Victor Pride

IDK, my BFF Jill?

No, it's Jim Carrey

Victor Pride is a manly man's man who is serious fucking business. On his manly and musclebound website BOLD AND DETERMINED DOT COM, he sets out His Vision For A New You. (You are a man, of course, but women have much to learn from Mr Pride too).

Routine of champions: He eats steaks and eggs, fried in butter, then goes down the gym and lifts weights, then counts his money, then has some more steak and eggs, fried in butter, then writes some more vaguely Nazi-sounding advice, then laughs at you, you pathetic weakling, as you stand humbled by his manliness.

Bicep: 3.5 feet. Neck: 52 metres. Weight: Mighty strong.

What you laughing at dickweed? Victor Pride could carve Mount Rushmore with either of his eyelids without popping a sweat. Don't fuck with him, or he will reach through the internet and break your pencil-neck as easily as an easily-broken pencil.

But don't take it from us.

Words of a colossus

	“	Internet porn will make you will want to stop having sex – Why bother with sex when you have every fantasy in the world available at one of your hands? Japan is a notoriously porn friendly country. Japan is saturated with porn. In Japan there is an entire culture of young guys called “Herbivores”. These herbivores have no desire for sex. All this porn and now the guys don’t want girls, they want sex with their hand, or sex with robots or nothing at all. Japan now has the lowest birthrate in the world. Can you see the connection?	„
	—Victor Pride on you, you faggot

	“	Show me a guy who has no ego and I’ll show you a guy who’s comfortable taking 7th place out of 7 contestants. I’ll show you a guy who’s comfortable with the taste of shit in his mouth. You cannot be competitive and not have any ego. You can be non-competitive and have no ego, but so what. That means you are a spectator. That means you’re a critic. When you want to learn something that’s when you can be humble. When you’re already King Shit you can act like it.	„
	—Victor Pride, on respecting your goddam self, faggot

	“	When she loves and respects you she will enjoy all things about you. She will not demand and nag you into changing. If you smoke a big fat cigar and your clothes smell like an ashtray she will enjoy the smell. She should want to sleep in one of your shirts because it has your smell. That’s the power you should have over your wife for her to be happy and content.	„
	—-- Victor Pride, on how to pick the right wife, which is something you can only dream about you faggot

	“	It takes time with a shy girl, so have patience. The wait will be worth it. You will always appreciate something you have worked for more than something that was given to you. If you diet for 10 weeks and then eat a cheesecake it’s going to taste better than if you eat junkfood daily. If you try to get a girl into bed for 8 weeks and finally land it it’s going to be better than the girl that gave it up after 45 minutes. I promise. When you finally do get in you’ll have the pleasure of saying, into her ear, “you’re my property now“.	„
	—Victor Pride, on the importance of picking a shy girl to be your wife, not that you're going to accomplish this because you're a loveshy virgin yourself, you faggot

	“	Young man, you’ve been sold a bill of goods with the whole feminism thing. Let me explain in perfect english the reality: Western women were never discriminated against, there is no such thing as ‘rape culture’, women aren’t paid less for the same work, feminism is not about equality. Feminism is about women trying to be men without any responsibility. Feminism has left you with a pool of women who are truly insane. Solution? Kick dirt in the face of feminism.	„
	—Victor Pride, on something you should have realised when you were 18, faggot

N.b., if you got an erection reading any of that, you are gay. If you got moist, you have potential to be useful.

Real men aren't modest or picky about friends or photographers or liberals

Kick butt with Victor

LIFT, MA BOI!

Victor is wise to the ways of the world. He knows that modern food is full of oestrogen-inducing things that turn men into women. He knows that if you want success, you must hunt it like the wolf. He knows that if you want money, it's there for the taking. He knows that if you weren't such a pussy, you might be fit to lace his gym sneakers, which is something you'll probably dream about tonight, you faggot. And when you wake up with a wet patch on your duvet, you'll be haunted and aroused by the thought of Victor, laughing at YOU.

But don't take his word for it

Here's what happened when Victor Pride's site got noticed by the women of Jezebel.com.

With reviews like that, you know he's on the money. And that's literally true because he's got all the money he wants.

Wise up. Be proud. Be bold. Be determined. Be Victor Pride. J/k, you're a faggot.

See also

Wat

• Bodybuilding
• Nazis
• Faggotry
• Feminists
• Sammich
• Pussy
• Money
• Rich and beautiful
• You