watching shows like Fight Club, Joker, American Psycho, etc.

Crimes inspired by this show

This show has sparked several IRL crimes, and has succeeded in making the lives of federal authorities an even bigger pain in the ass:

Get him balding and a pair of glasses and bam. Mr. White

• In 2010, police found blue-colored methamphetamine being distributed around the Kansas City, Missouri metropolitan area.

• A sick fuck named Jason Hart, strangled his girlfriend to death, dumped her body into a tub and used sulfuric acid to dispose of the corpse, all very similarly to how Walt and Jesse dispose of Emilio Koyama in one of the first episodes of the series.

• A 55-year-old pedophile and meth-maker in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, used "Walter White" as an IRL nickname. He would eventually be found in a treatment facility (most likely selling drugs to retards on the fringe) from a court order in a different jurisdiction. Seems as though Breaking Bad's protagonist may not be entirely a work of fiction after all.

• In 2013, a batshit insane chemistry teacher named Stephen W. Doran had shaved his head (zomg badass much?) and was battling cancer when the Partyvan arrested him after discovering his meth-cooking equipment and $10,000 worth of Jew Gold.

Characters

• Walter White: A science teacher that masturbates to Chemistry. He realizes that his family is relying on his sorry cancerous ass, so he decides to cook meth, since he follows "you only live once".

• Jesse Pinkman: The high school dropout retard. He is the biggest coward ever despite the fact that he killed Gale, but he hesitated to the point that he was depressed of doing so. Meanwhile Walter is the only one that cooks in the operation, and Jesse just sits there collecting the Jew gold once they are done.

• Skyler White: The bitchy blonde that never shuts up. She was always on Walter's ass for not coming home, so she decided to suck Walter's cock every 30 minutes so Walter would spill the beans. She also had an affair, because she wasn't getting enough cock from Walter due to the fact that he was pre-occupied by cooking meth.

• Walter Jr.: The son of Walter White, and according to his name, the parents wanted people to laugh at him. He never leaves his family some space, since he isn't socially interactive.

• Hank Schrader: Probably the biggest retard (yes, more retarded than Walter Jr.) in the show due to the fact that it only took 5 fucking seasons for him to figure out that Walter was behind all of this. He couldn't see past Walter's obvious odd behavior, especially when Hank was looking for Gus and trying to expose him.

• Marie Schrader: A ginger woman that is oversensitive. She adds little to nothing to the show, and nobody cares about her and her actions.

• Saul Goodman: The biggest failure ever, since he doesn't know when to shut his fucking mouth at the right times. He never protects his clients, and he sits in his office fapping to Skyler White.

• Gus Fring: The boss of the entire meth operation. He is extremely paranoid when it comes to revealing his true self to the public, and will slice his own employees throats if some other employee kills another employee. Because obviously that is the best way to handle situations: by sacrificing more of your god damn workers.

• Mike Ehrmantraut: An old ex-dirty cop. He used to work for Gus until he got suicide bombed by Stephen Hawking. Mike is also bald, not because he's old but because you can only be badass in this show if you've no hair He was given an opportunity to leave for ever and live with his grand daughter but he had to be a smartass to Walt so he got murdered, lol

• Lydia Rodarte-Quayle: Some dumb broad who doesn't even do anything. She once gave Walt and Jesse meth for free but hasn't done anything else since.

• Todd Alquist: Matt Damon. A blonde man who kills kids

Shitty memes

The origins...

There are plenty of other retards out there posting their "art" in-which is inspired by this TV show. DeviantART level artists and under have regularly shown their love of this show by ruining it for others through their shitty animated gifs, unoriginal Photoshop inventions, and of course terrible 4chan and Reddit posts. Although the majority of the fandom is unfunny, you may occasionally find someone who is lulzy and/or makes memes worth recognition.

Breaking Bad Comics

Moar info: Breaking Bad Comics.

If there are any memes that have been created in relationship with this TV show, Breaking Bad Comics would have to be one of them. It's a pointless and unfunny comic made by an aspie who goes by the name of Henry Lawson, AKA Chris Chan 2: Electric Boogaloo. This "meme" could've potentially been successful on it's own, even without being forced-up the male anus that is SB Blog.

Yeah Science, Bitch!

One of Jesse Pinkman's dumbass quotes from the first season, which a lot of Redditfags like to overuse whenever they discover something scientific. This quote has also been slapped underneath screencaps of scientific news articles, to piss off NASA and such.

Walter Jr. Loves Breakfast

Every scene where Walt Jr. is seen eating breakfast.

This "meme" refers to Walter Jr. always eating breakfast in almost every single fucking scene he appears in. Srsly, this crippled autist eats moar toast and scrambled eggs than an Ethiopian would ever consume in their entire life. Some fantard ended up making a throwaway account named "Flynnstagram" on Instagram and uploaded images of shitty breakfast meals along with unfunny captions referring to the show, and of course, Buzzfeed ended up publishing a pointless article about it. How typical.

Hank and Marie Watch Walt's Confession

“	My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange – uh, I guess... I guess you call it a "hit" – on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. [Walt points to the bruise on his face left by Hank in "Blood Money."] I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is.	„

An exploitable, originally appearing in an episode of season 5. The confession tape in the original video is often replaced with some stupid shit (usually a sex tape, AMV, or a shock video/screamer), leaving Hank and Marie shocked and appalled.

The dipshits who made these parody videos ended up going way overboard, to the point where doing a YouTube search shows dozens of shitty trollbait parodies, but no original footage. As expected, this resulted in hundreds of pissed-off butthurt fans yelling in the comments section because they were not expecting to witness such faggotry. Trying to find the original footage in the days that followed after the episode, was like Doomsday for Breaking Bad fans and soon-to-be drug dealers. 08/26/13 NEVAR FORGET!!!1

I Am The One Who Knocks

This is a quote said by Walter White in Season 4, which spread like wildfire and earned itself several remixes within a matter of months. (Here's one that sounds ridiculously over-the-top).

JustToddThings

A "JustGirlyThings" spin-off centered on Todd Alquist, that beta-male faggot who kills kids and keeps Jesse prisoner in his Neo-Nazi shithole homebase for great lulz. Tumblr refers to him as "a boy", and maintains a whole page dedicated to this subject, which can be seen here.

(ACHTUNG: The aforementioned link is cancerous. Use extreme caution if you decide to click on it. Don't say we didn't warn you.)

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The Moar You Know

lol Google Maps had to censor this.

• The home of the White Family is an actual property, located at 3828 Piermont Dr NE Albuquerque, NM 87111. The oldfag who currently lives in this house complained about Breaking Bad fantards throwing pizza onto her roof, mimicking what Walter White does in the episode; "Caballo Sin Nombre" (S03E02).

• Gale Boetticher's shitty karaoke video, has a full version which is available on JewTube.

• Walt Jr.'s website is real. Warning: The site uses "Comic Sans" as the font.

• Gus Fring's Mexican Fried chickinz-Meth joint is an actual restaurant, named "Twisters", and is located at 4275 Isleta Blvd SW, Albuquerque, NM 87105. The people who filmed Breaking Bad likely cooked meth at this location.

• The Mythbusters went batshit insane and decided to make a special episode based on the events of the Breaking Bad episode; "Cat's in the Bag..." (S01E02), and attempted to prove that hydroflouric acid cannot completely destroy a human body, or eat a hole through a bathtub and the floor below it.

Better Call Saul

Remember Saul Goodman? Vince Gilligan decided that this character should have his own fucking TV series, a spin-off prequel to Breaking Bad. Better Call Saul details the life of James Morgan "Jimmy" McGill, Esq. before he adopts his trade name; "Saul Goodman". Jimmy has an office in the back of a filthy salon run by Azn wimminz, which he uses to act as an attorney for retarded Mexican assholes who don't want to be thrown in the slammer with bubba. While not getting up to srs bsns, Jimmy babysits his basement-dwelling older brother, "Chuck", as a result of his batshit insane electricity phobia causing him to stay indoors and fap to /b/ all day (whilst wearing a "space blanket").

And that's about all that matters in this shitty prequel.

TL;DR version - Jimmy proceeds to troll everyone in New Mexico in order to achieve his "criminal lawyer" status.

Typical scene.

See also

• Dexter - similar crime genre TV series
• Breaking Bad Comics
• New Mexico
• Methamphetamine
• Hal Wilkerson
• Cancer
• Unfunny - While the show itself is rather lulzy the fandom fails to follow suit.
• Tumblr

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Featured article August 31 & September 1 & 2, 2023
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